A white, straight man has announced that he is satisfied that homophobia, racism and sexism are now all sorted out and we don’t need to worry about any of that anymore.

Simon Williams, an IT consultant from Chipping Norton, made the announcement at a local pub as he ordered a pint of real ale.

“Let’s be honest,” he began, promisingly.

“Trendy right-on people go on about homophobia and sexism and racism, and giving more rights to gays, black people and girls.

“But what they’ve got to realise is that we’ve sorted all that now, in the real world everyone treats black people, women and gays as if they were normal.

“In my company, you be sacked for calling someone the n-word, and rightly so. If that’s not proof there is no longer a racism issue in this country, then I don’t know how I can help you.

Mr Williams went on to explain that he was fine with women and even homosexuals in the workplace.

“We’ve got Mrs Stewart who’s in charge of HR. Now, she must have got that job on merit because you’ve only to look at her to know it wasn’t for her looks.

“Also, there’s Toby, he’s one of the coders. He’s a bender and no one’s got any sort of problem with that.

“I mean, obviously you don’t want to spend too much time talking to him on your own in case he gets the wrong idea, but in a group, he’s fine. A good laugh actually.

“It’s not the 1970s any more people. It’s sorted now, we don’t need you all banging on about more rights for women, blacks, or homosexuals.”

Mr Williams was clear about what society should be focusing on.

He went on, “Thing is, we’ve spent ages focusing on rights for all of that lot and we haven’t really thought about rights for normal blokes like me.

“I haven’t had any new rights for ages.”

You’re a liar,

Mr. Drumpf!

Your tongue is forked and split:

Every time you move your jaw,

You leave us all in awe -

At the sheer amount of baloney you emit!

You’re a con-man,

Mr Drumpt!

And con’s not short for condiment:

You’d think one time or two,

You would say something that’s true -

Even by some freakish accident!

You’re a scumbag,

Mr. Drumpf!

You’re a nasty piece of work:

The portrait you create

Is smeared with fear and hate -

You’re an all-around, bona fide total jerk!

The nativity scene, conceived by a church committee, also features the three wise men separated from the Holy Family by a fence. A sign reading, “Peace on Earth?” hangs above the display. “We thought we would kind of put a mirror image of what it would look like if this happened 2,000 years ago,” said Father Stephen Josoma. “It’s kind of a mirror image of where we are at today.”

Currently more than 100 children separated from parents at the southern border continue to remain in U.S. custody, as Trump administration continues to illegally block asylum seekers, who, like the Holy Family, also fled their homes to save their children’s lives. “Is this what peace on earth looks like?” Father Josoma asked. “It’s hard to say we are a people of peace when we are sending soldiers with tear gas to stop people.”

With TheresaMay’s Brexit deal with the EU no closer to being agreed by parliament and many promises already broken, Brexiteers who’ve spent 30 months saying ‘you lost, get over it’ are still waiting to find out precisely what they’ve won.

As the third anniversary of the Brexit vote appearing on the horizon, the mystery Brexit prize was causing much excitement among patriotic Brits who are delighted they’ve successfully taken back control, despite watching what can best be described as a ‘clusterfuck’ unfold before their very eyes.

“I can’t wait to find out what it is that we’ve won,” enthused Simon Williams of Brexit campaign group A Nation United in Sovereignty (ANUS).

“I am hoping it’s a car or a nice holiday, something big and expensive now we’re not wasting all that money on massive pensions for those corrupt faceless Eurocrats Nigel Farage warned us about.