May 11, 2020

12. everything has split between then and now.

there will be no new normal.
only a new tomorrow.

and in that timeline, these fuckers get launched into the sun.
****

thought this reply deserved it's little place in the sun.

May 10, 2020

i dont just love old movies, old movies are my refuge.

my marriage broke up in january, and i spent so much of that feb sucking up '30 days of oscar'.

the thing about tcm is that they give you so much background not just on the stars but the whole art of movie making. i learned a term- a bit of business.
i watch them these days, and i finally see just what they mean by that.
some movies i just chuckle at those little "bits"
those great, polished little pearls of dialogue. the different lighting styles of different directors. the costumes. the looks on the actors faces. the fedoras and the ties in film noir.

i have a real love for the old titles. as a graphic designer, i know that they did that stuff by hand, and made those type styles themselves showed me just how much goes into a movie.
i have really come to appreciate these little bits.

i used to want to go to grad school for film. way back in the day, when columbia was a cheaper little upstart across mich ave from my school, saic, their claim to fame was their film school, and i thought many times about crossing the street, or at least going there after i got a bfa.
that never happened. i didnt get to study it in a classroom.

but, thanks so much tcm for everything you have taught me about this amazing art form.
and in the end, guess what? all education is self education. you get to put letters after your name because you spent the requisite number of hours w your butt in their chairs, and paid them big bucks for the privilege. it has nothing to do w what you have learned in life, let alone what your talents are.
if they actually counted "hours", like they say, i should have more that the puny little aa and cd that i have to show for a lifetime of educating myself.
it's a good thing that is all i really care about.

May 10, 2020

prove i'm wrong-

some say necessity is the mother of invention, but i think her name is serendipity.

May 10, 2020

there is no mind. it's a myth.

only the brain. no separate entity, isolated from and different than the brain.
there is no "mental illness"
there are thought disorders.

lots of folks have poked holes in the sickness/neurochemical theory for good reason. it is less about science, and more about easing the stigma of these thought disorders.

that's why they are still scrambling for effective pills to take.
it's only neurochemical in the sense that chemical changes run on electrical sparks.
some of the most effective drugs we have started out as drugs for epilepsy. electrical.

it was a great framework as a first step at using our brains to understand our brains. but it is a bit like me describing who i am by telling you what color my hair is.

the term "mental illness" needs to find it's way to the dustbin of history.
take freud w you.

May 9, 2020

dog names

pretty sure nearly everyone has a couple of names for their dogs. i am usually kinda good at coming up w dog names, but current youngster had me stumped.
i started calling him punky, so that's his actual name.

but since his isnt a little punk anymore, and has grown into a great house bear, he now answers to bear. house bear, watch bear, polar bear.
he alerts me to everyone who crosses my property, and i can tell by where he is looking and the noise level what is going on outside.
i started saying he was my radar.
sooooo.
radar.

May 5, 2020

john heileman wins the best home backdrop so far. so color coordinated,

right down to fife the dog. mmmm. love those warm greys, and those little bits of ktchen aid red make it perfect.
woof.

May 5, 2020

morning status report-

you know those videos where they turn the baby's hearing aids on, and the baby hears it's mom's voice for the first time?
that's how it feels to wake up in the morning w/o static in your brain.

May 5, 2020

these words woke me at dawn today.

i am retarded.
i am advanced.
i am neither and both.

the maths say this is impossible, but it is, finally, the certified truth.

ed and rosie’s 6th child died a little when a baseball bat hit her face.
she lived in a damaged state for 60 years.

the experts disagreed.
her iq is so high. her feet do not work together.
my scores were at the top.
i was laying on the ground.

i was the smart one in a smart bunch.
i was the bottom of the pile.

i was a beloved pet.
i was the target of brutality.

my brother was a hero in that moment.
he was a villain all the rest of those years.
it came as news to him that he was not always my hero.

retarded is a verb.
retarded is a noun.
i am not the noun.
i am the verb.

when i was little, i loved the library.
a lovely old carnegie library at the very center of town.
then one day the library came to me.
it was always open.
it was on my desk.
i went every day from then on.
i lived there.
you couldnt see me trip there.
you couldnt see the typos i caught first.
i was advanced, and the retardation was hidden.
i felt whole.
i hid away there.

and now words light my way.

my thoughts, my words, were popping like soap bubbles.
now they flow like niagara.

and now come the memories.
unbidden.
nudged by death.
and there it all is.

******

eta link to recent post on my new brain. https://www.democraticunderground.com/115110300

May 4, 2020

you know those videos where they turn the baby's hearing aids on,

and the baby hears it's mom's voice for the first time?
that's how it feels to wake up in the morning w/o static in your brain.

i'm just geekin out here on how all this works.
i'm watching how i move. it dawned on me that the part that made me bear down on this whole thing was that this is a movement disorder.
weird data point- how i sweep. i realized that instead of a random pattern, i was using a criss-crossing motion. once i saw that, i realized that a lot of other motions were coming out the same.
random motion has been replaced by a simple pattern.

the static is clearing out of the system.
it's amazing.

May 3, 2020

today is robert osborne's b-day.

i didnt realize that when i started posting to fb today about the morning movie.

made the following 3 posts.

srsly, "hollywood canteen" is a wonderful movie.
they dragged out an old robert osborne intro for it, telling how this was basically a true story. about a uso canteen that hollywood opened to thank the troops.
what a cast.
what a story. finely polished script.
bette davis was apparently the force behind it all.

great music, too. big bands. roy rogers, lol, singing "dont fence me in". i had to sing along w that one. one of the discs i have repeated a brazillion times is an aids fundraiser of cole porter tunes. david byrne does a great version of it. the drums. oh. the drums.

a good old b&w hollywood show.


egad-
gi- you're barbara stanwick!
she- how could you tell?
gi- well, you look just like you, only more so.

today is gonna be another good day.


movies, movies, movies.
how i love you.
how you have rescued me.

"hollywood canteen" on tcm right now.
i dont think i have ever been so excited by the credits of a movie before. dont even have time to list.

i've been watching a lot of movies w nothing but the plague in the news. been saving my sanity, such as it is.

what you watchin?
anybody else enjoying silent sundays?