History of Feminism
In reply to the discussion: “Feminism made women too picky”: more on male rage, sexual entitlement, and backlash [View all]iverglas
(38,549 posts)because I was going to.
This is a form of trafficking, and the sad for the men thing is that often backfires. The women who take the initiative of seeking out men in richer countries to gain access to those countries are often not the shy, retiring, subservient little women the men are looking for. These relationships are a recipe for conflict, and for abuse, because of the women's vulnerable position (dependent on the men for long periods before gaining legal residence).
And "these men direct their rage not only at the women who reject them" -- or occupy places they believe are rightfully theirs -- can also mean actual violence. Marc Lépine gunned down the "feminists" at the engineering school in Montreal that had rejected his application, and that guy who murdered several women at a fitness club in the US had written extensively about being unable to obtain the kind of woman/relationship he was surely entitled to.
I do have to add some sympathy for men who still get mixed messages though (and we discussed this elsewhere a few weeks ago). Men are still taught to open doors, hold chairs, pay for meals, etc. etc., and generally to be "chivalrous" (even admonitions against hitting women are framed that way). It's somewhat understandable that when they behave the way they are virtually universally told, from birth, that they are supposed to -- and they are still subject to almost universal social opprobrium if they don't -- they expect women to hold up their end of that bargain too: to "know their place".
Women ourselves have got to abandon this double standard. We have to stop expecting to be given preferential treatment by individual men but equal treatment in the workplace and other public spaces. And that actually means we have to stop rewarding men for being "gentlemen" and in fact actively disapprove of those stereotyped and stereotyping behaviours.
These rigid roles and rules perpetuate men's expectations that women will give them their due if the men follow the code. Women really have to stop demanding that men adhere to the code when it's to the women's benefit and still rejecting men who follow it because they don't measure up to a different and contradictory code that women prefer to apply when it suits them in other ways.
On what Scout said about wanting -- I put this to someone in an online flirtation about, oh, nearly 20 years ago. He was a former poetry professor, a jazz musician with an antique wooden yacht, and also obviously a bad boy, who rode his motorcycle without a helmet and kept a gun in his car (yeah, heh). Who the hell could resist?? I said didn't men just want to be wanted (because desire is the best stimulus for desire I know of). He said yeah, that was every man's dream, the perpetually available woman. I realized we were speaking those old different languages, and he apparently didn't have a clue what I was saying.