I freaked out today

[Voice for Peace]

10. when we have been sexually abused, especially if it was ongoing in childhood,

There is usually a sense that down deep in us
there is nothing but darkness, badness, ugliness,
dirtiness. Even if we strive to live like a saint,
the darkness is who we are. But it's a wrong belief.

Our original self is good, beautiful, and does not
change and remains innocent.
As long as there is breath, it is indestructible.
Can not be stolen or defiled. Can not be murdered.

It's a very simple self and we all have it.
We may deny it, reject it, over-analyze,
minimize and/or dismiss it, but we all have it.
There is much to explore there...
and it's the key to healing.

Do not ever despair, there is always a hopeful
place in you, but you have to look for it.
Try for it, care about it, wonder about it,
don't negate its existence. Look around inside
of you, it's there, it's a feeling.

It's like looking for the sun when it's raining
outside. WTF there's no goddam sun. But
it's there. And it's powerful. In you, in me.