The ring, the wedding, the name change, yeah, all of it.
It made me so stressed out that I refused to "plan" the wedding.
After a year and a half of engagement we just looked at each other one day and said, "I guess we actually need to get married... wanna fly to Vegas?"
So we did.
Nobody was there except the person who married us and one witness (an employee at the wedding chapel). There was no "giving away the bride" because my dad didn't own me to begin with therefore he had no standing to "give me" to anybody. I avoided the whole internal moral dilemma by having the wedding 2500 miles away from home with virtually no warning to anybody.
I had a moderate ring because at that age (25), it was important to me. (To prove I was engaged or something. And I liked the sparkles.)
I changed my name because his name was easier to spell and I was tired of spelling my birth surname. And I regretted the name change later.
Twenty years later I am recently divorced and still have his name and that bugs the crap out of me but now it is on everything... drivers license, passport, I'm known by that name professionally, and it seems like too much of a pain in the ass to change it back now.
If I ever get married again (not bloody likely because I think it is a ridiculous institution FOR ME, not for everybody but FOR ME) it is going to be a simple ceremony and a big party for all our friends. But I don't see that happening. And I would have to face all these questions again... ring or no ring? Dress or no dress? Name change or not? Blech.
I don't think people should give up wedding traditions just to prove a point, but it is good to think about them and decide what they mean to you and what they are symbolizing in the context of your own life.
Good article, thanks for posting.
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