Anyone who suspects that a man is mistreating a woman (anything from sexual assault to psychological harassment) can call an anonymous tip line to report a violation of common decency.
If a court, properly appointed by Cecile Richards and Wendy Davis, finds the charges to be valid, the offender must pay the complainant $10K, plus attorney’s fees (all cases will be handled by NOW legal defense fund). In cases handled by private attorneys, said private attorneys will be entitled to collect legal fees, but an equal amount must be paid to Planned Parenthood.
When the court finds the offense to be particularly egregious to a woman or womankind, or if it is a repeat offense, a sliding scale of further punishment shall be established, ranging from a court order forbidding the offender from drinking beer and/or watching football ( terms ranging from 6 months to a lifetime ban) to castration with a dull spoon (the offender shall also bear all spoon-dulling costs).
Since the Texas governor, lieutenant governor, legislative members, and gubment officials will undoubtedly be the first to be brought before the court, a lottery will be established for those wishing to administer the dull spoon process.
Those wishing to file a complaint may do so at www. what an a**hole.gov.
Costs to the state shall be covered by taxes on mega-churches.

Did I forget any stereotypes? Oh yeah, line dancing.

Don’t crash the website, y’all.

I’m sure some will find this proposal to be a bit extreme, but I think it more reasonable than the current Texas law.

Much appreciated and needed.

I'm waiting for the tRump/Pence administration to tell the Gulf States to "rake their waterways".

to prevent hurricanes?

Oh yeah, Chris Wallace. Maybe next time.

Democrats Favor Expanding Supreme Court by Adding Entire Obama Family

Acknowledging that the Obamas “already have a lot on their plates,” the activist asserted that serving on the Court could be worked into the family’s busy schedule.



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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s decision to talk to Bob Woodward demonstrates the downside of never having read a book in his entire life, experts say.

While millions of Americans were astonished that Trump would voluntarily speak at great length to an author famous for his takedowns of Presidents, experts believe that a total obliviousness to books and what is inside them might have played a pivotal role.

Davis Logsdon, a University of Minnesota professor who studies the psychology of people who have never read a book in their lives, said that such people might be overconfident about how they would be portrayed if a book were ever written about them.

“If you’ve never read a book in your life, you might be under the impression that all books are flattering,” he said. “You would have no idea that a book could portray you as a human dumpster fire.”

As for Trump, Logsdon said that the President would “definitely benefit” from reading a book someday, but added, “It’s a little late for that now.”

Edit to include link

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trumps-agreeing-to-talk-to-woodward-shows-downside-of-never-having-read-a-book-in-entire-life?utm_source=nl&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=TNY_Borowitz_091020&utm_campaign=aud-dev&utm_medium=email&bxid=5be5ca70fbd2976368715f24&cndid=49787632&hasha=22ffff498c4858274348f4b4acc455d6&hashb=599bbf974bf4cade7ccd0536c884e7c4a3ad5d98&hashc=24a04332b8c3582bbccd0342f89e84f1dbcb2b6847011fce0a30cc3f0acd9c66&esrc=article-newsletter&utm_term=TNY_Borowitz

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Pushing back against attempts to brand the United States of 2020 as “Trump’s America,” Donald Trump said that he deserves no blame for the state of the country, because he has not actually done any work for the past four years.

“I could understand people blaming me for things if I had actually been doing my job, but, quite frankly, I haven’t,” he said. “Anybody who claims otherwise is a terrible person.”

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-says-he-deserves-no-blame-for-state-of-america-because-he-has-not-actually-worked-for-past-four-years?utm_source=nl&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=TNY_Borowitz_090120&utm_campaign=aud-dev&utm_medium=email&bxid=5be5ca70fbd2976368715f24&cndid=49787632&hasha=22ffff498c4858274348f4b4acc455d6&hashb=599bbf974bf4cade7ccd0536c884e7c4a3ad5d98&hashc=24a04332b8c3582bbccd0342f89e84f1dbcb2b6847011fce0a30cc3f0acd9c66&esrc=article-newsletter&utm_term=TNY_Borowitz

At last, a statement that stands up to fact checking.

How do I donate and give someone a star membership? Please note that the laptop is having problems, so I need to do this on my phone.