History of Feminism
In reply to the discussion: Helen Mirren confronts the final female taboo [View all]CrispyQ
(40,991 posts)It was just me & my Mom for the first 7 years of my life. She worked. First she was an operator for the phone company & then a bookkeeper. That always appealed to me - having a career, doing what you want, being independent. Then, when I was about 12, I read "Coffee, Tea or Me?" & the deal was sealed. I had this glamorized idea of a career girl & wanted no part of kids. A man in my life? Sure. But kids? No way.
It was the right decision for me. The thought of changing a diaper, much less to do that for a couple of years . . . well, let's just say, not everyone is mommy material.
In contrast to Mirren, however, I have had several occasions where women have made thoughtless remarks regarding my childlessness. Things along the lines of:
> "I'm so sorry," when they hear I have no children. This one really gets me because it's based on the assumption that I want children, but can't have them.
> "My children are the greatest joy in my life," after I've told them that I chose childlessness. Hey, if you're going to have kids, they should be a joy. But I am not you, so that doesn't mean they would be a joy to me.
> "Don't you worry you'll regret it someday?" Knowing how a lot of parent/child relationships turn out, I would like to turn that question back on them, "Don't you worry you will?"
> "Who will take care of you when you're older?" This one floors me. Is that why you had a child? To serve your own purpose? And then the song "Cat's Cradle" comes to mind.
Most of these comments were made back in the 90s, when I first started working in an office. Back then, I was one of the few married women without children, or without planning to have children. Slowly, it started to change & by the time I left corporate, I worked with lots of women who didn't have children & those comments are not nearly as common. Getting older may have something to do with it too! ~lol. There's a different take when your 30 & childless, vs. 55.
To assume that all women are maternal is one of the most misogynistic insults. And conversely, to assume that men are not naturally good parents, is also sexist. It's within our power as a culture & a species, to redefine ourselves. That, however, would be the more difficult road & would take introspection, discipline & sacrifice.