UPDATE on my Mom.

[PA_jen]

First off: I want to thank all of you for the love and support and prayers and well wishes/healing vibes: https://democraticunderground.com/100217738814
I do apologize I couldn't keep up with the thread.

I went to the Pittsburgh Hospital my mom was transferred to and it was a shock to see her. When I left her on Friday She was talking to me insisting I go home and get rest. My sister was an hours from getting into town. Today all she was doing was sleeping. She barely reacted to anyone. Her kidneys are failing. Potassium is up. Allegheny General Hosptial received no information from the other hospital. So they are starting from scratch. They knew she had an infection in the heart (staph.)

My sister keeps deferring to me on procedures and stuff she didn't understand. which is fine. My sister called and place a doctor on speaker phone wanting me to answer the Doctor's question. They wanted to move my Mom to a unit that is a step below ICU to give my mom better care they also wanted to put her on a by pap since her O2 is at 75% and CO2 is in her blood.

On Sat the 4th of March when she was still able to talk and think somewhat clearly- she told a doctor she didn't want to be on a ventilator or CPR done. I am trying to honor those directives but still give her a fighting chance.

This may be all in vain but I feel like I must give her a chance. My sister and I already lost our father and it may be selfish but I don't know what else to do.

She is 84 and was a smoker. I think I am coming to terms that this is probably her slipping but I just don't know what to do...

[Tanuki]

1. So sorry to hear this. Keeping your family lifted up in prayer.

🙏

[Hekate]

2. Jen, I'm so sorry

Prayer ascending

[Karadeniz]

3. This is a tough time. Her numbers don't look good. You and your sister are doing the best you

can and that's all anyone can do. Good wishes to you all....

[MustLoveBeagles]

4. Hugs to you

[hamsterjill]

5. It's so hard to see a parent's health deteriorate.

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. I am certain that you will make the best decisions for your mom as you know her and would know what she would want.

I never know what to say at a time like this. But just know that I’m sending a hug. Please remember to try to take care of yourself during all of this.

[AltairIV]

6. Stay strong

Stay strong but remember to lean on your family and friends. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

[OAITW r.2.0]

7. My best wishes for a positive outcome, PA-Jen.

You are in a situation that we have all gone through...or will be going thru. Nothing easy about it, but your mom seems like a person who is clear eyed about her situation...I would tell my kids pretty much the same as your mom has...don't extend my life if there is no quality of life to be had. Still, your mom could rally and I'd probably do exactly what you are doing in the same situation. Very best for you and your sister during this difficult time.

[highplainsdem]

8. I'm so sorry.

More prayers and healing vibes, and hugs.

[SheltieLover]

9. Continued healing vibes to hour mom, you & your family💓💓💓

[Ms. Toad]

10. Sorry you're going through all of this.

My time is coming - my parents are 91. We have regular conversations about what happens when it is their time to go. That will make it lots easier for us. It sounds like you at least have some guidance.

[malaise]

11. Do what you can but make sure

She as comfortable as possible

[sheshe2]

12. Healing vibes, Jen.

Strength to you and your sister in these times. Take care of yourselves.

[Raine]

13. I'm so sorry. I was hoping that the news would be better

still keeping all of you in my thoughts 💕and prayers. 🙏

[LoisB]

14. "I feel like I must give her a chance"...I agree with you. I am hoping The Universe agrees and

your Mom recovers well.

[sprinkleeninow]

30. This. 🩵

[MLAA]

15. I am sending you love and energy. What you are going through is so hard.

I went through this with my dad 1.5 years ago, however he was able to clearly tell me and his Dr that he has had 92 good years and now chooses quality of live over quantity. All I can say is you are doing the right things and try not to second guess yourself. ❤️❤️❤️❤️.

[Hortensis]

16. I'm so sorry your mom's taken this further downturn, Jen.

She may be stabilized and improve with her new doctors. It sounds as if you will have a better idea of the right things to do soon. Take care of yourself.

[liberal_mama]

17. Is it possible she has Covid in addition to the staph? You should ask for a test.

My dad rapidly deteriorated in the hospital and it turned out he had Covid. With Covid, the earlier the intervention the better chance to recover.

[cstanleytech]

18. I offer you my sincere sympathies as I went through the same thing with my own mother.

[yardwork]

19. I'm very sorry.

[irisblue]

20. Still praying for your family.

[chillfactor]

21. Sending you a hug

Listen to what your heart tells you to do.

[TNNurse]

22. I know it is hard,

but I kept my promise to my mother and did not put her on life support.

It will 32 years in April. I sleep well knowing I "did what Mama told me".

Just know she made decisions.

[niyad]

23. Holding you all in love and light. Vibes for best possible outcome for all. Your

DU family is here for you. Lean as hard as you need.

[Groundhawg]

24. prayers for your mom/

[onecaliberal]

25. Healing vibes to your mom. You're doing all you can to honor her wishes

Hugs.

[Warpy]

26. Honoring her choice is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do

I know because I had to do it twice.

She is very sleepy because of the CO2 buildup in her blood plus the infection.

What you need to do is have a long talk with the doctors and listen carefully to what they say, keeping in mind that there are worse ways to go than slipping away during a deep sleep. The worse ways usually involve an ICU and multiple heroics. You'll have to ask whether it would give her a chance to recover or just prolong her death.

A stepdown or SAC (Special Acute Care) unit can do more than a regular hospital floor can, while keeping her a lot more comfortable than they can in in ICU.

Good luck, losing our parents is horrible.

[a kennedy]

27. 🙏🏻 ♥️ 🙏🏻 ♥️ 🙏🏻 ♥️ 🙏🏻 ♥️ 🙏🏻 ♥️ 🙏🏻

[debm55]

28. Sorry Jen, I will continue to pray for your mom and you and your sister. I hoped for a better

outcome a Allegheny General. If you have time keep us posted.

[GeoWilliam750]

29. Wishing your mother a complete recovery!

[Stuart G]

31. i am so sorry to hear this.

[mgardener]

32. I am so, so sorry

You do the best you can, while honoring what her wishes are.
Good luck.

[nini]

33. " I just don't know what to do"

Do what she asked and yes I know how hard it is to do that.

It sounds like she is ready and from experience she will be more at peace when the time comes. That will help you in the long run to know she was as comfortable as possible. I am so sorry. It is not easy but know here energy will always be with you ❤️

[raising2moredems]

34. I was my uncle's healthcare POA

He wasn't much older than me. I allowed the hospital to put him on a ventilator to see if they could stabilize the most urgent of his health issues (and he had three major issues). He didn't want to be kept alive on a ventilator and I struggled for a bit to allow the doctor to do so. But after far less than 48 hours, it became apparent it was to no avail so I had him taken off. He passed away less than 48 hours after that. He too was a smoker and 20 years younger than your Mom. His remaining kidney was failing as well as his heart.

She told you no CPR or ventilator and to me that means not moving heaven and earth to prolong her life for a short, and perhaps of little quality of life. I think you know in your heart the choice(s) she'd make.

Suffice it to say your Mom is on Medicare and the medical profession will do whatever Medicare will pay for (tests, treatment) - despite your Mom's quality of life and her chances. It isn't an easy decision - my Mom passed less than two weeks after her brother. His decline/passing was unexpected, hers was a blessing that callous as it sounds, I wish had happened two years earlier.

[Maru Kitteh]

46. It's hideously unfair to say the "medical profession" will do whatever

we will get paid for. We're human beings you know. Many of us watched our own fathers and mothers die in the very same settings we have to work in every day.

We do OUR BEST to provide the care people have hopefully requested prior to finding themselves in need of extraordinary measures with a living will/polst. It's the ETHICAL thing to do you know, what the patient wants. Quite frequently there is no such document and it's left to families and significants other. When they cannot agree and no wishes are known we generally have to assume that the person wants every chance we can give them because again, IT'S THE ETHICAL THING TO DO.

Your characterization of us is unkind and unwarranted. THIS IS VERY DIFFICULT WORK and mean, dehumanizing attitudes such as yours make it so much harder.

[spanone]

35. PA_jen....♥️

[area51]

37. I'm so sorry. I'm hoping for the best.

[haele]

38. So sorry

If it is her time, may she pass in peace. If not, may she recover to a comfortable state.
It's criminal that the information from the previous hospital didn't send their tests, procedures and results on. That's one of the things that was supposed to go along with the ACA, to standardize and digitize all the medical information so that as the patient changed doctors or a complication arose, previous conditions were already recorded and doctors had a history to work from.

Again, I'm sorry, and wish the best to you and your family.

Haele

[crickets]

39. ❤️

All the love and strength to you and your family, with hopes for the best.

[Meowmee]

40. I am very sorry you are going through this

We went through it with my mother and recently with my father. It was a very different situation because they wanted my father dead after they caused him to have a cardiac arrest, and they did everything they could do to make that happen. Don’t think because she’s on Medicare that they're necessarily going to do everything to save her. Medicare does not pay as much as other insurances pay and they definitely do not want older people to stay alive- they want them to die so they can stop any expensive treatment as soon as possible. Especially if they’re in an ICU unit or another expensive unit, they want the bed for someone else. In my experience a step down unit is a way of saving money for them and often of giving lesser treatments to the patient.

Not all hospitals here are like this apparently, because someone here told me that her mother was on intubation in a coma for two months and nobody ever pressured her… her mother in the end did end up surviving and is now living at home. This was after they gave her a call to say maybe it was time to let her go and she asked what she should do, the doctor there at that time and said he would wait a few more days if it was his mother. She waited a few days and her mother survived and is now living on her own.

No one knows what is going to happen for sure. If you think this is something that she cannot possibly recover from that is a different story. Also the same if this would give her a quality of life so bad that she would not want that.

I’m not going to go into all of the details of what happened with my father because there are so many severe negligences.

I’m wishing the best for your mother, and you and whatever decisions you make. BiPAP is a step down from intubation or other types of similar ventilation.

[TygrBright]

41. Holding you, and your family, in my heart. Strength be with you. n/t

[AverageOldGuy]

42. You are doing the right thing

". . . she told a doctor she didn't want to be on a ventilator or CPR done."

What the hospital does depends on the hospital. If she does not have a DNR -- Do Not Resuscitate -- order, the hospital may try to keep her alive, even on artificial breathing -- intubation.

The BiPap responds to her breathing, it is not breathing for her, it is simply pushing a high volume of air into her lungs when she breathes. Very different from intubation in which a tube is inserted down patient's trachea, diaphragm is paralyzed with drugs, and a ventilator breathes for the patient.

75% oxygen concentration in the blood is VERY LOW -- normal is above 94%, anything below 90% can lead to brain damage if not raised.

You are doing the right thing. Stay with her; hold her hand and squeeze it so she knows you are there. Be certain the docs know of her wishes regarding ventilator or CPR -- the hospital likely will accept that and treat her accordingly.

We lost my mother to pancreatic cancer 16 years ago last week. She was in hospice, we stayed with her day and night. She was unconscious for last 5 days then just slipped away. My daughter visited her and, using an iPod, recorded her grandmother's favorite stories from her childhood. I transferred the recordings to a CD and listen to her almost every day, late at night.

[blogslug]

43. I understand

It's hard. It's really, really, really hard. This is your mother.

You and your sister will make the right decisions, of this I am sure. ❤️

[ratchiweenie]

44. Sounds like you are doing everything you can and making all the right decisions but it is

always so hard to take on that burden for another person. Especially a parent whom we treasure. So sorry.

[lark]

45. So sorry for your moms' failing health.

I went through this with my mom so often in the last 5 years of her life. When we looked over the Advanced Directive she had filled out, it had contradictory information. We were grief stricken & didn't know what to do. The doctors never told us she was near the end until they were asking us for permission to disconnect her from vent and let nature take it's course. Still burns me up so bad!!!!!

Anyway, I know how excruciating this decision is and wish you all the peace and healing possible.

Take care!

[CousinIT]

47. I'm so sorry.

The other hospital has utterly failed your Mom and your family. Do all you can for her within her wishes - which it sounds like you are. Come to DU to talk, cry, share as you need or feel comfortable doing. You have friends here.