WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene said on Thursday that Doug Emhoff, the husband of Vice President Kamala Harris, has access to a powerful space laser that he will use to steal the election.

Greene said that Emhoff’s “interstellar laser craft” is currently surveilling swing-state voting sites, “preparing to identify ballots cast for President Trump in order to burn them to a crisp.”

Another cause for concern, the Georgia congresswoman warned, is that Emhoff and Harris are “extremely close.”

“Kamala Harris talks to Doug Emhoff every day,” she alleged. “You would never see President Trump do that with Melania.”

It also appears that the party has turned a corner. A Wall Street Journal report summarized:

Fearful of chaos and losing to former President Donald Trump, Democrats quickly fell in line behind the vice president. ... Potential challengers to Harris backed her, and party leaders who could have stood in her way chose not to. Harris was well-positioned as Biden’s No. 2—she received the president’s endorsement within 30 minutes of his announcement. The vice president quickly built on that advantage, burning up the phone lines with calls to party leaders and activists from her home at the Naval Observatory. Behind the scenes, lawmakers and activist groups coalesced around her.

With extraordinary speed, a party that appeared fractured is suddenly united. A party that saw its fundraising efforts screeching to a halt is suddenly reporting record-breaking hauls. A party that cringed in response to every new poll is celebrating the latest national survey data.

This seamless handoff from Biden to Harris wasn’t inevitable, but it has been executed with striking skill.

It prompted Matt Compton, a veteran of the Obama White House, to note via social media: “Shout out to the staffers in Delaware who just lived through the most stressful five weeks in campaign history, then flipped every piece of branding and content on a dime, raised $100m, recruited 58,000 volunteers, and generally just lit the internet on fire for Kamala Harris.”

Pod Save America’s Dan Pfeiffer added, "What [the Harris campaign team] has pulled of since Sunday is truly incredible. No campaign in history has ever undergone such a shift with no notice. The way they been able to capture the wave of enthusiasm is so impressive. True professionals."

2015: Trump says Clinton shouldn’t be "allowed” to run.
2016: Trump says Cruz and Kasich shouldn’t be "allowed” to run.
2020: Trump says Biden shouldn’t be "allowed” to run.
2024: Trump says Harris shouldn’t be "allowed” to run.

In his first rally since President Joe Biden withdrew from the 2024 race, Donald Trump did exactly what everyone expected him to do: The Republican spent much of the event going after Vice President Kamala Harris. The former president’s case against his new rival, however, tended to rely heavily on vague name-calling: Trump called the likely Democratic nominee a “lunatic,” for example.

But during his pitch in North Carolina, one the GOP nominee’s lines of attack stood out:

“Kamala Harris ... shouldn’t even be allowed to run for president, what she’s done. She’s committing crimes.

The Republican’s followers, naturally, cheered the rhetoric.

https://x.com/KamalaHQ/status/1816253325722943544

.....But of particular interest was the GOP candidate’s suggestion that his likely Democratic rival “shouldn’t even be allowed to run” for the White House. If the comment rang a bell, there’s a good reason for that:

In October 2015, Trump said Hillary Clinton shouldn’t “even be allowed” to run for president.

In February 2016, Trump said Ted Cruz was “not allowed” to run for president.

In March 2016, Trump said John Kasich shouldn’t have been “allowed” to run against him in a GOP primary.

In October 2020, Trump said Joe Biden shouldn’t have been “allowed” to run for president.

And in July 2024, Trump said Kamala Harris shouldn’t “even be allowed” to run for president.

Part of the problem here is that the Republican nominee is getting lazy, recycling stale insults, nicknames, and attacks.

Three days into the transformed 2024 presidential race, how is the Republican Party’s case against Vice President Kamala Harris coming along? While pondering the question, consider the headline on one of The Associated Press’ overnight reports: “Republican leaders urge colleagues to steer clear of racist and sexist attacks on Harris.” From the article:

Republican leaders are warning party members against using overtly racist and sexist attacks against Vice President Kamala Harris, as they and former President Donald Trump’s campaign scramble to adjust to the reality of a new Democratic rival less than four months before Election Day.

On the one hand, Republican officials believe this will be the year in which they break through with voters in communities of color. On the other hand, GOP leaders feel the need to remind their members that targeting Harris with racism isn’t a good idea.......

But it’s also hard not to notice that the GOP’s case against the incumbent vice president is off to a rough start. Over the course of the last 72 hours, the American public has seen Republicans target Harris with:

• racism;

• sexism;

• false claims about her serving as a “border czar”;

• complaints about her laugh;

• complaints that she has served the public for too many years;

• complaints about her hometown of San Francisco;

• complaints that she likes Venn diagrams too much; and

• complaints about plastic straws.

For good measure, let’s not overlook the fact that Republican Sen. JD Vance — a year before getting elected to Congress, and two years before receiving his party’s vice presidential nomination — took rhetorical aim at Harris during a Fox News appearance, emphasizing the fact that she does not have biological children of her own.

As part of his Senate campaign in Ohio, Vance specifically referred to Democrats as “a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too.” The Republican added that this included Harris.

The GOP will need a winning message against the likely Democratic nominee. This isn’t it.