July 24, 2024

Borowitz: Million Meow March

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Infuriated by J.D. Vance’s disparagement of childless cat owners, the nation’s cats are planning a mass protest at his next campaign appearance, the felines revealed on Wednesday.

In a statement announcing what they are calling the Million Meow March, the cats wrote, “J.D. Vance apparently thinks he will reap political rewards by attacking cat owners. Instead, he has become the Kristi Noem of whisker world.”

“He may think that cat owners suck,” the statement continued. “But you know what really sucks? ‘Hillbilly Elegy.’ We couldn’t get through the first ten minutes, and we cats can look at almost anything for hours.”

The cat controversy was just the latest headache for Vance, who has also struggled to explain why he demonizes childlessness but opposes IVF.


https://substack.com/app-link/post?publication_id=2337656&post_id=146918313&utm_source=post-email-title&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=53v59&token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjo4NTc4NDEzLCJwb3N0X2lkIjoxNDY5MTgzMTMsImlhdCI6MTcyMTgxOTQ2MywiZXhwIjoxNzI0NDExNDYzLCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMjMzNzY1NiIsInN1YiI6InBvc3QtcmVhY3Rpb24ifQ.9SV013G_Mxn7grPK6ronuzErvqFWdQaIRdamV3EhDE4

July 20, 2024

Because I don't want to give MY money to candidates who will use it for THEIR legal bills

I have made another donation to the Biden/Harris campaign

July 15, 2024

Theme song for the RNC

With profound apologies to Tom Petty. I am just so angry I have to post it.

Well Trumps just won’t flush down
No, they don’t flush down
They just float in that gold plated bowl
Circling round and round

When Trumps have to poo
They will poo on you
You’re the T.P. at Mar-a-Loo
Take your money too
That’s just what Trumps do

Hey, Donnie
Stop trying to run from the law
We know you ain’t got much money
We all know what Stormy saw. (Not much!)

Wave that bloody shirt
Let the ketchup squirt
Treat your cult like dirt
In a world that wants justice found
Trumps just won’t flush down

Hey, Donnie
I got a salute for you
Ain’t gonna stick my arm up
When a middle finger will do

So Trumps just won’t flush down
Circle round and round
Push that gold plated lever one more time
But Trumps won’t flush down

July 14, 2024

All that's known for sure :

Trump was spewing vitriol and lies.
Shots were fired,
Trump will survive.
One or more of his cultists is hurt or killed.

Typical.

June 27, 2024

Another question I would like to hear ask tonight:

“Can you name the date of infrastructure week during your administration and what it accomplished?”

June 20, 2024

Air horn!! A useful tool for the moderation of the presidential debate.

The presidential debate will have a cut off if a candidate should exceed his allotted time limit, but given the past behavior of one of the candidates, perhaps something more is needed.

Should a candidate attempt to interrupt his debate opponent, a loud blare would issue from the moderators table. Should a candidate attempt to lurk and wander in an effort to intimidate his opponent, or mumble and gesture as though violating a court order-BLATT!

Fact checking in real time is expected to be a challenge. The air horn would also be helpful in refereeing inaccurate statements. One hopes that CNN would have a room full of people whose sole task would be to authenticate the candidates utterances, and to convey accurate information to the moderators.

The aural moderating aid might also be augmented by a visual one. Perhaps a flashing sign like the ones that say “Applause” on late night shows. However, the debate sign would be modified to read “LIE”. The sign would be placed center stage clearly visible to the television audience.

All this does seem like a lot for the CNN moderators to handle, what with asking questions and all. If a third moderator should be hired, it should be someone familiar with current events, the current candidates, and presidential debates. May I suggest Hillary Clinton? If she cannot fit it into her schedule, perhaps someone from the Daily Show is available.

June 6, 2024

Borowitz: Prison Guards Dreading Body Search of Bannon

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Panic gripped the nation’s prison guards on Thursday as they reacted to the prospect of body-searching Steve Bannon.

The thought of interacting with the naked Bannon had many in the guard community rethinking their careers, insiders confirmed.

“I’ve been living in fear of this day,” Frank Klugian, a veteran correctional officer, said. “I knew it was bad news the minute I heard Mrs. Alito was flying her flag upside down again.”

Harland Dorrinson, the warden of the penitentiary that will be receiving Bannon, said that “every protection” will be provided those carrying out the procedure, “Including, obviously, hazmat suits.”

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/prison-guards-dreading-body-search?utm_campaign=email-half-post&r=53v59&utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email

Same headline could work if TFG gets jail time.

May 27, 2024

Bill Walton dies at 71

https://www.espn.com/nba/story/_/id/40229031/nba-champion-hall-famer-bill-walton-dies-71

I liked it when Walton was doing the color on college games. He would ramble and reminisce until I wondered not what, but how much he was smoking. Then something would happen on the court and he would switch to basketball. When the switch happened, he was really interesting and insightful.

Saw him once at the ballpark on Jerry Garcia night.

March 1, 2024

Shohei Ohtani got married!

Source: BBC

Press conference tomorrow.

Read more: https://www.bbc.com/news/68432928

February 15, 2024

Hearts given and hearts received!

What a fun fundraiser! I tried to spread my hearts around: new members, insightful posts and of course, those critter posts that were awesome and pawsome!
Thank you to the admins and the members of DU!