I use to believe/think that men could be feminists

[MuseRider]

37. Exhausting is right.

We have fought for so long that for many of us it is hard to let an ally say something wrong and then correct it with kindness. It is damned hard for me, especially when it should be so painfully obvious if they truly understood.

The very most invaluable thing for me in the LGBT rights arena was that I was a total novice at doing this kind of thing and told the others in the group that from the very start. I kept my mouth shut until I felt I knew the very basic needs and found something I could work on. They were above and beyond patient with me when I was learning. I had no idea that anything I said that was totally supportive but was coming from a privileged perspective would be viewed as a privileged view and at times insulting. My learning curve was huge. It is still something I work on and am loathe to make statements and refuse the press until I have called and spoken with the group leadership. It is confusing but the attempt to learn before speaking is a must.

We demand the respect that we can handle this. That we need help is not because we can't handle ourselves but that every civil rights group always needs allied help, but allied help who respects that they are not in charge.