I just finished burial planning for my mother. She is still alive and I swear will outlive me! But still has more money allowed each month than the memory care home allows, so they suggested this. Being the oldest child, it fell on me to do it. I found the most expensive issue was the casket and the funeral ceremony, itself. Knowing Mom didn't have any money, nor did any of us 3 kids, and I'm a downright practical person, myself... I decided the most inexpensive casket (still almost $1000) was just fine. It was mostly going to be draped in a white cloth, anyway! I decided we weren't going to do a visitation and a separate funeral. We were going to have a visitation, and then go directly from there to the graveside to have a small graveside service. That was included in the basic costs of the funeral home.
Upshot... there are ways to cut costs. It ain't easy, because it's not an easy subject... especially for you, hon. It's your wife and I understand. I took my daughter with my for moral support. I suggest you take someone with you for your moral support. That, IMO, is most important!
Second, before you step out of your house, look online at different funeral home websites. They all list their price lists. We were able to cross a few off from consideration this way. If they don't have a price list, they were cross off right away. Remember the old saying, If you have to ask, you can't afford it? I live by that motto!
After you have compared online funeral homes, make a list of those you want to visit. Of these, they will probably all have comparable price lists. Now the hard part comes in. You're going to be looking for:
1. Those who understand with compassion the situation you are in and make you feel welcome.
2. Those who will not only go over their price list, but will also help you understand what can easily be left out or combined to cut costs for you.
The second funeral home we visited was the one we settled on, and they did just what I laid out to you above. They could have made a $17000 sale. Instead, they helped us trim it down to under $6000, and that still gave us a way to give Mom a funeral she would have been proud of attending.
Like I said, it ain't easy because it's so heartbreaking to do. It's work, and my heart goes out to you. I just finished signing the last of the paperwork yesterday for Mom's. So this is all so fresh in my mind. Now, I have to do it all over again for my own so my daughter doesn't get caught up short.
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