I ran into a Quora question that really hit close to home, and one of the responses. Its hard to describe because I Know there is nothing for me to add other than the link. If you click the link it will take you to the actual question. The answer I am quoting is from, Flo Jones, TV/Film, feminist, mental health activist & kitty cat Mummy You may have to scroll down through another person's answer to get to her answer. I'd recommend to click the link and read it from there. I have it blockquoted here for those that dont want to click the link.
The question was Why are people who are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder usually so amazing in bed?
I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I wouldnt say I was amazing in bed but at least 30 other people have. I would like to tell my story of my sexual history.
I was raped when I was 13. I was a virgin and this man took it from me, which left me empty and numb for many years. I didnt speak for weeks and things only got worse after I went to the doctor (I have an answer related to this, so I wont go into it). After many years of anxiety, depression, self harming and suicidal thoughts I began to get better.. or so I thought.
I learnt that I could numb the pain quite easily with drugs, weed and alcohol. I would smoke until I couldnt think for myself and drink until I blacked out, meaning the nightmares couldnt come. I thought I was better as I was sinking into this hole. Then I became 18 and I could go out clubbing and to bars with my friends and had men approaching me. I thought I was better and I thought I could reclaim my sexuality. I was 18 and I had never had consensual sex and that made me feel a complete freak, so I did what I thought would help and I had sex with anyone and everyone I could. In the space of a year I must have had sex with 30 people or so. Didnt it feel so good? Fucking because I wanted to, because I initiated it, because it made me feel good, because it made me feel powerful. I was taking back what that man stole from me when I was so young. I mirrored my partners attitude well and nearly everyone I slept with would call me back, want to see me, tell me they were falling for me or something or other (Im not trying to be a show off, they really did). I would be filled with mania so they thought I was this hurricane of fun, confidence and alluring sexuality. It was all a show. I only felt confident and like I had worth when I had sexual attention. I would let them do anything to me and I got good at the game.
I met a man. He was 39 and I was 20 and we began a weird, twisted relationship. He was a daddy dominant, and although this type of kink wasnt something Id have thought I was into, I found myself enjoying the play of age regression. Back to a time I could be happy and innocent, not corrupted. He made me feel loved when he wrapped me up in blankets and rocked me like a baby. He made me feel safe, yet he would also beat me. It started off as during sex and I was both eager to please him and eager to actually feel something for once, rather than the insidious numbness I could never budge.
One day we met up and he said some other men were joining us. I was pretty upset (of course), so I tried to leave but he beat me badly then switched and started with the babying me, making me a juice in my sippy cup and wrapping me up, telling me not to worry, he would always be here to take care of me.
So I lay there and let it happen. And at the end they gave me money. I had been whored out. I didnt even know.
I showered and left immediately and spent all the money there and then on clothes, makeup, rum and weed. I sat by myself on the beach smoking and thinking about what had just happened. I hadnt felt a thing, not really. I had already detached myself from sex so much that this event didnt even bother me it seemed. So, there started my career as a sex worker.
This went on for a year or so. I was at university and the money helped me live away from home (myself and my mothers relationship was another factor in my poor mental health). Looking back I do, of course, regret this, because it sunk me further into a hole of depression and self loathing. I had a sugar daddy and we went on a couple of dates a week. £250 per date. The money, and of course, drugs and alcohol helped a lot and at the time I guess I saw no problem - I wouldnt let myself see it. But then university finished. I met someone I wanted to be with, I fell in love with him the day I met him.
So I finally got help. After nearly a year of therapy I was finally unravelling the knot, string by string of my complicated feelings towards sex and why my rape eventually triggered such a reaction. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which made sense of my addiction to frivolously spending money, self harm and sex.
So in conclusion, I probably wasnt amazing in bed, but I knew exactly what to do and how to please because I lived for pleasing. I read my sexual partners so well I could do whatever they wanted without them having to ask, and I let them do anything to me so they thought it was amazing. I thought it was all I was good at, and I was thriving off the need, the addiction, to feel loved.
I thought I was reclaiming and helping myself but I was hurting myself. I still live with it today, and sometimes find myself getting upset and panicking if my partner and I havent been intimate in a little while. I feel like part of myself just disappears, I no longer see my worth. The best sex of my life has been with my current partner because I felt true love for him, and knew he loved me back. He is my rock and knows my sex working past and BPD. He doesnt know about what triggered it.
To this day I have met many people with BPD both in real life at group therapy or psychiatric wards and online. Nearly everyone, of who I met, had a story like mine. Of sexual assault, of rape, of hyper-sexuality, of looking for the feeling of being loved in someone elses bed sheets.
Im sorry that I went on a tangent, but I needed to get it out I think. I feel better already.
I would like to add to all my readers in America and anywhere in the world where their news reaches. This is such a traumatic time for us. Stories of rape and sexual assault making front page news. Moreover, stories which are being dismissed as lies and political smears. Every day we face reading triggering and horrifying ordeals.
Please listen to the women in your life. Please believe survivors and victims, both men and women, of course. Please listen.
And to all the survivors... I see you. I am proud of how far you have come. You are strong and will only get stronger
Source: CBS Local
BOULDER COUNTY, Colo. (CBS4) A Texas mans attempt to find the perfect scenic location to propose ended with the couple getting lost in the dark on a mountain in Boulder County.
Joshua Mason, 27, and his girlfriend, Katie Davis, 28, flew from Denton, Texas, to Denver on Friday, the Boulder County Sheriffs Office said. The next day, Mason took Davis on a hike to Jasper Peak on the Continental Divide, northwest of Nederland.
The hiked about eight miles, with an elevation gain of over 3,000 feet, to the nearly 13,000-foot summit. Mason was hoping to find an isolated scenic location away from any other people to propose to Davis, the sheriffs office said. They found exactly such a location, and Davis happily accepted the surprise proposal. However, they got a late start and it started to get dark. There is no readily identifiable trail to Jasper Peak and they got disoriented and lost, the sheriffs office explained.
Read more: https://denver.cbslocal.com/2018/09/30/marriage-proposal-on-mountain-ends-with-couple-having-to-be-rescued/
Ok, so I have so many questions that need to be answered.
Obviously, one is to get up to 13k they were obviously in good physical condition....but damn dude, I could literally think of about a million other places to do this....but why13k?
Once again, this just shows how partisan and poisonous this countries politics has become.
Flake: If I were running for reelection not a chance Id call for Kavanaugh investigation
Sen. Jeff Flake (R-Ariz.) said Sunday that there's "not a chance" he would have called for an FBI investigation into the allegations of sexual misconduct against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh if he were running for reelection.
"Not a chance," Flake said when asked on CBS's "60 Minutes" if he would have asked for the investigation if he were up for reelection in the November midterms.
"There's no value to reaching across the aisle," Flake said. "There's no currency for that anymore. There's no incentive."
You probably have heard it from a few people, that social media is no good. I know that I have been beating those drums for a while now. I've been collecting stories, but its like I'm banging my head against a wall sometimes. One could say, oh let's legislate the internet. But these ideas can be very abstract and hard to legislate against.
Social media also leads to information bubbles. The information bubbles can devolve man back into their most tribalistic forms. Looks at what is going on in the United States. You are either with them or against them. These information bubbles along with search algorithms tend to tell the user that what they are doing is absolutely correct. If you think that Trump is being controlled by lizard people and your searches keep leading you down that path. You are will start to get these false-positive results that reinforce your beliefs. Look at 9/11 and the conspiracies that swirl around it. These information bubbles also have a direct correlation to terrorism and being able to recruit online. Unless this problem is fixed, and therein lies the problem. I feel that this will not get any better, and it has the possibility of leading the world of the rail.
When fake news kills: Lynchings in Mexico are linked to viral child-kidnap rumors
An enraged mob attacked Flores, 21, and his uncle, Alberto Flores Morales, 56, beating them before dousing them with gasoline and burning them alive on the street outside the police station here. The pair had been mistakenly suspected of child abduction, authorities said.
"It was like a great spell had overtaken the people," said Lidia Palacios, a handicrafts shopkeeper who witnessed the linchamiento, or lynching, as such mob killings are known in Mexico. "They were yelling, 'Kill them! Kill them!'"
The barbaric episode - reminiscent of mob killings in India fueled by viral messages - illustrates how in an era of proliferating smartphone use, rumors looped on social media and messaging platforms such as WhatsApp can generate hysteria and vigilante justice.
Rohingya Muslims, ethnic cleansing and social media
Rohingya Muslims make up a small minority of the population in the mostly Buddhist nation of Myanmar, formerly known as Burma. They have long faced discrimination and repression, and have largely been denied citizenship by the government, although many families have lived in villages concentrated in Myanmar's northern Rakhine state for generations.
After a Rohingya militant group attacked police posts and an army base in August, killing 12 security force members, the military responded with a campaign of indiscriminate violence against the Rohingya population. Troops burned homes and villages to the ground, killing thousands of men, women and children in tactics widely condemned as ethnic cleansing.
"The clearest evidence is, would be the satellite imagery that shows 340 destroyed villages. Not houses -- villages," said David Mathieson, an independent analyst who has lived and worked in the region for years.
Over the last six months, nearly 700,000 Rohingya have fled their homes, many with horrific memories of seeing loved ones slaughtered or of surviving gang rapes.
It's not just a campaign of silence -- it's one of systematic disinformation and persecution fueled by social media. In a tragic irony, some of the same digital tools the refugees consider a lifeline have been weaponized against them.
"Social media has been, I think, one of the most damaging aspects of this entire crisis," Mathieson said. "And I think people internationally need to realize that five years ago, it cost a couple hundred dollars to get a sim card. Not many people had phones. And so, what we've seen in the past three or four years is this country getting online, everyone having a cheap smartphone and access to Facebook. And so there's not the media literacy, there's not the kind of ability to understand this medium, and the limitations of online speech."
Yes, it's a clickbaity title. While I was on active duty I witnessed it once and did nothing about it.
I was stationed in Kodiak, Ak and sitting next to who I would describe as "a friendly acquaintance", I knew her but we didn't hang out in the same crowd, I just knew her from work and we had a friendly relationship. So we were sitting down doing paperwork when a male coworker walked past us. You could tell he was in a really pissed off mood, and my female coworker who I was sitting next to said to him, "Is there anything I can do, to make you not so pissed off". He immediately replied, "Yeah, you can show me your tits".
I immediately looked to my female coworker to gauge her response. I didn't know what level of friendship that these two had. The military is obviously male-dominated as will its humor. When I looked at her, I could tell that they weren't that type of friends. In that amount of time, he had already walked off. I kinda looked at her and said, "What the fuck?", and that was the last of it...
Until 3 hours later and I was at home and received a call from my Senior Chief. He said to me as soon as I answered the phone, "Separation, ya got one chance, to be honest". I told him I immediately knew what he was talking about and would be glad to help out in any way that I could. So we went over the day's events, how the guy said what he said to her, and I looked at her for some sort of signal that they were on that type of level with each other, and that by the time I did realize they weren't, he had walked off.
I was told to report in immediately to his office. He then proceeded to give me the ass chewing of my lifetime. I knew what the guy had said was wrong, and I should have chased him down and chewed his ass out or at least report it to a supervisor. He also proceeded to tell me that I was just as liable for doing nothing as what the guy said. I told my Senior Chief that I was willing to help out in any way I could and that I did not have any doubt in my mind that I was going to be brought up on charges as well.
In the end, though, I was written up for it. Which I totally deserved. I was a witness for the Court Marshall of the male, it turns out that once she said something 2 other women in the shop spoke up as well.
It's not something that I'm proud of. I let a fellow sister in arms be treated like shit without correcting the problem, and for that, I could only atone to my fellow sister in arms, who immediately accepted my apology.
I guess my message is to the other men out there is. It can happen and happen fast, we can no longer be silent on the sidelines.
Source: NBC News
Law enforcement sources said they began trailing Carballido Thursday after being informed of an armed home invasion earlier in the day in which he performed a lewd act on a man. At about 8 p.m., he began firing at police from his vehicle near the intersection of Northwest 72nd Avenue and Seventh Street.
The intense gunfire was captured on cellphone video by a woman on the balcony of an apartment overlooking the crime scene.
Mid-morning Friday, Miami police were knocking on the door of a home in the 8600 block of Southwest 34th Terrace. Police, who had not officially released Carballidos name, said they were trying to notify his next of kin about the mans death.
Read more: https://www.policeone.com/federal-law-enforcement/articles/481073006-Video-Man-shooting-AK-47-at-cops-killed-in-wild-shootout/
Just another night in America.
This site has been hack twice during high profile incidents. The first was during the election, and the second time was a script attack when Mueller was announced as lead investigator.
Even if im just being a tad paranoid, it's always good to change your password every 90 days at most.
One side of America now hates and distrusts the other side that now anything that ever happen will now be suspect as partisan foul play.
This has been brought to you directly by Putin and their fake online social media accounts. The division has been brewing in this country for a while now, and today we got so see the end result.
I wish there was an off switch to the internet. Which is the bitter hypocrisy of this post.
Keep up with the hopes and prayers. I've had a friend that was killed by the lack of VA services. Bloodwork that showed he had cancer, sat unlooked at for months. When they found it, they actually told him by phone and told him that an ambulance is on its way to come to pick him up at his house and take him to the Alvin C York VA center in Nashville. That, and the lack of care that I got/get, its no surprise there is this type of crisis exists.
I will say, however, that the only real care that I got was from one Psychiatrist. The problem is, she isnt even working there anymore. To have to go through something like PTSD counseling (who I had through another counselor) which is nothing more than having to relive the worst moments of your life over and over again until you are able to not be paralyzed from it. While having to go through this therapy, I did it by a Facetime type app at the VA, and it was prone to cutting out. Which really sucks especially if you are at a critical point in the session, you're all emotional and the video feed goes dead. I mean, who wouldn't love to get this type of "fantastic free healthcare". Its almost as if not having any at all would just be the same.
I love the 20 years that i did in the military. I've had memories that only people could wish for, but on the other edge of the stick. I also deal with memories that nobody should ever have to go through.
The VA found that there were more than 6,000 veteran suicides each year from 2008 to 2016. Veterans accounted for 14 percent of all suicides in the United States in 2016, yet veterans comprise just 8 percent of the population, the report said, according to the newspaper.
In the report, the VA described veteran suicide as an urgent crisis that it can't address by itself. Still, some advocates say the department has not devoted enough resources to this issue.
If any other population of 20 million people were exposed to these threats, it would be considered a public health priority, Paul Rieckhoff, chief executive of Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America, told the newspaper. There has never been a national call to action.
I'm nobody special, I'm not a unicorn. I know I can yell from the top of my lungs and things wouldnt change.
If Kavanaugh is confirmed I will be going to Washington to protest immediately. I'm a disabled veteran that "doesnt have anything better to do"
I've never been big on protesting. I think the most I really do is bellyache on the internet on how much he is a traitor. However both my wife and daughter have both been affected personally by this in the past and are now having to go through it again with this being blasted 24/7.
I dont think I'm special, but I certainly dont think I would be alone.
My eyes have been opened so much in the last 3 months, i will no longer sit on the sidelines.
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