BREAKING NEWS: Texas Governor proposes ban on vasectomies.

In a rather startling development, Texas Governor Greg Abbott is proposing to the Texas legislature a law that would, under penalty of 5 years in prison, a ban on vasectomies for all males, regardless of social status, color, or income, or age. The proposal comes at a time when women in the state are banned from having abortions. The governor, who has vehemently denied rumors that he's fathered 9 children out of wedlock, announced his proposal at a state-wide convocation for the One Night Stand Brotherhood, a newly formed association of men committed to fathering children at any cost. "It's only right," remarked the Governor, "that every God-given sacred sperm be protected from neglect, misuse, and an early death. When God told us to populate the Earth, it's our duty to take His command seriously. If women can be charged with a felony for having an abortion, it's only proper that men conform with prohibitions on reproductive freedom."

Senator Tommy Tubes of Louisiana wholly concurred with the proposed law. "This vasectomy movement has got to stop. Men can't just drop into a clinic and walk out half a man. And for what?"

However, Governor Abbott's sudden advocacy for gender equality was not received well by all segments of the electorate. A group of 50 armed men congregated in front of the governor's mansion demanding that the bill be snipped in the bud. One of the leaders of the group, Harold Lightrod, momentarily pointed his rifle downward and angrily shouted, "How dare the Governor try to take away our freedoms! We have a right to do whatever we want with our bodies. And does anyone really think that men will stop getting vasectomies just because this idiot governor thinks he can control our lives? Let me tell you. Where there's a will, there's a way."

The Texas legislature scheduled a debate on the bill on February 14, Valentine's Day.