FYI to group members.

[ismnotwasm]

31. Lawd

While I Kind of agree with BainB, one thing I've noticed, is outright aggressive posts, or worse passive aggressive posts, or ones stemming from dishonest intent, can be sidetracked a little if you use placating language. They are already angry. They either want an useless argument or an opportunity to attempt to be hurtful.

How do I know? I've experimented a bit here and there. The rules I made up; 1) never outright disagree, use neutral wording. 2) toss in some interest of the poster as a person 3) when finding a point of absolute disagreement, don't engage, continue to look for points that CAN be agreed on. 4) repeat back points for clarification

(parts of this, only with a LOT more sophistication,and Many more actual technique styles is nursing communication skills but in that case-----I'm dealing with very sick, often frightened individuals. These techniques for patients aren't nessisarily placating but part of good communication skills and a crucial part of my job)

So the first question, is Why. Why do I need to use placating techniques on posters to start a conversation, rather than an argument?

We all know the answer to that one. To filter through the tick-like bloat of ignorance and entitlement, to look for teaching or learning moments, to perhaps find a moment of commonality.

The second question is, 'is it worth it?'

Fuck no it's not. Treating discourtesy with courtesy or intellectual dishonesty with honest questioning is like filling the provebial bucket with a hole in it with water. I mind find rare "moments" here are there, but to my certain knowledge it doesn't change a thing. On a board with a different culture perhaps.

This is a discussion board. This is a Feminist group, with a clear statement of purpose. When our individual members are in say, GD, arguing and are met with joyful cruelty having a safe haven is important. The ones I do feel sorry for sometimes are those that wonder in from the greatest page. Unless they're all like 'eek! HoF cooties, I'm outta here' then I have to laugh.