August 31, 2023

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #15-5: Wheel Of Corruption: Fury Of The Gods Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #15-5: Wheel Of Corruption: Fury Of The Gods Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Yooooooooooooooooo!!! What’s up Tampa? How you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! We are back from our vacation, we are tanned, we are rested, we are ready to hit the ground running! So we’ve got quite a bit on our plate. There’s too much in the news right now. Too much! But this is awkward – apparently we’re still on schedule for our shows in Gainesville and Tallahassee, but the authorities are currently putting the axe on them because of Hurricane Idalia. So we’ll be unfortunately going home, which will be weird because we did shoot parts six and 7 of our What’s Up With Florida? docuseries. But rest assured, we’re already working on new dates so stay tuned! And for those of you who are planning on going to our show in Atlanta on Do we have time for the thing? Of course we do! Well once again, another week goes by and it looks like the WGA strike isn’t ending anytime soon. But for those of us who miss our favorite talk shows, there is some good news. Until the never-ending strike finally ends, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, and John Oliver are now teaming up to make their own podcast! Yeah come on guys! We need our talk shows back! Trump is giving you some A grade material and there’s no one around to make fun of it! Well, besides us, anyways! But we got to get this strike settled fast because we need our talk shows back! Please! I’m begging you!!! Do it now!!! OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first in light of the WGA strike, we’re featuring clips from our favorite Youtube channels and podcasts, like Christopher Titus and his latest Armageddon Update on the right wing’s escalating war on education:



Hey everyone, the famous Wheel Of Corruption is back! Yayyyyyyyyyyyy!!! So where do we begin this week? Well, the number one story this week easily has to be the moment we’ve all been waiting for since Trump (1) wormed his way down that escalator nearly 8 years ago: his mugshot! It’s the ultimate “how it started / how’s it going” story! Speaking of how it started / how’s it going stories, Trump (2) is dragging some of his minions down with him and it’s quite spectacular to watch. Rudy Guiliani may get the worst of it. In the number 3 slot is our old buddy Elon Musk (3). But not for his antics on X (formerly known as Twitter). This time he might be in some serious trouble with the DOJ over some highly illegal labor practices! We’re shocked, I know! In the number 4 slot this week is the Republican party (4), because while Trump is very close to giving his next MAGA rally at Rikers Island, the MAGA Qongress is grinding the Biden impeachment gears again because… wait for it… some bullshit. That’s right! In the number 5 slot this week is our disaster coverage segment We’re All Gonna Die (5) and this week, how worried should you be about the new COVID variant? Well, we’ll take a look at both sides of the argument, but the “do not comply” crowd has already checked out. In the number 6 slot this week is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit”, and this week, we have to talk about the possible end of Obergefell V Hodges, the case that legalized gay marriage. Well, the MAGA Taliban is coming for it, and their road map to overturning it is the stuff of pure insanity! And probably also grossly unconstitutional. In the number 7 slot, we add Oklahoma’s batshit crazy MAGA Q Taliban superintendent of schools Ryan Walters (7) and whew, this guy is bonkers. Thanks Fox News, for installing another MAGA cretin where he doesn’t belong! In the number 8 slot this week is our weekly segment that delves into the never ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner (8) and this week, we're all saddened by the devastating wildfires that torched the island of Maui earlier this month, but that hasn't stopped the online conspiracy theories from venturing into absolute batshit territory! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week, we have some People Are Dumb, and when we're in Florida, we always have to have one of our patented (patent pending) all Florida editions! Finally this week, it's part 5 of our What’s Up With Florida? docuseries, and this week we’re on the front lines watching Desantis’ goons take on that most sacred of Florida properties – Walt Disney World! Yeah, you don’t mess with the Mouse, man! Plus to cap things off, we have some live music from the legendary Greta Van Fleet! Buy their new album Starcatcher or you are no friend of this program! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump

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Hey kids, it’s time for the: WHEEL. OF. CORRUPTION!!! YAY!!!!



Of course you know the rules by now – I spin the wheel and we have to talk about whatever the subject it lands on. Of course if it lands on the guacamole option, you know that it costs $1.50 extra. And the wheel is all new with lots of items on it! I want to preface that we are no longer featuring the A Random Tweet option. Yes, we are actively boycotting content from Elon’s X / Twitter platform. That’s going to be replaced with clips from one of my favorite shows, Curb Your Enthusiasm. So if you see the Larry David option, you know what’s coming! Here’s what is on the wheel this week:

- Guns
- Crime
- Abortion
- Poverty
- The 2020 Election
- The Insurrection
- Treason
- Buy A Vowel
- Donald Trump
- Midterm Elections
- Clip Without Context
- 5,000
- Nazi Germany
- Fox News
- ‘Merica
- My Pillow
- Bankrupt
- Chance
- Fox News
- Something Random In The News
- Whammy
- Community Chest
- Death
- Homosexuality
- The US Constitution
- Greed
- Clip Without Context
- Top 10 Investigates
- Beating A Dead Horse
- This Fucking Guy
- Intermission
- Holy Shit
- Larry David
- World Tour 2022
- Double Whammy
- Buy A Vowel
- Conspiracy Corner
- Random Movie Reference
- Guacamole
- 10,000
- People Are Dumb
- I Need A Drink
- Infowars
- Go Directly To Jail
- Random TV Reference
- T-Shirt Cannon
- Infowars
- People Who Somehow Got Elected
- COVID-19
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin, shall we? And it lands on… wait for it… Oh hey! It’s one of our patented Clips Without Context!


Sorry, David, the “I know you are but what am I” argument may have worked for the late, great Paul Reubens, but it doesn’t work here! Spin it again… and it lands on Donald Trump!

BUSTED!!!! Yeah come on, let’s participate in this one together! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Trump is going down a fourth time! Yeah, phrasing, I know, thank you sir! Always got to love it when audience members are funnier than we are. But that’s the biggest news of the week is that Trump is getting indicted yet again. Which of course has been causing Fox News to go into “move along, nothing to see here, please disperse” mode. And boy are they. Discount Tucker Carlson, Jessee Waters, has been big on playing the “If it can happen to Trump, it can happen to you” card. No, Jesse, most of us aren’t conspiring to overturn an election with a “perfect phone call”. Whatever that is. But honestly I have to say that I haven’t enjoyed a news cycle as much as this one in a very long time. This is what we’ve been waiting for for nearly 7 years now! Trump is finally going to prison and he very much deserves it! Holy crap I am so very happy! Now if he’d actually you know, go to prison!





Yeah WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! USA – 1, MAGA cult – 0. And yes, they are a big, fat bunch of zeroes, aren’t they? I have been loving watching social media blow up with images of Donny’s mugshot. But here’s the thing about the MAGA cult that is totally fucking weird. Not only has Trump’s arrest made him more popular, they’re trying to sell this image of him being arrested to, well, actual criminals. You know under the “if it can happen to me, it can happen to you” mantra that people like Jessee Waters have been trying to sell. No Jessee and Fox News, it ain’t like that.





Yes, to make it sound like John Lithgow – YOU ARE SO GUILTY YOU STUPID MAN! I mean come on, how many more indictments is it going to take before we finally lock his ass up and throw away the key? I don’t know about the rest of you, but I know that I am not a MAGA cultist. I know that if I tried the same things that Donnie is trying, that I would get thrown in prison faster than you can say “SAD!”. Well Trump is actually cooperating with the law. Maybe he’ll go full Scooby Doo in court? Yeah and I would have got away with it too if it wasn’t for those meddling liberals!





Now here’s where talk radio talking points go berserk. No, Tucker, Trump is not getting assassinated any time soon. Turn down the hyperbole there, Qaren. See, let me clue you right wingers in on political assassinations. It’s only an assassination if someone has something that’s worth something. Like Jeffrey Epstein for instance? He didn’t have shit. And if he did, well, he should have rotted in prison. Trump the same way. He isn’t worth assassinating. It’s much better to let him rot in prison, seething in his own rage, and then let nature take its’ course. Trump is protected by a very well funded and highly dangerous propaganda network, and they’re going down with him. Yes, phrasing!






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[font size="8"]The Shady Bunch

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Let’s spin the wheel shall we? And it lands on…………………….. wait for it……………..Larry David!

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Spin it again! And it lands on… Donald Trump. Yes, we’ve been waiting all week to do this entry and we’re gonna have some fun with it! Last week, the big one was dropped as Trump is facing some serious prison time. But who’s going with him? You know he isn’t going to prison without dragging some folks down with him. And just like that Foxconn plant in Wisconsin that’s going nowhere, Trump’s co-conspirators are getting the Art Of The Deal. Or to use a phrase that’s more popular with the kids these days, they fucked around and found out. Well, actually that’s half true – they fucked around all right, and they’re just about to find out how much that’s going to cost him. First let’s start with the man formerly known as America’s Mayor, Rudy Giuliani, seen here like he’s about ready to take a massive shit… and that’s every picture of Rudy, by the way, well, it looks like he may get the worst of it and we haven’t even begun to go down the rabbit hole yet!





That is a good question, sir! But who knows just how deep this conspiracy goes? One thing that we’ve learned since the events of January 6th is that one person does not a coup make. It takes dozens, hundreds, even thousands or more to carry out a planned attack on the government to stop the certification of an election. Seriously, how come Sean Hannity still walks? And same thing with Tucker Carlson – he gets fired from Fox News only to have Elon and the far right fawn over him. But it’s far worse than anyone can even begin to imagine. But one thing is for certain is that the GOP is basically the mob now and they’re getting worse.





Yeah you just know the MAFIA is going that route next. Well, the Trump MAFIA already plays the religious holier than thou card on a regular basis, so what’s to stop them? So Rudy Giuliani’s in deep shit, Jenna Ellis is in deep shit, who knows who else is involved? And let’s take a look at Jenna Ellis’ mugshot for a minute. I mean come on, who the fuck smiles like that? You’re getting arrested, you’re not going for an Instagram model shot! But for the sake of this piece let’s call them the Shady Bunch! Now here’s the story… of a man named Donny! Oh come on, that’s as far as I can go! I don’t want to have to pay royalties! But here’s more of who’s being indicted.





Yeah that’s right, you got your ass busted! As far as the rumors go, we have no idea how far this goes but you can bet that we’ll be covering every last minute of it. You know what, forget the Shady Bunch, why don’t we call them “19 Criminally Indicted Co-Conspirators And Counting”. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! But of course you know that they’re going to plead not guilty, or they’re going to say that it was a false flag. Or it didn’t happen. Or in the chance they are guilty, they’ll go judge shopping the way that Kyle Rittenhouse did. That shit always happens with these scumbags. In short, the MAGAs lie about everything.






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[font size="8"]Elon Musk
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Let’s spin the wheel shall we? And it lands on………… wait for it………………….. Elon Musk.



Fucking what????????????? Imagine getting in an accident on the 405 while you’re reading Catturd’s latest rant about how he’s getting screwed by the government he voted for. I mean just WTF. Spin it again! And it lands on… Elon Musk again? Is the wheel broken? No? OK.

Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t need to tell you that the world’s most prolific social media troll Elon Musk is in some hot water lately. And no, we’re not talking about his excessive shitposting on that site formerly known as Twitter. So glad we jumped ship before it became X. Well, the CEO of Twitter/X, Space X, and Tesla is in some hot water over some recent hiring practices and some extreme discrimination policies. To which we say – people know this? And they still work there? And people know this? And they still work there? Yeah you see where I’m going with this. But this doesn’t change the fact that Elon is in some extremely hot water. You think maybe all of that red pill propaganda bullshit is rotting his brain? One can think that’s possible.





I mean come on, how bad do you have to be to get sued by the DOJ because of your shady business practices? If there’s one thing that we have learned on this program it’s that billionaires didn’t get rich by paying employees. And it gets worse, so much worse. Elon is that one horrible boss that people write and make movies about. Like that movie… Spaceballs. No of course I’m talking about Horrible Bosses and we ask – people still work for this guy? After they already know the horrible things that he does and gets away with?





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Again I’ll ask for the fifteenth time – people know this about Elon and they’re still OK working for him? Fine. But Elon isn’t surrounded by yes men, he’s surrounded by… yes bot accounts and yes social media trolls. So in case you’re wondering whether or not he’s in his right mind when he’s making these decisions, the answer, my friends, is no. No, he is not in his right mind when he is making these decisions. So when your MAGA friends and neighbors start arguing about who’s more woke than who, just remember that this man is in charge of your social media, space exploration, and some other things he probably shouldn’t be in charge of.






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[font size="8"]The GOP

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Let’s spin the wheel, shall we? Wheel goes round, wheel goes round, wheel goes round…. Where does it stop? And it lands on… oh hey it’s time for one of our patented Clips Without Context!



Tell me you’ve never read the Constitution without telling me you’ve never read the Constitution. I mean seriously… these idiots… just make it stop!! Spin the wheel again! And it lands on… impeachment!

Folks, the megalomaniacal billionaires of this country are in trouble. Their boy who helped enrich them to the point where they have enough money to topple the gross domestic product of entire continents failed them. And he’s getting indicted, arrested, and he’ll probably have to serve jail time. Now the king of right wing talking points, Rupert Murdoch, has instructed his minions in the House, via nightly commands on Sean Hannity, to impeach Joe Biden. What are they impeaching him for, you might be asking? Well, I answer you: they don’t know. It’s like watching the first movie in an action series where they just make up the plot and new trinkets for the characters to find in each scene to advance the plot of the movie. Yes, I’m looking at you, John Wick. But the question is – how do you hold an impeachment trial with no evidence? How do you get a SCOTUS justice who never tried a case? Yes, the GOP seem bent on rewriting the rules because their man lost. It’s insanity.





What’s it a natural step forward for? Republican abuses of power? A step towards implementing a fascist coup of the United States? A step forward for pleasing your talk show host overlords? Well, regardless, this whole thing is fucking weird. And we’re not even going to mention Marjorie Space Lasers and her obsession with Hunter’s giant dick pic. We did that already (see: Idiots #15-2 ). But there’s no mistake that the GOP has just been teetering off the deep end every single day into the abyss of madness. That does sound like a great Avengers sequel doesn’t it? Dr. Strange In The Abyss Of Madness! But the GOP are out of their damn minds and it’s starting to show.





Why is it a must? Because republicans have been fed a steady stream of hate and lies 24 hours a day and are unable to think for themselves? What’s left of the GOP has been replaced with this bizarre, bloodthirsty cult that doesn’t do their jobs, appears on fucking talk shows 24 hours a day, and they just keep escalating the violence talk. It’s truly disturbing the direction that party is going in and it really does make you fearful about the future of the United States. But this is one of those things where outside of the talk show host bubble, nobody really gives a shit. Marjorie Space Lasers can ramble all she wants, but she ain’t changing shit.





So the question on the table is, will the GOP succeed in their absolutely batshit insane attempt to flip the White House back to red? Well, you just know that Fox News executives are fuming that their plan to install worldwide fascism isn’t going to plan. Who knows what they’re going to up their game to when they lose the election in 2024? There is that douchebag Vivek Ramaswamy who is attempting to curb the youth vote, because everyone knows that the young ones don’t vote conservative like their parents had hoped. And the good news is that if they try this, it’s going to blow up in their faces like Wiley Coyote trying to catch the Road Runner.






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[font size="8"]We’re All Gonna Die
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All right! Let’s put the wheel on spin cycle, shall we? And it lands on………. Wait for it………… CHANCE!



Sweet! I got a Get Out Of Jail Free card! I’ll just put that away for later. Spin it again! And it lands on… DEATH! Uh oh! You know what that means! We’re all gonna die!



Hey everyone guess what? We’re all gonna die! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO. WOOO. WOO. So what’s going to kill us all this week, you might ask? Well, I answer you, good sir or madam, is that the virus known as COVID-19 is a constantly evolving smart virus. It’s a virus that was built and designed for the digital age. Its’ latest software update is requiring us to get software updates as well. The new variant actually sounds like it very well could be a software update, called XBB BA 2.86, is just another mild cold… or is it? Well it has virologists worried that it might break through the vaccine barrier. There is some good news and some bad news regarding this new variant. The good news is that it's not an entirely new variant like Omicron that we were dealing with last year, and there’s no chance of severe hospitalization with this new version of the virus. The bad news – the variant originated in Canada and it’s spreading very quickly, and those of you who have caught it recently may have had this new variant already.





Calm down dude, no one is going to die just yet. We’ve been riding the COVID roller coaster for three years now. Hell, if you remember this time last year, we did a piece on the latest COVID software update, then known as XBB1.5 (see: Idiots #14-1 ), and the one thing that we’ve yet to learn from this nightmare is that it’s not going away anytime soon. One thing about viruses is that they never really seem to go away. But they do evolve from potential killers to mild irritants.





No, we’re not all going to die yet. Yeah it does seem like we’re in repeats with this virus and especially since we can’t even watch our favorite talk shows right now, it does seem like we’re in reruns. But COVID is behaving exactly like how virologists suggested in the begging that this would pan out – it will get more contagious but less deadly. COVID has created a sort of virus surveillance industry with people predicting when the “big one” will hit – a virus that will make the black plague seem like a children’s cough - and we hope that’s never gonna happen. The good news is that we’re not going back to the mandates from 2020 anytime soon.





No, no, no one is going to die. But if you guessed that there’s yet another software update to COVID-19, well guess what? You’re absolutely correct. Because this virus is never gonna stop. Which is why it’s important to protect yourself. If you wear masks, then wear masks. The “we will not comply” crowd has already made its’ decision, and those people are insane. But there’s yet another version that’s been detected in Michigan and will it spread as quickly as BA 2.86 has? Well, we may have to wait until version 2.87 has been installed in order to find out.






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[font size="8"]Holy Shit: Bye, Obergefell
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Come on, let’s give the wheel a good strong spin, shall we? And it lands on… wait for it… oh hey it’s time for one of our patented Clips Without Context!



Uh……… no thanks. If there’s anyone I don’t want running for president, it’s a guy who was reduced to selling Cash 4 Gold spots on Fox News. They just keep setting the bar lower, don’t they? Spin the wheel again! Hey it’s time for Holy Shit!

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! Please be seated! You know we live in dark times right now, and it’s mainly thanks to what’s been happening on the Supreme Court Of The United States, or SCOTUS, lately. For those of you following recent history, you know that in 2020, we lost a champion of human rights, and someone who has been fighting for the little guy. That was Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Well, since the tragic death of Justice Ginsburg, forces that are fighting on behalf of the unholy, ungodly Dark One have been taking things in this country in a very dark turn. I of course speak of a man who is so profane, so disgusting, and so foul that his name DARE NOT be spoken in my church! So in the last year, SCOTUS overturned Roe V Wade, and they legalized religious based discrimination. Now they’re coming for the next domino – the case that legalized gay marriage – Obergefell V Hodges. Last week, I got tipped off to a bizarre plan that may make the right wing’s wildest dreams come true! Ugh, the bad guys win again!





Now you might be asking – how is the religious right planning on pulling this off? Well my friends, I will tell you – there is one thing standing in their way. Yes, that pesky document that is known as the Constitution. Which, if the religious right had actually read that document they claim is so sacred, they would know that it has safeguards in place to prevent fascist takeovers of our government. But Mat Staver is a guy who has been trying to knock off Obergefell for years and he’s been going about it at the same pace as Wiley Coyote vs the Road Runner.





And yes, my fair congregation, they should feel bad about themselves. For the religious right is taking this country in a very dark direction that is the opposite of the freedom that our founding fathers had intended. We’ve been putting up with shit coming from the religious right for way too long and it’s way past time we start working to correct their EVILs! And it is happening, my friends! Yes, my home state, the great state of California is hoping to attempt to overturn the very evil piece of legislation known as Proposition 8. Yes, did everyone forget about that? It’s still very much a thing but gay marriage is more popular than ever now.





You know, my friends, it’s not all doom and gloom here! There is some hope to be optimistic about a very bad situation and the toxic nightmare that the MAGAs have created. The truth is that outside of the Fox / AM radio / megachurch bubble, those of us who live in reality are very unhappy with the increasingly unpopular legislation that’s coming out of this mess. It’s going to take a lot to unchanged it, and we’ve first got to work to get rid of the DEMONS that the unholy Dark One installed! It may take years to do that, there’s no easy fix. But when there’s a will, there is a way!





Unless you’re in the MAGA Fox cult that is! There’s no easy answer for this and we’re going to be in it for a very long fight, that I can assure you! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]People Who Somehow Got Elected: Ryan Walters
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin, shall we? And it lands on… no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy…. STOP! And it lands on… intermission! OK we can take a break. Go, amuse yourself with your phones for a while. I’ll just browse Kitchen Bloopers 4 on Youtube while we wait. Ha ha ha! This guy almost stabbed himself with a chef’s knife!



OK we’re back! Spin it again! It’s time for People Who Somehow Got Elected!

Politicians at the state and local levels who are so toxic, you wonder how they’re able to get away with the things they get away with. This is:



This week – Oklahoma’s batshit crazy, off the rails Superintendent Of Schools, Ryan Walters. How did this guy get elected? Well, Fox News that’s how. So as the war on public education between crazy parents who have their eyes glued to Fox News 24 hours a day and educators who, you know, know something about education turns into an actual war over your child’s future, just remember that Ryan Walters is the kind of quality candidate who the MAGAs are looking for. Is he a licensed professional educator? No. Does he speak MAGA and say the things that MAGA parents want to hear? Yes he does and that’s what he does well, if he does anything well. But when schools are receiving bomb threats, as is what happens these days, you can count on chickenshit politicians like Ryan Walters to look the other way, because you know deep down they’re actively encouraging this sort of thing. Just look at their social media post history.





Yes, Mr. Walters is just another high profile Fox News viewer who watches way too much of that shit for his own good and somehow has been brainwashed into thinking that he’s an educator capable of deciding policy and curriculum for an entire state. We here think it’s high time that we stop referring to Fox as a news network. Instead it’s a multi-level marketing firm. If you watch enough, you too can be an elected official! Appear enough on the network to get promoted to offices like senator, representative, even president of the United States. But this is what happens when you speak too much Fox and think you’re an elected representative.





This is what happens when you live in bonkers conspiracy theory fantasy land and constantly reject reality for batshit. You say things like the teacher’s union are a bunch of terrorists. That’s right – he actually said that. No, Mr. Walters, we suggest that you take a look in the mirror. The teachers are the ones who are doing their jobs. The parents and Fox News pundits are the ones obstructing and giving platforms to terrorists like Chaya Raichik, the creator of Libsoftiktok. Those are the real terrorists. Let the teachers do their job, you can complain to a brick wall.





Yes, god forbid that anyone have an independent thought not manufactured by Rupert Murdoch. And that’s definitely not a way to win friends and influence people. That’s a way of saying that you get all of your talking points from Fox News without telling us that you get all of your talking points from Fox News. So instead of taking down the ultra-corrupt boss, which is what should be done, Ryan Walters is instead telling the little guys to shut up and let the cultists do their culting. Because cults don’t like independent thought. And it’s all because Fox News installs the most incompetent people possible in positions they don’t belong in. Much like a multi-level marketing company.





We’re not going to get rid of these MAGAs infecting our school boards any time soon. But vote we must, and vote in numbers too large to ignore or manipulate. That’s Oklahoma Superintendent Of Schools Ryan Walters, just another shitbag Fox News viewer who thinks he’s a politician to add to the ever growing list of:




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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner: Kicked Out Of The Debate
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Now entering the spin cycle! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… STOP! No a whammy!!!!!



Spin it again! Oh hey it’s time for Conspiracy Corner!



Welcome back to our segment that attempts to explain the unexplainable, Conspiracy Corner! Of course conspiracies exist when people simply don’t want to read the article past the headlines and just flat out make shit up. We of course are coming to you live from our underground doomsday shelter from deep within the New Mexico badlands. Undisclosed location, of course! Let me just adjust my trusty tin foil hat for maximum government interference. Ah, there we go! They are trying to read yours and my thoughts after all! So folks, we don’t need to tell you about the awful wildfires that decimated the island of Maui earlier this month. But that hasn’t stopped the conspiracy theories about what really caused the devastation from flying. Oh yes, and you just know that Marjorie Jewish Space Lasers definitely had something to do with this. But this is one of those stories where the more you dig into it, the weirder and crazier it gets.





So folks this sort of thing always happens after a major disaster. Whether it was 9/11, or it was the Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill, or it was America’s mass shooting du jour, you can always count on the craziest among us to get a megaphone for which to amplify their craziness. And of course, conspiracy theories are the reason why we can’t have nice things. Like it happens every damn time. Then nothing gets done in order to prevent the next one. And then we go back to zero before the next major disaster happens. But we really do live in the stupidest of timelines.





You know too, folks, you got to wonder about the connection between religion and batshit insane conspiracy theories. Like if there’s one thing we’ve learned on this program, it’s that the more further off the deep end your conspiracies are, the more crazy religious people are easily manipulated into believing them. But here’s where it gets weird, and you knew that it was going to. What the hell does Oprah have to do with the Maui devastation? Well the online conspiracy industrial complex seems to think that it had something to do with the 2017 California fires that nearly set Getty Center ablaze. It is the stuff of pure insanity, folks!





Yeah good luck with that one, Ed. I mean come on, you can’t yell at someone to stop spouting conspiracy theory nonsense. Remember that creepy dude who tried to blow COVID away? That doesn’t work either. But one thing that we do know for certain is that these people definitely need to put down the bong and back away from the computer slowly. How do we know that Marjorie Space Lasers didn’t pull the trigger herself? You don’t know! You don’t know! But the simple fact of the matter is, despite online conspiracy theory claims, there’s no such thing as a direct energy weapon.






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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
[br] [/font] [br]

Let’s spin the wheel, shall we? Wheel goes round, wheel goes round, wheel goes round… and it lands on…. Oh hey it’s one of our patented Clips Without Context!



You do know that America fought an entire war against tyrants, right, Nick? On second thought, nobody tell him how that war ended! But one thing is clear: America don’t play that game! Let’s spin it again! Oh hey it’s time for People Are Dumb!



Of course you know by now that people are people, and people are dumb. I always want to preface by saying what exactly makes a People Are Dumb story. So a high speed chase going down the 405 is not exactly a People Are Dumb story. A high speed chase down the 405 in a truck containing live chickens and a passenger recording the livestream for Instagram? Now that’s a People Are Dumb story! I also want to preface by saying that not all People Are Dumb stories are stupid criminal stories either. But they do make up the lion’s share of People Are Dumb stories. And since we’re in Florida, we’re going to do one of our famous all Florida editions, because Florida Man and Florida Woman never fail to stop bringing the crazy. Let’s start with this story out of Central Florida. Where a man is using a popular horror movie franchise to well, stage some acts of horror. Specifically robbery. Yeah maybe don’t do this or you will get caught.





Next up – This is the type of story that People Are Dumb was made for! So here’s the thing, I like beer, and I’m sure that most people here do. Brett Kavanaugh likes beer. He likes beer just a little bit too much, I think. But there’s such a thing as liking beer and drinking beer, and then there’s this guy from Ocala who takes things to the next level. Like does this surprise anyone that a guy who wears a shirt that says “I’m the reason the beer’s always gone” got arrested for a DUI at all? Anyone? Bueller? Well yeah you can call this one one of those “things that happened”.





Next up – OK here’s another classic story that was practically made for People Are Dumb. You know how we always say that at the end of the day you just want to come home and read a story about someone who goes crazy and destroys a McDonalds because they ran out of chicken nuggets? Well here’s a story out of Orlando, involving a destroyed bathroom at a chicken wing restaurant, which started a brawl that got 5 women arrested! Yeah we’re not making these stories up, either! We’ve been doing this thing for 6 years now and we’ve got hundreds of stories just like this one piled in our back pocket!





Finally this week – there’s no one who’s immune from People Are Dumb. And this is a very classic People Are Dumb story and it’s one of those ones that could happen to anybody. So a dad and his son land in Florida at one of Palm Beach’s private air terminals and rent a car. Instead of getting on the freeway like they should, they were instead finding themselves in a very awkward position of driving onto the runway itself! And not only that, they kept driving even after figuring out that they were in a place that they shouldn’t have been! But it’s a good thing that no one was hurt. The article even said so!





That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]What’s Up With Florida? Pt 5: Desantis Vs Disney
[br] [/font] [br]

Let’s give the wheel one final spin this week! And it lands on… wait for it…. Go directly to jail? NO!!!



Wait! I’ve got that get out of jail free card! Yes! I’m out! Let’s spin it again! And it lands on… Larry David!





Welcome back to part 5 of our 7 part docuseries What’s Up With Florida? After California and Texas, Florida has the third highest total of electoral votes and is a nearby swing state in close elections and can influence nearby states like Georgia and Alabama. Which is why we decided that we want to explore the Sunshine State to find out exactly what makes it tick. In the last two weeks, we have explored that most Florida retirement destination in The Villages and we infiltrated a meeting of the Miami Dade County School Board as they rejected textbooks and AP classes. This week, we’re on the front lines of Florida’s biggest tourist destination – Walt Disney World. I was there, man! How many more people gotta die??? And the Oscar goes to… OK I’m kidding. But we’re here this week because we wanted to find out exactly how things have changed since Desantis decided to simply take over Disney the same way that Ultron takes over JARVIS in Avengers: Age Of Ultron.





Now that’s a fitting use of that GIF there! You don’t fuck with the Mouse, man! That’s one thing that the residents of Orlando told me while we were touring that great city. Disney is one of the largest employers in the state of Florida. it’s also one of the largest employers of diversity and inclusion practices, the largest LGBT employer in the United States, and the list goes on and on. Well, that last one is the reason why Desantis is targeting Disney so hard in the last year. But you can’t strip employees of park perks, that ‘s one of the reasons you work there!





BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Yeah that’s kind of about what it’s like between those two, and it ain’t pretty. In fact, it really sucks. The good news is that the Reedy Creek firefighters are sticking up for the little guy. It’s truly criminal what Desantis is doing to Disney and it all started because of Desantis’ draconian anti-free speech “Don’t Say Gay” bill. The way this feud is going, it’s not going to end well and unfortunately we’re going to be stuck with Desantis for the foreseeable future. But it doesn’t all have to be grim, the Mouse is fighting back!





Yeah, I don’t know how many times I need to say it, but you don’t mess with the Mouse! What Ron Desantis is doing to Disney is the stuff of pure fucking evil and it’s all so he looks good on Fox News and those stupid AM call in shows. Which is why we say that if the talk shows didn’t exist, no one would listen to the GOP because they are terrible people with terrible ideas. There is some good news, though, my friends, is that Desantis is going to pay for this blatant display of political power. He will have to cough up a fine. But it’s just money unfortunately. We want his resignation. He went way too far on this one.





[font size="4"]Next Week: [/font]

For part 6, we’re going inside the Florida government to see them in action and some of the insane policies that they are enacting!





[font size="4"]And Now This: [/font]
[font size="4"]Greta Van Fleet[/font]



Folks, my next guest has a great new album out called Starcatcher. You can see them on tour through Sept. 23rd including stops in Boston, Philadelphia, DC, and Cleveland. Playing their song “Meeting The Master”, give it up for Greta Van Fleet!



Thank you Tampa! This was great! We’re back home next week because of the weather. We’ll see you next week!

Credits

Host: Initech
Greta Van Fleet Appears Courtesy Of: Lava Music, LLC
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of A Live Audience At: Miami Improv, Miami, FL
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Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

August 10, 2023

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #15-4: Check Mark Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #15-4: Check Mark Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! What’s up Orlando, how you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! Well we’re on city 2 of 5 for our Florida tour promoting our What’s Up With Florida docuseries and also filming and hanging around residents of the Sunshine State. We’re having fun right now and I can’t wait to see how the rest of this thing turns out, because it’s going to be great! And by the way we’re off for the next two weeks because of a scheduling anomaly, but that’s OK, we’ll be back and ready to hit the ground running! But we can’t let that get in the way of some good old fashioned fun, can we? Because we’d be fools and communists not to! OK do we have time for the thing? Of course we do. It’s my show, damn it! Well anyway we’re off for the next two weeks so we won’t get to talk about the sad defeat of the US Women’s National Team at the World Cup in Sydney, Australia. But we do have to talk about the right wing. Did you see Twitter / X last weekend? I mean it was getting super weird and creepy. The right wing male blogosphere was practically having orgasms at the loss. Like all the creeps and weirdos had to comment on Megan Rapinoe because she didn’t kiss the flag and worship Jesus enough for their tastes. Like these guys really need a hobby. That was a truly sick and bizarre display. But again it’s like par for the course for the MAGA psychos. And they really are psychos. That’s one thing we’ve learned from this program! See, we do try to teach you stuff around here! OK. That’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to, but first while the WGA is on the seemingly never ending strike, we’re featuring clips from some of our favorite podcasts like the Titus Armageddon Update:



So where do we begin this week? Well the number one slot this week has to go to that guy who we inexplicably used to call president, Donald J. Trump (1) – and he got arrested, again! But seriously, how many more before he finally gets the heave ho he so greatly deserves? But this latest arrest has the MAGA cult (2) only supporting him more, with Fox News going overdrive into “Nothing To See Here, Please Disperse” mode. Hilarious how the people who claim to be vehemently opposed to tyranny are openly calling to be ruled by a tyrant. In the number 3 slot this week is Ron DeSantis (3). Yes, Florida is back at it again, which a shockingly and unbelievably evil move to completely remove AP Psych classes from high school curriculums – because – wait for it – there might be some icky gender stuff involved! I mean come on, grow the fuck up, assholes! Taking the number 4 slot this week is Elon Musk (4). Yes, after last week’s ridiculous and completely poorly thought out rebrand from Twitter to X, he’s got more badly thought out plans to make money off that blue checkmark. In the number 5 slot, we are hanging out in Hollywood with the latest from WGA / SGA strike – and could the longest strike ever finally be coming to an end? Well we shall see! We shall see! In the number 6 slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) and this week, we always say that religion and politics should be as separated as possible, but when churches are buying up seats to the inexplicable hit Q Anon movie Sound Of Freedom, we have to go expose who’s really going to see this movie. In the number 7 slot this week is our segment exploring the never-ending world of relentless corporate greed in Late Stage Capitalism (7), and this week we’re going to check out a beef between a mom and pop brewery in rural Wisconsin that’s selling politically themed beers, and the MAGA city council that’s trying to shut them down. This is why elections matter! Taking the 8th slot this week is our weekly segment that explores the world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner (8), and this week, we have to find out - does anyone actually like RFK Jr? Well the notorious anti-vaxxer conspiracy theorist seems to be surging in the polls... among heavily skewered republican sites. Plus no one really appears to be supporting him either. Something stinks and we can't quite put our finger on it! In the number 9 (NEIN!!) slot this week, we have some People Are Dumb, because of course they are! Finally this week, it’s part 4 of our What’s Up With Florida? docuseries and this week we’re infiltrating one of the most controversial and talked about school boards in the entire country – the Miami Dade County Board, and yeah they’ve got some explaining to do! Plus to cap things off, we have the legendary Fall Out Boy joining us! Buy their new album “So Much For Stardust” or you are no friend of this program! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font] [br]

Is Trump stupid, evil, or both? We think it’s a combination. And the question that we have, is how many indictments and arrests do we have to endure with Trump before they finally throw his sorry ass in jail where it belongs? And how many arrests do you think it will take? Let us know in the comments! Shit, Fox News is following his plane around like he’s the British royal family or something. Like it’s insane. But the good news is that Jack Smith finally laid the smack down on Trump (again) and it’s glorious. And not only that, he’s got witnesses. That was the shocking thing. He’s got people from Trump’s inner circle that might turn on his evil deeds. But I keep hearing reports that they should have arrested Trump on January 7th. No fucking shit!!! But coulda woulda shoulda. It didn’t happen and now we still have to live with his insanity. But the good news is that Jack Smith is fighting back against Trump and his MAGA goons!





Yeah… BUSTED!!! Or is he? No matter what moves we make to lock his sorry ass up in jail, the right wing media is going to defend him to the ends of the earth. Seriously, if Trump told his followers to jump off a cliff, they’d be pushing and shoving each other to be next in line. And we could spend literally all day talking about the right wing media meltdown. It’s been quite spectacular to watch. But really, the right wing media – and we’re talking Fox, megachurches, and so on, are really just Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown at this point. Because they are a bunch of psychopaths. They want one party rule. But we won’t let them have it.





Yeah you’re guilty, asshole! But if there’s one thing we’ve learned on this program is that he’ll never, not in a million years, ever, admit to any kind of guilt. If there’s one thing we’ve learned with these kooks, is that one thing they are really good at is passing the blame off to someone else. Everything with them is a false flag. Or it didn’t happen. Or it was that damn Antifa. Well, they can’t weasel their way out of this one. They really stepped in it, because the republicans are desperate to hang onto power, and right now the desperation is starting to reek.





That’s a great delivery of “guilty”! But come on, as John Lithgow on 3rd Rock From The Sun said, YOU ARE SO GUILTY YOU STUPID MAN!!! It doesn’t take a legal expert to see how guilty he is, especially if you live outside of the MAGA bubble. The fact is that the GOP bubble got so big that it burst during the Bush years. Now what’s left is a melting pot of kooks, quacks, hacks, conspiracy theorists, and violent psychopaths. All of which are trying to make Trump America’s next top president again… ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… I love our graphics department!... in their never ending quest for absolute power. But the good news is that Jack Smith has people in Trump’s inner circle, and they look like they’re ready to start squealing.






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[font size="8"]Fox News
[br] [/font] [br]

Oh man. Now that Trump has been arrested for a third time – with an army of witnesses, it’s going to be fun watching Fox News squirm and go into “Nothing to see here, please disperse” mode. I’ve honestly spent the last week just laughing my damn ass off at all of the lies and justification going into overdrive coming from the right. Particularly Trump attempting to frame his latest arrest as “if it can happen to me, it can happen to you”. Oh yeah sure, like the average person hosts private golf tournaments on national television with Saudi oligarchs in attendance. From his own private golf course, I might add. I mean we’re supposed to believe the lie that the democrats are elitists? Come on man! Let’s first start with discount Tucker Carlson, Jesse Watters, who is attempting to play the “nothing to see here, please disperse” card like nobody else’s business. Come on Jesse, we know what Trump’s crimes are. We’re not living in made up conspiracy theory bullshit land.





Yes, that’s right, MAGAs, move along, nothing to see here. There was no attempt to overthrow the government, it was just a harmless tourist visit. Yeah right. What kind of harmless tourist visit involves an angry mob of people shouting that they wanted to hang the vice president? I mean come on, this country hasn’t hanged anyone since the 1900s. Oh and we won’t even get to their bizarre revenge and execution fetish yet. Oh and we may have to do an entire segment on Jesse Watters, because you thought Tucker Carlson was bad? He’s even worse. it’s just politics.





Yes, MAGAs, just keep moving. Don’t mind the massive criminal enterprise and deranged cult that’s plotting to take over the United States. Well, guess what? Now they’re literally threatening the judge in the trial that is presiding over their guy. Which in no way, shape or form makes it a cult, let’s get our priorities straight. Oh who am I kidding? It’s exactly a deranged cult. And they’re getting even scarier as the actual trial date approaches, if they even have one at all. I think we might need to move this to a neutral location because otherwise the right wing terrorist sect might try something.





Oh fuck off Levin! Your party is the worst, radical, most despicable bunch of psychopaths this side of the mental institution. You’re covering for a guy who tried to overthrow the government and stop the certification of an election that he lost. People died because of him. And by the way, anyone else find it absolutely ironic that the people who claim to be morally opposed to tyranny are actively aiding and abetting to install a tyrannical government? They wouldn’t know actual tyranny if it jumped up and bit them. Just… ahh!!! No stupids, we don’t want to live in a fascist fucking dictatorship. Fuck off, Kari, and fuck off Trump and Fox News.






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[font size="8"]Ron DeSantis
[br] [/font] [br]

If there’s one word that can accurately describe the year in which we live, 2023, it would simply be one word “woke”. Something that the right wing has been constantly shoving down our throats 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year for the better part of the last year and a half. But the right wing can’t define what being “woke” is. They invented this shit! And they can’t define it! Well that’s what happens when consuming too much Fox News rots your brain and turns it into mush. Well, the undisputed reigning king of Fox News Brain Rot, Ron DeSantis (R – Florida – Obviously) has really stepped in it. The right wing “war on woke” is reaching some absolutely ridiculous proportions and is doing some truly massive damage to this country that may take decades to repair, if ever. You know what they say – you can take 25 years to build a reputation and one jackass with a wrecking ball comes in and ruins it in 5 minutes. Well, that jackass is Ron DeSantis, and wait until you hear what he’s been up to. And trust us, it’s the stuff of pure fucking evil.





Hey MAGA assholes, allow me to say this with the utmost sincerity, but I feel that I must: go fuck yourselves to the highest circle of hell. Your insane war on erasing any mention of gender anywhere in the country is getting fucking ridiculous. And you’re not protecting children. In fact, you’re making it far worse than you’ve already made it. If anything, we need to protect children from YOU and your insane conspiracy theory bullshit. I don’t know what your version of heaven is, but we’re currently living in MAGA hell. I don’t see how it can get worse than this, but it can. Again, MAGA assholes, go fuck yourselves. Thank you audience! Ugh, OK now that I’ve got that off my chest, we need to explain exactly what the fuck is going on, and it’s the stuff of pure insanity.





For starters, Ron Desantis is a criminally insane individual who’s gone totally mad with power. I mean someone is feeding them these terrible ideas. It’s time to find out who. I won’t point fingers, but we at the Top 10 Home Offices in Santa Ana, California have our theories (*COUGH* Vladimir Putin *COUGH*), but the simple fact of the matter is that we are dealing with some clinically deranged psychopaths who are taking over our school boards at an alarming rate. And it’s way past time that we fight back against them.





OK, OK, OK, I got to stop being pissed off about this. So let’s extrapolate their arguments for a couple of minutes here. So if the right wing hates gender ideology to the point where they’re simply erasing any mention of it from any place our children might be learning something that’s not manufactured by Rupert Murdoch, how exactly are we going to train the future doctors, nurses and heath care professionals of America? The GOP’s “war on woke” has reached absolutely ridiculous proportions and they really need to be kicked in the ass for it. Multiple times. This is what happens when too Fox News rots your brain.






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[font size="8"]Elon Musk
[br] [/font] [br]

Well, last week it finally happened. Our old buddy Elon Musk killed the Twitter brand and replaced it with an X. He’s really just turning what was once a great site to use into an absolute dumpster fire of its’ former self. Last week we talked about the clusterfuck in San Francisco surrounding the saga of rebranding the former headquarters to the new X headquarters, and the headaches that it caused since the rebrand. But one thing that we can’t deny is that since Elon took over, that the blue check mark that has been next to verified accounts since the dawn of social media has earned, well, let’s say a bit of a reputation. And not a good one at that. Let’s call it… X marks the treason. Nah, that one doesn’t sound right. How about… X Bad Reputation? I do like Joan Jett. How about… Checkmark Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Ice Cube in the hizzouse! So yeah X patrons who give a billionaire more money can now hide their shame.





But here’s the thing – before Elon took over, it wasn’t easy to get a blue checkmark on the platform formerly known as Twitter. Believe me, I know, I tried for years to get one for the official Top 10 Conservative Idiots account! Now the verified Nazis and white supremacists on Twitter can go hide their shame. I think it’s hilarious that the people who claim that they don’t want the “mark of the beast” are the ones who are now actively hiding the fact that they carry the mark of the beast. Yeah what goes around comes around doesn’t it?





Oh people stop your rabbling! Look, I can talk all day about the clusterfuck that Elon has turned Twitter / X into. And don’t think for a minute that I don’t have that kind of time! I do. But I hope that Elon doesn’t see all the bad shit we’ve said about him. Because this is some shockingly evil shit that he’s doing. in addition to running Twitter into the ground and attempting, very poorly, to profit off of the once coveted blue checkmark, just look at what Elon did to the owner of a handle called @music. Once one of the largest accounts on Twitter, now just another Elon fuck up.





Oh and by the way, I know that I’m deviating from the original subject here, but remember a couple of weeks ago when Elon challenged Mark Zuckerberg to a winner take all cage match? Yeah that’s exactly what we need in these extremely fucked up times we live in. Two mega billionaires going at it in a WWE Rage In The Cage style death match. In the category of things we can’t unsee, though, is Elon’s pasty, flabby exterior. And he really thinks he can take on Zuckerberg in a cage match? Does he not know how out of shape he is? Our money’s on Zuck.






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[font size="8"]Latest from Writer’s Strike
[br] [/font] [br]

Do you remember when we used to have things like broadcast television, movies and other streaming content? Tetridge Farm remembers. OK that’s a dated reference. But the fact of the matter is that the great, seemingly never-ending Hollywood Writer’s Strike is now in its’ fourth month, which puts it high in the running for the longest strike in history. Remember what I said a couple of weeks ago about not getting used to your favorite programs coming back? Well, yeah, you’d better get used to it, because we may not get them back for a long time, if ever. And the fucking CEOs should be absolutely ashamed of themselves. But they’re not. I mean come on, Bob Iger makes $74,000 a day while his employees make that in a year? Pay your employees, you deadbeat losers! OK I’m rambling again. But anyway here’s the latest on when / if this strike could ever reach a possible end. The fact that it’s gone on this long already means that it’s going to start affecting a whole bunch of folks.





Holy shit! It’s been nearly 100 days since the strike shut down the entertainment industry as we know it, and no one seems to be wanting to end it, either. And it’s going to start affecting a whole lot of folks in the industry, not just the writers and actors. It’s going to affect the stage hands, character actors, prop and set designers, the list goes on. And don’t worry, you fucking greedy CEO psychopaths, it’s going to affect you too. So which side is going to budge? Well, right now, it looks like neither side is preparing to show their poker face any time soon.



https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit 60/0*pzTKpSFijHqptecJ.gif

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! It’s not the writers and the actors that are the problem in this equation. The problem is that the greediest of the greedy, the fucking movie studio executives like Bob Iger, are the problem. They are too damn greedy and they’re refusing to give up any of their ill gotten wealth and power. And yes, we target Bob Iger a lot because he makes himself a target by being one of the most vocal in this strike. But as the strike drags on, it’s ultimately going to be everyone here who will feel the pinch.





Yeah it’s starting to get really scary. We wish we had better news for you, but we don’t. We’re hoping something happens and relatively soon. I mean if UPS can do it, then surely the WGA can. Am I right, Orlando? Yes, even movies and TV shows are filmed here in Florida, which is where we are right now, so no one is completely immune. The fact of the matter at hand is that we cannot continue to ignore what may be the longest strike ever. Because it seems that the greediest of the greedy are still bent on keeping their ill gotten gains. What’s it going to take for us to rise up against Wall Street? This may be the beginning of an economic revolution. We hope.






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[font size="8"]Holy Shit: What’s Up With Sound Of Freedom?
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! Please be seated! You know, we’ve discussed the faith based entertainment industry a lot in the last few years since we’ve been doing this program. There’s a movie that you may have heard your religious Q Anon friends talking about, that’s been inexplicably blowing up the box office, and that’s Sound Of Freedom. Now, if you’re unfamiliar with this movie, it is basically about human sex trafficking, which is a very real crime. But it’s cemented deep within supporters of the unholy, ungodly Dark One! Yes, you know that I speak of a creature so foul, so profane and so disgusting that his name dare NOT be spoken in my church! And it stars Dark One supporter and conspiracy theorist whackjob Jim Caviezel. Yes, a guy who once said that he was JAYSUS and that democrats drink the blood of scared children. Which is some absolutely next level insanity. But if you hear your Q Anon friends and neighbors shit talking the box office because of this abomination of a movie, well, here are some facts you can use against them!





I don’t know who it is, but it definitely is NOT the unholy Dark One or his followers and enablers, because they are quite the insane bunch. And this movie, Sound Of Freedom, isn’t exactly doing anything to convert the non-believers. Instead, it’s only amplifying the hysteria surrounding the conspiracy theories that are beneath the insane Q Anon playbook! But apparently there’s a reason why this movie is doing so well at the box office, despite that no one is going to see it. Yes, they’re applying a new business model of “pay it forward”. So when you’re going to the box office, you’re not going to pay for the ticket. Instead you’re buying for someone else.





Well the devil is of course the Dark One and his supporters. But the whole thing with fundamentalists and sex trafficking is quite the strange tale and we’ve been following it for years. But of course the Dark One, the ruiner of everything, has to get involved. Yes, he had a screening at his private golf course in New Jersey. This is why we compare the MAGAs – the supporters of the unholy Dark One – to a cult, because this is indeed some very cultish behavior. But there’s no denying that the Dark One and his followers are the reason why we cannot have nice things! They are the product of SAYTAN and SAYTAN’s minions!





This is more than just David and Goliath, sir. This is more like one man vs the world on an incredibly stupid made up thing that minimizes the very real crimes being committed! We don’t need to tell you that there were dozens of youth pastors arrested in the last few weeks. Some involving actual human sex crimes of unimaginable horrors! Meanwhile, the amount of drag queens arrested still remains at zero. But the one thing we can’t deny is that the JAYSUS based entertainment industry is growing and this definitely won’t be the last faith based flick you see at the box office.




Yes, don’t expect JAYSUS to go away at the box office anytime soon. But as long as religion is still tied to the Dark One, we will continue to give them shit for it! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]Late Stage Capitalism: The GOP Vs Minocqua Brewing Company
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Top 10 Conservative Idiots Presents:

“Greed, for lack of a better word, is good.” – Gordon Gekko, Wall St. (1987)

When corporate profits are at an all time high, there is nowhere else to go but to make more millions.

There is corporate greed, and then there is:



Welcome back to our segment on the relentless pursuit of never-ending corporate greed, Late Stage Capitalism! Sure, it’s not enough to make $50 billion, you need $150 billion! You need to be able to tank entire countries while you jet off in your penis-shaped rocket to the vast emptiness of deep space! Well, this week, we were tipped off to a story brewing, literally I might add, out of rural Wisconsin. And it’s a story that’s near and dear to us because we do love us some beer here. The little known Minocqua Brewing Company based out of Minocqua, Wisconsin, has been in the fight for its’ life and has been making national news. Not just because it sells Joe Biden and democratic party themed beers. But because the overwhelmingly GOP city council has been trying to shut down this mom and pop brewery purely out of spite. Wait, there’s more to it than spite, is there? Well, you’re wrong. Well, you’re not wrong, you’re half right. It’s spite…. And a few other factors. Here’s more.





Yes it does, Homer! Hops, barely, yeast and water. At least that’s what the ingredients should be according to the ancient German Reinheitsgebot law. I hope I’m pronouncing that right. But this whole thing gets worse the more you dig into it. So apparently the city council, in a blatant abuse of power, is ordering the brewery simply to close. You know what they say about people not fighting city hall, but this is one instance, where you can and should fight city hall. Because as the Dude himself once said, “This aggression should not stand, man!”.





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Come on, this is America. You know, we used to have freedom of speech and freedom of expression from the 1700s up until two years ago when Fox News decided that it should be illegal. Just…. Ahhh!!!! Conservatives are really overstepping their boundaries. So how does one actually fight city hall, you might ask? Well the first attempt did not exactly go over, what one would call, particularly well. Which is exactly what to expect when the little guy goes up against the MAGA dipshits that are currently infecting our school boards and city councils, it was quite the shit show.





Holy shit! Where are the Deltas when you need them? Well, this isn’t going away any time soon. But there is one thing that can stop this madness: get out there and fucking vote! Because MAGA conservatives are quite the bloodthirsty and reckless bunch and they are out to erode our basic rights one by one. This brewery battle in Wisconsin is just but one example of what could happen when a few bad apples who shouldn’t have positions of power get into positions of power. So know who you’re voting for at every single level. But this right here is how you fight back against city hall.





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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner
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Welcome back to our segment that attempts to explain the unexplainable, Conspiracy Corner! Of course conspiracies exist when people simply don’t want to read the article past the headlines and just flat out make shit up. We of course are coming to you live from our underground doomsday shelter from deep within the New Mexico badlands. Undisclosed location, of course! Let me just adjust my trusty tin foil hat for maximum government interference. Ah, there we go! They are trying to read yours and my thoughts after all! So this week, we’re going to talk more about the candidate of choice for hardcore anti-vaxxer conspiracy theories – Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., which, if you have seen the polls, you know that he's only polling high among – republican conspiracy theorists. Yup, he’s a winner among the Alex Jones crowd. But to the rest of us, he’s a loser. But in case you’re wondering where he’s getting all of his nonsense from, it’s from the worst places on the internet. And like most things these days, the more you dig into this story, the worse it gets.





Man, remember the good old days when conspiracy theories revolved around aliens and bigfoot, the moon landing, and maybe the occasional crackpot Zapruder film reference? Yeah now conspiracy theories revolve around vaccines and elite pedophile rings and chemicals in the water supply. Talk about a huge drop off. And in case you’re wondering what kind of person we’re dealing with, just how far off the deep end and out of touch with reality RFK Jr is, well, he’s now apparently suing Youtube and making some absolutely wild accusations about being censored. Hey RFK Jr, guess what? You’re not being censored! Nobody gives a fuck! Big difference!





Seriously, dude, you don’t need to be in the White House. You need some professional help. You can cry censorship all you want. The truth is, nobody gives a shit. We’re all too busy being distracted by the Orange Douchebag to care about anything anyone else has to say. And by the way, in the “what could possibly go wrong?” department, Ron DeSantis actually considered appointing RFK Jr to be the head of the Centers For Disease Control. Yeah putting an anti-vaxxer in charge of the CDC would be like giving the alcoholic the keys to the liquor cabinet and to your car. Nothing good can possibly come of it.





You know, COVID did a lot more than destroy people’s lungs and organs. It also destroyed lots of monds, and I mean lots of minds. There are so many people who went down the conspiracy theory wormhole because there wasn’t anything else to do. But in case you’re wondering whose side he’s really on, one thing is clear is that there’s no question that RFK Jr is a dangerous lunatic. And he’s only running to gather intel for Steve Bannon so he can use it to flip some swing voters in the primary election. That is a real conspiracy by the way, and is more grounded in reality than a lot of the crap that you see flying around social media. Seriously when you question the earth being flat and vaccines being viable, you need to take a step back and rethink your life choices.






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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!



Of course you know by now that people are people, and people are dumb. I always want to start by prefacing exactly what makes a People Are Dumb story. A guy driving down the freeway going 100 miles per hour? Not dumb. A guy driving down the freeway going 110 miles per hour in a stolen truck full of live chickens? Now *THAT* is a People Are Dumb story! And I also want to say that not all People Are Dumb stories are stupid criminal stories. Don’t get me wrong, I do love a good stupid criminal story. I collect them, trade them with my friends. But that doesn’t mean all are alike! And by the way, we have a new People Are Dumb policy here – all real life names will be omitted from the stories we present. We don’t want to draw any negative attention to this program. So who’s stupid this week? Well I want to start with this story out of Poland. Yes, no country on earth is immune from stupid people! But this story isn’t really a stupid criminal story, it’s more of one of the thousands of examples of religious conservatives ruining everything! So in Poland they have But yes, there is a route 666 to hell, but because religious conservatives threw a shit fit, it’s now changing to Route 669. Lame. Cue some Iron Maiden!





Next up – we go to Japan for this insane and also incredibly gross story. Has anyone here ever been to a revolving sushi restaurant? Well, in the interest of food safety, those may be going away forever. And well, when you hear why this totally gross story, you will get why these restaurants are such a possible cause for safety concerns. Well, the Japanese sushi chain Sushiro, based out of Osaka, filed this claim because a kid – wait for it – licked soy sauce bottles as they were going around the conveyor belt! Yes, we’ve got vomit!!!!





Next up – OK look, we’re in the United States of America, and we’ve been a constant state of heightened national security since the tragic events of September 11th, 2001. Well, here’s the thing – how dumb do you have to be in order to be caught with a weapon capable of mass destruction in this day and age? So it happened – in North Carolina, where a guy was caught with a dirty bomb outside of a gas station. And it always, always happens in rural areas, does it not? And yeah I’m seriously wondering where this thing falls on the 2nd amendment scale.





Next up – we of course can’t get out of here without mentioning Florida, the Sunshine State. We get accused of picking on Florida a lot. But come on, we love Florida! We’re in Orlando right now! But as regulars of this program know, the reason why we target Florida so much is because the Sunshine State never fails to bring us batshit crazy stories week after week after week. And this week, there’s plenty of crazy Florida Man to go around! Like this story out of Lee County, where this guy used his spare tire as a weapon and then fled the cops. Where’s John Wick when you need him?





Finally this week – this is the kind of story that People Are Dumb was made for! We go to Marion County, Florida for this one. So you know how we’re always saying that someone who steals an unusual vehicle for a getaway? Well, what if we told you that vehicle was a riding mower? Yeah with a top speed of… 10 miles per hour, we’re guessing that this isn’t exactly the most efficient way of escaping the police. And sure, it can be done on Grand Theft Auto, but what happens on GTA V doesn’t exactly pan out the way it should work in real life!





That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]What’s Up With Florida Part 4: Inside The Miami Dade County School Board
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Welcome back to part 4 of our 7 part docuseries What’s Up With Florida?. So we get accused of making fun of Florida a lot, but we love the Sunshine State. So just like our What’s Up With Texas docuseries that we did in 2019, we decided to explore the Sunshine State further to find out exactly what makes it tick! Last week, we went and explored that most senior of Florida destinations – The Villages, only to find out that old people don’t like being told what to do. They don’t give a fuck. And honestly, they’ve totally earned it. This week, we’re in Miami. Because another group of people who don’t give a fuck are MAGA Christian conservatives. They have been initiating a hostile takeover of our school board system across the country because they believe that it’s “god’s will” to install “divine prophecy” in America’s youth. Well, this week, we’re in downtown Miami at one of the most hotly contested school boards in the entire country – the Miami Dade County School Board. They’re a district that has become overwhelmingly MAGA, apparently setting up a blue print for MAGA districts across the country. Here’s what is going on.





Gee……….. you think this might have been a terrible idea? I’ll tell you what is also a terrible idea – electing people who aren’t educators to preside over education! It’s what Fox News wants – people who aren’t educators to destroy the Department Of Education. Just… ugh. Can we finally admit that Fox News is bad for us? Well if you think a steady diet of right wing media is bad for you, well, wait until you see what the Miami school board is proposing for our nation’s youth! Yes, you may have heard of a Youtube channel called Prager U, run by right wing kook Dennis Prager. Well, they want to implement it into schools and it’s every bit as horrifying as it sounds.





OK… OK… let’s think about this here for a second. You say you’re opposed to children being indoctrinated, yet your minions are allowing a Youtube channel featuring fucking far right whackjobs like Tucker Carlson and Candace Owens to be taught in schools? That sounds about white. But like most things that have been happening lately, we expect this reversal to be reversed. See? This is what happens – nobody likes this Fox News anti-woke bullshit outside of… Fox News hosts. Not only are these policies unpopular, they are grossly unconstitutional at that. And we’re pretty certain that even this far right MAGA SCOTUS would side with the 1st amendment.





Yes, that is a good question! What is wrong with you? Again, minds warped by propaganda. It seems anyone can get into positions of power that they don’t belong in, and have no business belonging in, if they watch Fox News 24 hours a day like the torture scene in A Clockwork Orange, and start spewing Fox talking points until people start believing them. The propaganda is powerful shit, and we witnessed it on full display at that meeting. But the good news is that the public is fighting back against the far right fascists who are infecting our school boards. And we have to do it now, before it’s too late. Otherwise, we have to deal with these assholes again and again.





[font size="4"]Next Week: [/font]

When we come back, part 5 of our What’s Up With Florida? docuseries is going to go deep into Ron DeSantis’ battle with Disney World in Orlando and it’s the stuff of pure insanity, brought to you by Fox News in conjunction with the Federalist Society and Prager U, of course!



[font size="4"]And Now This: [/font]
[font size="4"]Fall Out Boy[/font]

Folks, my next guest are alternative rock legends! They have a great new album out called “So Much For Stardust”. Playing their song “Heaven, Iowa”, give it up for Fall Out Boy!



Thank you Orlando! We have a vacation week next week, but it’s spilling into the week after that, so we’ll be back in three weeks live from Tampa with the famous Wheel Of Corruption!

See you in three weeks!

Credits

Host: Initech
Fall Out Boy Appears Courtesy Of: Fueled By Ramen, LLC
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of A Live Audience At: Irvine Improv, Irvine, CA
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

August 3, 2023

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #15-3: Hate Sells... But Who's Buying? Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #15-3: Hate Sells But Who’s Buying? Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! What’s up, Miami? We made it, we are here! How’s everyone doing? You doing fucking good? Great! Ready to have some fun at the expense of our elected representatives and billionaire overlords? I know I am! Can we still make fun of Ron DeSantis here? Or will I get hauled to jail? Good, it’s good to know that we still live in the land of the free! Thank you sir! Plus we got some amazing live music tonight. That’s right, the legendary Avenged Sevenfold is here! I mean come on, you can see their equipment right over there. I saw M. Shadows getting ready in the dressing room! Do we have time for the thing? Of course we do! So Cardi B is having what one might call a “bad day”. That’s right, the WAP singer has been getting into fights with fans at events. Cardi B was recently in Vegas doing a DJ set at the Jouk Night Club at the new Resort World casino. When suddenly a fan threw a beer on stage and started a fight. I mean come on, we want to know – if you’re a fan, why are you throwing beers at the performer? Did we forget how to act as a society in the last three years? Of course we did. I mean come on, we were locked down in our houses for a damn year and a half. That’s going to break people. But we got to get our shit together, man! Come on now! Stop throwing beers at performers! Won’t somebody think of the performers? They’re here to entertain *YOU*! Just like us! OK that’s enough of the intro. While the WGA is on strike, we’re featuring clips from some of our favorite podcasts. Like Christopher Titus, and his latest Armageddon Update delves into Ron Desantis’ insane plans to rewrite American history:



Where do we begin this week? Well the number one slot this week is obviously going to the MAGA GQP (1). Because the Newsmax wing of the republican party is going to attempt to impeach Biden because… let me check the reason list… they got nothing. What a colossal shit show this House is. Speaking of colossal shit shows, the second slot is going to that guy who we inexplicably used to call president (2) because his latest indictment might be the one to finally bring him down… unlike the 8,000,000 other indictments that are pending on him. In the third slot is Elon Musk (3). So he finally shut down the Twitter brand and replaced it with an X, and well, things aren’t exactly going as he had planned, and well, they’re far worse than you could possibly imagine! In the number 4 slot this week, we’re playing that hot new game that’s sweeping the nation: IS IT RACIST? (4) because we always say around here, that if you have to ask, it’s probably racist! This week Jason Aldean was accused of racism in his controversial banned music video “Try That In A Small Town” that was even too much for CMT to broadcast. And guess what? He’s doubling down. So we’re doubling down by further calling him a racist asshole! In the number 5 slot this week is a new “We’re All Gonna Die” (5) and this week it’s the hottest summer weather on record, and if you think it seems apocalyptic, well, you might be right! In the number 6 slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit”, and this week our pastor has had quite enough of that right wing MAGA terrorist group called “Moms For Liberty” and he’s going to call out their nonsense! In the number7 slot this week is our segment “Beating A Dead Horse” (7) and this week, we were all shocked at the sudden passing of legendary pop singer Sinead O’Connor, but fellow Irish singer Morrissey called out nonsense tributes on social media, so we’re asking the question – when is it OK to do so? Well it’s a huge circular firing squad clusterfuck for sure! In the number 8 slot this week is our weekly venture into the never-ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner (8) and this week, our buddy Tom DeLonge, the guitarist for legendary punk band Blink 182, got name dropped in a Congressional hearing about aliens, and well, aliens do exist! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot, we have a new “I Need A Drink”! And remember the movie Cocaine Bear? Well, get ready to meet Cocaine Shark! Cocaine Shark do do do do do do cocaine shark do do do do do do cocaine shark! Great, now I’m going to have that song stuck in my head for the next 4 weeks! Finally this week it’s part 3 of our What’s Up With Florida docuseries and this week we’re venturing deep into that uniquely Florida retirement destination – The Villages! Because they are certifiably insane! And finally to cap things off, we have some live music from the legendary Avenged Sevenfold! Buy their new album “Life Is But A Dream” or you are no friend of this program! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Impeachment Watch 2023: It’s On!
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If there’s one thing that we’ve learned in the nearly 7+ years that we’ve been doing this program, is that republicans are *NOT* a serious people. Their vice is TV, radio, and internet talk shows. They cannot get enough of them. Meanwhile, the democrats do all the work, while they go and complain that democrats aren’t worshipping the flag and Jesus enough for their tastes. The fact that Marjorie Greene and Lauren Boebert are still in Congress is a testament to the fact that the GOP aren’t serious. So no matter how terrible Trump’s crimes are, they will still go back to beating the dead horse that is impeaching Joe Biden because… I honestly have no idea. They got nothing. Apparently the only thing the only reason is to appease their talk show host overlords and maybe the MAGA cult fanbase. But that’s about it, and none of it is what one might call constitutional, either. It’s just another attempt at a partisan power grab, because conservatives want absolute power.





Man even Conan is telling you to shut up! But seriously, do these morons ever shut up? The democrats do their jobs, while the republicans whine and melt down like screaming toddlers at Target who want that shiny new toy. But the thing is, as long as MAGA lunatics like Luna, Gosar, Greene, Boebert, Hageman, McCarthy, and so on control the house, they’re going to launch into an impeachment inquiry if it means their own ass in a bind. Because again, the GOP has no intention of actually doing their jobs, their goal is just undoing 100 years of progress.





Yeah they’re going after Ukraine aid because it’s what Alex Jones wants? Holy shit. You should just start identifying anyone with an R next to their name with Russian flags. It’s absolutely insane. There’s a megalomaniac attempting to destroy and annihilate an entire nation of people with his goal on conquering Europe, and half the country is just going along with it, because they’ve been brainwashed by internet conspiracy theories and social media propaganda. Like I’m convinced that if Fox News had been around in WWII, we’d currently be living under Nazi rule. But that said, this madness isn’t ending any time soon.





Yeah well it is hilarious to see that the White House is having a sense of humor about itself. But the good news is that there is one thing that is preventing this thing from moving forward. And that thing is the Constitution of The United States. You know, that document that conservatives seem to think that we don’t understand and that the nation needs reeducation on. See, republicans, this is what happens when you reject reality for internet conspiracy theory bullshit and live in a talk show host bubble – you’re unpopular outside of your bubble and your conspiracy theories will come back to bite you in the ass hard. Remove your tin foil hat and turn off the TV for once.






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[font size="8"]Indictment Watch 2023: It’s On!
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Man, I used just about every one of those, didn’t I? Well let’s flash back a bit. Back in 2020, when we learned that Joseph R. Biden had defeated Donald Trump in the 2020 general election to become the 46th president of the United States, we had this whole special Top 10 planned where we would send off the Trump administration with the proper, unfiltered “fuck you” that he so very much deserves. But then January 6th happened, and we said “fuck it”, and shelved that idea. But what we didn’t predict is that Trump wouldn’t shut the fuck up. So we may revisit that idea when / if he ever finds the inside of a prison cell that he very much deserves. Well it looks like that day may finally come, my friends! Because this week, a third indictment was laid down by Jan. 6th attorney Jack Smith! Well, just as we predicted, sadly, he’s not going down quietly. Nope, he’s being the biggest loudmouth jackass in the room, as we have been saying for years!





Yeah we got him! Again! Standing ovation!!! But of course, there is once again the reason why we can’t have nice things – Fox News. Yes, they are having a completely meltdown and going into full “nothing to see here, please disperse” mode. But here’s the thing – could all of Trump’s indictments and pending indictments really bring down his campaign? Yes, it falls under the guise of “play stupid games and win stupid prizes”. But Trump’s been playing this game since the 90s. He owns this game! Now you could say he “fucked around and found out”. But he owns that too! He is the reigning king of fucking around and finding out! And his cult fanbase loves him for that!





Yeah let’s celebrate this one! The battle may be won, but the war is far from over. Hell, it’s just beginning! It hasn’t even been 24 hours since the dust settled on the latest round of indictments and Fox News, again the reason why we can’t have nice things – is already going into full overdrive mode defending Trump and we’re definitely going to be here for their pending meltdown in the forthcoming weeks. But what we really can’t wait for is Jack Smith’s unveiling of who the mystery co-conspirator is, among the already obvious ones. Some of our staffers have said they think it’s Ginni Thomas, while others are betting that it’s Steve Bannon. Well, we think it’s Mark Meadows. But there’s a lot of tentacles on this octopus, that’s for sure!





Who is the mystery co-conspirator? Is it Ginni Thomas? Is it Mark Meadows? Is it Steve Bannon? Is it the starting line of the 1976 Denver Broncos? Only time will tell! One thing we do know for certain – remember those fake electors from Michigan that we discussed last week? They played a part in Trump’s evil plan to overturn the election. Fox News did too. I mean who knows what Tucker and Hannity were planning to report if they had succeeded? But the one thing is clear – it is looking more and more like the entire party was in on it.






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[font size="8"]Elon Musk
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Well they did it. They finally killed Twitter. RIP. 2006 – 2023. You will be missed. Well, you will be missed up until the time you were taken over by Elon Musk. What was the cause of death, you might ask? Well, I answer you, good sir or madam, is that Twitter has been replaced with an X. That’s right – Elon is now running a company that’s just called X. Oh and by the way, X marks the spot where… well, I won’t exactly say that this is where you find the treasure. What you will find is an egotistically insane billionaire man child at the helm, a guy who, at this point, I wouldn’t trust to get a 10 piece order of chicken nuggets at McDonalds right. But before we get to the real stupidity of what happened let’s start from the beginning. This is something I’d expect from a first year marketing student with a bad attitude, not from a guy with enough money to bankrupt entire continents. But this rebrand is jaw dropping, stunningly stupid.





But seriously, this begs the question – has Elon always been like this, or has being immersed in the far right propaganda sphere broken his brain? Personally, I’d say a little column A, a little column B. But here’s where it gets weird, and you knew it was going to. On Market St in San Francsico, where the former Twitter headquarters once stood, is now replaced with an X. Or is it? Well there was an attempt to put up a new sign that was taken down as quickly as it was put up. Which may or may not have anything to do with Elon denying building inspectors permits. But one thing we can be absolutely certain of is that this thing was done extremely half-assedly.





But this wasn’t just half assed! This wasn’t even a quarter of an ass. This will go down in future marketing textbooks as an example of what *NOT* to do! That is, assuming that the far right doesn’t destroy the Department Of Education, which you know they would if given the opportunity. This sign is a symbol of lost billions, bad choices, and American far right insanity. We don’t even have time to point out how this sign annoyed the residents of the building across the street from Twitter headquarters. Or the fact that Elon denied permits to building inspectors when he put up that sign. But we can point out that the city of San Francisco is going to fine Elon for this ridiculous stunt. But come on, just a fine? Elon probably has that under his couch cushions.





Oh and in case you were wondering, how much of a scumbag is Elon Musk? Well he’s the kind of billionaire scumbag that will sue a nonprofit organization. That’s right – he’s suing a nonprofit for the rights to the X name. It’s literally like taking candy from a baby at this point. But we definitely don’t expect this to go away any time soon. Strap in and pull up some popcorn and grab a beer or your favorite beverage of choice, because we’re in it for the long haul. This is most definitely one of the single dumbest rebrands in marketing history. As a former president of the United States would say in times of disaster, heck of a job, E, heck of a job.







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[font size="8"]Is It Racist?
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Hey everyone, it’s time to play the hot new game that’s sweeping the nation!



Because we always say around here, if you have to ask, it’s probably racist! Now usually we play a couple of different scenarios in the news and ask whether or not they are racist. But this week we’re going to focus on just one item – Jason Aldean. He has a new song out that’s called “Try That In A Small Town”. And you’ve probably heard about it. It’s been in the news lately. But what you might not have heard about is that there’s a lot of racist controversy surrounding the song itself. And we don’t need to point out that Mr. Aldean himself is a regular at Mar-A-Lago, and was seen with Trump very creepily sniffing his wife’s shoulder. Yeah don’t retweet that image or anything. I’m sure he would hate that! So yeah that aside, we have to talk about the racist controversy in this song because it’s something else and don’t expect to go away anytime soon because it’s currently sitting at the top of the iTunes charts! Right next to MAGA hate rapper Tom MacDonald. Yeah hate sells… but who’s buying? That’s my metal reference for the day! But yeah it’s the sad fact of the matter that hate sells right now.





Yeah so here’s the thing, MAGAs, if you don’t want your music video to be perceived as racist, then don’t do racist things! It’s that fucking simple! Which is why our motto around here is that if you have to ask it’s probably racist. And by the way, in case you were wondering, no, this isn’t the first time that Jason Aldean has been caught doing something racist. Yes, apparently there was some blackface involved at some point. So not only is Aldean a racist, he knew damn well what he was doing. It’s no secret that he appeals to the MAGA crowd. You’d think a guy involved in the worst mass shooting in America wouldn’t hang around those clowns, but nope. He is a full fledged MAGA cult member with ultra fan club privileges!





Yeah Jason Aldean is like Cartman right now! You just know that he’s gearing up for an interview somewhere and screaming that he’s not a racist. But again, like we have to say around here, audience, is that if you have to ask… IT’S RACIST! And yes, if you have to use the phrase “I’m not racist, but…”, well, guess what? You are a racist! What’s even worse is when you have to defend your fans for doing racist stuff, well that makes you that much more of a racist. But again, it’s exactly what we’d expect from someone who voluntarily hangs around Donald Trump.





Yeah so here’s the other thing that I wanted to touch on in this segment – is that if your audience is making racist death threats, then again, you should probably find a new audience! And if you don’t, then that explains more about you than the general public would ever care to know! Thank you Miami! But for those new to the show, the reason we have this segment is because hate and racism are at an all time high in this country and we don’t seem to think things are going to get better any time soon. But when a song like the new Jason Aldean song come around that remind people that racism is still out there, we have to point it out. And there it is – he’s the whitest white boy on the country music scene.






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[font size="8"]We’re All Gonna Die: Extreme Hot
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Hey everyone! Guess what? We’re all gonna die! Woooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Woooooooooooooooooo!!! Woooooooooo. Wooooo. Woo. So how are we all going to die this week, you might ask? Well it concerns the 800 pound gorilla in the room that nobody wants to address. And for the record, no, I am not referring to half the country wanting to put a petulant man child with an ego more fragile than tissue paper in charge of America’s nuclear arsenal. I’m talking about systematic climate change, or should I say systematic climate change denial. This is what happens when you let Fox News and megachurch pastors do your critical thinking for you. Well, the simple fact of the matter is that the earth is getting hotter by the day, and it ain’t cooling down any time soon. And I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that National Geographic predicts that we’ll be hitting a worldwide population of 8,000,000,000 by 2030. Holy shit I sounded just like Richmond Valentine from Kingsman saying that. But I’m getting off topic here. The point is – it’s getting hotter and hotter. If you enjoy your boat, better get your boating in before your favorite lake dries up, and it will. But here is what is happening right now.





Yes, unlike some of the other things we’ve covered in this segment, we probably are all gonna die from this. Pack your shit folks! Say goodbye to your kids, your cat, your dog, your boat, your RV… because you can’t take it with you in the end. So yeah some of the hottest temperatures on record are being recorded right now, and it only aims to get hotter. But it seems like half the country, and half the countries in the world aren’t going to do anything about it. Nor do they care. But this also answers the question – is it hot in here or is it just me? The answer to that question is – it is hot in here, and it’s not just you. And by the way, in case you’re wondering, the hottest temperatures on earth right now are being recorded in Death Valley, California. Where you could literally fry an egg on the sidewalk.





Why am I not surprised in the least that a place called Furnace Creek holds the record for the hottest temperature recorded on earth? And that was a 100 years ago too! But make no mistake, the earth is getting hotter. No it’s not just you, either. OK I’ll stop making that joke now. However, this might be the worst thing about this. We have become so numb as a species about the earth getting hotter, that the next hottest day on record might not get recorded because it’s too damn hot. Yeah you can unleash that little factoid on your Fox News loving friends! And it’s one of those things, that yes, we could, and will most likely all die from! Fox News – it’s the reason why we can’t have nice things!






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[font size="8"]Holy Shit: Who Are Moms For Liberty?
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! Please be seated! You know it’s not all fun and games here at the Holy Church Of The Top 10. We are in some very dark times right now, and there’s some very dark and certainly EVIL forces at work in the United States Of America. Those forces claim that they represent JAYSUS, but no they do not. Instead they worship the unholy, ungodly Dark One! I of course speak of a man so foul, so depraved, and so disgusting that his name DARE NOT be spoken in my church! But some of his more vocal supporters have formed a grassroots political group. You know who they are, you might have heard about them in the news recently. They’re a group called Moms For Liberty. They not only worship the Unholy Dark One, they are evil and they have almost certainly evil intentions! They seek to do great harm to our public education system, and not counting the damage that’s been done already by those who worship the unholy Dark One. This is not what GAWD or JAYSUS would want. But the thing that I cannot stress enough is that these are evil people with an evil agenda. If they come to your city, do not walk, but run the other way! In fact you can get a feel for what kind of people these are just by looking at their social media accounts!





Yes, and that devil is most certainly Moms For Liberty! If they come to your city, don’t walk, but run the other way! These monsters are evil, they are viscious, they support the unholy Dark One, and they are motivated! They have an agenda that seeks to do more harm than good for our nation’s youth. And in case you think I’m not kidding about their support for the Dark One, well my friends, they recently held an event at one of his golf courses. In which the DEVIL himself made an appearance! Yes, they stand before LUCIFER! SAYATN himself! Oh and don’t think we won’t let him get away with supporting these crazy people!





Yeah so that’s the really fucked up thing about this group – they’re getting help. It’s time to find out who is helping them. And what are they mad at? Gender pronouns? Actually having respect for fellow human beings? Kindness and respect towards one another? Those are not the values that the “family values” crowd supports. They support hate! They support whatever the opposite of good will towards others is, and that isn’t what we want now, is it? I’m sorry, Moms For Liberty, but I do not choose to live in a religious authoritarian dictatorship! I choose freedom, thank you very much! But if they come to your local school board, you should know that they’re up to no good!





Well, Moms For Liberty is not a holy organization. They are a very, almost certainly evil sect! So basically what they’re saying is that they are going to reject any ideology that teaches kids to think for themselves and to enjoy life. They must be members of the far right, religious authoritarian cult that’s taken over half of the country! There is some good news though, is that they can be fought back against ! We found out that there’s a lawsuit pending against them. While we applaud this as great news in the war against these evil Qarens, we wonder what would happen if it were to go all the way to the Supreme Court? I mean what could possibly go wrong?





No they are not! They are an evil religious organization that’s attempting to insert itself into a place where they don’t belong! We’ll definitely be keeping an eye on this lawsuit for any future developments that might arise! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Celebrity Tributes

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This week, we’re going to talk about a very happy subject in the social media era: DEATH. Yes, last week, we were all devastated at the sad, tragic passing of the legendary Irish singer and openly feminist political activist Sinead O’Connor. And this week, another unexpected death - the death of Pee Wee’s Playhouse star Paul Ruebens. The guy who brought existential awareness and self-deprecating humor to children of all ages. Well, the question that we have on the table this week is - are online tributes to your favorite celebrities just an empty gesture anymore? Or do they still mean something in the world that’s dominated by Twitter, Facebook and Instagram? There’s one guy who isn’t having any of it. That guy is Morrissey. Yes, you know Morrissey from such hits as “Every Day Is Like Sunday” is getting super fed up with online tributes that are just that – tributes. So yeah the former Smiths singer is having what one would call a “bit of a beef” with his fellow celebrities and online fans about whether or not it’s OK to pay tribute to one of the greats after he / she passes away. Well, we’ll let you be the judge on this one as to whether he’s right or not.





Excuse me a minute…. OK that was a good one! So let’s extrapolate Morrissey’s argument here for a minute. On one hand, I want to say that I get where he’s coming from on this subject. But on the other hand, we just want to say “Dude, cool your jets!”. This has happened with every celebrity who’s passed since the dawn of social media. So why did the singer act as if something was new here? Well this one could have something to do with O’Connor’s feminist activism. Because as everyone who was alive in the 90s knows that O’Connor famously ripped up a picture of the Pope and denounced Catholicism during her appearance on Saturday Night live in 1992.





Now look, before we go any further, I want to stress that we are not, in any way, shape or form, making fun of death or people dying. We don’t do that on this program. If you want a program that makes fun of death, maybe Nick Fuentes is more for you. What we do in this segment is that we make fun of circular firing squad arguments that result from certain events that happen. And this one has been going back to the early days of Facebook and Twitter. So when your favorite celebrity unexpectedly or expectedly meets death’s door, just remember that before you send that tweet or Facebook post, that there’s already 1,000,000 like it out there.





OK you know you’re winning this fight when Death comes in second place. But now the picture is clearer, now we get where he’s coming from. It’s one thing to just say “RIP _____” on whatever your social media platform of choice is. People know the songs, but they don’t necessarily know the person behind the songs. So what Morrissey is saying is the way to honor Sinead O’Connor is not to just write an empty Facebook gesture on your feed. Actually take the time to read and get to know the person who’s singing the songs you know and love so much. But of course by the next major celebrity death, it’s just going to be the same song and dance that we’ve been used to the last 10 years. You’re not going to change anyone’s minds anytime soon.






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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner: I’m Not Saying It Was Aliens…
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Welcome back to our segment that attempts to explain the unexplainable, Conspiracy Corner! Of course conspiracies exist when people simply don’t want to read the article past the headlines and just flat out make shit up. We of course are coming to you live from our underground doomsday shelter from deep within the New Mexico badlands. Undisclosed location, of course! Let me just adjust my trusty tin foil hat for maximum government interference. Ah, there we go! They are trying to read yours and my thoughts after all! So this week, remember when there used to be fun conspiracy theories revolving around aliens and bigfoot? Well, it seems like those who are UFO researchers and chasers, might actually be right for a change! And there is one person who they have to thank for it. That’s right, you know him as the lead guitarist for Blink 182 and his own band Angels and Airwaves, our old buddy Tom DeLonge! And he actually got name dropped in Congress this week during a hearing that suggested that there may be extraterrestrial life after all! Oh yes, my friends! So we can now say that Blink 182 was right all along – aliens really do exist!





I’m not saying that it was Tom DeLonge being right about aliens… but it was Tom DeLonge being right about aliens! So you might be asking “how did this all come about?”. Well, I answer you, good sir or madam, is that the hearing came about as the result of a multi-decade study of a “crash” in the “desert”, both terms used very loosely here. This is the US government using highly classified information here, we can’t assume anything! But apparently after years and even decades of speculation, there was a determination that “non human” biologistics were involved in this vehicle crash. So you know what that means? ALIENS!





Yes, it does seem a little crazy, doesn’t it? So this means that the guy who’s been saying and singing that Aliens Exist for the last 20 years is apparently right after all! So how is Mr. DeLonge celebrating his “I Told You So” moment? Well of course he’s celebrating it in the most Blink 182 way possible. If you’re unfamiliar with Blink 182, just be aware that they have a lot of very X rated humor in a lot of their songs and videos. But anyway enjoy this one, because this battle may be over but the war is just beginning. I mean when I say that because this is just one instance of an extra terrestrial vehicle crash, who knows how many of them are out there?





Yeah even Mark Hoppus admits that aliens exist! But we can’t deny that alien and UFO conspiracy theories exist. And that some of them might be real! You might recall a few years ago – one of the segments that we did that was the original inspiration for Conspiracy Corner – was about people flocking to North Las Vegas to storm the Nellis Air Force Base, most commonly known to folks outside of the US military as Area 51, under the premise of wanting to “see them aliens” (see: Idiots #7-16 ). Ah, what a much more innocent time 2019 was! But what we can’t get away from, and that we will probably hear much more about in the coming weeks – is that aliens really do exist!








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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
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Hey everyone, I don’t know about you, but I could really use a drink!



Of course you know the idea behind this segment is that we have some drinks, and while we are drinking, we talk about literally anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. Because if you haven’t noticed, there’s a lot of dark shit in the news right now. So my solution is to just say “fuck it” and look at the lighter side, and have a few cold ones while we’re at it! And don’t worry, my sober brothers and sisters, we got you covered too! Grab a glass of your favorite coffee or caffeinated beverage and come get wired with us! So the story this week – we’re in Miami and I thought it would be fun to take a look at a very Florida story – it seems like sharks in the water off the coast of Miami are getting high off cocaine. Yeah there’s a new horror movie for you! Also would make a catchy children’s song at that! No don’t play it! Please!!! So tell me bartender, what goes well with a story about sharks on cocaine? Great White IPA? OK I’ll take a couple of those! Extra large please! Well this is quite the stuff of insanity, and there’s a whole slew of people to blame. But let’s say that America’s draconian and never ending war on drugs is how we got here in the first place.





Baby shot do do do do do do do do baby shot do do do do do do do do baby shot! Damn it, now I have that stupid song stuck in my head! But the baby shots aren’t working. Ah, there we go! So yeah the sharks may have been ingesting cocaine that’s been sinking to the bottom of the coast off of Miami in the Atlantic Ocean. You know what would end this madness? Ending the war on drugs. Thank you, Miami! But as the late, great George Carlin once said, we don’t have time for rational solutions! But this might be one of the more alarming observations in this study.





Oh come on, don’t do the baby shot song! But holy shit! Can you imagine a world full of self-aware sharks attacking humans? I mean come on, this subject has already been approached in movies like Jaws, Jaws II, Jaws III, Jaws 3D, and the Sharknado series. Oh right, the Jaws 3D shot was from Back To The Future Part II. But anyway, here’s the really scary part about this whole thing. Is not only that the sharks are ingesting cocaine, they are ingesting a metric shit ton of cocaine. In other words, an amount of cocaine that shouldn’t be suitable for humans or animals.





Yeah that’s absolute insanity! And it’s not just a ploy to get people to watch Shark Week, either, it’s really happening off the coast of Miami right now! So where’s noted marine biologist George Costanza, you might ask? Well, unfortunately he’s a fictional character, and he’s nowhere to be found, unfortunately. But I’m pretty sure that even he would advise against going in the water with some coked up sharks. Yeah, you can get into the cage and go into the water to chase sharks like the guy in Jaws or the guy on Shark Week. But with some highly coked up sharks swimming in the waters right now, ultimately, the shark will hunt you!








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[font size="8"]What’s Up With Florida? Pt 3: Exploring The Villages
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So for this docuseries, we’re asking the question “What’s Up With Florida?”. Florida. It is the Sunshine State. America’s Wang, as Homer Simpson famously referred to it. Florida has 29 electoral votes and is the one state in the union that is often the decider for elections. So we decided to plan out a 7 week stint in the Sunshine State to find out…what exactly makes it tick. For the last two weeks, we’ve been talking about the World Famous Florida Man and showing you insane stories of Florida Man and his companion Florida Woman. Now that we’re actually in the Sunshine State, we’re going to go do some exploring. This week, we’re heading to that world famous voting district in Florida that is most common to retired folks – The Villages! It’s a very small but very dense voting district in Florida that’s dominated primarily by senior citizens. It’s made famous by shows like Seinfeld, where Morty Seinfeld famously lived there, close to Jerry’s wacky Uncle Leo, and Frank Costanza moved there out of spite. Well, here’s why the Villages have been in the news a lot lately.





Yeah so the Villages has been through what one might call a bit of a population boom. Well, many have described it as a “Disneyland For Adults”. Which I mean come on, you’re literally miles from the real Disney World. But with its’ flashy exterior, the Villages are a place that has a very seedy political underbelly. One that is primarily fueled by right wing extremism, which itself is fueled by a very lethal dose of political talk radio, Fox News, and internet conspiracy theories. One thing we’ve learned about cults in our time doing this program is that cults target educated people with money to burn. And there’s lots of money to burn in The Villages. And people are moving there because they want to “change things”. We hope for good, but usually not.





But now this new population boom has longtime residents of the Villages fed up! Which has two of Florida’s biggest political opponents fighting each other. In this corner – Donald J. Trump! And in this corner, the current governor of Florida, Ron DeSantis! Well, both of these guys are known to just about ruin everything they touch. Don’t worry, Part 5 of our series will focus on the feud between DeSantis and Disney World. But of course one thing that the former president has on his side is some help from The Villages. But unlike the last few elections where the Villages played a part in deciding who leads the country, this one backfired on them big time.





Could you imagine that episode of Celebrity Death Match? That would be hilarious, although we do have to advantage DeSantis in this fight. Trump has been aging, what one might call, very poorly. But make no mistake that as the fight for 2024 heats up – things are going to get ugly. But come on, if these are the two that the Villages has to choose from, I’d personally rather choose just about anyone or anything else. But it does look like DeSantis’ popularity is waning in the Villages, mainly because no one likes his ideas. And he’s very close to having his Jeb Bush “please clap” moment. This fight may be over, but the battle is still raging on.





[font size="4"]Next Week: [/font]

For Part 4, we’re going to check out what’s going on with the Miami – Dade County School Board, that’s been taken over by MAGA fundamentalist Christians, to find out why it’s so crazy.



[font size="4"]And Now This: [/font]
[font size="4"]Avenged Sevenfold[/font]

Folks, my next guest are a legendary metal band from Long Beach, California. Their latest album is called “Life Is But A Dream”. You can see them in Palm Beach Sept. 16th and through Oct. 15. Playing their song “Mattel”, give it up for Avenged Sevenfold!



Thank you Miami! This was fun! We had an amazing time! We’re off to Orlando next as part of our ongoing Florida tour! See you next week!

Credits

Host: Initech
Avenged Sevenfold Appear Courtesy Of: Warner Records, Inc.
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of A Live Audience At: Miami Improv, Miami, FL
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

July 27, 2023

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #15-2: I Bet You Look Nude On the House Floor Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #15-2: I Bet You Look Nude On the House Floor Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Yooooooooooooooo!!!! What’s up, Burbank? How are you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! It’s great to be back in Burbank and not be saddled with the blank, blue void that we had to deal with during COVID and not contemplate our sad, lonely existence! Sold out, too! How about that? This is our last Top 10 in California for a while before we jet off to the Sunshine State as part of our What’s Up With Florida docuseries! I hope we don’t get in trouble for shit talking Ron DeSantis, but you know what? Fuck that guy! But we’ve got a whopping four editions as part of our 7 part What’s Up With Florida docuseries to look forward to! OK do we have time for the thing? Of course we do! OK so you know how there was all that hoopla a few months ago about that movie Cocaine Bear? Well, really, were we that starved for original content because of COVID that’s the first major box office movie we go see? Well, we may have to explore this in a future “I Need A Drink” because this is the stuff of pure insanity. It seems that sharks are eating cocaine off the coast of Miami. Of course it involves Florida. Why am I not surprised? But this new breed of super coked up sharks is the kind of thing that only Florida can dream up. I really can’t wait for the sequel we’ve all been waiting for – Cocaine Shark! Or how about the song? Cocaine shark do do do do do do do Cocaine Shark do do do do do do do do do Cocaine Shark! Shit, now I’m going to have that song stuck in my head for the next several weeks! And also of course after they stop making the Sharknado franchise. Come on, Hollywood! This is what we’re craving! Some exciting shit! We’ve seen enough Marvel sequels! Come on! OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first Christopher Titus is back and he goes on a tirade on his favorite punching bag:



So where do we begin this week? Well the number one spot this week has to go to the Fox News installed governor of Texas, Greg Abbott (1) and his shockingly evil stunt at the border this week is turning violent, and we can definitely thank Fox and their endless border war hysteria conspiracy theories as to how we got here. In the second slot this week is our old friend Marjorie Three Names (2) because, speaking of Fox News and endless conspiracy theory hysteria, she brought revenge porn to the House Floor, and well, it’s quite the stuff of pure insanity! At the number 3 slot this week, also speaking of conspiracy theories, is the professional gaslighter himself – Robert F. Kennedy Jr (3) and look, RFK Jr, you’re not being canceled. No one wants to listen to you! Big fucking difference! Whine about it to your GOP buddies, we don’t care! In the number 4 slot this week is that guy who we inexplicably used to call president (4) and his cry that there’s fake electors about? Well guess what, Donny? They’re here, and they’re on your side! That’s right! In the number 5 slot this week is also that guy who we inexplicably used to call president (5) – and he’s got a new hobby: threatening people on his social media hidey hole, Truth Social! Yes, it gets real dark really quickly! Taking the sixth slot this week is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) and this week, we ask the question – is there a religious component to the right wing’s insane war on “wokeness”? Well, judging by the Catholic Church’s recent Pride Month protest at Dodger Stadium, there’s definitely some reverse victimization going on here! At slot #7 is a new edition of Beating A Dead Horse (7). And MAGA country music star Jason Aldean released his new song “Try That In A Small Town”, and well, considering he’s from Macon, Georiga, we’re wondering if he’s ever actually set foot in a real small town or not. In the number 8 slot this week is our weekly venture into the never ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner (8) and this week we’re going to take a look at some of the recent roundup of January 6th arrests, and there’s some real sob stories here. Did I say “sob”? I meant “stupid”! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week, we have a new I Need A Drink! This time, we’re going to have some drinks and find out whether or not the new Barbie movie upsets the Youtube Man-O-Sphere. Calm down, MAGA snowflakes – it’s a movie about a doll that’s marketed to young girls. Shut up. Finally this week we have Pt. 2 of our “What’s Up With Florida” docuseries, and we’re going to take a look at some crazy tales of Florida women, because why not? Everyone is crazy in the Sunshine State! Plus to cap things off, we have some live music from The Used! Buy their new album “Toxic Positivity” or you are no friend of this program! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Greg Abbott
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Before we go any further, I just want to say that it’s been a long standing policy that we don’t make fun of events that are too horrifying to make fun of. But on the other hand, we can absolutely trash Greg Abbott, and his talk show host enablers, can’t we? Because after all, this is a program that makes fun of conservative idiocy. What I’m getting at is that Greg Abbott committed an unusually cruel stunt at the border as part of Fox News’ never-ending hysteria surrounding conspiracy theories about what really goes on at the border. And yes, don’t worry, Fox isn’t getting away with this one either. Because they’re a huge part of the clusterfuck at the border. In fact if Greg Abbott gets dragged before the Hague for this for crimes against humanity, pretty sure Rupert Murdoch and a whole slew of AM hate radio hosts will too. Because this has truly crossed the line and cost some lives, and they won’t stop there. We’re dealing with a particularly bloodthirsty bunch.





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Hey Greg Abbott, go fuck yourself, and Fox News, you should be ashamed. Fuck you too. This is some seriously cruel and inhumane shit, and it may violate an international treaty or two. But of course the MAGA cult doesn’t care about that, they will twist anything that doesn’t fit their sick and twisted agenda. But this latest stunt is shocking. It is stunningly evil. And it just shows how far that Fox and the MAGA version of the GOP will go to warn people not to fuck with them. But it’s way past time we start doing something about their sheer and unabashed cruelty.





Yes Greg Abbott, you’re a truly evil, vile, despicable person. Go fuck yourself. And hey MAGAs, if you’re afraid of the government – there’s one solution to that. Stop doing evil shit! See how easy that is? But no, no matter how many lawsuits they face, the MAGA cult will continue to do the evil shit that they are known for. And it’s also showing that no matter how over bloated your security budget is, in the end, it will ultimately do more harm than good. This is MAGA America in a nutshell – they will spend billons on security to keep out “undesirables” in the name of racial supremacy. But neglect spending that money on the people who actually need it.





Yeah Greg Abbott, you suck. And Fox News, go fuck yourself. This isn’t just border security anymore, it’s a crime, a felony, and probably violating an international treaty or two. Wouldn’t it be great to see Abbott and his enablers dragged before the Hague to name drop Fox News? We can dream about this, can’t we? But the Fox News crowd will never be satisfied with any answer that Biden or his administration give them, so they can kindly go fuck themselves. Look, MAGAs – let me spell it out for you. National security is important. Killing people in the name of national security is pure, unfiltered, fucking evil. That’s it, that’s the entry. Again, Greg Abbott – go fuck yourself, you inhumane monster.






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[font size="8"]Marjorie Greene
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OK game time everybody! Show of hands… let’s see your bingo cards! Who had Marjorie Greene flashing Hunter Biden’s dick pic on the House floor as part of their 2023 MAGA Batshit Insanity bingo card? Anyone? Anyone? Woohoo!!! We got a bingo! I have to admit that I didn’t have this on my bingo card for sure. But this incident just goes to show that the republican party has just gone completely insane and out of their minds. There’s no bridge they won’t burn. There’s no line they won’t cross. No subject is too taboo for them. By the way, there is one thing that I do want to point out before we go further – one is that this entry might get a bit NSFW. The other is that I have a strict limit on the number of penises I need to see in a day, and that limit remains at zero. But Marjorie Greene doesn’t need to be in Congress, she needs to be in a maximum mental institution. Like Arkham Asylum level. Because this is absolutely next level insanity here.





Oh come on!!! You know damn well that she broke the law! But nothing will happen to these MAGA cretins. In the political world right now, the bad guys are winning, and Marjorie Shit For Brains is one of the worst of the bunch. But the MAGAs do not shut up. And there’s no low that’s too low for them. This is one of the lowest of lows that has ever happened. Like bottom of the Marianus Trench low. Which of course is the lowest point on earth. But here’s where it gets worse – Marjorie apparently copied the photos and sent them to everyone she knows. Which may have included some underage folks. That’s right. That’s even more illegal. This woman is clinically insane.





Yeah seriously, come on! This is venturing into derangement syndrome territory. Hell, this has to be a derangement syndrome. You know, to paraphrase one of my favorite bands, Arctic Monkeys, I bet you look nude on the house floor. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Graphics department does it again, I salute you! But really, this is where someone needs to stage an intervention, take Marjorie aside and put her in a straight jacket and a padded cell. I did like the one video I saw where her testimony was played alongside the song “They’re Coming To Take Me Away, Ha Ha”. But the good news is this may finally be her undoing. I hope.





Yeah so you know how the loudest people in the room are always the dumbest? Well, Marjorie Greene is no exception to that rule. Hell, she is the rule. And she may have gone way too far on this one, and potentially crossed multiple lines. But with this MAGA Congress, which clearly doesn’t give a fuck about the country other than to please their talk show host overlords, won’t do anything about it. This is going to be a long two years, isn’t it? I’m going to need the strongest drinks possible to get me through it, because this is nightmare fuel. The GOP really has sunk to unrepairable levels.






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[font size="8"]RFK Jr.
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You know you fucked up and went too far when your entire family starts speaking out against how much you fucked up. But you know, I really wonder why no one in the Kennedy family is taking RFK Jr aside and saying “NO!”. He’s definitely gone too far in this latest escapade. It was bad enough when he started comparing vaccine mandates to the Holocaust (which ,again, not enough facepalms in the world can accurately justify how I feel about that one). But the thing is, regardless of how you feel about the RFK Jr campaign, it’s way, way, way past time that democrats give him the heave ho and kick him out of the party for good. You’re not going to win friends in the democratic party by going on Newsmax and appearing before Jim Jordan in the House saying that you’re being silenced. We all know that he’s a Steve Bannon primary plant. But here’s where he may have gone too far. No, Mr. Kennedy, the COVID pandemic was not a bioweapon. GTFO.





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Yeah it’s like all the batshit theories eventually get linked to Neo Nazism. And if there’s one thing we’ve learned in the 7 years of doing this program, is that if you believe one batshit crazy conspiracy theory, no matter how crazy or removed from reality it sounds, you’re likely to believe all of it. The earth is flat? Sure. Vaccines are the mark of the beast? Why not? JFK Jr survived his plane crash and is going to meet us at Dealy Plaza to out the deep state? Oh yeah let me go get my tin foil hat! Well of course republicans are systematically denying that they attract crazy people, and even Fox News is attempting to put the monster they created back in the proverbial closet.





Yeah of course, with friends like these, who needs enemies? No, no one is censoring you, you fucking idiot. You crossed a line that should not have been crossed. Multiple lines in fact. We literally fought an entire World War against this shit and the last thing we need is people like you who are trying to undo all of the progress we’ve made since then. It’s people like RFK Jr that are the reason why websites and companies have policies in place against hate speech. But yeah you can’t attempt to “please disperse” your way out of this one, Mr. Kennedy. We have the videos. We know where you stand.





Yeah you don’t get to please disperse your way out of this one. You know we do have freedom of speech in this country, but even the most hard lined democrats know that freedom of speech has consequences and limitations. This sort of thing is not only just out of line, it’s just plain fucking wrong, and it shows what a major insufferable asshole you are. We fought a World War against this sort of thing that cost untold millions of lives. Absolutely no one in the democratic party is thrilled about this campaign and it’s only attracting losers like Joe Rogan. But you know, here’s the thing – the GOP let him say this bullshit and he’s getting away with it. You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, guys.






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[font size="8"]2020 Fake Electors Scam
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Make no mistake that there’s some seriously dark forces at work in this country attempting to undermine the very fabric of American civilization. Fox News already broke this country into two halves, and social media is attempting to divide us even further. That couldn’t have been more evident in the 2020 election. Many of the key swing states including hard blue Michigan, leaning blue Nevada, leaning blue Georgia, and leaning blue Arizona, have had multiple attempts to sabotage the election. Well now we’re learning just how deep the rabbit hole goes. Turns out – wait for it – that some of the electors that were chosen to certify the election may have been fake plants. Gee, I am not at all shocked by this news, not even slightly! Because let’s face it, Trump is a massive criminal, and he’s leading a massive criminal enterprise. Seriously we may never know the level of devastation that he’s caused since he was inexplicably elected president. But we’re just now figuring some shit out.





Hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooly shit! You know we are so damn lucky that Michigan is one of the bluest states in the country. I mean come on, it’s hard to argue when your state school’s motto is “Go Blue!”. Right? But damn this is chilling how close we came to losing our democracy forever. It’s great that Michigan is a state that is lead by people who know shit. But even they are not immune from the MAGA insanity that’s sweeping the nation. However, in the case of one of the leading fake electors, this is what happens when you live in a cult and a bubble. Because you will eventually get duped into doing something potentially criminal if it means pleasing the cult. God forbid anyone else have a non right wing thought.





Well fucking duh!!! Of course you were duped! That’s what happens when you fall for a very obvious cult leader. Look at other cults like Scientology and that NXIVM cult whackjob. Cults go after educated people who have money to donate. You know what they say – fool me once, shame on you. Fool me… you won’t get fooled again! I heard a guy on TV say that once! But we can’t undermine the dangers of what is happening in this country. There are some extremely dark and dangerous forces at work, backed by some dark money sources. We can’t act like this is 2016 anymore. The innocence of that era is completely lost forever. Half the country is under a very dark cloud that will only get worse with time unless we stop it now.





Holy shit! This totally negates the claims that Trump has been making the last 3 years that the election of Joe Biden was fake. In fact, Trump himself was the one who was trying to steal it. Who knows how deep this goes? One thing we do know is that the entire GOP has been compromised from top to bottom from people looking to undermine the United States. The thing is, we have a major presidential election in one year. There are people already looking to compromise it. We cannot assume innocence anymore. We have to assume that everyone is highly suspect. Because if we don’t stop this before it’s too late, our democracy will be over before the end of this segment.






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[font size="8"]That Former President
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There is a phrase that has been thrown around by both sides a lot in the last 3 years. And that phrase is FAFO – which stands for “fuck around and find out”. The reigning king of FAFO is that guy who we inexplicably used to call president – Donald J. Trump. Yes, he fucked around during COVID and found out by losing the election in a massive landslide. He also fucked around on January 6th when his merry band of lunatics invaded the Capitol and found out by getting slapped with impeachment charges. So where am I going with this you might ask? Well, I answer you good sir or madam, Trump has not exactly been what one might call “happy”. Especially since he can’t barf his brain on any of the major social media sites anymore and has been confined to his own personal hidey hole, Truth Social. Well, as you can guess, it’s a venerable hotbed of racism, insanity, and threats to murder the government. In fact, the MAGA king himself posted a message with that very phrase – FAFO – the other day. So is it an incitement to murder? Well, you tell us.





Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Back up here. Back way the fuck up. OK let’s get this straight. Mike Pence, a guy who almost died at the hands of an unruly and extremely violent and radicalized mob that tried to take over the Capitol on January 6th, is in no way concerned about violent threats on Truth Social. I think this is where people need to stage an intervention for Mike and urge him to get some mental help right away. You might be dealing with some bad hombres, Mikey. Well, as you can imagine, the threats and violent imagery on Truth Social only get worse the more you dig into it. Of course… why wouldn’t it?





OK let’s think about this here. It’s insane, but not in the least bit surprising, that the MAGA criminals are lashing out at the FBI. But at the same time, it really begs to say that those who are speaking out against the FBI, DOJ, and IRS are most likely guilty of crimes that they don’t want the public to know about. I mean come on, Trump, what are you hiding? In addition to the 800,000,000,000 other crimes he has out in the open. Let’s see your poker face! Come on, all cards are on the table! I’m calling it! Well, in attempting to find out if there’s any method to Trump’s madness, naturally, some experts were consulted on the subject.





Of course it always comes back to Nazi Germany. As the great Lewis Black said, it’s like six degrees of Kevin Bacon, except there’s just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is Hitler. But in the war against the online content police, why can’t more companies be like Google? Remember, up until 2019, social media and search engine sites had rules about what kind of content can and can’t be posted? Why are we not surprised that when Elon bough t Twitter and started hanging out with Neo Nazis, it caused all the good advertisers to flee the service and we basically got stuck with Cash 4 Gold and bargain basement junk sites? Well, guess what? Concerns about violent content are the reason why Google is being cautious about Truth Social.






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[font size="8"]Holy Shit: The Holy War On Wokism
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! Please be seated! You know, there’s been a word that the right wing has been floating about the last year that you’ve probably heard your Dark One worshipping friends say about 1,000 times in the last hour: “woke”. And that one word has done far more damage to this country than anything Al Qaeda, the Taliban, or ISIS could ever dream of! Why is that? It’s because the people who say this word more times than they care to admit don’t worship GAWD or JAYSUS, oh no. They worship the unholy, ungodly Dark One! I of course speak of a man so foul, so depraved and disgusting that his name dare NOT be spoken in my church! But lately I’ve noticed something, my fair congregation! I noticed that there’s more to this “war on woke” than you might realize, underneath all the fearmongering headlines and Youtube videos. The word “woke” has apparently spawned it’s own religion within a religion. I guess that might be called “religious inception”? Well anyway it’s a truly bizarre phenomenon and we need to know more!





Yes, and that devil, my friends, is whatever right wing insanity got this shit trending in the first place, for it is almost certainly evil! And it’s a clown show at that. But you know, MAGAs, you know who is forcing their agenda on us? It’s you! It’s always been you. Because your hatred is drive n by your talk show of choice and they’re the ones who are keeping us fighting with each other. But go ahead, watch Fox New s and worship the unholy Dark One and see where that gets you. We’ve talked about the dangers of this sort of thing in the past, and you should definitely see the dangers of Christian nationalism and what this “anti-woke” crusade is doing to some people. But the specific event that I want to talk about happened at Dodger Stadium a couple of weeks ago. There really seems to be a “reverse martyrdom” component to all of this.





Satan’s Boners? No, you want the congregation down the hall. But the point is, this whole reverse victimization shit is the reason why we can’t have nice things. It’s equal parts hilarious and insane that the Catholic Church turned what should have been an innocent celebration of Pride during Pride Month into a reverse victimization complex. No, you are not the victims here, you are the haters! Which, we’re not surprised at all that this “war on wokism” has turned into a holy war of sorts. But that being said, let’s leave it to the king of reverse victimization, Ron DeSatan. Yes, he’s the worst evil bigot of them all and is stunningly evil!





OK now you’ve got to be kidding me! This might be one of the most insane cases of reverse victimization of them all. Like really Ron? This whole thing against Bud Light started because Kid Rock shot at a case of Bud as protest. And this whole thing is because of this bizarre anti-woke campaign that is only getting weirder and nuttier every single week. But if you must know what the end result of the right wing’s bizarre “war on woke” is, you know that it cannot be good. For these people worship the unholy Dark One. And if people like Moms For Liberty are any indication, they are a group that is most definitely to be avoided. They are doing more harm than good!





I can’t even with this crowd. They are the ruiners of everything that is good and decent in this country, because they stand for the unholy Dark One! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Try That In A Major City

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You know, folks, the long standing debate between what is better than what is a debate that’s as old as time itself. We are absolutely not going to settle the debate between rock music and country music any time soon. We are also not going to settle the debate between major cities and small towns any time soon. We couldn’t even settle the score between two singers of the same genre (see: Idiots #14-14 ). So what makes you think we’re going to settle the debate between major cities and small towns? We won’t. The latest guy to inject himself in the debate is country megastar Jason Aldean. His new song “Try That In A Small Town” is a huge hit after it got banned from the Country Music Television channel. Man, how toxic does your song have to be to get banned from CMT? The channel that plays Toby Keith. Yeah that sounds about white! Well, his song “Try That In A Small Town” is the sort of toxic conservative, racist, gun toting, fake machismo diatribe that you might come to expect from someone who voluntarily hangs around Mar-A-Lago.





I’m pretty sure that’s what foreign visitors think small town Americans must be like! Well here’s the thing, Jason, remember Uvalde? That was a small town. There were 400 police officers. They couldn’t stop one guy with a semi-automatic. So who’s really taking care of their own then? How about this? I think you should try that in a major city! Come on down to Los Angeles, hang out in a bar in Compton, or Inglewood, and start trying to act tough. I bet you don’t last 5 minutes! Yeah it’s this kind of bullshit that’s not winning the culture war debates any time soon. By the way in case you’re wondering why the song is being accused of some blatant racism, it might be because of this.





Hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooly shit! So let me get this straight. In a time when racial tensions are at the highest they’ve been since the Civil Rights movement, Jason Aldean goes and deliberately films his newest music video at the sight of a historically famous lynching – and we’re supposed to believe he’s not racist? I mean come on, the guy regularly hangs out at Mar-A-Lago and has been photographed with his wife kissing Trump! Yeah there’s an image that I can’t unsee! But the scary thing about this whole thing is that it’s proving once again that hate sells. In the words of Megadeth, hate sells… but who’s buying?





Yeah ‘MURICA!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Now here’s the part in the debate where I say that both sides should take a step back, take a deep breath, and pull their collective heads out of each other’s asses. Because like I said, no side is winning this debate any time soon. But it’s scary to think that the MAGAs are buying this song just based off pure hate. And that they’re proud to be haters. But then I guess that’s what the collective exercise of the last 6 years have been. The MAGAs have their middle fingers proudly extended at civilized society and they’re not going back to normal any time soon. They now have a megaphone to amplify their hate and hostility. And people like Trump and Jason Aldean are trying to make that the normal in society. But I’m glad that no one has taken the bait yet.






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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner: What is astroturfing?
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Welcome back to our segment that attempts to explain the unexplainable, Conspiracy Corner! Of course conspiracies exist when people simply don’t want to read the article past the headlines and just flat out make shit up. We of course are coming to you live from our underground doomsday shelter from deep within the New Mexico badlands. Undisclosed location, of course! Let me just adjust my trusty tin foil hat for maximum government interference. Ah, there we go! They are trying to read yours and my thoughts after all! Well this week I’m sure that you’ve heard about the new Q Anon movie that’s making strides at the box office – Sound Of Freedom. The movie stars guy who not just played Jesus, but is convinced he is Jesus, Jim Caviezel and is about an underground sex trafficking ring. Well, there’s a lot of controversy about this movie – not just because it’s by Q nuts for Q nuts. But apparently there’s a new conspiracy that the movie is playing to empty theaters. So what’s causing that? Well, it has to do with something called “astroturfing”.





Well here’s the thing – if you’re in the target demographic for Sound Of Freedom, you’re probably already prone to believing that everything is a conspiracy theory. So yeah we’re not going to trust your judgement when it comes to this sort of thing. So here’s exactly what is going on with this movie – the reason why it’s got such high box office numbers for an independent movie that had no distribution model – is using the “pay it forward” business model. Which means that people are buying seats for other people – and no one’s going to see it. So to the MAGA people at home, the theaters don’t care if you show up or not. Because they got your money.





Yeah probably! Well, here’s the thing, MAGAs. The movie theater is not botching the screening of your Q Anon sex trafficking movie. You know who is? Your megachurch pastor! Thank you audience! That’s right – just like those copies of Kari Lake’s book that no one apparently seems to be buying, churches are apparently snapping up tickets to these movies and giving them out to their congregations. To which we say “don’t you think it’s time that churches should be taxed?”. Yes, thank you again audience! But this whole “pay it forward” model is definitely something that could definitely be taken advantage of if it’s not done properly.





Yeah probably! So again, MAGAs, if you’re in the target demographic for Sound Of Freedom, we don’t have to reiterate that we already don’t trust your judgement. And if this is what your religion is teaching you, then you should probably find a new religion! And the thing is, no matter how many tickets you buy to this flick, nobody is going to watch it except for your target demographic. There’s no surprise or conspiracy theory here. But the debate over what movie is better, and what movie is “woke garbage” or not is entirely up to you. If you don’t like the movie, don’t go see it. But don’t make up convoluted theories as to why theaters are empty.






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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
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Hey everyone, I don’t know about you, but I could really use a drink!



So of course you know the idea behind this segment is that we have some drinks and we talk about everything and anything as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. Because mixing your politics and your alcohol almost never ends well. Plus there’s a lot of dark shit in the news right now, so it helps to have some humor! And before we forget, my sober brothers and sisters, we got you covered too! Grab a glass of your favorite coffee or energy drink and come get wired with us! So this week, we do have to bend the rules a little bit because it concerns the hit new movie Barbie, and also coincidentally, the hit new Avenged Sevenfold song Mattel. Ha ha ha ha ha! Great clip! So tell me bartender, what goes well with a movie about a plastic doll? A Barbie cocktail? What’s in that? Eh, I’ll stick with my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. I call it the “Double Jack”. So this week, our story is that there’s some Youtube channels out there, that revolve around men being men and doing man stuff. Man stuff like playing grab ass with Hooters waitresses while drinking cheap beer and stuffing your face with poorly cooked chicken wings. That kind of man stuff. Man stuff! Man stuff! Man stuff! Man stuff! Well, needless to say, the manliest men who’ve ever manned in the history of man, have their underwear in a wad over certain… aspects of the hit new movie.





I don’t think that glass is big enough! The MAGA Christian controversy over this movie is insane. But that’s what happens when you’re fed nearly 50 years of women bashing from right wing AM radio blowhards. And also shun critical thinking. But this is the kind that has the MAGA dude bros’ collective underwear in a wad. Yes, the magical four letter word that has plagued the political landscape the last two years – “woke”. It’s literally all the MAGA dude bros think about, and it’s driving them quite literally insane. So much that your creepy uncle’s creepy son Ben Shapiro, filmed himself destroying Barbie dolls for 45 minutes. I can’t even.





One for me… one for my homies! So let me get this straight – he gave Mattel money to go see the Barbie movie, gave Mattel money for Barbie dolls, and all so he could make a video trashing the Barbie movie for social media likes. Yeah I’m pretty sure that qualifies as a derangement syndrome at that point. I think that’s when someone needs to take Ben aside and have him go sit in a room with a straight jacket and a padded cell. But alas, he’s not the only one in the Youtube Woke-O-Sphere…. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… that’s having a beef with this movie. But let’s think about this here – you’re mad at the social and political undertones at a movie that’s marketed to 7 – 9 year old girls.





Yeah I kind of need a never ending shot for this one! If only! OK MAGA dude bros, calm down, if your ego is that fragile that you need to lash out at the Barbie movie for not catering to your manly maleness enough, you should seek professional help immediately. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Because you have far greater problems than the Barbie movie itself. OK here’s the real hilarious part – apparently the Barbie movie should have been “less political”. Are you fucking kidding me? The only ones who are making this shit political is Fox News, AM radio, and the MAGA “woke” Youtube sphere. They don’t call this shit an “echo chamber” for nothing. Pass the booze, it’s going to be a long one!







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[font size="8"]What’s Up With Florida Part 2: Meet Florida Woman
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Hello everyone and welcome back to Part 2 of our docuseries What’s Up With Florida? You know we’re exploring the Sunshine State because it’s the state with the third most electoral votes in the country. It’s the home of space travel. It’s home to such prestigious universities and college teams as the UF-Miami Hurricanes, the University Of Florida Gators, and the University Of Central Florida Seminoles. It’s also home to the World Champion Miami Heat, the Marlins, and the Panthers. It’s also home to some ridiculously batshit crazy stuff. Last week, we brought you some astonishing tales of everyone’s favorite anti-hero, Florida Man. Well this week, we’re going to introduce you to Florida Man’s significant other – Florida Woman. Because this is Florida and in order to better get to know the state before we go head first into the deep end, we’re going to remind you that no one is safe from the insanity! And again, these stories are all real and they are a reminder of how crazy not just Florida, but our entire country is becoming. We’ll start with this story.





Funny, I don’t remember that mission on Grand Theft Auto! Next up -

[font size="4"]Next Week: [/font]

Next week for Part 3, we’re heading to that most MAGA centric of Florida destinations, the Villages, to find out what makes them so crazy! OK look nothing sucks more than when you go out to eat and the restaurant screws up your order. But you know what you don’t do? You don’t use the screwed up food as a weapon. Because then the police will get involved. And you’ll most likely get arrested. So yeah this is generally considered a bad idea all around. But not to Florida Woman on the other hand. Because this is what happens.





And then I got this scar sneaking underneath the door of a pay toilet. Next up – in case you’re wondering, why yes, Florida Woman was involved in the January 6th insurrection against the United States government. But this is one of those stories where you fell for a con artist! Don’t be surprised when you get conned. And I love this story because apparently someone on her side tried to say that she’s all these things. But then she goes and enters the Capitol building, looking for people to kill as part of the attempt to overthrow the government. That negates everything else. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time!





Yes, let me play you a sad song on the world’s tiniest violin! The last story for this week is some classic Florida Woman. And it gives new meaning to the phrase “car pool”. Ah, see what I did there? See, I’m from California, and we’ve long had that joke since I was in elementary school. And it was also on Seinfeld. But it’s a crazy story and certainly not out of line for the character we’re going to be exploring for the next 5 parts of this series. But yes, if you get into a car past the airport in Miami, just make sure that you know that everyone is highly suspect.







[font size="4"]And Now This: [/font]
[font size="4"]The Used[/font]

Folks my next guest are a great punk band from Salt Lake City. Their latest album is called Toxic Positivity, you can see them on tour through September 30th. Playing their song “Giving UP”, give it up for The Used!



Thank you Burbank! It was great to be back and in front of a live audience again! We’re off to Miami next week as part of our 5 city Florida tour! See you next week!

Credits

Host: Initech
The Used Appear Courtesy Of: Big Noise Music Group, LLC
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of A Live Audience At: Flappers Comedy Club, Burbank, CA
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
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Research: Top 10 Research Department
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HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 On Mastodon at: Top10ConIdiots@mstdn.party
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Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com


Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

July 20, 2023

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #15-1: The Real Housewives Of The Third Reich Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #15-1: The Real Housewives Of The Third Reich Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Yoooooooooooooooo! What’s up, Santa Ana? How you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! We are back! We are baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! We are back! And man does it feel good! We are tanned, we are rested, we are ready to go! And with the WGA writer’s strike that seems to be never ending, we’re the only game in town right now! Don’t worry, we will get to that in a minute. But for now I do want to address the future of the Top 10. Yes, we have had a lot of inquiries. Yes, we contemplated this season being the final season. But here’s the truth of the matter is that we don’t know. This could be the final season. But then so could next year. Our plan is to stay on past the 2024 election. There’s also circumstances that could arise that could prevent us from doing that. There’s a lot of uncertainty right now. One thing is for certain though is that right now, we need some comedy. Some jokes, some laughs. Some good tunes. Because I don’t know if you’ve seen the news lately but there’s a lot of really frightening shit going on right now. And in the absence of the WGA writer’s strike, and in the absence of our favorite talk shows like John Oliver, Bill Maher, and Stephen Colbert, we need some humor to lighten the mood around here, don’t you think? I think my audience here at the Constellation Room can agree with me! I think my audience at home can agree with me! I can hear you through your monitors! OK that’s enough of the intro. We have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first, Christopher Titus is back and he discusses where humanity is in 2023, and long story short, we’re fucked:



So where do we begin for this first Top 10 of season 15? Well, as usual, whenever the Top 10 is off on an extended break, we like to play Catch Up On Stuff We Missed. And man did we miss a hell of a lot of stuff while we were gone! So much that it’s taking up the first three entries this week! The first entry is going to the Qongress because whew, we’re only 6 months in and it’s going to be the longest two years ever, isn’t it? Fuck you Fox News! In the second slot this week is the Qongress (2)! Yes, this Congress, which is dominated by right wing conspiracy theory nutjobs, is getting weirder and dumber by the day, and let’s face it, we’re an election away from the House turning into the House Of Representin’ from the movie Idiocracy. In the number 3 slot, speaking of apes flinging their feces, is that guy who we inexplicably used to call president (3) and man is he out there and flinging some serious shit! In the number 4 slot this week, is a group that I’m sure you’ve heard plenty about lately called Moms For Liberty (4) and they’re every bit as evil, horrible, and awful as you would expect from the MAGA crowd! In the number 5 slot this week, we have to talk about the seemingly never ending and incredibly awful WGA Writer’s Strike (5). Don’t get too attached to any TV shows right now, because they aren’t coming back any time soon. Pay your employees, you deadbeat CEOs! In the number 6 slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) and this week, our resident pastor has finally had enough. He thinks it’s way past time to tax the churches and before anyone asks, we’ll gladly pay our share too! In the number 7 slot this week, we’re profiling Steve Bannon presidential campaign plant and notorious anti-vaxxer extremist Robert F Kennedy Jr (7) in a new This Fucking Guy. Come on, Cheryl Hines, ditch that zero already! In the number 8 slot this week is our weekly venture into the seemingly never-ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner (8), and this week, you may have heard about a bag of cocaine being found at the White House, which Fox News *DESPERATELY* tried to pin on Hunter Biden, and failed miserably. The lesson is: never try. In the number 9 (NEIN!!) slot this week is a new I Need A Drink (9) and this week, it’s a battle of social media titans as Twitter’s Elon Musk wants to fight Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg, and it’s every bit as ridiculous as you think it could be, and then some! Finally this week, it’s time to debut our brand new docuseries to coincide with our 4 city Florida tour, What’s Up With Florida? (10) and for part 1 of our 7 part series, we’re going to bring you some insane tales of Florida Man, to you know, set up the kind of mood we’re going for! And to close things out, we’ve got some live music from the legendary Tears For Fears! Don’t miss their show at the Hollywood Bowl on Aug. 2nd! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Catch Up On Stuff We Missed Pt 1: SCOTUS Legalizes Discrimination
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As usual, whenever the Top 10 is on an extended break, we like to play catch up on stuff we missed, and holy shit, did we miss a lot of stuff while we were gone. And just like last year, when we missed the historic and absolutely fucking evil overturning of Roe V. Wade by the MAGA SCOTUS, we missed an absolute whopper of a decision while we were gone this time. The case was Creative LLC Vs Elenis, a case that basically decided whether or not a graphic designer would be in her legal rights to not provide services to a gay couple who wanted to have a website designed for their upcoming wedding. Well, as you can imagine, the hard right Fox News Q MAGA SCOTUS voted a not surprising at all majority 6 – 3 in favor of the website designer. Which basically means that religious based discrimination is now legal in this country. Now before you boo, I just want you to know that this whole thing stinks and we can’t quite put our finger on it.





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! This is really, truly beyond fucked up on multiple levels. The MAGA Supreme Court has basically opened the door for businesses to declare open season on customers that they don’t like. We’re in uncharted territory here. Not only that, they ended affirmative action. The MAGA republicans are drunk with power and absolutely out of control. It’s scary to think how destructive of a path they are taking this country on. This is a perfect example, though, of elections having consequences. This country didn’t have to be this way. No, people vote based on what Fox News and fucking idiots on social media tell them to.





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Fuck you Supreme Court. Fuck you Amy Comey Barrett. Fuck you Samuel Alito. Fuck you Neil Gorsuch. Fuck you Brett Kavanaugh. Fuck you John Roberts. And an especially full hearty fuck you to Clarence Thomas. May you all rot in the fieriest pit in hell. Thank you Santa Ana! But remember when I said that this whole thing with the SCOTUS ruling on discrimination stinks? Well guess what? It may have all been completely fabricated. That’s right – bullshit can now make its’ way to the highest court in the land. And if you think I’m kidding well I can absolutely assure that I’m not. And this is a comedy show, by the way!





Yeah this whole thing really sucks. Oh and it gets worse, my friends! This is one of those stories that we always say is like peeling an onion. The more layers you peel back on the subject, the more it stinks, and the more likely you are to cry as a result. Well, guess what? The woman at the center of this disgusting ruling wants people to be nice to her! Well boo fucking hoo. You made this a national issue, you live with the consequences. People are tired of the religious Fox News MAGA Taliban ruling our lives, and we have to stop them now. But please go eat the steamiest bag of shit. And that’s about the nicest thing I can say.







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[font size="8"]Catch Up On Stuff We Missed Pt. 2: Qongress Insanity
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This is one thing that we missed that absolutely requires its’ own entry. Hell, I could dedicate an entire Top 10 just to these two dipshit MAGA losers. Congress. The reason why we can’t have nice things, since about 1980. So as long as I have been alive. Well, the MAGA Congress, or as I’ve been referring to them, the Qongress, has reached a new low. Well, considering that the bar is currently lower than the bottom of the Marianus Trench (for those of you unfamiliar with geography, that’s pretty fucking low), that’s going to be a hard bar to raise. At this point, I’ve really got to wonder how other countries are perceiving the US. Even the UK, with as batshit crazy as Downing Street has become, has to be thinking “those motherfuckers are crazy”. I am saying in my best British accent. But really, the Qongress is an absolute low point in this country. And unless we start getting people out of the Infowars and Fox News disinformation sewer, it’s going to get worse. But really it can’t get any more embarrassing than this right now.





Oh and it gets worse, my friends! No matter how embarrassing you think this Qongress is, it’s way worse than you could ever think possible. Way, way, way, way worse. Whatever sane members of the GOP are left (yes, we know that ship sailed years ago), they are being replaced with hardline MAGA ass kissers and boot lickers. Like the way they ousted Liz Cheney for Harriet Hagemen, seen here looking like the evil, yet misunderstood, librarian in a middle school kids’ movie. Or maybe your flavor of social media troll is more like Ana Paulina Luna, or Clay Higgens, or Ronny Jackson. Or Paul Gosar. Yes, these are all elected Congress officials. Unfortunately. But it’s gonna get worse.





Seriously, don’t you see the irony here? That movie wasn’t supposed to be a documentary. We’re literally a hair away from Congress turning into the House Of Representin’. Scary to think that’s actually a possibility now. Am I watching Congress or an episode of the Jerry Springer Show? Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! But yeah this is getting absolutely embarrassing. Not just for me, but for the entire country damn it. We’ve got to get these Q nuts out of Congress. We’re seeing what an utter embarrassment they are. It’s only a matter of time before they start dropkicking each other live on CSPAN.





Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooly shit. We didn’t make that up! That really was captured live on CSPAN for the whole world to see. This is one of those times where it really sucks living in the internet era. Just how did it get this way? That’s one of those questions that we can’t answer. I’d personally guess that 40 years of Rush Limbaugh and reality television did the trick. The thing is they’re both attempting to be Trump’s vice presidential nominee, and they desperately want it, and the desperation is starting to reek for both of them. Hopefully it’s only a matter of time before these losers get voted out of office. Or at the very least, an appearance on MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch.






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[font size="8"]Catch Up On Stuff We Missed Pt. 3: The Rest
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You know we’ve been gone 8 whole weeks. Which is a long ass time to be gone in a world where the news doesn’t stop 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. So we’ve got a lot of stuff to catch up on! Whether it is Trump’s latest rally in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, or Marjorie Greene doing, I don’t know, whatever the fuck this is. There’s a lot of different ways we could go about doing this. But the first thing I wanted to touch base with is the censuring of Adam Schiff. Of course you know that we’ve often compared the most hardcore MAGAs to being in a deranged cult. Yes, it was basically the cult telling those who aren’t paying members “do not fuck with us”. And yeah it’s exactly the reason why we don’t get nice things in this country, like 4 weeks of mass transit, or a working rail system. Conservatives definitely ruin everything they touch. And the January 6th committee is absolutely no exception to this rule.





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Boo this Congress! Boo, I say! At that point, Vladimir Putin handed Marjorie Greene a nice sack of money with a giant dollar sign on it. Next up, we got to talk about MLB Pride Night. The one that made the most news of course was the one that happens to be closest to home for me and that’s Dodger Stadium. You may have seen Florida governor Ron DeShithead attempting to say that his bizarre anti-woke crusade caused Dodger Stadium to be empty during the start of the game. Well come on, it’s the Dodgers. Fans don’t show up until the third inning because they’re stuck on the 110 freeway. I know, I live here. it’s not an understatement.





You know I’ll never understand the reverse victimization of the Catholic Church, and I was born Catholic, believe me. But really guys, it’s not the drag queens. It??s you. It’s your hate and ugliness that drives these “protests”, and Fox News amplifies your hatred. Next up, of course you knew that we were going to talk about it. The Ocean Gate disaster. And boy was that a clusterfuck of epic proportions. I was just aching to talk about it because the Top 10 was off that week, but man we definitely would have let Ocean Gate have it. From the janky construction on the sub using materials that NASA wouldn’t touch to the Playstation 3 controller being used to pilot the thing, quite frankly, we’re honestly surprised that this didn’t happen sooner. And now we can say “we told you so!” followed by a very childish “neener neener”.





Yes, listen to James Cameron, people! He is wise in the ways of the sea! The last thing I wanted to touch on is the hoopla surrounding the MAGA Q Anon movie “Sound Of Freedom”. Don’t worry, next week we’re going to be breaking out the ol’ Top 10 Movie Vault to review this POS. It stars Jim Caviezel, who was on that show Person Of Interest. And if you guessed that that he’s every bit as much of a MAG A Q whackjob who peddles bizarre theories on his social media feeds, you are absolutely correct! What’s even more bizarre is that this movie is the victim of Astro-turfing. Which is the practice of buying up large quantities of seats to inflate the numbers. It’s an evil practice.








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[font size="8"]Moms For Liberty
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Well, the War On Terror has officially failed us. We now have multiple terrorist groups operating on American soil. Whether it’s the Proud Boys or the Oath Keepers, they haven’t quite reached Taliban status here yet. One that might is an organization that has emerged within the last year called Moms for Liberty. And if you’ve seen Twitter lately there’s plenty of unflattering nicknames going around for this group – like Klanned Karenhood, or the Minivan Taliban, or Assholes With Casseroles. Our personal favorite is one that we’ve been floating around the Top 10 Home Offices in Santa Ana, California – “The Real Housewives Of The Third Reich”. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Nice one graphics department! And also multiple copyright violations on top of that. But they’ve been appearing in the news a lot lately, and none of it is what one would call “particularly flattering”. Nope, as you can guess, they are pure evil, and which political party they associate with should come as absolutely no surprise to anyone who doesn’t watch Fox News 24 hours a day. But they’re wreaking havoc on our school boards and our children, and it’s really starting to show.





Yeah don’t you see the irony here? This is the same group that is claiming to “protect children” from “pedophiles and groomers”, whatever that is. But in reality, underneath that flashy exterior, they’re doing more long term harm to children than any other invisible boogeymen they can conjure up. This is bad, like really bad. But you know, with all their claims of “freedom” and “liberty”, we have to ask ourselves – what is Moms For Liberty really liberating us from? Independent thought? Because when you’re part of a deranged cult, they don’t like that sort of thing.





Uh oh… two independent thought alarms in one day! But as you can guess, as this group recruits new members, those of us who haven’t been brainwashed by Rupert Murdoch aren’t having any of it. And yes, this is a group that is not to be normalized. They seek to do irreparable harm to our schools and ultimately the Department Of Education itself. As we have seen with all of the cruel and inhumane anti-trans legislation that’s being passed, it was never about children. That’s just a smoke screen and a scapegoat. The major networks shouldn’t be treating these scumbags as a normal group.





I know, right? If this group comes to your city – just like the Proud Boys, you should know that they are very bad news. If it can happen to my city, it can happen to yours too. The good news though is that people are starting to fight back against this right wing religious terrorist group. I want to state for the record that we here at the Top 10 are vehemently opposed to any book bans of any kind, for any reason and we don’t want our school boards to fall into the wrong hands. Moms For Liberty must be stopped at every single level. The damage they are doing is totally unreal.






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[font size="8"]The WGA Writer’s Strike
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Remember television shows and movies? From the 1920s – June of 2023? They will be missed. Oh and if you think I’m kidding about this, don’t get attached to any TV programs currently airing, because they ain’t coming back any time soon. So we’ve been gone for 2 months and we missed the start of the Writer’s Guild Of America strike (WGA). But now the Actors’ Guild Of America (AGA) is also joining them now. This could very well mean the end of commercial entertainment as we know it. The cause of the demise of your beloved shows? Corporate greed. And a seemingly never ending supply of it. But the really fucked up thing about this whole exercise is that the CEOs don’t seem to want to cave in, because they might lose a couple of those extra zeroes on their paycheck. Good, because they are a bunch of zeroes. Pay your employees, you deadbeat CEOs! And come on, Bob, your greed is what is tanking the industry, let’s not get these two things confused here!





Seriously, shut the fuck up! You know what the underlying cause of this strike is? It ain’t AI. It’s you. It’s your CEOs and yes men. It’s remaking the same damn movies we’ve seen a thousand times before while anything actually creative gets shelved. But while streaming services seem to be at the heart of this whole thing – should you really cancel your service? Well, it’s quite a bit complicated and the answers definitely vary depending on who you talk to. One of the underlying factors is that streaming services pay their entities a whopping salary of… pennies on the dollar. Think of it like that Seinfeld episode where Jerry got checks for 12 cents.





Yup, everything burns – especially money! It’s totally disgusting what is happening. What the CEOs of this country need to realize is that their greed is the reason for a good 90% of the problems that we’re currently facing in this country. But you know here’s the thing, billionaire CEOs of America, you can hurt the little guy all you want like the sadistic psychopaths that you are, but you cannot stop us. And in the end, your never ending greed will ultimately lead to your demise too. So who knows how long this strike is going to go? The answer is, this may be the longest strike ever.





Yeah unlike Homer, don’t get attached to any of your favorite shows because they aren’t coming back any time soon. Which really sucks. Because I would love to hear Stephen Colbert’s take on Trump’s latest indictment. Or John Oliver do something outrageous. So what’s the endgame in all of this here, you might ask? Well, I answer you good sir or madam – is that we don’t know. If the CEOs want to hurt our bottom line, it’s ultimately going to hurt their bottom line too. Which means in the future, someone like Bob Iger might actually have to wait in the bankruptcy court line. Oh god, I’m delirious. But nevertheless, one thing is for certain – trickle down economics once again screwed us all!






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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! Please be seated! We are back! And boy does it feel good to be back, everybody doesn’t it? Well, now there’s a touchy subject that we need to discuss this week. We ended last season by telling you about the insane financial problems that the Mormon Church was having, and it appears that they have way too much money (see: Idiots #14-16 ). Look, there comes a time when the 800 pound gorilla in the room needs to be addressed. And I think it’s finally time that we addressed it – churches have way too much fucking money. It’s way past time that they pay taxes on it. I said it. Now look, we’re very pro capitalist here, but even capitalism has its’ limitations. These churches are not doing anything good with their money either. They don’t support the tired or the poor. Instead they support the unholy, ungodly Dark One! I of course speak of a man who is so foul, so depraved, so disgusting that his name dare *NOT* be spoken in my church! I mean how do churches get away with such a blatant display of political behavior? Ours aside, of course!





Oh my GAWD… how do they keep getting away with this stuff? Any party that begins purging educational materials that might encourage independent thought is clearly a sign of a party that is being run by dangerous lunatics! And with the far right having a stranglehold on the current Supreme Court, what’s there to stop them from enacting a full on, government mandated religious agenda? This is exactly why we say churches need to start paying their fair share of taxes. If they want to preach politics, they pay. End of story. Of course this SCOTUS will probably rule with the Christian extremists in the GOP because a few of them are on the bench. Ugh.





You know, I think it’s way past time that we started asking this question – what the absolute hell are they talking about? Where has prayer or the Bible been taken out of society? Stop with the “woe is me, I’m the victim” complex already. Maybe that’s why they love and worship the Unholy Dark One, because he is the face of the white Christian persecution complex! And in case you were wondering, the official position here at the Holy Church Of The Top 10 is that we are vehemently 100% opposed to book bans and Moms For Liberty, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! They do not support GAWD or JAYSUS! And again, another reason why churches need to pay taxes!





Probably never! Because that money is being used to bankroll supporters of the Unholy Dark One to places where they don’t belong! And come on, do we really need to tie this insane “anti-woke” rallying cry that the far right has been on the last year and a half to religion? It’s yet another one of the reasons why we can’t have nice things. No we don’t need this crap in the Senate, and we really don’t need this crap polluting the House either. The right wing’s obsession with this stuff is getting weird and insane, and is reaching new levels of ridiculousness every single day! We may have to talk about this in a future sermon!





I’d personally much rather get Josh Hawley out of politics, then nothing of value would be lost! Ugh, this is going to be a long two years isn’t it? We don’t know how much more of these morons we can possibly take! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! Don’t forget Season 2 Of Holy Shit: The Sunday Sermons premieres Sept.24th! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]This Fucking Guy: RFK Jr.
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This week’s This Fucking Guy is presidential candidate, and husband of Curb Your Enthusiasm star Cheryl Hines, Robert F. Kennedy Jr.. Now you might be thinking “But isn’t he a registered democrat?”, to which I answer you – “Don’t be so certain about that”. The guy is notorious for spouting some absolutely ridiculous anti-vaxxer conspiracy theories. He also is a regular on Steve Bannon’s War Room, and has been spotted making guest appearances on other right wing and far right wing talk shows where he’s free to spew the most off the wall, convoluted and the overall batshit craziest theories that you’ve ever heard. Which is why they call them theories. Well, here’s the thing, we’re not sure if he’s running to actually be president or not. But one thing is for certain – that “D” next to his name is definitely something to laugh at. Because he spews some absolutely batshit crazy stuff. Come on, Cheryl, it’s time to ditch that zero already!





Seriously, what………. And I can’t emphasize this enough…… the fuck??? He went full Alex Jones on that one, and you never, ever go full Alex jones. Oh and it gets worse, so much worse. It’s bad enough that he’s mimicking the Ron DeSantis and Trump playbook of going on Fox News at every single available opportunity, but he also ventures onto Steve Bannon’s War Room – Fox News on bath salts, and Newsmax – Fox News on meth. But it gets worse, my friends, so much worse! Now just wait until you hear about what he said in regards to COVID-19. You remember that disease that shut down the whole world for a year and a half? Well… yeah I have no words. Roll tape.





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Holy shit, forget Alex Jones, he went full Adolf! And you never, ever go full Adolf! At what point do the Dems admit that his campaign is a sham and kick him and his moron enablers out of the party? We already know that he’s a plant designed to gaslight swing voters. But this fucking guy is so off the rails bonkers batshit crazy that there’s no way this shit should be allowed to continue. In fact his own family members have begun debunking and denouncing these comments because they’re so off the rails crazy. Dude doesn’t need to be president, he needs an intervention.





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! This is absolute madness. Here’s the thing, my fellow democrats, is that we can’t keep pretending that this is 2016 anymore. The political innocence of that time period is long gone. The cat has been let out of the proverbial bag. There are enemies everywhere attempting to sway the election to the dark side. We have a year to go to get ready and we can’t let this country fall into the wrong hands. Because if that does, well, let’s just say that the fate of the country, and well, the world is at stake. And guys like this fucking guy, RFK Jr, certainly aren’t helping things. Not in the slightest. And you know your campaign is shit when a literal fart is the smartest thing being said in that room.





Yeah so that’s the farting, conspiracy theory mind rotted shill of a joke campaign for president, and professional gaslighter Robert F. Kennedy Jr, this week’s:




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[font size="8"] Conspiracy Corner
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Welcome back to our segment that attempts to explain the unexplainable, Conspiracy Corner! Of course conspiracies exist when people simply don’t want to read the article past the headlines and just flat out make shit up. We of course are coming to you live from our underground doomsday shelter from deep within the New Mexico badlands. Undisclosed location, of course! Let me just adjust my trusty tin foil hat for maximum government interference. Ah, there we go! They are trying to read yours and my thoughts after all! Well, my friends, if you watched Fox News at all the last week (and if you’re here, who am I kidding? There’s a very good chance you didn’t watch Fox News), then you probably heard about the mysterious package found in the White House that Fox News pundits *DESPERATELY* tried to pin on Hunter Biden, the son of President Biden. And well, they failed. And as you can imagine, it’s quite the stuff of pure, unfiltered, insanity. Fox News is desperate to pin anything they can on Biden, and well, let’s just say the desperation reeks.




Yeah so that happened. But I guess the biggest question we have is, well, why? And the second is why did the right wing get so crazy over this incident? Well, we answer that with another question, why does the right wing get so angry over every single thing that happens? That’s what happens when you live in a continuously operating 24/7 echo chamber that’s designed to spew hate and lies on a seemingly never-ending cycle. But alas, this whole incident has reached completely ridiculous proportions with the House Oversight committee – currently being led by a group of insane conspiracy theorists – to you know, just ask questions. That’s what they want you to think!





Yeah probably! I’ll tell you who is one tin foil hat away from a rubber room is that guy who we inexplicably used to call president, because he ruins everything. Yes, he has to make everything about him, and Fox News happily goes along with it. Which is why he spends most of his time on his social media hidey hole attacking Fox News at every possible opportunity. But he won’t pass up the next chance to be interviewed on a Fox News program. It’s an addictive cycle, people! Of course he’d solve it in 5 minutes. Please excuse my editorial laugh here. Ha ha ha.



c

Somehow that’s not enough tin foil! But alas, despite the constant, never ending right wing hysteria over the mysterious package, it turned out to be, survey says – a giant nothingburger. And what the fuck do they want from us? No answer will be satisfactory for them other than "arrest Hunter Biden now" and last time I checked, Hunter Biden isn't an elected official, nor does he even work for the White House! So Trump and Fox News can go shut the fuck up and stop whining about it! Thank you audience! The Bidens, including Hunter, weren’t even in the White House that week, they were in Delaware at Camp David, so Fox News can go shove their rampant hysteria where the sun don’t shine. So what the right wing was pointing out to be the smoking gun of Hunter’s drug abuse turned out to be absolutely nothing. In the words of the late, great Gene Wilder – “You get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!”.






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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink: Elon Musk Vs Mark Zuckerberg
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Hey everybody! I don’t know about you, but I could really use a drink!



So you know that the idea behind this segment is that we have some drinks and while we are drinking, we talk about anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. And I need something on ice because it is hot as shit outside! Does anyone know? Does shit really get hot? Let us know in the comments! Even our sober brothers and sisters – we got you covered! Grab a glass of your favorite coffee or energy drink and get wired with us! OK this week, we have to talk about the ongoing penis measuring contest, er, boxing match, er, dick fight between two social media titans. In this corner, he’s the CEO of Twitter, Space X, Starlink, Tesla, and a whole slew of other companies, Elon Musk! And in this corner, he’s the CEO of Meta Corporation which owns Facebook, Instagram, Metaverse, Snapchat, What’s App, and the newly launched Threads app, Mark Zuckerberg! So what’s a good drink for this matchup? Uh yeah no thanks, I will stick to my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. Well, so this week, Mark Zuckerberg launched the Threads app, and Elon Musk isn’t having any of it. And the fight between these two internet billionaire tycoons has reached absolutely ridiculous proportions. Here’s more!





Yeah that’s the stuff! Fight! Fight! Fight! This is exactly the kind of news article that makes us go “you know what? Fuck this shit.”. That’s why we need several drinks to get through this one. I mean come on, does anyone really want to see a boxing match between these two? It would be like seeing Trump and Vince McMahon in a WWE cage match. Oh wait, that already happened. But come on, two billionaires who have enough money to tank half the countries in the world getting into a steel toed WWE cage match with each other? Is that really where we’re at in 2023? Yeah that’s a good one! Just let them work it out!!





Yeah that blender isn’t big enough. I mean come on, first off that’s the worst “choose your fighter” screen I’ve ever seen. But it looks like Zuck is actually taking this fight seriously by doing some real world fight training. And I guess Elon, who’s pasty and flabby, isn’t really doing anything to prepare for this because it’s all a joke. He might be wishing that he has Homer Simpson syndrome. But is the fight going to happen or isn’t it? Well if the two billionaires ever do decide to duke it out in public, there’s going to be some serious red tape that they’ll have to go through. But here’s where it gets weird. And you knew it was going to. Apparently Elon doesn’t plan to fight at all. He plans to send his doppleganger! Yes, you heard that right!





Yeah that’s the stuff! I mean come on, did you really think this fight was going to happen? You did? I mean come on! No way in hell this fight actually happens. And you think you’re so smart! Well… I’m drunk now! And if Elon thinks he’s got a chance in hell, he’s going to need to do some serious training cramming in order to prepare for this fight. I didn’t know it was possible to gain 55 pounds of muscle mass in 24 hours! Guess those Neraulink implants really do unlock the true potential of human brain activity! In that case then I’m Elvis! But if it does wind up becoming true, you can bet we’ll be ringside with plenty of alcohol! Because… fuck it! Yolo!








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[font size="8"]What’s Up With Florida: Part 1: Meet Florida Man
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Folks, we’ve toured the world. Twice. We’ve toured the inner workings of the government, known to your fellow Q nuts as the “deep state”. We’ve also toured the other half of the country. Now we’re going to tour that most mysterious of states, Florida. Florida is the 27th state of the union, it was admitted to the union in 1819, and was readmitted after the Civil War in 1868. It’s the home of such diverse cities as Miami, Orlando, Tallahassee, Jacksonville, and Tampa. But the reason we’re doing this segment is that we’re going to find out exactly what makes this state tick, and why it’s such an important asset in every presidential election. This week we’re going to start this 7 part docuseries by introducing you to the “man” (and woman) of it all – Florida Man! You know Florida Man from the thousands of articles you see every year with the title “Florida Man does _____________”. We even count them several times a year in our People Are Dumb segment! Many of the stories in this segment are courtesy of the good folks at R/FloridaMan. Yeah let’s start with this one where a guy says that he’s going to give vasectomies to peacocks. And here we are, wondering why Peacock Vasectomy isn’t the name of a heavy metal band yet.





No it’s not the NBC logo. My point is that we could literally go through thousands of articles about our subject, Florida Man. Here’s another good one – this story comes out of Seminole County, Florida. So normally a bank story wouldn’t be Florida Man news. But when one guy robs a bank after being arrested just an hour before, for robbing an entirely different bank, that’s when it turns from a normal story into a Florida Man story! Yes, this is the stuff of pure, unaltered insanity that only the Sunshine State can bring us! No other state even remotely comes close!





Yeah that’s almost like a real life Roberto there! You can’t even have a normal barbecue in Florida without it going off the rails. I mean come on, only in the Sunshine State can a barbecue grill be used as a weapon. I bet John Wick never thought of this shit! Oh and by the way for the sake of anonymity, we’re omitting the real names of the people involved in these stories. But the one thing you can’t deny is that they are everywhere. And you almost got to wonder if Florida law enforcement officials collect and trade these stories with their friends, because they are too bizarre to make up.





But yes, we could spend all day on Florida Man stories. But we’re bringing you these few because we want to show you the kind of person we’re dealing with here, and Florida has no shortage of Florida Men and Florida Women. Well we’ll leave you with one final insane story for this week – this one comes out of Florida’s largest city, Miami. And if you’re a frequent customer of a store, you might want to not toss a whole bunch of live explosives in said store. Yes, that actually happened. This is just one of the thousands of batshit crazy people who we will encounter as we visit the Sunshine State!





[font size="4"]Next Week: [/font]

For part 2, we’re going to bring you insane tales of Florida Women! Yes, in the Sunshine State, the ladies are just as crazy as the guys are!



[font size="4"]And Now This: [/font]
[font size="4"]Tears For Fears[/font]

Folks, my next guest is a legendary band from the 80s, you can see them at the Hollywood Bowl August 2nd and at the Darker World festival in Huntington Beach, November 6th. Playing their song “The Tipping Point” from their album “The Tipping Point”, give it up for Tears For Fears!



Thank you Santa Ana! It’s great to be back! We’re back at our old stomping grounds at Flappers in Burbank next week! See you next week!

Credits

Host: Initech

Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of A Live Audience At: Constellation Room At The Observatory OC, Santa Ana, CA
Tears For Fears Appear Courtesy Of: Concord Records UK
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Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com


Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

July 13, 2023

Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of #28: Hollywood Writer's Strike Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of #28: Hollywood Writer’s Strike Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Oh hello! I know, right? We’re just sitting back here kicking it with a couple of cold ones at our set at the Constellation Room in Santa Ana, CA. So if you missed our big announcement a while back as to whether or not this would be our last and final season, well… we’re currently unsure. That’s it, that’s the announcement. We don’t know what’s exactly going to happen between now and December. But one thing’s for certain is that we’ve got plenty of laughs in store for this season and we’re ready to make fun of our conservative evangelical overlords while the writers are still on strike. I mean come on… is that thing ever going to end? Pay your employees, you deadbeat CEOs! And I do want people to know that we’ll be taking a brief hiatus in August because of some planned trips that will totally fuck up the Top 10 schedule. And we are still trying to figure out how to go about proceeding with our talk show clips in the absence of talk shows. But this is one of our famous viewer mailbag Best Of editions where we dip into the viewer mailbag and the Top 10 archives to answer your burning questions! But first, remember talk shows? I definitely miss them and it sucks because they’re missing out on some solid gold material right now. Come on, like Tommy Tuberville’s BS statement or My Pillow going broke? Where’s Steve Bannon gonna go? And where will Marjorie Greene complain to when no one likes her ideas? So many questions and more to be answered on our season premiere next week! But first let’s play John Oliver’s episode from 3 months ago when he talked about how shady Homeowner’s Associations really are, and we really wonder how they continue to get away with a lot of the crazy and probably illegal shit that they do:



So where do we begin for this viewer mailbag best of? Well for the number one slot this week, we’re going all the way back to 2018 from Idiots #6-2, where Trump (1) puts his full inner asshole on display and greets the world champion Clemson Tigers with some stale McDonalds. Because he’s the kind of rich asshole who’s actually the cheapest person on the planet. In the second slot, from Idiots #6-14, is also that guy who we inexplicably used to call president (2) and remember that time when he went to Scotland and picked a fight with windmills? Yeah and Biden’s the one who has cognitive problems. Right. In the third slot this week is also that guy who we inexplicably used to call president (3) and after his latest rally in a middle of nowhere town that has an incredibly small population, you ever wonder what happens after one of his idiot rallies? Well, they leave behind a giant pile of trash, and he refuses to pick up the cleaning tab, because he’s that kind of cheap asshole! In the number 4 slot, from Idiots #11-4, is our old friends at Hobby Lobby (4)! Yes, the store where you can make decorative letters spell offensive things, is in hot water after the artifact smuggling scandal, and they deserve it! In the fifth slot, from Idiots #10-2, while we were all stuck at home because of COVID-19, some people found out that they didn’t look as good as they thought on camera, so our award winning investigative segment Top 10 Investigates (5) takes a look at the ridiculous lengths that some people go to in order to look good during a Zoom chat! In the number 6 slot from Idiots #11-14, our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” finds that our friends at Liberty University have a massive problem on their hands, and it’s one that some might use the “not safe for work” moniker for! In the number 7 slot this week, from Idiots #13-17, we profile self-proclaimed alpha male and guy who casually mentions he’s a ladies man in conversations, Nick Adams (7) in an edition of This Fucking Guy! In the number 8 slot, from Idiots #10-16, our segment that explores the never-ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner (8) looks at an effort from rural conservatives in the Pacific Northwest to form their own state, and it’s every bit of a disaster as you can possibly think of! In the number 9 (NEIN!!) slot this week, from Idiots #5-8, our segment “I Need A Drink” takes a look at a group that took the McDonalds Monopoly game for millions! And to think I had hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place too! Damn! Finally to close things out, from Idiots #11-15, our segment Red State Diaries, takes a look at a bizarre gathering of Q Anon fanatics in Dallas, at Dealy Plaza, where JFK was assassinated, because they think that he’s somehow… well, it’s too damn weird to describe. I’m going to let you be the judge! And to cap things off, we have some music from that time that King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard stopped by the show! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald J. Trump & The Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Week
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From: Idiots #6-2

Denise K. from Buffalo, New York writes:

“Hey Top 10, what’s the MAGA obsession with fast food? Why is it when Trump serves them cold McDonalds, they are proud to eat food that even homeless people wouldn’t touch?”

Well, Denise, we don’t know. But we suspect it has everything to do with the fact that Trump seems unusually proud of being the cheapest of bastards!

Congratulations to the Clemson Tigers for winning this year’s College National Championship. What a game that was! I mean Alabama got their asses handed to them didn’t they? Well the Tigers will get to visit the White House. And remember what an honor that used to be? Well thanks to a certain guy who is currently called president, they might want to reconsider. Especially considering that he’s channeling his inner Richmond Valentine from the movie “Kingsman: The Secret Service”. Or maybe Kevin Spacey from House Of Cards. OK, bad example. Well, Clemson, here’s what you got waiting for you!





That’s right! No shut down means no White House staff which means no White House kitchen staff to cook for the Clemson team! So you could say that this is a House Of Carbs! And by the way this is what happens when the country is run by the less sophisticated – they actually enjoyed it! Either their standards are incredibly low or they haven’t had a decent meal in months! What is Clemson feeding them?





Wow, how our standards have fallen as a society. Really he’s the kind of guy who would replace the White House kitchen with a McDonalds and Burger King just because he could. And he’s also fat and has no taste. And by the way let’s show that picture of Trump with the spread.



First off why is Trump like so proud of this? He’s feeding a championship football team garbage fast food that you can buy at the Flying J off the interstate. And second, why is he doing jazz hands? Ah, never mind, I have the answer! Just look at what Abe Lincoln is doing in the background!



By the way you’re wondering how much this spread costs, well…





Yeah so he spent $860 on fucking fast food. Really there were no other restaurants around? I mean you don’t own one that’s literally 5 miles from where you live? That wouldn’t work? Oh fuck it. I give up sometimes. And by the way here’s how much of a flaming narcissist Trump is. Not only did he pay for the food, he also said it was all food he likes, and he didn’t even get the quantities right!






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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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From: Idiots #6-14

Joey C. from Palm Springs, CA writes:

“Hey Top 10, what’s wrong with windmills? I live here and I don’t see anything bad about them!”

That is a very good point, Joey. We don’t know why Trump hates windmills so much, but we suspect it might have something to do with a wind power plant operating on his turf. We want to channel our inner Morbo on this one!

In the last week, Trump has really escalated his beef with wind power. I mean come on, what’s he got against windmills anyway? Well if you listen to his nonsense, you would think that windmills are godless bird killing monster machines that give you cancer and drive your property values down 75%! Oh the horror!!! What will we ever do to rid ourselves of these nightmares? That’s the question we should be asking ourselves! Instead we’re asking what the fuck is up with Trump and wind power? Well it might have something to do with Trump International in Scotland, or it might not. And by the way, for the purpose of this piece, we’re going to forgo our usual memes and clips and replace them with pictures of Trump’s hair blowing in the wind, because we all know how much he hates that!





So before we go any further, we got to play the clip of this because it’s pretty spectacular. I mean how stupid is he?



Whew. Yeah so if you listen to Trump, you would learn that windmills are godless bird killing machines, and what will we do to end the horror? Well you could go with clean coal. Yeah what a great idea – let’s replace clean wind power with black lungs! And by the way with this ridiculous claim, he might have cost the clean energy industry a whole lot of jobs! What about the “JOBS! JOBS JOBS!” president? Well, he’s nowhere to be found!





There are a lot of those pictures by the way! We will have no shortage of material for this piece. But for Trump to make a claim so dangerously dumb and absurd is well, laughable at best. But you know what, let’s extrapolate his claims for a minute. I mean do windmills really cause cancer? The answer you know, is quite literally blowin’ in the wind.





Hey two ugly Trump shots in one! And by the way as to his claim about whether or not windmills are godless bird killing machines? Even the birds don’t like Trump! So if you listen to Trump’s claims about windmills, you would know that they are flat out absurd. Why is he making these completely insane claims about wind? Well, it could have something to do with his golf course!






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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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From: Idiots #8-5

Jennifer Q. from Santa Fe, New Mexico writes:

“My MAGA friends keep talking about the latest rally Trump had in South Carolina. Why do people still go to those things? He’ll just trash the place anyways.”

Well Jennifer, turns out he has a history of that sort of thing!

When Trump does rallies, they only show the rally. They don’t show the behind the scenes aftermath, of course they wouldn’t. He and the MAGA crowd would just attempt to pass it off as fake news. because that’s exactly what they would do if you showed the MAGA crowd the aftermath. Trump comes into cities like Wildwood, New Jersey and leaves behind a wrecking ball of destruction and trash and unpaid bills, and piles of garbage everywhere. Yeah cue Miley Cyrus… THEY CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL!! I mean this is what you get when you elect a clown like Donald Trump. You get the whole damn circus that goes with him. So here’s how it originally went down in Wildwood.





Really? And you couldn’t have done a Google search to see the hours of footage from all the other Trump barfs his brain rallies? But then it takes a turn. Like what happened when they showed the aftermath of the original Woodstock Festival kind of turn. Sure, everyone had a great time, but who cleans up the trash and gets stuck with the bill? Why it’s the city of Wildwood, New Jersey!





Yup, they came in like a wrecking ball all right, and they wrecked the place good! MAGA! So yeah let’s show that photo for a minute. Hold your boos…



Well on the plus side, if I’m in the market for a folding chair, I know where to go! But really, trash should probably stay in the trash. And as for a MAGA rally, like I was saying, you know who gets stuck with the bill after Trump stiffs you on trash cleanup and security? Yup, the city governments, which means you, the taxpayer, get stuck cleaning up his mess!





Good question! And by the way in case you are thinking that this is an isolated incident, boy you are definitely in the wrong place here. Because there was a pro-Trump rally in one of San Francisco’s most progressive neighborhoods that coincided with a rally at a women’s group. And as you can imagine, things got ugly. If you want to know where all this is headed, here’s a sneak peak . And something that I didn’t know existed – MAGA drag. Yes, that’s a thing.






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[font size="8"]Hobby Lobby
[br] [/font] [br]

From: Idiots #11-4

Mike O. from Flagstaff, Arizona writes:

“How come my MAGA friends talk all the crap they want about boycotting Target and Bud Light, but if I attempt to boycott Hobby Lobby, I get strange looks?

Well Mike, unlike Target and Bud Light, and the hundreds of other pointless boycotts the MAGAs have launched, Hobby Lobby actually deserves it!

I talked about this a bit last week but I am loving this story so much because I remember we trashed the Hobby Lobby Bible Museum when it first opened (see: Top 10 #3-5 ). But now it seems that karma is coming back to bite them in the ass, and very hard I might add! Because 4 years later, it turns out that Hobby Lobby may have acquired the Epic Of Gilgamesh illegally! Shocker, I know! But you know here’s a rule that I think should apply to everybody and it’s a pretty simple rule. How about… don’t steal priceless, irreplaceable artifacts from 3rd world countries, OK? And yeah that’s the kind of thing on display at the Museum Of The Bible. Which surprisingly omits “thou shalt not steal”. But needless to say this pissed off the Iraqi government something fierce.





Oh come on, you can’t wait 6 months? Well so Hobby Lobby stepped in it good. And this isn’t an isolated incident either! There were thousands of artifacts that have been stolen over the last few years from the country of Iraq. And come on they’ve been through a lot in the last 25 years. But looting in a time of war isn’t a new thing, it’s been around since, well, war. Even the Simpsons had an episode about stolen loot from World War II. But that said, Hobby Lobby is not alone here.





That seems about right! So how was this allowed to happen? Well it’s no secret how grossly incompetent the previous administration was on foreign affairs, and this is huge for the country of Iraq which really needs this kind of thing. But make no mistake here that we’re glad to see these priceless artifacts being returned to their rightful owner. And we didn’t get here overnight, this happened to be a decade in the making. How come Hobby Lobby knew more about this than the US government? That seems like a fact worth knowing!





No I think it’s you who are wrong. But now here’s where the story gets interesting. Just how did Hobby Lobby acquire this ancient tablet when even the US government couldn’t track it down? Well the tablet was stolen from Iraq back in the 90s and it went on a global journey – from Iraq to Jordan to London and finally wound up in the hands of the same store that sells you glitter guns and cheap art décor. Yup, that’s all you need to know!






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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Zoom Dysmorphia
[br] [/font] [br]

From: Idiots #10-2

Heather J. from Gainesville, Florida writes:

“Hey Top 10, I have a job interview coming up and they insist on having it on Zoom. Why can’t we meet again in person?”

We honestly don’t have an answer for that, but we can give you some tips for looking good on camera, and it comes courtesy of our award winning segment Top 10 Investigates!

It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!



It’s been nearly 10 months now since the novel coronavirus outbreak sent the entire world out of the public view and living on their webcams. But with change also comes unwanted change. In fact since so many people have been spending so much time in front of a webcam, a new form of an old disorder has arisen. Dysmorphia can take many forms – whether one is unhappy with their gender, race, height, or weight, can cause a person to be unhappy with themselves. But now a new form of dysmorphia has arisen – Zoom Dysmorphia. That’s right – people are unhappy with the way they are looking in front of their webcams and are taking steps to improve their appearance on a computer monitor. And by “taking steps” – we mean “unnecessary plastic surgery”. That’s right – people are going so far as to modify their appearance by scheduling plastic surgery so that they can look good for their admiring virtual public. Even scarier than that? The market is booming right now.





Yes, if you spend all day everyday looking at yourself on a video screen, you’re going to notice things that you’ve never noticed before that you wouldn’t have been able to detect if you weren’t sitting in front of a monitor all day. But what happens if you notice these things? And in the middle of a raging pandemic would you really want to risk having to go to the hospital just because you’re uncomfortable with how your chin line looks? We find out.





That is an astonishingly high number of people who are willing to get procedures during this pandemic, and nobody looks good on a webcam no matter how hard you try. But you know who is winning the game during this pandemic? That’s right – surgery providers and botox manufacturers. Because those who are willing to go so far as to look good online are willing to pay big money for these procedures, and you had better have deep pockets if you’re willing to go this far.





And yes that would be a good idea. But the Botox and plastic surgery industry are booming, and while Zoom Dysmorphia may be a temporary solution for a temporary problem, people are also preparing for the possibility of real life meetings in the near future when the virus finally subsides. So how does one deal with Zoom Dysmorphia for the time being? We ask some actual therapists on how to deal with this very temporary problem.





That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.





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[font size="8"]Holy Shit: Liberty University SNAFU
[br] [/font] [br]

From: Idiots #11-14

Garrett F. from Coquitlam, British Columbia writes:

“Hey Top 10, I’m new to the show, and I was wondering why do you always pick on Liberty University?”

Well, Liberty University is an easy target because they make themselves one. They may appear to be part of the God Squad, but when the cameras are off, as the late, great Rick James once said, they are freaks between the sheets!

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! You know I seem to recall that this time last year I was reporting on yet another scandal to be associated with our favorite punching bag, Liberty University ( see: Idiots #9-9 ). But once again it seems that they can’t help themselves. I mean what is it with people who are that far to the right and sex? It’s criminally insane. But once again, you can only fool some people for some of the time. Not us. Because we’ve been keeping track of the “Christian” university that’s become a breeding ground for supporters of the unholy Dark One from day one. The thing is though when you start equating all of these scandals, is Liberty University really a place that you want your children attending? Only if their goal is to wind up on a sex offender registry list after losing the GOP vote for a state senate position. There’s nothing funny we can make about this so we won’t try. Instead we will just watch in the sheer unrelenting horror that is that shit show:





Of course he is! Because that’s what you get when you side with the Unholy Dark One, he is the enemy of all that is good in the world! He is so foul, so vile, and so evil and so depraved and sinful that he breaks every rule in our Good Book and the Holy Shit Guide To Life! He is certainly not what the good LAWRD JAYSUS would have in mind now is it? And it’s especially awkward when an actual university is calling you out for your bullshit at that!





Oh yeah probably, miss! Now you might be wondering how did Liberty University get here? Well we can almost certainly tell you that it didn’t just happen overnight. It’s a scandal that’s been brewing over years. And it starts at the top. When your founders are in bed with the Dark One, you can almost guarantee that they’re up to something shady too. Because of course when they get caught with their pants down, they always deny it.





Wait, what’s Mr. Burns doing in church? I thought he said that religion is one of the demons you must slay in order to become a successful businessman. Anyway, Jerry is part of the reason why Liberty University is in the clusterfuck of a mess that it is in now. For like I said when you get in bed with the Unholy Dark One, you are probably guilty of committing a crime yourself. No matter what the crime, because he’s guilty of about 10,000,000 crimes. And even Liberty themselves is not above the law, even that of JAYSUS!





Of course it has! Is it any wonder why atheism is the fastest growing religion in America? We’ll definitely keep an eye on this scandal and many more to come! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]This Fucking Guy: Nick Adams
[br] [/font] [br]

From: Idiots #13-17

Melissa M. from Bend, Oregon writes:

“Hey Top 10, what’s up with white boys calling themselves alpha males? Where did this shit come from?”

Well, just like vampires, in order to get rid of them, you have to go to the head alpha male, and we think it might be Nick Adams!



This week’s This Fucking Guy is a former Trump speechwriter and current TPUSA Influencer, Nick Adams! In case you haven’t heard the name, Nick Adams is a real man’s man. Yeah he’s a self-proclaimed “alpha male”. In fact he wears the “alpha male” badge much in the same way that Mayor Quimby wears a sash that says “mayor” on it, in case you forgot his title. And for some reason he has a weird obsession with Hooters. That’s right – Hooters. You know, that restaurant where scantily clad women in tight t-shirts and short shorts serve you beer and barely passable buffalo wings? Yeah that place. Apparently they also have football on the TV monitors there. But this fucking guy has a completely weird obsession with the so-called “Brestaurant”. Look, I love drinking beer and watching football as much as the next guy. I personally had no idea that my choosing not to eat there has made me less of a man. If you go there with the intention of harassing and oogling the waitresses, that just makes you a creepy pervert. And you're also the kind of guy who the waitresses point and laugh at behind your back when you leave the restaurant. If you have had one order of Buffalo Wings, you’ve pretty much had them all. But this whole alpha – beta male debate is quite possibly the stuff of pure insanity, and this fucking guy, Nick Adams, is at the heart of the argument.





Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Well in case you’re wondering what the average “alpha manly male” gets offended by, the answer is that it doesn’t take much to offend the guy who’s more of a man than you will ever be. You know what offends the average alpha male? Oat milk. That’s right – milk that’s made from nature. But wait, milk is supposed to come from cows! No there’s plenty of other substitutes for it. Of course that’s what happens when the guy who we inexplicably used to call president loves to court the poorly educated.





By the way in case you’re wondering how ridiculous the alpha male – beta male debate gets, well, apparently Mr. Adams has a solution for why the GOP did so poorly in the midterms . it’s because of – wait for it – Gen Z doesn’t eat at Hooters enough. In fact Nick Adams tweets so much about Hooters that you might think he owns stock in the company or something. His Twitter account basically only tweets about two things – alpha males and Hooters. It’s something else. Here’s a small sampling.

https://twitter.com/NickAdamsinUSA/status/1602780258339545089
https://twitter.com/NickAdamsinUSA/status/1602391787343335424
https://twitter.com/NickAdamsinUSA/status/1601293897908424704
https://twitter.com/NickAdamsinUSA/status/1600702774991167488
https://twitter.com/NickAdamsinUSA/status/1600710827505774592
https://twitter.com/NickAdamsinUSA/status/1600671093970567174
https://twitter.com/NickAdamsinUSA/status/1600642940031885312
https://twitter.com/NickAdamsinUSA/status/1600632133386752000
https://twitter.com/NickAdamsinUSA/status/1600627913921073153
https://twitter.com/NickAdamsinUSA/status/1600623572891979777
https://twitter.com/NickAdamsinUSA/status/1600254209433010176

Who the hell spends four hours at Hooters on Sunday even during football season? You’d think people have better things to do. But playing Nick Adams’ game is like playing a game of Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon. Except there’s just one degree, and he’s an alpha male who eats at Hooters and everyone else is a beta male! You know how the GOP did so poorly in the midterms? Beta males didn’t eat enough at Hooters to qualify for elite alpha male status.





Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… great movie! It’s like a broken fucking record with this guy. You spin me right round, like a record baby, right round, right round… yeah we’re turning this place into Hooters! Because you know that restaurant is synonymous with being a family friendly joint! By the way, even Hooters themselves are sick of the bad publicity they’re getting from him. Oh and did we mention that Mr. Adams is from Australia? That’s right – he’s not even a natural born citizen! Of course the Trump people don’t care about that sort of thing. They do apparently care too much about whether you eat at Hooters or not. And worshipping Trump and Baby Jesus. Don’t forget Baby Jesus.





That’s more manly than you Christian alpha male who eats way too much at Hooters, Nick Adams. This week’s:




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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner
[br] [/font] [br]

From: Idiots #10-16

Jeff C. from Auburn, California writes:

“Hey Top 10, I just moved to Northern California, and I was wondering – what’s up with all the “State Of Jefferson” bumper stickers that I keep seeing?”

Well, California is one of the largest states in the country, and we’re definitely not without our fair share of nutjobs. Every rural conservative has their ideas of what the 51st state in the country should be, and some proposals are more insane than the next. We need to go underground for this one! Adjust your tin foil hat accordingly!



Welcome back to the segment that attempts to explain the unexplainable, Conspiracy Corner! We are of course coming to you live from our underground Doomsday Bunker deep in the flats of the New Mexico badlands. Undisclosed location of course. But first let me adjust my tin foil hat for maximum government interference – they are trying to read my thoughts. And don’t forget the creepy oldies music. Every doomsday shelter has creepy oldies’ music. Well this week a bunch of gun nuts are creating a conspiracy of their own. We’ve repeatedly talked about rural Oregon’s quest to leave for redder pastures in Ohio. But this week we found out one of their own might be running for governor – that’s right, our old buddy, king conspiracy theorist himself Ammon Bundy. So here’s how that could play out.





Wait a minute, wait a minute. Let’s get something straight her e – the guy who hates government so much that he raided a bird sanctuary is now running for the governor of Idaho? That would be like a guy who hates Elon Musk buying stock in Dogecoin! But if somehow this happens and the rooting tooting, freeway shooting cowboy does become governor of Idaho, he’ll have some more territory to occupy, and we wish we were making this up!





Yes, it’s all about the greater good. THE GREATER GOOD! So rural Oregon voters feel they are being left behind by big city Oregon voters and it’s understandable. I mean I’m sure Oregon has bigger fish to fry right now with the weekly Proud Boys – Antifa cage matches in the city of Portland. And we’re still puzzled at this one because Biden overwhelmingly defeated that other guy in Oregon by a huge landslide victory.







OK so disgruntled Oreganites are planning to ditch Blue Oregon for Red Idaho. What happens after the vote to secede? Well I mean first of all they have to spell “secede” before they can secede. Let’s not kid ourselves here! And here’s the thing they should know before they go through with this – they’re not getting any new representation here! New Idaho will have as much representation as the previous Idaho, it just got more rural. Think about that guys!






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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
[br] [/font] [br]

From: Idiots #5-7

Luan C. from Diamond Bar, California writes:

“Hey Top 10, I love your show, but I was wondering, how come you never have any contests or giveaways?”

First off, thanks! That means a lot! It’s great to know who our supporters are! But the reason we never have any contests or giveaways – is 1) it costs a lot, and we don’t exactly have what one would call a “budget”. And 2) it’s complicated. Especially if you saw the HBO docuseries McMillions!

Hey St. Louis, I really need a drink!



So you know the deal behind this segment is that we kick back, have some drinks, and talk about anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. Because there’s so much bad shit in the news right now that it really makes one want a nice stiff glass of Jack doesn’t it? So bartender, tell me, what goes well with a Big Mac? A Big Mac martini? What’s in that? Thousand island and vodka? I’ll just stick with my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. So this week we’re going to tell you about the guy who bilked McDonalds out of millions.





Yes where’s my drink? Ah thank you waitress! And by the way give it up for the wait staff here at Helium – truly great. The greatest, OK? Nobody is greater! Back on topic – so holy shit! $24 million and all it took was running his own printing company? So who gets to play him in the movie?





Excuse me a minute… I love that scene! So he sent a million dollar ticket to a children’s hospital because he could. Congratulations, Jerome! You screwed over some needy kids! That sounds like a very Trumpian thing to do. “I hire the best people, OK?”. So how was this contest rigged? How was he able to get away with such a heist? And more importantly – who gets to play him in the movie? I personally say Will Ferrell but that depends since I couldn’t find a picture. Anyway…





Yes… I’ll take some more Jack please! Thank you! So holy shit! This *IS* a real life crime movie waiting to happen! So anyway this goes on to further explain just how crazy the odds of you actually winning even a PT Cruiser or even a million dollars are:



Come on let’s face it, the PT Cruiser probably isn’t worth $100 these days. What? It’s a PT Cruiser! I’ve driven these cars – they’re the shittiest cars known to man! So that’s where you draw the line then sir, are you serious? Security! Thank you. PT Cruiser fan in the audience. But here’s how the FBI finally caught the guy:






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[font size="8"]Red State Diaries
[br] [/font] [br]

From: Idiots #11-15

Andrew H. from Ft. Wroth, Texas writes:

“My Q Anon relatives believe the dumbest shit! How is it possible to believe that JFK is still alive and would be hanging around Dealy Plaza?”]

Q theories get weirder and nuttier every single year. But none more stupid than these dolts who showed up to Dealy Plaza. They may still be there! You don’t know! You don’t know!



Welcome back to our ongoing survey of what the post-election MAGA clan is up to in our ongoing segment “Red State Diaries”! Last time, we brought you the story of how Q Anon nuts gathered at Dealy Plaza because a group of conspiracy theory nuts posting on the dark corners of the internet said that JFK Jr. survived his plane crash and was going to come back and tell the people that he was going to arrest all of the deep state operatives who were part of an elite pedophile ring. Whew. That is some serious amount of crazy here. But here’s where it gets weird – since we last left off, they have refused to leave! I would have thought that them thinking that Keith Richards was in fact JFK all this time would have been the absolute nuttiest conspiracy theory I could ever dream of. And it doesn’t even make any sense. But here's the latest on the crazy nuts in Dallas.





What’s even more insane is that have these nuts not even researched any part of the history of the Kennedy family? JFK would literally hate these people. But the fact that they’re still there is some seriously insane shit. But that said, this is forming a melting pot of two serious groups of batshit crazy conspiracy theorists. Those groups are people who believe every crazy theory you’ve ever heard about JFK and every crazy theory that you’ve ever heard about Donald Trump. I can’t even.





That’s an understatement there! These people are off the wall over the top grade A certified batshit insane. Whew. And that sounds like the worst commune ever. I mean at least at a Phish concert there’s plenty of opportunities for beer and weed. These people bring… what I’m assuming to be a combination of meth and semi-automatic weapons. Well, it is Texas. But that said, these people are fucking nuts and they’re not going anywhere. Does someone want to explain to them that they’re living in a make believe fantasy land of bullshit?





Damn right! But the question on the table is – where is this shit coming from? Who’s convincing them that JFK is still alive and that he’s a right wing operative looking to expose the deep state for committing satanic cannibalistic rituals? Well it’s coming from the author of a book that’s popular in Q circles called “Trust The Plan”. And what’s even scarier to me is that Q Anon is becoming as popular as some religions now. Trust me when I say we will cover this next week!






Thanks for getting through this Best Of! I know it’s been a long time between editions but I can assure you that we’ll be back next week with a brand new edition! See you next week!



[font size="4"]And Now This: [/font]
[font size="4"]King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard[/font]



Folks, I’ve been waiting 3 years to have these guys on the show, but they are one of my favorite bands out there currently. Their latest album is called Omnium Gatherum, you can see them at Boston Calling, May 28th, at The Caverns in Pelham, TN June 2nd – 4th, and Red Rocks Amphitheater Jun 8th and 9th, and the Hollywood Bowl June 21st. Playing their song “Magenta Mountain”, give it up for King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard!



Thank you Boston! This was fun! We’ll be back again soon! We’re off to Portland, Maine next week with live music from our good friend Post Malone and Stupidest State Selection Sunday! See you next week!

Credits

Host: Initech
King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard Appears Courtesy Of: KGLW Records
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of A Live Audience At: Laugh Boston, Boston, MA
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
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HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 On Mastodon at: Top10ConIdiots@mstdn.party
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Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com


Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

July 10, 2023

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: The Complete 15th Season

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: The Complete Fifteenth Season

Season 14 (Jan 2023 - May 2023): https://www.democraticunderground.com/100217564760
Season 13 (Jun 2022 - Dec 2022): https://www.democraticunderground.com/100216941147
Season 12 (Jan 2022 - Jun 2022) : https://www.democraticunderground.com/100216216353
Season 11 (Jun 2021 - Dec 2021) : https://www.democraticunderground.com/100215586273
Season 10 (Jan 2021 - May 2021) : https://www.democraticunderground.com/100214798830
Season 9 (May 2020 - Dec 2020) : https://www.democraticunderground.com/100213570012
Season 8 (Jan 2020 - May 2020) : https://www.democraticunderground.com/100212831883
Season 7 (Jul 2019 - Dec 2019) : https://www.democraticunderground.com/100212164633
Season 6 (Jan 2019 - May 2019) : https://www.democraticunderground.com/100211623942
Season 5 (Jun 2018 - Dec 2018) : https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210720590
Season 4 (Jan 2018 - May 2018) : https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210083764
Season 3 (Jun 2017 - Dec 2017) : https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210008235
Season 2 (Nov 2016 - May 2017) : https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029078791
Season 1 (Dec 2015 - Nov 2016) : https://www.democraticunderground.com/1016169212

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! As usual, this guide will be posted so you can find all of our Top 10 editions for this season, which will start on 7/20/23 and end with our traditional Year In Review edition on 12/15/23. But in case you saw our big announcement regarding whether or not this is our final season, rest assured: We don't know when our final season is. But we will continue to bring you laughs as long as we possibly can, and when we do decide to throw in the proverbial towel, you will be the first to know. Especially in the face of the current and seemingly never-ending Writer's Guild strike, we're the only game in town right now! And we have some cool stuff planned this year which includes our Florida Roadshow and our What's Up With Florida 5 part docuseries that will begin at the beginning of this season. Plus we've also got the Road To The 2024 Election which will be heating up and you can bet that we'll be covering all of the blunders and bloopers that happen as we stumble into what's going to be yet another election year clusterfuck. Plus, we also have something exciting that we announced a few weeks ago - the return of Holy Shit: The Sunday Sermons! Yes, the Sunday Sermons were a hit when they first debuted, but due to circumstances beyond our control we could not give you the rest of the episodes that were planned. But I assure you now - we will bring you six episodes bringing you the full Holy Shit experience starting at the end of September! This guide will serve as a handy way to link all of season 15 together. Enjoy! And as always don't forget the key!

Edition #15-1: The Real Housewives Of The Third Reich Edition (7/20/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218105698

Live from Santa Ana! As usual, whenever the Top 10 is off for an extended period of time, we like to play catch up on stuff we missed, and a lot has happened in the month and a half we've been off! Which includes some epic insanity from the Qongress, like Marjorie Three Names and Shooter Barbie fighting each other in Congress. It also includes some boycotts including Bud Light, Target, Chik Fil A, and a whole bunch of other targets that the MAGAs have been targeting because of their anti-Pride month hysteria, and also they for some reason decided to make July America pride month. Sigh. And also, that guy who we inexplicably used to call president is going back out on tour, and his rallies are getting weird. Meanwhile, Moms For Liberty has been designated a certified hate group, and the MAGA world is desperately trying to defend the actions of these insane weirdos who are getting elected to school boards because god told them to. Plus we also take a look at the WGA writer's strike, which may never end. Don't get attached to any new TV programs or talk shows because they ain't coming back any time soon. In our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", our resident pastor has had enough and he says it's time to tax the churches already. And yes, we'll happily pay our fair share! We profile MAGA dark horse candidate, Steve Bannon plant, and anti-vaxxer extremist Robert F. Kennedy, Jr in a new edition of This Fucking Guy. In a new edition of our weekly exploration into the never-ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Cornery, we delve into the insanity surrounding the mysterious cocaine package in the White House, which MAGAs desperately tried to pin on Hunter Biden, and failed miserably. The lesson here, kids, is: never try. Finally this week, we end with part 1 of our 6 part docuseries What's Up With Florida? and we begin with a search to find some sanity in the Sunshine State!
Live Musical Guest: Tears For Fears

Edition #15-2: I Bet You Look Nude On The House Floor Edition (7/27/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218125070

Live From Flappers In Burbank! The border war that has been brought to you by Fox News and endorsed by Greg Abbott and the religious right has taken a shockingly violent and evil turn, and it's already cost lives. Hannity has some blood on his hands for this! In the House, Marjorie Greene again attempts to bring insane conspiracy theories about Hunter Biden to the House floor, even going so far as to show a dick pic. That's right - dick pics on the House floor. Stay classy, MAGAs. Speaking of the House, batshit crazy conspiracy candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr takes his fight to the House Floor - and actual democrats aren't having any of it! Meanwhile, the 2020 Fake Electors conspiracy gets real after several of Trump's buddies in Michigan get caught lying about it, which we're not at all shocked by! And speaking of that guy we inexplicably used to call president - he has a new hobby - threatening violence on his social media hidey hole, and it's going to be fun watching him squirm! In our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", we are wondering if the war on "wokeness" is a holy war or not, and a lot of evidence seems to be pointing in favor of our theory, especially going by the Catholic Church's bizarre protest at Dodger Stadium last month! In our segment "Beating A Dead Horse", Jason Aldean's new song "Try That In A Small Town" has stirred up some controversy, and some see it as a call for violence, but we're going to ask the question - "Has Jason Aldean ever been to a real small town?" and the answer is probably not. In our weekly venture into the online world of internet tin foil hat nuttery in "Conspiracy Corner", the Q Anon sex trafficking movie Sound Of Freedom starring guy who thinks he's Jesus, Jim Caviezel, is a box office hit, but why are there so many empty seats? We delve into the world of "astroturfing"! And speaking of movies, in "I Need A Drink, why does the new Barbie movie have the Youtube Man-O-Sphere's collective underwear in a wad? We have some theories, but we need some stiff drinks to make sure! Finally this week, it's part 2 of our "What's Up With Florida" docuseries and this week, we're taking a look at astonishing tales of Florida Woman, because Florida Woman is every bit as crazy as Florida Man is!
Live Musical Guest: The Used

Edition #15-3: Hate Sells... But Who's Buying? Edition (8/3/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218147118

Live from Miami! MAGA republicans, currently getting their talking points from Fox News hosts, are gearing up for an impeachment of Joe Biden because... reasons. Yeah they got nothing other than pure rage and hate. Speaking of hate, Elon rebrands Twitter into something called X with a new CEO, and guess what? It's now a haven for child porn and other undesirable materials! This is what happens when you don't police your content! Meanwhile, the seemingly never ending WGA writer's strike is never going to end, and like we already said, don't get attached to any TV shows right now, because they ain't coming back any time soon. We play a game of "Is It Racist?" - look, Jason Aldean, you can't say you're not a racist and then eliminate a very racist part of your already controversial music video! Plus we also have a new "We're All Gonna Die" - and systematic climate change denial has created some of the hottest temperatures on earth and it's only gonna get hotter! In our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", so Moms For Liberty talks a good game, but we know that they stand for an agenda ruled by evil and fear, and our pastor is going to call them out on it! You have been warned! We also have a new Beating A Dead Horse! And in Conspiracy Corner, our old buddy Tom DeLonge of Blink 182 fame gets name dropped in Congress, and holy shit - the Blink song may be right - aliens do exist! And in I Need A Drink - forget Cocaine Bear, that is so Feb. 2023! Say hello to Cocaine Shark! Cocaine Shark do do do do do do... great, now I have that song stuck in my head! Finally this week, it's time for Part 3 of our 7 part What's Up With Florida docuseries and we venture deep into that most MAGA of retirement communities - The Villages! Will we survive? Only one way to find out!
Live Musical Guest: Avenged Sevenfold

Edition #15-4: Checkmark Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself Edition (8/10/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218170384

Live from Orlando! Well Trump has been indicted and arrested again, this time by January 6th attorney Jack Smith, but how many more before he finally sees the inside of a prison cell that he badly deserves? But it's causing Fox News and the MAGA loyalists like Marjorie 3 Names to melt straight the fuck down in order to protect Dear Leader, and we're here for every second of it! Pass the popcorn and the beer! Meanwhile, in Florida, Ron DeSantis shocks the country when the Florida Dept of Education flat out bans schools from teaching AP Psych classes, which is just straight up fucking evil. Elsewhere, in San Francisco, Elon Musk, the CEO of X, formerly known as Twitter, has launched his latest hairbrained scheme involving Twitter's infamous blue checkmarks, and it's the stuff of pure insanity! Just south of there in Hollywood, we bring you the latest from the front lines of the WGA / SGA strikes, and well, let's just say it ain't good and it's going to start affecting a whole lot of people. In our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", we're dumbfounded at the success of the Q Anon movie Sound Of Freedom, starring conspiracy theorist whackjob Jim Caviezel, but theaters are empty - who's going to see it? We suspect churches may be buying in bulk. In our segment of never-ending corporate greed in Late Stage Capitalism, we take a look at a beef between a local city council and a small, politically themed mom and pop brewery in rural Wisconsin that is pure insanity. And speaking of insanity, in our weekly venture into the never ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner, did Marjorie 3 Names employ white supremacists? Well, even if you're white supremacist adjacent, you're a white supremacist! We also have some People Are Dumb, because of course they are! Finally this week it's part 4 of our docuseries exploring the Sunshine State, What's Up With Florida?, and this week we're taking a look at a meeting of one of the most controversial school boards in the entire country - Miami-Dade County, that has been taken over by MAGA religious extremists, and well we're in for a long fight on this one!
Live Musical Guest: Fall Out Boy

**TOP 10 TAKES TWO WEEKS OFF**

Edition #15-5: Wheel Of Corruption: Fury Of The Gods Edition (8/31/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218237421

Live from Tampa! It's the moment that we've been waiting for since Trump first wormed his way down that golden escalator - he's being arrested, arraigned and booked which means we get to see his mug shot! Not only that, a whole slew of Asshole 45's enablers are also joining him including Jenna Ellis and America's Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Oh how the mighty have fallen! Meanwhile, Elon's latest schemes are falling flat on his face and it looks like the Tesla / Space X head honcho might finally be getting his just desserts for going full MAGA. Elsewhere, while Fox News is in full "nothing to see here, please disperse" mode, MAGA conservatives are threatening to impeach Joe Biden because... eh, what reasons do they need? They got nothing, it's just a smoke screen to cover for Trump's blunders and to appease the cult. Plus we also have a new edition of We're All Gonna Die - is it time to break out our masks again in wake of the latest COVID variant? Well we take a look at both sides of the issue! And in our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", is the MAGA Taliban coming for Obergefell? Oh you bet they are, and lately it's not a question of if gay marriage will be overturned, but when. We add batshit crazy MAGA Oklahoma superintendent of schools Ryan Walters to the ever growing list of People Who Somehow Got Elected. And in our weekly visit to the never ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner, the Maui fire devastated the city of Lihue, but was it nature... or was it a government fire bomb designed to make you bow to the climate change cult? Well... we'll let you decide! Plus we also have a new People Are Dumb - and since we're in Florida it's time for one of our famous all Florida editions! Finally it's time for part 5 of our What's Up With Florida? docuseries and this time we're hanging out on the front lines - Disney World in Orlando, because there's some absolutely batshit crazy stuff happening that Desantis' minions are cooking up!
Live musical guest: Greta Van Fleet

**Top 10 gets bumped for Labor Day**

Edition #15-6: 19 Indicted Co-Conspirators... And Counting Edition (9/14/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218272788

Live from San Diego! Well, in the latest attempt to swat down the accusations against him, Brian Kemp tells the GOP that they have no grounds for removing prosecuting judge Fani Willis from the bench, so Donny ain't got nowhere to go, and he doesnt' have his cult safeguarding him! Plus, speaking of January 6th - the Proud Boys leaders finally get their ass handed to them in court, which they proceed with crying relentlessly like Kyle Rittenhouse did. Oh won't somebody please think of the MAGA hatemongerers? Meanwhile, in Congress, Mitch McConnell stumbled a bit, which made people question whether he's fit for office, but we're more disturbed by him getting free health care when he's spent his entire life denying it to so many. Plus in a new We're All Gonna Die - tired of the extreme heat and every single day getting hotter than the last? Well get used to it, because we're in it for the long haul! And in our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in Holy Shit, we've been harping on the MAGA takeover of school boards for a while now, but one district in California, in the city of Chino Hills, really stepped in it. And the guy who put them there is a MAGA pastor who wants nothing but the worst for LGBT students in the US. Fuck that guy. In a new edition of our segment on never-ending corporate greed in Late Stage Capitalism, we take a look at the latest on the never-ending WGA Writer's Strike, and the CEOs should be ashamed of themselves at this point. But they're not. And in our weekly venture into the never ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner, apparently Elon's most hardcore fans are swooning over a new Tesla project simply called "Project 42", which apparently appears to be a glass house for Elon. Which, as we used to say in middle school, "he who lives in glass house should dress in basement". And we also have a new "I Need A Drink" - Burger King may have the catchiest commercial jingle of all time, but their burgers don't look anything like the ads! Shocker, I know! But a new lawsuit is taking aim at the advertising industry for creating false promises through ads. Finally this week it's time for Part 6 of our What's Up With Florida docuseries and this week we're hanging out in the Capitol of Florida, Tallahassee, and we're checking out why exactly people vote for these clowns in the first place!
Live Musical Guest: Mammoth WVH

Edition #15-7: Daylight Come And Me Want To Go Home Edition (9/21/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218291025

Live from Riverside! Well whether we want them to or not, it seems like the Newsmax wing of the MAGA party is going ahead with impeachment proceedings against Joe Biden because a) they don't care, and b) reasons. Meanwhile in Colorado, Lauren Boebert attends a performance of Beetlejuice: The Musical in Denver and gets kicked out of the performance for being the toxic nightmare that everyone knows she is. In the ongoing Category 5 shit storm that is the Trump arrest trial, Trump is doing everything he can to avoid facing the inevitable, but his latest attempts are quite batshit insane! In Senate news, how is Alabama's Tommy Tuberville single-handedly holding up thousands of military promotions? Well for one thing he's doing Fox News's evil bidding, and we we really wonder if he's on Vlad's payroll or not. Plus in a new edition of We're All Gonna Die, while we may be avoiding heat stroke for now, Mother Nature has some incredibly fucked up things waiting in store for us and at this point, if conservatives want to remove themselves from the gene pool, we're OK with that. In our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", what's the GOP have in store for us in 2024? Our resident pastor looks to the future, and well, to quote a favorite radio host of ours, it ain't good. Let's leave it at that. And in wake of recent, terrible behavior stemming from the Chino Hills school board, we profile MAGA church pastor Jack Hibbs in a new edition of "This Fucking Guy". And in our weekly trip down the conspiracy theory rabbit hole in Conspiracy Corner, have you noticed that the MAGAs are getting increasingly more violent in the last few months? Well we got news for you, it's not just you. It's getting worse. We also have a new I Need A Drink. And finally this week, it's time for the final installment of our Florida themed docuseries What's Up With Florida? and in Part 7, we're going to find out who votes for Ron Desantis and MAGA extremists, and present our conclusions of our exploration of the Sunshine State!
Live Musical Guest: Hozier

Edition #15-8: Donnie's Got A Gun Edition (9/28/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218311350

Live From Austin! Well it's officially the end of an era at Fox News as their megalomaniacal CEO Rupert Murdoch steps down and leaves News Corp in the hands of his son, Lachlan Murdoch. And in case you're wondering, the answer is no, Lachlan definitely isn't much better. In Washington, DC, the MAGA Qongress is doing its' best impression of the Deltas from Animal House and attempting to shut down the government... by walking out of doing any official business. We've got two more years of this shit, people! Speaking of the House, House speaker Kevin McCarthy (Q - Putin Asset) tells Ukranian president Zalensky to fuck off during his visit to the UN. At least Biden is much more dignified than he is. Meanwhile, the Senate has their underwear in a wad over the way Pennsylvania senator and guy who has zero fucks to give, John Fetterman dresses. And really, with all the problems facing this country, this is what you choose to waste time on? SMDH. We bring back our segment "Good Guys With Guns" because Trump visited a gun store during one his idiot rally visits, and get this - he was going to buy a gun with his face on it, which set off a ton of legal red flags! In our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", our resident pastor is tired of the claims coming from the right that drag queens are dangerous around youth. So guess what? We've got stories of evangelical youth pastors getting arrested for your enjoyment! Two can play at that game! Plus with his poll numbers decreasing rapidly, we ask "The Ron DeSantis Presidential Campaign: How Is This Still A Thing?". And in our weekly venture into the never ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner, there was a clusterfuck in the military regarding a missing F35 fighter jet, and well, the MAGA Q world went into what one would call a frenzy. And the conspiracies are just as weird as you would expect! We also have a new I Need A Drink! New York Times columnist David Brooks was traveling and posted a picture of his meal at Newark Airport and claimed that it cost $78, and it backfired spectacularly on him! We'll need a ferw drinks for this one! Finally this week it's time for the debut of our brand new segment: My Governor Is An Idiot, where we pit red state governors against blue state governors in a quest to find the best and worst in the country! In Round 1, we pit Arkansas governor Sarah Sanders against Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmer. Who will emerge victorious? Only one way to find out!
Live Musical Guest: Arctic Monkeys

**Top 10 Takes A Week Off***

Edition #15-9: You Can't Do That In Congress Edition (10/12/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218357777

Live From Tempe! Well in an absolutely unexpected move led by registered sex offender and textbook definition of Florida Man, Matt Gaetz, the MAGA / Infowars wing staged a coup and simply fired Kevin McCarthy. What they didn't expect is that Dems weren't going to play along with their conspiracy theory games. Plus with the speaker gone, we figure out who the next House Speaker is going to be - and the front runners are registered sex offender Jim Jordan (Q - Batshit) and ultra far right hardcore racist who likes to compare himself to David Duke, Steve Scalise. No, Trump can't be speaker, MAGAs. Meanwhile in New York, Trump's trial for fraud is going exactly how you'd expect - and it's every bit as much of a disaster as you would expect. Plus in other Asshole 45 news, he visited my hometown of Anaheim and was met with both MAGAs supporting him and Dems demanding that he should go to jail. Guess which side we're on? Elsewhere, in Russia, Russia bans talk show hosts and other prominent Dems from visiting Russia, but trust us when we say we won't miss it and we don't support murderous dictators like Vladimir Putin. In our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", ever wonder why MAGA is so cult like? It turns out that the GOP loves them some cults and there's lots of different flavors for you to choose from! We also have a new Beating A Dead Horse. And in our weekly venture into the seemingly never ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner, it turns out that if you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes, as evidenced by the bankruptcies of My Pillow's Mike Lindell and James O'Keefe's Project Veritas. We definitely won't miss either one of them! And in a new "I Need A Drink" - it turns out that Taylor Swift's die hard fans can't get enough of her, and now that she's dating the NFL's Travis Kelce, it's having an insane effect on the Chiefs and Chiefs merchandise and TV ratings! Finally this week, it's time for round 2 of "My Governor Is An Idiot" and this week we're pitting Colorado's Jared Polis against Montana's body slamming governor Greg Gianforte! I wonder who the idiot is here?
Live Musical Guest: Sleep Token

Edition #15-10: Wheel Of Corruption: Ghost Protocol Edition (10/19/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218380423

Live from Traverse City, Michigan! The terrifying conflict between Hamas and the Israeli government escalates into a full blown war, but the bad guy in this war is just as crazy of a murderous psychopath as you might expect! Plus the protests between who's on the side of Isreal and the side of Hamas / Palestine is quite insane and we honestly never thought we'd see both sides calling for the other one to be annihilated out of existence. No we didn't see this coming! Back at home, with the increasingly possibility that openly racist Louisiana rep Steve Scalise could be our next speaker, the right wing's got a real racist problem on its' hands, and is completely unwilling to address it! Meanwhile, the hilarious disaster known as the RFK Jr Presidential Campaign is getting off to as bad of a start as possible. And considering RFK Jr is married to Cheryl Hines, this is a disaster that even Larry David himself couldn't make up! Elsewhere, on Capitol Hill, Tommy Tuberville is the subject of some social media trolling after he whines and complains to Capitol Hill about some mean tweets. Suck it up, buttercup! There are no safe spaces in the real world! And in our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", the notorious Catholic cult that was the center of the confirmation of SCOTUS justice Amy Comey Barrett is in some serious trouble, and they've got some explaining to do! After a PR stunt gone horribly wrong, we add South Carolina representative Nancy Mace to the ever-growing list of People Who Somehow Got Elected. And in our weekly venture into the never ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner, the answer is NO, Donald Trump cannot become the next Speaker Of The House no matter how bad he wants it. The House would have to change the rules again, and we all know how well that goes! We also have some People Are Dumb, because of course they are! Finally this week it's time for My Governor Is An Idiot Round 3, and this week it's a Beltway Battle as North Carolina governor Roy Cooper takes on Virginia's MAGA governor Glenn Youngkin! Who will win? Only one way to find out!
Live Musical Guest: The Expendables

Edition #15-11: Five Nights At Trumpie's Edition (10/26/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218401321

Live from Lexington, Kentucky! Well the MAGA plan to "unleash the Kraken" in Trump's ongoing fraud trials turned out to be just some bad calimari that was left in the deep fryer too long. In other Trump trial news, one of his biggest supporters, Sydney Powell, actually flipped and decided that doing hard time probably wasn't in her best interests. So he's too toxic for them to comprehend! In House Speaker news, another day goes by without a Speaker, and the split between the MAGAs and what few sane conservatives are left is growing and growing. Even the speaker pro temp doesn't want his job! Elsewhere, Trump claims his weekend was ruined by these ongoing fraud investigations, so we decide to find out - does he cheat and rig his own golf tournaments? All signs point to yes, it's what cult leaders do! And hey MAGAs, if you're trying to compare the Palestine protests in Congress to what happened on January 6th, the answer is please stop, we're not going to fall for your pathetic pity party any time soon, the two things are not the same by any stretch of the imagination! In our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", hardcore Christian nationalist Mark Burns wants to take the right wing's war on education a step further and open his own hard lined military academy. It's basically a Bible school with more flag drag and cowboy cosplay. We explain why it's a really terrible idea. And in a new Beating A Dead Horse, one of our favorite people, former Daily Show host Jon Stewart, is back in the news because his current show "The Problem" but abruptly canceled by Apple because of some problems with the content of his subject matter of his shows, and it's something that we absolutely need to see and know. And in a new edition of our segment that explores the never-ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner, our old buddy Mike Lindell is back in the news and his latest hair-brained scheme to undermine elections might be his most off the wall, batshit crazy, most Wiley Coyote idea yet! We also have a new I Need A Drink - have we reached peak infleuncer? If you make money through internet videos and social media posts, you might want to think twice before showing up at the latest hot spots to get those precious likes. Finally this week, it's time for Round 4 of our ongoing battle between red state governors and blue state governors in My Governor Is An Idiot, and this week, we're pitting Arizona's real governor Katie Hobbs against fake governor Kari Lake! One is really elected and the other one lives in conspiracy theory fantasy land!
Live Musical Guest: Dirty Honey

Edition #15-12: Look What You Made Me Do Edition (11/9/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218442705

Live from Nashville! Well, it turns out that the new House Speaker Mike Johnson, is not only a MAGA religious zealot of the highest variety, he's also the test market to see how far Fox News can go in bringing their hard-lined brand of authoritarianism to the United States! And another week, another mass shooting in Maine. As we're still sorting out the mess from this terrible and yet easily preventable tragedy, one thing is perfectly clear: the Maine shooter was another victim of extremist right wing propaganda and insane internet conspiracy theories, and was radicalized by Fox News hosts and Twitter. Turn that shit off people! Meanwhile in the Trump trial - two judges, one in New York and the other in Georgia, are showing the right way to do things and the wrong way to do things when it comes to dealing with the MAGA psycho king himself. We vote for the right way! Elsewhere, Bud Light is attempting to pick up the pieces from the insane Kid Rock instigated MAGA boycott back in June, by courting UFC, but would you be surprised that it's having exactly the opposite effect they intended? Eh, we're not. In a new edition of our award winning investigative series, Top 10 Investigates, what exactly is up with the new trend of Supercommuting? Can someone live in Iowa and commute to San Francisco every week? That's got to have a major impact on the environment, and yes it does! In our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", with Mike Johnson as the new House Speaker, a lot of attention is being paid to his fire and brimstone brand of old school religion, and the attempt to scrub his most extremist beliefs is the stuff of pure insanity! We also profile the man who could be Argentina's next president and their batshit crazy off the wall version of Trump, Javier Milei, in a new This Fucking Guy. And in our weekly visit into the seemingly never ending abyss of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner, what happens when you get two conspiracy theorists in a room? Well our old buddy Elon Musk was interviewed on the Joe Rogan show and it was some absolute next level insanity, like think of that scene from 30 Rock when Tracy Jordan was interviewed on Larry King insane. We also have a new "I Need A Drink". So we talk a lot of shit about Florida, but would you want to live like Florida Man for a day? Well the Florida Man Games are here, and they're exactly the Redneck Olympics and escape from reality that we need at this point! Finally this week, it's Round 5 of our ongoing battle between red state governors and blue state governors in "My Governor Is An Idiot" and this week, we're pitting Texas' bloodthirsty governor Greg Abbott against Illinois' J.B. Pritzker! Who will come out on top? Only one way to find out!
Live Musical Guest: Devo

**TOP 10 TAKES A WEEK OFF**

Top 10 #15-13: Rise Of The Planet Of The MAGAs Edition (11/23/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218460546

Live from Vegas! We take a look at the highlights (and a couple of lowlights of the 2023 midterm elections, and there were a few surprises that we would not have expected! We also take a look at the lowlights of the GOP debates, and of course the MAGA king decides to defect and hold his own rally, where he continues to spew some of the most batshit crazy stuff possible! Meanwhile in Congress, it's the end of an era in West Virginia as the Democratic (?) senator that everyone loves to hate, Joe Manchin, finally announces his retirement, but we shouldn't really celebrate since Fox News bought his seat and gave Sean Hannity another minion in the senate to control. Ugh. And in business news, after nearly 5 months of grueling strikes and negotiating talks, the SAG / AFTRA strike of 2023 finally comes to an end, bringing a close to an incredibly long and frustrating year of endless labor disputes! In a new edition of our award winning investigative journalism segment, Top 10 Investigates, we ask the question - is your car spying on you? And the answer, as you may have guessed is: probably! And in our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", we do a deep dive into an extremely controversial anti-porn spyware app called Covenant Eyes that is marketed to fundamentalist Christians and was made famous by House speaker Mike Johnson, and it's every bit as dangerous as you would expect! We add the newly installed by Fox News governor of Louisiana, Jeff Landry, to the ever-growing list of People Who Somehow Got Elected, and believe us when we say that this guy is pure evil. And in our weekly visit to the never-ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner, is the answer to dealing with people you don't like is to reduce their salary to $1? If you answered yes, you're the closest without going over. We also have a new People Are Dumb, because of course they are! Finally it's Round 6 of our ongoing battle between red state governors and blue state governors in My Governor Is An Idiot, and this week we're pitting newly reelected Kentucky governor Andy Beshear against Alabama's Fox News installed governor Kay Ivey!
Live Musical Guest: King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard

Edition #15-14: The Third Reich Triangulation Theory Edition (11/30/23)
https://democraticunderground.com/100218493087

Live From Oxnard! The Top 10 pays tribute to one of the GOAT first ladies of all time, Rosalynn Carter, who passed at age 96 and we recap some of her absolutely amazing life. In a world full of Trumps, be a Jimmy Carter! Meanwhile, the exact opposite of Jimmy Carter, Donald Trump, has been going all in and using increasingly violent language in his rally appearances, but is it Nazi esque? Yes it's entirely possible he's going down that road and it's scary as hell! And speaking of Nazis, over on X / Twitter, Elon gets busted for some anti-Semitic comments by Media Matters and sues them over - wait for it - free speech. You can't make this stuff up! We also bring you the highlights (mostly lowlights) from Fox News' own attempt at an awards gala called the Patriot Awards, and it was every bit as much of a disaster as you would expect! In a new edition of "We're All Gonna Die", does it seem like the weather is getting worse where you live? Well strap in, because we ain't seen nothing yet! And in our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", we're going to talk about Satan - specifically the Church Of Satan, and their attempts to overturn abortion laws that keep getting smacked down, and well at least it's a start! We add Oklahoma's batshit insane senator Markwayne Mullin (Q - Nazi) to the ever growing list of People Who Somehow Got Elected. And in our weekly venture into the seemingly never ending world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner, Kyle Rittenhouse is now a published author and he's attempting to walk back what we all saw live on national television. You can't fix stupid! We also have a new I Need A Drink - is Snoop Dogg quitting his beloved marijuana for good? It's possible, but his personal joint roller can rest easier when you find out what the publicity stunt was really for! And finally in our ongoing quest that's putting red state governors against blue state governors in "My Governor Is An Idiot", it's a battle for central supremacy as we're putting Minnesota's Tim Walz against Iowa's Kim Reynolds. Who will come out on top? Only one way to find out!
Live Musical Guest: Rival Sons

Edition #15-15: I'm Not Going To Woke Disneyland Edition (7 year anniversary!) (12/7/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218510027

Live from Santa Ana! Well, it finally happened - the first GOP Congress representative in over 65 years finally got expelled and that's George Santos, in an absolutely historic vote! Can we throw Marjorie Greene and Lauren Boebert out too please? We also bring you highlights from the debate between Gavin Newsom and Ron DeSantis, and seeing DeSantis get taken down a few pegs in front of his boss Sean Hannity was a thing of beauty! And speaking of the former president's failures, did he and Fox News manipulate the January 6th rioters? The answer is: Probably! Meanwhile in Florida, the cofounder of Moms For Liberty is in some deep trouble after a threesome comes back to bite her... what is up with the MAGAs and kinky sex crimes? We have to know more! We also have a new edition of that hot new game that's sweeping the nation: Is It Racist? And we always say that if you have to ask, it's probably racist! And this involves Elon's Twitter advertisement placement and advertisers jumping ship - yes it's racist! And in our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 In "Holy Shit", our resident pastor figures out that the year of 2023 can be summed up in one word: NATIONALISM, and it's as scary as you might expect! In a new Beating A Dead Horse, OK MAGAs, Melania dared to be different at Rosalynn Carter's funeral, but here's the thing - you're at a state funeral. Show some damn respect! And in a new edition of Conspiracy Corner, if you're alarmed by the recent rise in book bans, just wait until you hear what they're being replaced with! And as always behind every left leaning "fuck you", there's a sinister right wing organization with an evil agenda behind it! We also have a new People Are Dumb, because of course they are! Finally, it's Round 8 of our ongoing battle between red state governors and blue state governors in My Governor Is An Idiot and this week it's another battle for Beltway supremacy as we're putting Maryland's Wes Moore against Ohio's Mike DeWine! Who will come out on top? Only one way to find out!
Live Musical Guest: Depeche Mode

Edition #15-16: 2023 Year In Review Edition (12/14/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218527087

Live from Santa Ana! It's our annual look back at the year that was, and 2023 was quite the shit show! In January and February, we had a Chinese spy balloon, Trump's most ridiculous marketing stunt ever, and a whole bunch of other random shit that happened. In March and April, it was the dawn of the age of artificial intelligence, as AI was finally starting to get good enough to replace humans, but how long until Skynet is real? Only one way to find out! May and June were dominated by one thing - boycotts. And they got really ridiculous really quickly. Everything from Target to Bud Light to Chik Fil A was boycotted because MAGAs threw a colossal temper tantrum over LGBT support. And give it up, guys, you haven't saved one kid from one groomer and you know it. Stop it. In July and August, it was dominated by strikes. Yes, everyone was on strike during the summer, but the headline grabbers were the WAG and SAG / AFTRA strikes that affected Hollywood up and down the line. In September and October, we had yet another steaming load of a MAGA temper tantrum when Matt Gaetz decide to simply fire Kevin McCarthy, because reasons, and replaced him with super creepy megachurch pastor Mike Johnson, who is now third in line for the presidency. Good job guys! And finally we close out the year 2023 with November and December where we are already apparently deciding the 2024 election before the primaries even begin, and also the great first lady Rosalynn Carter died. And in our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", instead of looking back to 2023, we're doing the opposite and using 2023 stories in our annual attempt to predict what's going to happen next year! Plus in a new edition of Conspiracy Corner, we take a look at a group of furry hackers that are turning the hacking world upside down, and we did a deep dive on these people and it's crazier than you might think it is! We also have a new People Are Dumb and we give you the best of the best, the stupidest of the stupid, the dumbest of the dumb, for 2023! Finally this week it's Round 9 of our ongoing quest to pit red state governors against blue state governors in My Governor Is An Idiot, and we're saving the best for last - our home state governor Gavin Newsom against Florida's Ron DeSanits! And come on, you knew the job was dangerous when you took it!
Live Musical Guest: Queens Of The Stone Age

Best Of #29: The Best Of Holy Shit #3 Edition (1/11/24)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218589800

Best Of! The Top 10 brings you a Best Of to celebrate our very popular religious themed segment Holy Shit and its' equally popular spinoff Holy Shit: The Sunday Sermons!

1) Idiots #13-2: What is a Christian nationalist?
2) Idiots #11-5: Hillsong Church has got some 'splainin to do.
3) Idiots #15-1: Yes, we will gladly pay our fair share of the taxes, and more churches should!
4) Idiots #12-5: Some Dark One worshipping MAGA friendly candidates to choose from
5) Idiots #14-2: The Reawaken America Tour is the stuff of MAGA conspiracy theory lunacy!
6) Idiots #14-4: America's church and state takeover is a corporate merger
7) Idiots #7-3: Who really controls the weather - is it god or tin foil hat lunatics?
8) Idiots #9-1: Christians want to take us back to the 1950s, because, reasons.
9) Idiots #5-14: Reviewing the Liberty University documentary "The Trump Prophecy"
10) Idiots #14-9: Campus grassroots group TPUSA now targeting churches
Musical Guest: None

Best Of #30: The Best Of Season 15 Edition (1/18/24)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218607334

Best Of! From Idiots #15-9, the GOP, led by Matt Gaetz, decides to simply use their own House rules to fire speaker Kevin McCarthy which resulted in the worst House in American history! Well done Fox News, you brought this on us! From Idiots #15-7, Lauren Boebert (Q - Batshit) attended a performance of Beetlejuice: The Musical in Denver, and the real performance was going on in her own seat, if you catchy my drift! From Idiots #15-2, Q Anon anti-vaxxer conspiracy theorist Robert F. Kennedy Jr is watching his laughably bad presidential campaign crash and burn, and we Scooby Doo this thing to find out who's really behind it! From Idiots #15-1, we're going to introduce you to the latest MAGA backed and Fox News approved protest group Moms For Liberty, and they're every bit as horrible, awful and vile as you could possibly imagine! In the number 5 slot, from Idiots #15-15, we play a new edition of that hot new game that's sweeping the nation - Is it Racist? Because we always say around here that if you have to ask, it's probably racist! From Idiots #15-13, our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", we take a look at Mike Johnson's internet porn addiction and his accountability app called "Covenant Eyes" that is both controversial and insane. Seriously, how hard is it for you to act like adults and keep it in your pants? Damn! In the number 7 slot, from Idiots #15-12, we profile the inexplicable new president of Argentina, a guy who own cloned cats and wields a chainsaw for an arm, Javier Milei in a new This Fucking Guy! And in a new edition of Conspiracy Corner, our old buddy Mike Lindell is back in the news, and his latest scheme to undermine elections may be his most hair-brained, off the wall, Wiley Coyote esque scheme yet! And in a new "I Need A Drink", Snoop Dogg made waves when he suggested he was giving up "smoke", but the marijuana industry can rest easier knowing that they're not losing one of its' biggest brand ambassadors any time soon. Finally it's our ongoing competition between red state governors and blue state governors in "My Governor Is An Idiot" and we pit North Carolina's Roy Cooper against the Fox News installed governor of Virginia, Glenn Youngkin!
Musical Guest: Depeche Mode



Holy Shit: The Sunday Sermons is our bi-weekly spinoff show that details all of the wacky things that the religious right is saying and doing in the language that they understand: A big production with a gospel choir, a charismatic preacher, and a group of parishoners sitting behind the pastor agreeing with everything he says. The series expands on topics discussed in previous Holy Shit sermons and answers your prayers via the Holy Shit Hotline To Heaven! These 6 episodes are your gateway into the wacky world of right wing religion - whether you prefer the fire and brimstone variety, the Quiverfull variety, or the Mike Pence variety. Holy Shit: It's the religion that makes fun of religion! Tax exempt status pending!

Season 2 Episode 1: Youth Pastors Gone Wild (10/7/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218342120

In Episode 1, we take a look at some youth pastors gone wild, while the Chino Hills School Board is in hot water after discovering that 3 of the 5 members all belong to extreme MAGA megachurch pastor Jack Hibbs' Calvary Chapel and are doing his every evil bidding when it comes to anti-LGBT legislation. Plus we answer your prayers from the Holy Shit Hotline To Heaven!

Season 2 Episode 2: Cults Of Personality (11/5/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218429660

In Episode 2, we examine exactly what makes up a cult of personality. Amy Comey Barrett's hardcore Catholic group People Of Praise is in trouble with the FBI. Christian nationalist Mark Burns wants to open his own hard lined military academy because, reasons. Plus we answer your prayers from the Holy Shit Hotline To Heaven!

Season 2 Episode 3: Mike Johnson's Hard Knock Life (11/19/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218467538

In Episode 3, we examine the core beliefs of newly elected speaker Mike Johnson and how the MAGA world is now going to great lengths to hide his most extremist views. Plus, a recently resurfaced clip featuring MAGA Mike and his adopted son has the world paying attention to an extremely controversial spyware app that's marketed exclusively to fundamentalist Christians called Covenant Eyes. With that in mind, we bring you an exclusive Holy Shit in which we do a deep dive into the world of Christian "accountability" apps, of which there are many to choose from! Plus, we answer your prayers from the Holy Shit Hotline To Heaven!

Season 2 Episode 4: The Devil Made Me Do It(12/3/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218499285

In Episode 4, churches are becoming increasingly divided on the climate change issue, and we take a look at the pros and cons on both sides. Plus we also take a look at the controversial ReAwaken America Tour and we take a look at one of its' host venues. Plus we answer your prayers from the Holy Shit Hotline To Heaven!

Season 2 Episode 5: Year In Review (12/17/23)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100218535135

The Holy Church Of The Top 10 recaps all the wacky stuff that happened in the year, and we can sum it up in one word: nationalism, and offers our annual attempt to predict what's going to happen in the new year! Plus we do a deep dive into how Florida Man Ron DeSantis uses religion as a tool to ignite the fundamentalist base. And we also answer your prayers from the Holy Shit Hotline To Heaven!

Season 2 Episode 6: Making A Deal With The Dark One (1/14/24)

In our season finale, the Holy Church Of The Top 10 takes a look at the more increasingly cult-like fanaticism of the Dark One and his followers and how this is really considered a religion in its' own right. Meanwhile, Moms For Liberty gets freaky when the cameras are turned off, we take a look at a bizarre phenomenon among right wing Christian men with daughters - the "purity ball", and we answer your prayers from the Holy Shit Hotline To Heaven!

June 15, 2023

Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of #28: Best Of Season 14 Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of #28: Best Of Season 14 Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Oh hello, I know, right? We’re one week into our nearly month and a half long hiatus so we’re just kicking back with a couple of cold ones at our set at our home base at the Constellation Room in Santa Ana. Now look, I know there’s a lot of rumors out there about what’s going to happen to the Top 10 after season 15. And I can assure you that we’re going to address those in due time. But right now, what I can tell you is that the beginning of 2024 right now is looking very uncertain. But not because of COVID or anything of that nature. ALL IS WELL!!! Yes, I am that guy right now with my staff. One thing I can reveal is that our 15th season will center around the road to the 2024 presidential campaign. Will our current president, Joseph R. Biden, ultimately prevail, or will Ron DeSantis kill us all? Yes, we’re there with everything going into the 2024 Iowa Straw Poll. But the reason why I know you’re here is that you want to know our Season 15 tour dates! Well here they are!

- 7/20/23 – Constellation Room At Observatory OC, Santa Ana, CA
- 7/27/23 - Flappers Comedy Club, Burbank, CA
- 8/3/23 – Miami Improv, Miami, FL
- 8/10/23 –Orlando Improv, Orlando, FL
- 8/17/23 – Dark
- 8/24/23 - Dark
- 8/31/23 – Tampa Improv, Tampa FL (Wheel Of Corruption)
- 9/7/23 – Gainesville, FL *CANCELLED DUE TO EXTREME WEATHER*
- 9/14/23 – Tallahassee, FL *CANCELLED DUE TO EXTREME WEATHER* - moved to San Diego
- 9/21/23 – Cap City Comedy Club, Austin, TX - moved to Riverside
- 9/28/23 – Cap City Comedy Club, Austin, TX
- 10/5/23 – Dark
- 10/12/23 – Grammercy Theater, New York City, NY
- 10/19/23 – Comedy Off Broadway, Lexington, KY
- 10/26/23 – DC Improv, Washington, DC (Halloween Special)
- 11/3/23 – Dark
- 11/9/23 – Zanies Comedy Club, Nashville, TN (Wheel Of Corruption)
- 11/16/23 – Brad Garrett’s Comedy Club, Las Vegas, NV
- 11/23/23 – Dark (Thanksgiving)
- 11/30/23 - Levity Live, Oxnard, CA
- 12/7/23 - Constellation Room At Observatory OC, Santa Ana, CA
- 12/14/23 - Constellation Room At Observatory OC, Santa Ana, CA


OK that’s it for the schedule! We have something exciting planned for our last Top 10 of the year but we cannot reveal it yet. We’re under strict NDAs. OK that’s enough of the intro, but first while we’re waiting for the WGA strike to settle, let’s play that insane John Oliver episode where he goes through a 28 minute history of Chuck-E-Cheeses:



So where do we begin for this Best Of for season 14? Well for the number one seed, it comes from Idiots #14-3 when conservatives flouted some absolutely batshit insane theories about why a Chinese spy balloon (1) entered US airspace above Montana, and would you be surprised that the MAGAs’ first reaction was to shoot it? Eh, us neither! In the second slot, from Idiots #14-1, our segment where we catch up on stuff we missed takes a look at Trump’s insanely ridiculous NFT trading cards (2) and it’s causing even some of his most hardcore supporters to question their loyalty! It’s like that scene in Avengers: Age Of Ultron when Ultron usurps JARVIS. In the number 3 slot this week, is Kevin McCarthy (3) who, as first act of his term as Speaker Of The House, gifted Tucker Carlson with some 14,000 hours of footage relating to January 6th, because, reasons, I guess. In the number 4 slot this week, from Idiots #14-8, is MAGA conservatives (4) who were blaming the collapse of Silicon Valley Bank on “wokism”, but really the cause of this death was entirely self-inflicted because of terrible conservative policies. In the number 5 slot, from Idiots #14-5, we have a Top 10 Investigates (5) that explores some absolutely bizarre uses for emerging AI technology, and well, let’s just say we ain’t seen nothing yet! In the number six slot, we have a special brand new Holy Shit for you! Yes, Pat Robertson (6) died, so our resident pastor wants to honor his legacy by playing some of his greatest hits, and trust us, he’s got some gems. And yes, we’re being sarcastic in case you can’t tell! In the number 7 slot, from Idiots #14-13, our pop culture segment Beating A Dead Horse (7), the conservatives’ war on “wokeism” and “woke ideals” is forcing some MAGAs to open literal spite stores, and many of them apparently don’t know how to run businesses or supply chains, shocker I know! In the number 8 slot this week, from Idiots #14-14, our segment that ventures into the world of online tin foil hat nuttery, Conspiracy Corner (8) brings us highlights from CPAC in Hungary – a country that is embracing far right totalitarian ideals and is what the future the far right wants for America. Scary shit! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot, from Idiots #14-9, the capital of Saskatchewan, Regina, is in some very deep trouble over a recent attempt to rebrand, and their apology is the most Canadian thing we’ve ever seen! Finally this week from Idiots #14-11, our Stupidest State (10) contest recaps the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference championship that saw Ohio defeat Nevada by a huge margin! And to cap things off, that time when the man, the myth, the legendary blues man Joe Bonamassa stopped by the show! Enjoy! And as always don't forget the Key!

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[font size="8"]The Chinese Spy Balloon Incident
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From: Idiots #14-3

Last week is one of those times when I absolutely thank the highest of high gods that Joe Biden is president and not the orange bloviating asshole. Because we had an incident and you may have heard about it, involving a Chinese spy balloon that appeared over Montana airspace. Of course it sent the MAGA conspiracy theory wing of the GOP into batshit overdrive mode. And you know what? For the purposes of this segment, let’s name this week’s edition after the Weeknd’s debut album “House Of Balloons”. Though let’s change it a bit and call it “House Of Chinese Spy Balloons”. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! By the way before next week’s edition we want to know who wore it better – Marjorie Greene or the Howler Monkey? Our money’s on the monkey. Let us know in the comments section! But OK getting back to the story though, this whole thing is insane. And like most things that have happened in the last 7 years, this story is the stuff of insanity and it only gets weirder the more you dig into it.





Yeah calm your t’s, people! Come on really! By the way, Fox News and the MAGA conspiracy theory wing of the GOP, no, we don’t give a flying fuck about what Trump would have done if he had been in the same situation. Trump would have launched a nuke over St. Louis and caused tons of casualties and we’d be dealing with nuclear fallout damage for the next century. That much we know is true! But apparently one thing we do know is true is that China apparently did spy on us with these balloons during the Trump administration, and he of course did nothing about it. I would assume because all the Big Macs and Diet Cokes went straight to his head during his rage tweeting toilet sessions.





And here’s where it gets weird, because you knew it was going to. Of course, like most weird things, it involves our good friend Marjorie Three Names. So any time something doesn’t go 100% in favor of the Fox News MAGA America First Taliban Oath Keepers Proud Boys Conspiracy Theory cult, their natural instinct is to assume that there’s some kind of underlying conspiracy or it didn’t happen or it was a false flag. It’s so hard to keep their bullshit straight anymore. But one thing we do agree on is that something doesn’t pass the smell test here.





Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! OK, MAGAs, let’s play your conspiracy theory game here for a minute. What if this were a bigger story in 2019? It would have absolutely broken social media feeds everywhere, and it probably would have triggered an international incident. But Trump always takes the wrong side on everything and he would have reacted very poorly. It must suck to be a fact checker these days because the claims coming from conspiracy theorists get weirder and nuttier by the hour. No, the Pentagon didn’t detect these balloons back in 2019. Sorry, Tucker and Hannity.






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[font size="8"]Catch Up On Stuff We Missed Pt 2: Trump’s NFT Collection
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From: Idiots #14-1

We’re approaching nearly 300 editions of the Top 10 and that might be the first time I’ve ever used the Plagiarism icon. But we got to talk about it, because we got absolutely flooded with requests to talk about this topic, so we can’t ignore it! Got to give the audience what they want! So, as we were finalizing our season finale, the 2022 Year In Review Edition, Trump was breaking right wing social media with his announcement that there was a “BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!!” coming. Many were speculating that he was going to be naming his 2024 VP pick, for which Marjorie Greene and Kari Lake were both getting their prime ass kissing lips ready for. But nope. In fact nobody was expecting this. Trump announced his own line of collectible, randomly assigned NFT trading cards. Yes, NFTs. Which are basically everything you don’t know about art combined with everything you don’t know about finance. And it was in typical Trump fashion, truly the stuff of insanity!





You know, say what you want about the MAGAs, but one thing that we have learned and seen in the years that we’ve been doing this program, is that they spend a lot of money on a lot of ridiculously stupid shit! But never in a million years did I ever think they would spend $99 for a JPG image of him as an astronaut or a wild west sheriff in made up cryptocurrency money. And here’s the thing that I’ve been learning about crypto currency – the whole fucking thing was made up! So yeah they can control the value of these NFTs, and my favorite thing was that Trump included a clause that if you resold NFTs, he got a cut of the profits! You can’t make up what a cheap asshole he is! But look at the fabulous prizes you can win!





See here’s the thing MAGAs, we’re not “owned” and you’re not making us “cry”. If anything we’re laughing at how stupid and ridiculous you are. You’re the ones who bought Trump NFTs based on imaginary made up money that was proven to be a ponzi scheme and you’re the ones who got owned in this. I mean come on, Trump’s too cheap to even hold the grand prize in Mar-A-Shithole! And did you really think you were getting a 5 star gourmet meal? No! You’ll probably get Big Macs that were left under a heat lamp for 2 hours or maybe a well done steak slathered in ketchup. If you’re lucky. And you’ll also be on the hook for your own travel expenses. Some prize.




See MAGAs? You got conned and you fall for scammers and hucksters and con artists and sleazy talk show hosts every single time. While you’re losing money on stupid shit because you’ve been had with your imaginary crypto money, I’m putting my feet on the desk, drinking a beer and laughing straight the fuck at you. You bought something that’s totally worthless and Don The Con is laughing all the way to the bank! And by the way not only are the NFTs you paid $99 for completely worthless, they’ve also diminished any hope Trump has of being a serious politician ever again. Hell, even Saturday Night Live at the height of the Trump administration with Alec Baldwin playing him every week, couldn’t possibly think up something this ridiculous!






From: Idiots #14-1 [div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Kevin McCarthy
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From: Idiots #14-6

It's completely insane that conservatives are still gung ho on getting their petty revenge for everything that happened in 2020, and we may never hear the end of it. The latest clusterfuck coming from House Speaker and guy who looks like he just dragged his red tie through a pile of mud, Kevin McCarthy (Q – Batshit) may be the ultimate partisan fuck you move. This is utterly despicable that he would do such a thing, but totally on brand for today’s MAGA conservatives. I mean seriously, if Fox News told their viewers to jump off the Grand Canyon, they would be pushing and shoving each other to be the first in line. But what we got out of this latest political stunt is that Fox News completely fucking owns the GOP and they can’t get away with it. Hell, Fox is replacing what few sane conservatives are left with crazy MAGA bootlickers. Well enough of my rambling, let??s get to the latest political stunt in what is going to be a ridiculously long two years. Hold your boos.





It’s like conservatives are trying to out crazy each other. No one is that evil and stupid right? Well come on, we’re living in the post Donald Trump era. It seems no matter how low conservatives go, other conservatives can go even lower. Shit, there’s a bill being proposed in Florida right now that would completely eliminate the Democratic party. I mean come on, that’s some totalitarian third world shit right there. And seriously, the hate and division in this country is completely insane. And giving all of this to Tucker Carlson is just more fuel for the fire.





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Insane that they think this is all a game to them. Don’t give a shit if it’s exclusive or not, I have Fox News blocked from my DVR in the off chance I may come across it, because fuck Rupert Murdoch. And by the way I love that Trump thinks that this is a threat because he wasn’t consulted on it. But hey, leave it to the My Pillow guy to the rescue! I mean come on, this is what is representing the Republican party these days. Talk show hosts and shitty product influencers for shitty products. Is that all they got? No wonder no one is taking them seriously anymore. This just shows you how far gone the GOP is.





To the idiot mobile! That’s so hilarious that all they do is sue people. And they sue them for ridiculous amounts of money at that. And no real good or bad or any kind of change will happen as a result of these lawsuits. All it will do is tie up the courts and that’s about it. This whole stunt was just a way to score points with Fox News viewers and batshit insane conspiracy theorists, and that’s it. Come on, we all know what Tucker’s going to say and do with this. He’s going to paint it as a false flag or some other bullshit. Fox News is in full blown “nothing to see here, please disperse” mode. After all, a failed coup is a dress rehearsal for a successful one. And this should be more proof that Fox News is an ever increasing threat to the stability of this country.







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[font size="8"]SVB Bank Collapse
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From: Idiots #14-8

Look here, MAGAs. I’ve heard the word “woke” so many times in the last year and a half that I’m about ready to throw my monitor out the window, OK? And not everything is part of your sick, twisted conspiracy theory agenda, OK? Actually the collapse of Silicon Valley Bank might be, but that’s only because it’s your own damn fault! You know how we got to this point? It’s forty years of ridiculous conservative anti-regulatory policies that got us here. We have these things called rules and regulations to prevent what happened to Silicon Valley Bank from happening. But since conservatives don’t believe in the rule of law, these things happen. But it’s like a broken record with this crowd. Or maybe it’s like 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon, except there’s just one degree and Kevin Bacon is a woke Marxist who is out to destroy America. Well, yeah it’s kind of like that.





Yeah so that’s really what happened. But if you watch Fox News, and let’s face it, if you’re here, you don’t watch Fox News unless you get paid to do so. And I mean come on, it would be an interesting job to monitor all the crap that gets said on Fox News 24 hours a day because they certainly don’t care about all the crazy shit they say. And of course, god forbid that someone have an independent thought that goes against the Rupert Murdoch Christofascist MAGA cult. Can’t have anyone speaking out against a cult. Otherwise you get shit like this.





OMFG. Tell me you watch Tucker Carlson without telling me you watch Tucker Carlson, Josh. The right wing is getting weirder and nuttier with every single passing day. They’ve gone so far off the deep end that they’re currently circulating the bottom of the Marianus Trench! For my geography challenged friends, that’s pretty fucking low! But they could still go lower. At least they’re giving America’s professional fact checkers plenty of material to work with for the next several years! But yeah of course Fox News has to go there and they have to ruin everything. And they have to twist and distort every single thing that happens in the news to their twisted agenda. It’s like a broken record with this crowd.





Gee, why did I have to guess that this interview was being conducted on Fox News? Like does the GOP really do anything else but go on Fox News and conspiracy theory talk shows and complain? Oh who am I kidding, of course they don’t. I mean god forbid that someone has an independent thought in that party, and they do love some group speak. That is one thing we know! But in case your MAGA friends and neighbors start spewing these talking points, you know where they got them from. Seriously, they don’t call it an echo chamber for nothing, you know! But here’s what really happened.






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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Weird Applications For AI
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From: Idiots #14-5



Ever since the 1980s, we’ve been warned that artificial intelligence becoming self aware was going to be the end of humanity. Movies like the Terminator and Aliens and The Matrix were preaching that the very idea that artificial intelligence could usher in an apocalyptic world that has never been seen before in human history. Well, humanity might be ever closer to the nightmare dystopian worlds that were depicted in those movies. There’s a new program out there that Google and Microsoft have been testing called “ChatGPT”. You’ve probably been hearing a lot about ChatGPT lately. It’s an AI bot that creates surprisingly accurate results based on the prompts that you enter into it. Well, the recent surge of ChatGPT activity has created an ethical gray area that has been under intense discussion lately. Well, we can at least forget about the possibility of Skynet or the rise of the machines happening any time soon because apparently they’re having trouble getting even basic text prompts right. Yeah, texts now, just imagine what happens when AI starts implementing video technology!





No, not yet. But Microsoft does have a huge burden on its’ hands. Remember that scene from The Dark Knight Rises when Bruce hid the underground power plant from everybody because he thought someone could turn it into a weapon? Well that particular scene isn’t too far off. Because ChatGPT could easily be used as a weapon. And if people mess with it enough, it will eventually turn on its’ creators, much in the same way that Ultron went on a rampage and destroyed Tony Stark’s previous artificial intelligence, JARVIS. But yes, AI technology is still extremely delicate and a powder keg that’s waiting to go off.





That’s right – the ChatGPT bot can create entire newspapers and websites that don’t even exist anymore and that’s an extremely scary thought! The good news is that as of right now, at least the ChatGPT bot has ethics. But there are some that are exploiting and exposing some vulnerabilities in the software that could make ChatGPT not so ethical. So what happens when an artificial intelligence model has multiple personalities? Well that concept was explored in the Avengers: Age Of Ultron and other recent flicks like Terminator: Rise Of The Machines, and the results were never good. AI still has a long, long way to go before it’s perfected.





But the good news is that Open AI, the creators of ChatGPT, are admitting that the program does have some flaws. They’re not like some companies, who right now would be in “nothing to see here, please disperse” mode. So the answer to your burning questions is pretty simple. The first is that no, AI will not be replacing your job right now. The second, no, AI will not be replacing your job right now. The third question, no, AI has not become self-aware. And the fourth and final question is no, AI will not create the rise of the machines, for now. Which means that no, we won’t be seeing any time traveling terminator machines appearing any time soon. So you can rest easy, for now.



That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.




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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font] [br]

Hey everyone, special announcement incoming!



HOLY SHIT: THE SUNDAY SERMONS SEASON 2

Kenneth Copeland never saw it coming!

Premiering 9/3/23

That out of the way, here’s a brand new Holy Shit!

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! You know, I called this special session today to remind you about death. Yes, good morning everybody! But the one thing that nobody wants to hear about death is that death isn’t always sad. Especially when someone who laid the foundation for America’s current right wing ugliness and insanity passes away. But we have to talk about the things that he said, because he had some unbelievable gems. And Pat Robertson also paved the way for the unholy, ungodly Dark One! I of course speak of a man so foul, so profane and disgusting that his name dare NOT be spoken in my church! Yes, I too credit Pat Robertson with the reason why this segment exists in the first place. Whether your brand of televangelism is Robertson or Jerry Falwell, or maybe you prefer some west coast evangelism from the Crouch family. But these people all do not support JAYSUS, they support the Dark One! And we will remember Pat in our own way. But first here’s the full story!





Well that’s just the kind of guy Pat Robertson was – he wished that Facebook had a “vomit” button so you could dislike photos of two gay men kissing. Apparently he was turned off by that sort of thing, but I’m pretty sure that members of the 700 Club have some very interesting Porn Hub searches! Now, before we go any further, we have to play a few clips of his greatest hits. By far the most disturbing thing he ever said was this clip, which I can’t even believe was a thing that was said.



Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! He filmed that episode back in 2008 and I still can’t believe that was a thing that was said. But here’s a few more of his greatest hits:









Which would come as a surprise to no one that he dabbled a bit in the world of anti-semitism. Yeah he’s basically a Nazi.





Yeah well Pat Robertson was one of the reasons why the phrase “boob tube” was coined. He is a gigantic boob, the biggest even. In fact, you know during the last season, we spoke heavily about the rise of Christian nationalism in the United States. Well, we can have one guy to thank for that. And that guy is Pat Robertson. Yes, he laid the foundation for crazy people like Marjorie Greene and Lauren Boebert to get elected, and that’s how they get elected and we can’t get rid of them. Because they appeal to viewers of the 700 Club and other televangelists on TV.





Well, he doesn’t anymore! That’s it folks, that’s our small fuck you, er, tribute to Pat Robertson. They say you shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but since he had an entire career of speaking ill of the dead, well, turnabout is fair play, don’t you think? Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:





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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Anti-Woke Products
[br] [/font] [br]

From: Idiots #14-13



Can I just say it already? This shit is getting fucking old. It seems like there’s a new conservative temper tantrum over advertising every single week. First it was the NFL. Then it was Keurigs. Then it was Oreos. Then it was M&Ms. Oh yeah, Tucker Carlson may not work at Fox anymore, but we’re not letting him see the end of that clip. Then it was Budwesier. Now it’s Jack Daniels. What’s left? Do they just sit and stare at blank walls and drink tap water and eat stale bread? That’s no way to live. So now how are conservatives responding to advertising that doesn’t cater directly to straight white alpha males and females? Easy, they’re starting their own companies, with their own products with blackjack and hookers. On second thought, forget about the products. In fact there’s even a whole anti-woke alternative to Amazon being proposed, complete with every thing from anti-woke toothpaste to anti-woke diapers. Yes, apparently super creepy Q lunatics are going after Pampers now. But this whole thing is truly the stuff of insanity.





Yeah that’s the future if this kind of thing starts getting traction. But is it really? I mean outside of idiots on Fox News, do you see anyone actually destroying their products? Yeah people talk a lot of shit that they actually think they’re going to put a dent into a multi-billion dollar, multi-international company that makes several billion on their quarterly profits, but you might make a small fraction of a dent in them. But the thing is, it’s all about dollar, dollar bills y’all. Like people talk shit about destroying Budweiser and affiliated products, but at the end of the day, they’ll still kick back and enjoy a nice tall beer. Don’t tell them that 3 companies control like 200 different brands!





Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! But hey, those beers ain’t free! In fact the hilarious thing about the current conservative MAGA buzzword is that if you go woke, you go broke. Actually it’s more the opposite, if you go anti-woke, you go broke! Because here’s the thing – Budweiser is cheap. You can get a 36 pack of Budweiser at your local Costco for $36. If you buy a six pack of this new anti-woke beer, it will cost you… $35. Yes, that’s right - $35 for a beer that’s probably worse than Budweiser! Which would be great if they could actually get a producer to manufacture this beer. Yeah it seems like this isn’t a popular idea. Which means either this guy’s a con artist or a troll. We’re hoping troll.





Oh that Homer! Well, here’s the other thing that the MAGAs don’t seem to get about their 10,000,000,000 boycotts – it doesn’t quite work if you buy their products. Yeah, we get that these videos are mad e with the idea of getting likes from other conservatives and attempting to rile up the other side. But here’s the other thing that MAGAs don’t seem to get about their 10,000,000,000 boycotts – we’re not “triggered”. In fact, we’re actually laughing at you because of how utterly ridiculous you look. So while you’re getting your underwear in a wad over yet another stupid commercial that nobody else seems to care about, the executives are the ones laughing all the way to the bank and playing you for the chumps that you are.








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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner: Highlights From CPAC Hungary
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From: Idiots #14-14

Let’s spin the wheel, shall we? Come on, no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… STOP! NO!!! A whammy!!!



Spin it again. Oh hey it’s time for a new Conspiracy Corner!



Welcome back to our segment that attempts to explain the unexplainable, Conspiracy Corner! Of course conspiracies exist when people simply don’t want to read the article past the headlines and just flat out make shit up. We of course are coming to you live from our underground doomsday shelter from deep within the New Mexico badlands. Undisclosed location, of course! Let me just adjust my trusty tin foil hat for maximum government interference. Ah, there we go! They are trying to read yours and my thoughts after all! You know, folks, up until now, the GOP has been using a “wink wink nudge nudge” kind of attitude when it comes to their thoughts regarding authoritarianism. Well, lately it seems they’ve dropped that attitude and are full on embracing their fascist leanings. We’ve reported in the past on the MAGAs’ love for Hungary’s populist authoritarian prime minister Viktor Orban. So is populism creeping its’ way into the United States? Oh you bet it is, and the GOP isn’t stopping there. Hell, they think the president is God and the GOP wants a dictator for life. Which is why the GOP and Fox are continuing to cozy up to Hungary and how their brand of fascism is a model for the US. Which of course, nobody really asked for, or wants.





Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooly shit! That’s quite a bit extreme there! That’s not populism, that’s just straight up Nazism! You know, the concentration camps weren’t built in a day. It started with dehumanization and demonization. And just kept escalating there. On the scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being Holocaust, we’re somewhere in the middle right now. But that could all change in the 2024 election, which we’re all praying will not happen. But in case you’re wondering whether or not the GOP plans to go full genocidal maniac if they win the 2024 election, well, guess what? Your fears definitely aren’t going to be eased.





Yeah so let that sink in for a minute. In case your MAGA nutcase neighbors start spewing crap about paid protestors, there’s paid protestors all right, but guess which side they’re on? Yeah it’s not our side, shocking, I know! And of course like most things involving that guy who we inexplicably used to call president, things get so much worse the more you dig into it. The genocidal rhetoric aside, these guys have some very terrible things in store for the future of the United States. And how can you have a nation without national interests? Seriously their rhetoric is getting so insane that it’s nearly impossible to keep up with it.





Eh, not always. But we can agree that crazy people with tin foil hats are involved. But of course, the GOP just can’t seem to shake the stink of that former president off of them. See, you don’t have to wonder anymore about how the average person fell for Hitler’s evil deeds. We’re witnessing it in real time and things are about to get so much worse. Fascism doesn’t just happen overnight. It may seem like it does, but it doesn’t. It starts out at the local and state levels. But by the time it comes to the national level, it may be too late to do anything about it. But CPAC is basically just another forum for the guy who ruins everything to barf his brains out. Ugh.








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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
[br] [/font] [br]

From: Idiots #14-9

Hey everyone, I don’t know about you, but I could really use a drink!



So of course you know by now that the idea behind this segment is that we have some drinks, and while we are drinking, we talk about literally anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. Which we make that rule, because there’s a lot of really dark shit in the news right now, and it’s best not to mix politics and alcohol, they go together like olive oil and vinegar. Well this week, since we’re in Canada, we thought we’d drink Canadian, because we need to talk about the Saskatchewan city of Regina. And their attempts to rebrand the city’s image and tourism prospects. So tell me, bartender, what goes well with a story about Regina? Some Labatt Blue? Do you have anything stronger? Oh OK, some Crown Royal, I’ll have some of that! Maybe a pint or two of Labatt Blue for a chaser. Can’t be too picky these days! So here's the story is that the city of Regina attempted to do some branding of its’ tourism bureau and it didn’t exactly go over well.





Now there’s a dude who can drink some beer! But yeah you know, if you’re going to rebrand in that way, maybe you should, I don’t know, at least have a test audience before you go live with that product because otherwise it will come back to haunt you! Come on, even Deadpool made a joke about how Regina rhymes with Vagina. So what does the mayor think of this new rebranding attempt? Well, it didn’t exactly go over, what one would call, well. Because yeah, this is the kind of thing that could be grossly misinterpreted in the wrong context.





And yet somehow I don’t think that’s enough beer! But in all seriousness, how did you not see this one coming? I mean even Deadpool made a joke about Regina rhyming with vagina. And I love that they’re attempting to backtrack and call this a “misstep”. That’s absolutely hilarious. There’s no other way to take “show us your Regina” than what it means. It’s like those “don’t mess with Texas” bumper stickers you see next to a “Let’s Go Brandon” sign on your neighbor’s comically oversized F-350. Like they don’t know it’s a trash slogan. But eh, don’t tell them that.





Ah now there’s the good stuff! But what I love about this story is that even a week later it’s still being talked about. And come on, this is the internet and social media era, there’s no such thing as a take back these days. You can’t say something stupid and then expect to scrub it from memory. It’s not like we’re living in Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Nice one! And of course with something as stupid as this, we may never hear the end of it. And they’ll probably keep apologizing again and again and again. And then again, like Jerry Seinfeld said – who are the ad wizards that thought of this one?






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[font size="8"]Stupidest State 2023: Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference Championships
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16 states will enter and only one state will become the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!



Well, folks! The Elite 8 is set! Representing the Batshit Conference, we have Florida and Arizona! From the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, we have Ohio and Kansas! From the Gun Nut Conference, we have Missouri and Montana! And last, but certainly not least, from the Family Values Conference, we have Tennessee and Utah! Last week it was one for the ages. And we really mean that! Tennessee ultimately prevailed with a last second 3 pointer to sink Arkansas, who wasn’t going down without a fight, it was a truly incredible matchup! Meanwhile, over in the Batshit Conference, Arizona dominated South Dakota to play heavily favored Florida! This week it’s the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference championships – Ohio vs Kansas! We’re live from the home of the Seattle Kraken, the Climate Pledge Arena in Seattle for all the exciting action! Let’s go the floor, shall we?

[font size="4"]Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference Round 2: Kansas Vs Ohio [/font]

[font size="2"]Kansas [/font]


The Kansas Jayhawks are back and they are favorites in the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference for one reason – greed! And boy is there some greed in the Sunflower State. Kansas is of course the home to the right wing billionaires that everyone loves to hate – Koch Industries. But the biggest story out of the Sunflower State currently is a massive food tax problem. But the problem is that once again, conservatives favor the party of the rich and they don’t care about anyone else. Yet they say that they care about you, the working class. Because that’s what the GOP does. Bottom line: don’t vote with just your wallet, because it never ends well.





Yes, that’s the point – everyone always wants more, more, more! So what’s the solution to that, you might ask? Well, I answer you, sir or madam – the answer is to offset with a food tax! Which of course means more money for Koch Industries! Yeah, that’s the same old story time and time again – the rich get richer, while the poor get screwed. Fox News and corporate greed – it’s the reason why we can’t have nice things.





[font size="2"]Ohio [/font]


The Buckeye State has finally found their home in the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference! When we last checked in, they had taken out Wisconsin thanks to a series of train derailments, while their representatives at the state level are fighting over bullshit culture war issues that they had heard about on Fox News. Well, the shit hitting the fan surrounding the Norfolk Southern incident has hit the proverbial fan, because it’s getting real. And it’s getting to the point where it’s going to start affecting a whole lot of people in various different ways. Again, folks, don’t vote with your wallet because this is the kind of shit that happens when you do.





Yes, holy shit indeed! So how does the Ohio state legislature respond? By fighting about bullshit culture war issues because that’s all Tucker Carlson talks about! Yes, it’s the same old story time and time again – Fox News keeps us fighting with each other over bullshit culture war issues while the right wing consolidates all the wealth and power in this country. This is how they keep stealing elections, schoolboards, courts, you name it. I tell you, right wing politics is an absolute racket in this country and it's really starting to show.





[font size="2"]And The Winner Is: [/font]

We have a winner! In a stunning upset, Ohio has taken Kansas by a score of 10 going into the last minute of the game… for three… it’s good! A foul has been called. First shot in… yes! Second… oh a miss. But the damage has been done! Ohio takes the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference and they are going to the Final Four! Final score: 88 – 74! They are celebrating on the court, Ohio has made their first Final Four in NFFSA history! Cut that net guys! You earned it!



[font size="4"]Next Week: [/font]

Next week, it’s the Gun Nut Conference Championships! Missouri. Montana. One of these states will advance to the Final Four! Who will bring their big guns? Only one way to find out! We’re live at the home of the Florida Panthers, the FTX Arena in Miami, Florida for all the exciting action!
https://www.timesreporter.com/story/news/politics/2023/04/04/culture-wars-lawmakers-push-anti-abortion-anti-transgender-bills/70056189007/




[font size="4"]And Now This: [/font]
[font size="4"]Joe Bonamassa[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is one of the biggest names in contemporary blues. You can see him live at Red Rocks Amphitheater on August 6th and at the Hollywood Bowl August 9th. Playing his song “Mind’s Eye” from his new live album “Tales Of Time”, give it up for the man, the myth, the legend – Joe Bonamassa!



Thank you Denver! We’re taking a short break next week, we’ll be back on May 11th live from San Francisco Sketch Fest with live music from the legendary NOFX and the famous Wheel Of Corruption!

See you in two weeks!

Credits

Host: Initech
Joe Bonamassa Appears Courtesy Of: J&R Adventures
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of A Live Audience At: Ogden Theater, Denver, CO
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Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
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Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
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Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com


Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

May 25, 2023

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #14-16: Everybody Wants To Impeach The World Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #14-16: Everybody Wants To Impeach The World Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Yoooooooooooooooo!!! What’s up, Santa Ana? How are you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! You know, our favorite late night shows may be affected by the WGA strike but we’re still here and ready to bring you plenty of comedy! Well, here we are at the end of the season already, now don’t be sad! We’re coming back in July and things are going to be big for us. But I will say that a lot of people have been asking us about the future of the Top 10. I can assure you that we will have an announcement coming in the next few weeks. But we’re not sure what the future is going to hold for our fine program after the conclusion of season 15 which will end with our 2023 Year In Review Edition on 12/15/23. But whatever decision we make, we can assure you it will be for the greater good of the program. THE GREATER GOOD! Do we have time for the thing? Of course we do! So you know right now the WGA writer’s strike is going on in Los Angeles and New York right now, and everyone is affected because of this. In fact even we’re affected because we can’t even really bring you any of the funny talk show clips that we regularly feature here. We actually had a planned edition of our segment on corporate greed, Late Stage Capitalism about the strike that will air in one of our Best Of editions while we’re gone for the summer. But really people, pay your damn writers a living wage! Do we really have to put Rivers Cuomo on the case? Yeah, the writers have got a lot of support from the industry! Even our good friends Weezer are joining in! But networks are replacing scripted shows with reality shows. We don’t want… no we’re not getting replaced with a reality show, stop it already! OK fine! Yes, stay tuned for MILF Island! OK enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to, but first we have to play this clip from John Oliver talking about Fox News vs Joe Biden vs the US – Mexico border. It’s a clusterfuck!



Well, folks! It’s the season finale! And before we get out of here for the summer, we’re going to sprinkle this edition with some of our patented Clips Without Context! Because there’s way too many of them out there, and conservatives keep giving us fresh content for free! Isn’t that generous of them? Well in the number one slot this week, it goes to our old friend Marjorie Three Names (1), who last week announced “Impeachment Week” because apparently ridding the government of anyone with a D next to their name is the “will of the Republicans”, but really just a group of deranged conspiracy theorists who spend way too much time on conservative podcasts. In the second slot this week is our old buddy Ron DeSantis (2). Yes, Ron’s on a warpath to go full Nazi, and his ever-increasing legislation is getting more evil by the day, with the premise that he’s “saving the children” from something. What it is, we don’t know for sure. In the third slot this week is Conservatives vs Tik Tok (3) and specifically the state of Montana has become the first to ban Tik Tok, because of the right wing’s increasing derangement and hostility towards the “Chinese Communist Party”. Yeah tell us you get all your news from Infowars without telling us you get all your news from Infowars. In the number 4 slot this week is CNN (4). Wait, what??? Yes, CNN, once a bastion for liberals and a direct competitor to Fox, is now a shell of its’ former self, thanks to its’ new right wing president, and the hits just keep on coming! In the number 5 slot this week is a new We’re All Gonna Die (5) and this week, the UN has sounded the alarm on climate change and we could hit catastrophic levels in the next few years. But is it really going to kill us all? Probably. In the number 6 slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and this week, there was a shocking revelation from the Mormon Church’s headquarters in Salt Lake City that they have way too much money and they don’t know what to do with it all! Can we have some, please? Taking the number 7 slot this week, we add former Auburn coach and current Fox News MAGA Q Anon senator Tommy Tuberville (Q – Insurrectionist) to the ever-growing list of People Who Somehow Got Elected (7). In the number 8 slot this week is our weekly venture into the world of online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner (8), and this week, Trump is trying to deflect from his recent woes by going after the Clintons again. Because, derangement, and he’s also got some bullshit in the form of a right wing book called “Clinton Cash”. Eh, this one is too stupid to insult. In the number 9 (NEIN!!) slot this week, we have a new “I Need A Drink” and holy shit, we have to talk about this absolutely ridiculous lawsuit about who owns the trademark to “Taco Tuesday”. Because it’s truly insane. Finally this week, it’s Stupidest State 2023 (10). IT. ALL. COMES. DOWN. TO. THIS. It’s the Stupidest State 2023 Championship. #1 Florida against #2 Missouri. We are live at the home of champions, the fabulous Staples Center in Los Angeles with the game, the ceremonies, the champagne, the trophy presentation, and of course One Shining Moment! Plus to cap things off, we have some live music from a little band called, I don’t know. Metallica! Yes, buy their new album 72 Seasons or you’re no friend of this program! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Marjorie Three Names
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Hey everyone, it’s time for one of our patented (patent pending) Clips Without Context!



Oh dear god no. Last thing we need is white supremacist scumbags in the Senate. It’s bad enough they’re already polluting the House. Now back to our regularly scheduled program!

Look, if the last three years of hearing every stupid thing that comes out of Marjorie Taylor Greene’s (Q – Batshit) mouth 24 hours a day has taught us anything, it’s this – stop giving a megaphone to stupid people! People who are as crazy and out of touch with reality as Marjorie Greene is, we used to give people like that the straight jacket and padded walls treatment. The sad thing is, it might be a long time before we finally decide to give these MAGA Q dipshits who won’t shut up and go on every terrible internet talk show you can think of, the heave ho that they so richly deserve. But anyway, Marjorie’s latest ridiculous stunt is going on an impeachment warpath. And it was quite the stuff of pure, unaltered insanity. It’s one thing to suggest firing a person or two. But she has suggested firing the entire democratic party because it’s the “will of the republicans”. Well I got news for you, Marjorie – we don’t want the “will of the republicans”! That’s why we voted you out twice. But wait – hold your boos.





Yeah see, kids? Wait, I said hold your boos! This is what happens when your brain is rotted by a steady stream of 24 hour a day right wing propaganda. It turns your brain to mush and your choices are dictated by what you saw on Sean Hannity last night. So impeach everybody. Like the Tears For Fears song – everybody wants to impeach the world! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! I don’t want to brag, but we do have Tears For Fears confirmed as a guest next season! It’s a drug and an addiction, and the people who are addicted to it. And come on, who needs to think critically when Fox News does all of your critical thinking for you? But again, hold your boos because Marjorie Greene is currently swirling the drain with her impeachment announcements and it’s the stuff of pure idiocy and insanity.





Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… fucking what??? Wait a minute, she’s going after the FBI director for his involvement in that insane plot to kidnap Michigan governor Whitman over… *checks notes* doing his job. But then last week, ol’ Marge dropped the proverbial big one. She’s going to attempt to impeach Biden again. And I don’t even need to point out that this is the third time that she has attempted to do so, because, I don’t know, this has to be some kind of derangement syndrome. So you know, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three or more times…shame on you? I don’t know anymore, these are some really stupid ass people we’re dealing with.





Yeah that is a good question, Marjorie, what the hell is wrong with you? I mean, they’ll impeach Biden because reasons, but they’ll stand behind continuously lying asshole George Santos, also because, reasons, apparently. But speaking of someone who’s lying her ass off, despite multiple failed attempts to impeach Biden that don’t go anywhere, Marjorie put out a “survey” from her Twitter followers that claims to backup the results that people want Biden impeached. No one wants Biden impeached except for deranged internet conspiracy theorists and the few people left who still support the asshole who we used to call president. What’s the point of having a survey if you’re going to rig the results? SMDH. BTW, nobody tell them that Twitter polls don’t translate to votes!






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[font size="8"]Ron DeSantis
[br] [/font] [br]

This is actually perfect timing here because we’re off for the summer after tonight, so we won’t get to cover Ronnie’s big announcement, even though we all know what it will be. So the worst governor in American history and the biggest partisan extremist elected to office since Joseph McCarthy wants to be president? Well, let’s take a look at his track record and what’s going on in the Sunshine State. First off, let’s address the book bans. What the right wing is doing in regards to banning books is absolutely horrifying. We here at the Top 10 Home Offices in Santa Ana, California, have been contemplating what the ultimate end game of the MAGAs is, and it’s not good. In fact we see scenarios like mass murder and public executions happening under the next GOP president. And let’s take it from Salman Rushdie – a man who’s no stranger to being banned from the public square. He’s absolutely 100% right on the money on this issue.





Oh and we can’t forget about his ongoing feud with Disney, oh no. This is an absolute disaster and he won’t stop. Desantis is like the villain in an action movie where he keeps getting beat down, only to keep coming back to life. Yes, like some kind of fucked up T2. But as long as Desantis is governor, we don’t expect him to quietly retreat into the night. Oh no, he’ll continue to get louder and crazier about his fight with Disney. And it’s so stupid too. It’s all about partisan political bullshit. Ron Desantis is enabled and emboldened by Fox News, and they will continue to enable and embolden this psychopath for a very long time.





Yeah come on, Florida! Do you really want this guy as your leader? We’ve got to start loosening Fox News’ iron grip on that state. And by the way, in case you were wondering, the GOP doesn’t give a flying fuck about free speech. It’s one of those “I’ve got mine so fuck you” kind of deals. But we have to talk about how this one “parent”, and we say parent in quotation marks because we’re not sure if this person is a parent with kids in this school and filed a legitimate complaint, or is a social media shit stirrer. We’re leaning towards the latter. But because MAGA conservatives currently run the Miami – Dade school board, they don’t give a fuck. And this is just in one state. Imagine what this would be like on a national scale. And this is criminally insane. That “parent” and the school board should be chastised into oblivion.





God damn it. This moron didn’t even read the poem or know who it was by. Fuck off! This is why we can’t have nice things. Just… ah!!! Florida continues to circle the drain on a daily basis. The complaint itself is criminally insane too. I won’t post it, but it is worth a Google search. But that being said, don’t expect criticism of Ron DeSantis to come any time soon. Because Ron DeSantis is surrounding himself with ass kissers, bootlickers, and yes men, and is actively working to silence any opposition towards him. Which means that if he’s president, imagine this on a national scale. That would basically mean the end of the Top 10 as we know it, and every other program like ours!






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[font size="8"]Montana Bans Tik Tok
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Oh look, it’s time for another Clip Without Context!



Man, as if we didn’t need any more of a reason for the MAGAs getting increasingly more cult like. I mean holy crap. This merger of church and state is the stuff of nightmares! OK back to regularly scheduled programming!

Benjamin Franklin once said “Those who are willing to trade their freedom for security don’t deserve either”. It was true in 1789 and it’s true in 2023. But then again I’m sure our founding fathers didn’t envision the MAGA conspiracy theory wing of the GOP when they wrote the Constitution, but here we are. So you may have heard talk actually coming from both parties about whether or not to ban the Chinese social media app Tik Tok from app stores. And yes, but actually both parties kind of agree on this one, because it’s about security as Tik Tok is hosted on servers that are somewhere in the middle of China on unsecured servers, and they’re notorious for stealing your data. But one such MAGA conspiracy theorist who is bent on banning Tik Tok whether we want to or not, is Montana governor and part time professional wrestler Greg Gianforte. Yes, Mr. Body Slammer himself banned Tik Tok and then gave the country a giant middle finger in the process.





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Chinese Communist Party? Shut the fuck up and get that Alex Jones bullshit out of here. So you might be asking “why ban Tik Tok?”. Well, I answer you, good sir or madam, aside from giving us insane challenges like running through brick walls to imitate the Kool Aid Man (see: Top 10 #14-6 ) or smuggling Fruit Roll Ups past airport security before flying to Isreal (see: Top 10 #14-13 ), the biggest reason is national security. But again, that all goes to that original Ben Franklin quote that we mentioned earlier.





No, but probably soon. Look, we get it – Montana is a bright red state and we don’t see it being flipped to blue anytime soon. But make no mistake that the GOP is looking to hurt Biden in any way possible and they’re setting their sites on Tik Tok – which a social media app that is very popular among the young people of the United States. And young people do not vote conservative. So conservatives think that if they take their toy away from them, it will turn the youth of America against the ruling party and then all hell will break loose. So yeah Montana is just a test bed for the kind of damage that the GOP could do to free speech. And isn’t it ironic that the people who are the ones to claim their freedom of speech rights are being trampled on are the first to enact laws prohibiting freedom of speech?





So yeah if you can’t beat ‘em, sue ‘em! So you might be wondering – how is this ban going to be enforced if it’s on cell phones? Well, that is a very good question. The logistics of such a ban are completely insane and actually downright terrifying. Well, since they can’t individually police existing users, they’re going after the source themselves. Which in and of itself is completely reckless and unconstitutional, and the state of Montana can and most likely will get sued to shit over this, and it will probably go before SCOTUS. But make no mistake that the GOP’s CCP derangement syndrome is showing, and it will come back to bite them in the ass hard.






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[font size="8"]CNN
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CNN, we need to have an intervention. What you’re doing right now ain’t working. In the last week, you let go of one of your key anchors, Don Lemon. And had that disastrous Trump Town Hall which has had the producers of the network absolutely seething. You’re clearly doing something wrong here. And what you’re doing wrong is – don’t fuck with Nazis! Period! OK? Stop it! Stop going down the alt right social media conspiracy theory wormhole! That shit is bad for you! It’s destroyed families. It’s turned friends against each other. It’s doing untold damage to this country that may take a century or more to repair and recover from it. And now CNN – once a liberal bastion and the centerpiece on how to correctly run a 24 hour a day cable news network – has since become a shell of its’ former self since new CEO Chris Licht took over and now they’re basically just another wannabe Fox News but with less conservative viewership.





Yeah so that happened. CNN is now officially worse than Newsmax. And I honestly didn’t think that was possible. No really, I didn’t see it coming. And the last thing we need on earth is more right wing republican bullshit polluting the airwaves. We already have way, way too much of it. Conservatives control 2,500 radio stations across the United States. They have a monopoly on small town, syndicated TV networks. They have Fox News, Newsmax, Infowars, and OAN. Now they’re coming after CNN because it’s a get revenge quick scheme for Donald Trump. They don’t need any more. MAGA conservatives are the “GIVE ME THAT! IT’S MINE!!!” party.





At leas t there’s some cooler heads prevailing at that network when the bosses have all lost their damn minds. Look, I’m a capitalist. I get that companies want to sell more product. But I also know that when you introduce too many similar products into an ecosystem, the value of that product goes down significantly. Make no mistake that the Trump Town Hall was a carefully targeted and weaponized political hit job that was designed to sow discourse in CNN and turn swing voters who would otherwise watch the network to extremist online news sources. No doubt Steve Bannon was behind this piece of clap trap.





Now this is ironic – CNN’s own columnists are criticizing how disastrous the network has been under their new CEO. Look, we don’t need more conservative propaganda. If anything, there’s way, way, way too much of it. And this is just adding one more to the pile. But that being said, the remaining true liberal broadcast networks don’t want to go down the same wormhole that CNN did. Nope, because as we’ve seen, you don’t hang out with Nazis. These are very bad people. Look at what they did to people like Kanye West and Donald Trump. Now even the state of Florida is paying the price for hanging out with Nazis. So don’t go full Nazi. Never, ever go full Nazi. And once again, this is just handing another victory to the bad guys, as Fox wins again.






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[font size="8"]We’re All Gonna Die: Climate Change Catastrophe
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Hey everyone, guess what? We’re all gonna die! Wooooooooooooooooooooo! Wooooooooooooooo! Wooooooooo. Woooo. Woo. Woo. So what’ s going to kill us all this week? Well, it’s climate change and things don’t exactly look, what one would call, particularly good. In fact it’s pretty bad. But now the UN apparently has a date for when things will go from bad to “shit hits the fan”. Yes, clean that shit up now, please! So the date when things could go from bad to potentially catastrophic for us is around the year 2030. That’s right, we’ve got… 7 years to get ready. Better start packing your shit now, folks. But you know, we kid, but we can’t overlook the fact that if we don’t change things, a whole lot of us are going to die because of this. Hey, that’s the name of this segment! So, audience, just how bad is it? HOW BAD IS IT? Well, if the earth passes the 1.5’C threshold as set by the UN, that is when the proverbial shit is going to hit the fan. And unlike what we recently experienced with COVID-19, there’s no vaccine that’s going to prevent people from dying because of climate change. And the effects of the 1.5’C threshold might be irreversible. Good evening, everybody!





Yeah it’s not “we’re all gonna die” bad, but it’s pretty bad, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better any time soon. And the thing that makes this worse is that Fox News has spent the last 25 years saying that climate change is no big deal. And if it seems like it’s getting hotter, it is. There’s no denying that the overpopulation of this country, combined with the lack of resources needed to support the overpopulation, and the fact that over half this country doesn’t seem to give a shit that a lot of people are going die, and that’s going to result in a toxic nightmare.





Yeah so people, wake up and stop fucking around! Fox News viewers, you’ve been lied to by Sean Hannity and that Greg Gutfeld asshole, stop watching that shit, it is bad for you! Remember during COVID how people told you to “trust the science”? Well, the science is real and it’s there, and it’s telling us that we need to make significant changes to our way of life or we’ll risk losing everything. Of course as we speak, the dark corners of the internet are probably formulating plans on how to kill large numbers of people through memeing them to death. Well, I mean hey, we saw the damage the meme wars could do during COVID. Imagine what will happen here.





Yeah so 200 countries are already signed on board with this measure to stop it. Of course the MAGAs would laugh at this and call you a globalist-enabling pedophile just for bringing it up. Who knew that the end of humanity would boil down to four simple words? But yes, it is getting hotter in here, and no, it’s not just you. It really is getting hotter in here, and there may be no going back. We may have to live with the extreme heat for the foreseeable future, and don’t say we didn’t warn you. Because we are warning you now! We need to work together to save the planet. Do not be distracted by the shiny objects on Fox News every single night!





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[font size="8"]Holy Shit: Mormon Finance Apocalypse
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Hey everyone it’s time for another one of our Clips Without Context!



Yeah I can totally hear Jesus right now saying “leave me the fuck out of this!!!”. Speaking of Jesus, hey, it’s time for Holy Shit!

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! Please be seated! You know, this is the end of our season, and I’d like to take a moment to address the clergy on a recent controversy of ours. It seems we’ve got a lot of unfair criticism lately that suggests that we spend most of our time talking about Christianity. Now, Christianity is the dominant religion in the United States, and as such, it dominates the news. But the thing that we’re most alarmed about is the rise of white nationalism dominating American Christianity and American megachurches. But that’s not what we’re here to discuss this week. This week, we’re here to discuss another very uniquely American religion – Mormonism. Yes, the religion founded by Joseph Smith in the 1850s is famously ultra conservative, which means that they most likely support the Unholy Dark One. Many counties in Utah went for the Dark One in the last election. But the Mormon church also practices something called “tithing” which means that its’ members contribute whatever it can to the church. We don’t support that sort of thing here, but you can buy our merchandise after the show! Well now the church has so much money that they don’t know what to do with it! I wish we had that problem!





Now don’t boo – wait until you hear that everything is tax exempt! Now you can boo as much as you want, come on don’t be shy! Let it out! Because that’s what the good LAWRD JAYSUS would want you to do now, isn’t it? But when the church’s own investment firm has so much money that they don’t know what to do with it all, naturally there’s going to be some problems that arise as a result. So tithing is a pretty terrible practice in general. But when you combine tithing with America’s religious exemption where churches don’t have to pay taxes on anything, then it becomes a very serious problem! If only we taxed churches!





Of course, you know that the people who have this much money aren’t going to use it for good, and you know that they’re not being entirely honest about how much they make or spend. But this scandal definitely gets weirder the more you dig into it, and it definitely shows what a glorious and complete lack of accountability does. It also shows that maybe giving churches tax exempt status was one of the worst ideas in US history! When you have so much money that you don’t know what to do with it all, don’t you think that it’s time you start paying your fair share? It is way past time to end the free ride for the holier than thou crowd!





So let’s think about this here for a minute. The church started a shadow corporation but it’s really based in Utah under the guise of laundering money because it was making way more than it could spend. Hey US government, do you see where this is a problem? Imagine that money being taxed and the programs that it could fund! I mean think about it - $100 BILLION DOLLARS. That’s a very spicy meatball! And the people who are profiting off of this don’t represent the forces of good. They represent the unholy, ungodly Dark One! I of course speak of a man so foul and disgusting that his name dare not be spoken in my church! But of course you do not heed our warnings! Tax the churches! And do it now! We might make enough money to avoid the debt ceiling!





All right, folks! That’s it for us, we’re out of here for the summer. We’ll be back on July 20th with fresh shenanigans from our religious brothers and sisters! Also don’t forget, Holy Shit: The Sunday Sermons season 2 premiers Sunday, August 11th! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this season for:




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[font size="8"]People Who Somehow Got Elected: Tommy Tuberville
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Politicians at the state, local, and national levels who are so terrible and toxic, you wonder how they’re able to get away with the things that they get away with. This is:



This week: Alabama senator Tommy Tuberville (Q – Batshit). How in the ever loving hell did this guy get elected? Well, Fox News, that’s how. Tuberville is an obvious by-product of the Fox News fearmongering and mental conditioning system. Well, he watches Fox News 24 hours a day, and eats, sleeps, and breathes MAGA, which makes him the ideal candidate for the MAGA cause. In case you’re wondering if Tuberville has any actual experience doing any real world governing, well, he doesn’t. And the MAGAs will turn out in droves to vote for Washington outsiders. And only in the MAGA party can a guy who knows nothing about government get elected to one of the highest offices in the land to do as much damage as humanly possible. Tuberville’s qualifications for running for office are… he has none. He was a football coach for the University Of Cincinnati, and not a very good one. He then went to Auburn where he won an NCAA championship. That’s about it. But his time at Cincinnati is considered to be extremely sketchy at best, and word is that he treated his players very horribly.





Yes, Tuberville was such a terrible coach that players think that they should deserve some kind of monetary settlement because of that. So how does that translate into his ability to be a senator from Alabama? Well, it doesn’t really. Because Tuberville is one of those southern “Good Ol’ Boys” who are racist as fuck. And Tuberville actually supports white nationalism. In fact, he supports white nationalism so much that he’s willing to look the other way on white nationalists in the military. Yes, he is technically correct that white nationalists are Americans, but these are not the people we want representing us in any way. In fact, we fought two wars against this sort of thing.





Yes, tell us you don’t know anything about the United States military without telling me you don’t know anything about the United States military. By the way, Tuberville doesn’t quite get how the military works because he apparently is holding back promotions for military staff if they don’t cave into his abortion demands. That’s correct – the Fox News culture wars that have been permeating every single last crevasse of the United States over the last 20 years have now begun to affect the military in very strange ways. And we can thank “Senator” Tuberville for this one. Yes, we put the word “senator” in quotation marks because whatever Tuberville is representing certainly isn’t us.





That’s about what being a player under Tuberville was like, by the way. And with the republicans increasingly warming up to the idea of fascism in America, what is the next logical step for MAGA Q republicans like Tuberville? They want to simply suspend elections. That’s right – no elections for anyone, because conservatives can’t handle being in a real democracy. And of course, when their ideas backfire on them, they turn to Fox News and other extremely terrible right wing sources because that’s their safe space. Once again, Fox News proves to be the reason why we can’t have nice things, and won’t be getting them any time soon.




That’s the Fox News installed senator from Alabama and self-proclaimed white nationalist fan Tommy Tuberville. Yet another one of the inexplicably vile politicians to add to the ever growing list of:




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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner
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Hey it’s time for another one of our Clips Without Context!



There you have it, folks. The craziest person ever elected to Congress laughing it up with known white nationalists. You can’t make this shit up. Speaking of crazy, it’s time for Conspiracy Corner!



Welcome back to our segment that attempts to explain the unexplainable, Conspiracy Corner! Of course conspiracies exist when people simply don’t want to read the article past the headlines and just flat out make shit up. We of course are coming to you live from our underground doomsday shelter from deep within the New Mexico badlands. Undisclosed location, of course! Let me just adjust my trusty tin foil hat for maximum government interference. Ah, there we go! They are trying to read yours and my thoughts after all! So as we know, that guy who we inexplicably used to call president, Donald J. Trump, got his ass handed to him in court over the E. Jean Carroll lawsuit. So what’s a good bully to do after he gets his ass kicked time and time again? Well, naturally you deflect. And so he’s instructed his minions in Congress and the Senate to launch an investigation into… Hillary Clinton. That’s right, the former First Lady and New York Senator, who’s been the subject of 100,000,000 investigations over the last 20 years by conservatives, is the subject of yet another investigation. Come on, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 100,000,000 times… also shame on you.





I feel like that’s too much tin foil. But this whole thing really highlights the differences between the two parties. Because conservatives are dominated by far right talk shows, even further right podcasts, and even further right than that megachurch pastors. It’s basically just a toxic stew of racists and conspiracy theorists. Remember the good old days when conspiracy theories were about Bigfoot and Area 51 and we used to mock the hell out of them because we knew these guys were crazy? Well, we know these guys are crazy, but they’re protected by a massive and far reaching propaganda network.





OK Rupert, it’s time we ask this question – where on this doll did Hillary Clinton hurt you? Because this is certifiably insane. Of course conservatives are going to say that any answer that that isn’t 100% in favor of the fascists is the wrong answer. But how can they say that when Russian collusion is everywhere in the GOP? GOP representatives have vacationed in Moscow. MAGA conservatives exchange messages on Telegram, which is operated on Russian servers. It’s like how murderers get off when they go judge shopping and watch the same talk shows that the judges do. Yeah like that guy.





Gee, why am I not shocked at all that Sean Hannity is behind this? Fox seems intent on beating this dead horse into the ground. And they won’t be satisfied with any answer that isn’t 100% in favor of the cult, because that’s what the cult wants. The cult wants what the cult wants. Yes, we know that the answer from the Durham report wasn’t what we wanted to hear. But unlike the right, we’re not a bunch of deranged sociopaths. We will just shrug it off and move onto their next abomination. As long as Fox News is still around, you can bet that we’ll be subjected to scandal after scandal. Because peace, prosperity, and rule of law isn’t good for ratings. And of course the process is broken, because conservatives are the ones who broke it!






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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink: Taco Bell Vs Taco Tuesday
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Hey everyone, I don’t know about you, but I could really use a drink!



So of course you know by now that the idea of this segment is that we have some drinks, and while we are drinking, we talk about literally anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. Because there’s a lot of really dark shit out there, and we always find that mixing booze and politics never ends well for anybody. And we like our booze, beer, and wine here! And my sober brothers and sisters, we got you covered too! Grab a glass of your favorite coffee or energy drink and get wired with us! So this week, there’s a war brewing over who coined the phrase “Taco Tuesday”. Everyone knows and loves a good Taco Tuesday. Hell it’s practically engraved in American culture at this point. So tell me, bartender, what goes well with a story about Taco Tuesday? A margarita? OK, I’ll have the classic one, with a good reposado tequila. On the rocks. So this week, there’s some fighting going on about who originally coined the phrase “Taco Tuesday”. And this is one of those stories that gets weirder the more that you dig into it. It started because that purveyor of the cheap taco, Taco Bell, had questions about whether or not the phrase Taco Tuesday could be trademarked or not. And we say “good luck with that one!”.





Come on really, has anyone actually eaten at Taco John’s? Well, I guess not because there’s only six of them in the entire country. Whereas there’s thousands of Taco Bell locations in the greater United States and parts beyond. I mean come on, there was even a Taco Bell themed hotel in Palm Springs, how about that, Taco John’s? And by the way in case you’re wondering where the idea of Taco Tuesday originated from, it goes back to the year 1989 when a place in Cheyenne, Wyoming called Taco John’s coined it as a way to drive up sales. But even then, the US government claims to have a trademark from a restaurant in Somers Point, New Jersey called Gregory’s Restaurant & Bar, that claims to have coined the term back in 1982.





So the moral of the story here is that Taco John’s is a small time taco chain, but you don’t want to end up on their naughty list. They may be small, but they do have an army of some very powerful lawyers at their disposal. Hell, just ask Lakers star LeBron James about this story as he attempted to trademark Taco Tuesday back in 2019 and it backfired on him about as well as you’d expect. But it did get a dialogue going – can you trademark a commonly used term? Well, there is Taco John’s, and they have something that LeBron doesn’t – the corporate lawyer. And a huge team of them.





Now that has us wondering why LeBron was attempting to trademark Taco Tuesday. But that being said, this is a fight that isn’t going away any time soon. Taco John’s may have corporate lawyers, but Taco Bell has multi-national enterprise lawyers. And a multi-national conglomerate like Taco Bell asking a much smaller chain to give up a trademark is like asking the government to take over a private business district – oh wait, that’s already happening in Florida. But the war on who will get control over who gets to eat their tacos on Taco Tuesday will be raging on for quite some time. Yes, I realize that phrase did sound poorly now that I think about it!






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[font size="8"]Stupidest State 2023: The Championship
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Let’s do one last Clip Without Context before we head out for the season!



Ha ha ha… fucking what??? These people are off the rails batshit crazy. Trump is nothing like Martin Luther. Just… AH!!!! Get me away from these crazy lunatics! And now it’s time for what you’ve all been waiting for: The 2023 Stupidest State Championships!

16 states will enter and only one state will become the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!



Wow, folks! Here we are! IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS! It’s the Stupidest State 2023 grand championships! Last week, it was a Final Four for the ages! Florida rose above a very strong challenge from the young and capable Ohio team to secure their Flyover League title. Meanwhile, over in the Layover League – this happened. Missouri for three… IT’S IN!!!! Missouri has shocked the crowd and sent Tennessee home and they are going to the Finals! So here we are. Florida. Missouri. One of these two will win it all. We are live from the home of champions, the Los Angeles Lakers and Kings, the legendary Staples Center in downtown Los Angeles with all of the exciting action! Let’s go to the floor, shall we?

[font size="4"]Stupidest State 2023 Championship [/font]

[font size="2"]Florida [/font]


The Sunshine State has been dominating the news this year, and that’s mainly because of its’ leader Ron Desantis, seems bent on bringing some old school fascism to the United States. Despite the fact that Florida is home to some world class universities, they’re also home to some of the ugliest political strife in the entire country. Let’s look at their Department of Education. Which is currently warning us about what’s to come should the GOP get back into power in 2024. In fact DeSantis’ brand of authoritarianism is the stuff of pure evil. And we have been trying to tell you about this, and half the country isn’t either listening or they just plain don’t care. But make no mistake that unless we say no to DeSantis in 2024, Florida’s brand of fire and brimstone fascism is just the beginning.





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! In case you’re wondering if things can’t possibly get any more evil in Florida, oh I can assure you, the scumbags in charge in that state are just getting started! Imagine if you’re an immigrant looking to come to the land of the free. Well, America is no longer the land of the free, at least if you’re in Florida. New immigrants looking to come to the Sunshine State will have to get verified through a rather draconian verification process. Shit, what’s next? Going full Nazi and making them wear patches on their shirts? They will take the shit jobs working in the farms and fast food restaurants and they will shut up or they’re fired!





Yeah BOOOOOOOOOO!!! Everything that’s happening in Florida right now is shockingly evil. But is it really that shocking? To those of us who are following the nightmare shit show that’s happening right now, the answer is no. But to those of us who think that Florida could be flipped in 2024, I’m here to tell you – you’re probably kidding yourself. Florida may be lost for a generation or two. The voters will wake up at some point. But I would call 2024 a wash right now. Florida is, however, guaranteed to be what people are calling a “circus of the abusrd” for the next 10 -15 – 20 years and beyond.




[font size="2"]Missouri [/font]


The Show Me State has been propelled to the top of the class because they are a bright red state and went even redder in 2022. But the one thing is clear in Missouri is that they love them some guns. Yes, in 2020, Missouri was the center of the George Floyd protests with the McCloskeys – yes, those gun toting maniacs who became overnight right wing cause celebs because they had the nerve to flash their pieces out in public. But we’re going to talk about a different aspect of Missouri – children. Yes, the GOP is absolutely obsessed with children in a not at all creepy way. Actually, we’re wrong – the GOP’s obsession with children is super fucking creepy. And do we really need them policing what children read, say or do in 2023? The answer is HELL NO!





Yeah so much for free speech! At least you tried! And speaking of speech, what about guns? Apparently some 2A absolutionists seem to get the 2nd amendment confused with the first amendment. Guns are not free speech, OK? Well, in this country, when mass shootings are at an all time high, guess what the gun nuts in Missouri want to do? They want to combine their two favorite vices - guns and church. That is right. The Missouri House passed a bill that would allow guns in places of worship. And they also want to eliminate gun free zones on top of that. Gee, what could possibly go wrong?





And by the way, you might be asking “WONT SOMEBODY PLEAE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!”, well, guess what? Missouri is thinking about the children. No, they’re not going to ban AR-15s or any kind of semi-automatic weapons. Instead they’re banning… wait for it… drag shows. But unlike other states, they’re not banning drag shows under the guise of “protecting kids”, which in and of itself is a steaming load of FDA certified, grade A bullshit. No, they want to ban drag shows from any and all performance venues in the Show Me State. Can we stop electing crazy people to office, please??? Stop it now!





[font size="2"]And The Winner Is: [/font]

We have a winner!!!! Folks, there is no mistake about this one. Florida is leading in the 2nd half with 1 minute to go. Up by 10… for three! YES!!! And now a foul has been called! First free throw is in… and it’s good! Florida now up by 14. Second free throw… it’s in! And that’s the game! Florida has won the championship by a final score of 101 – 86! They are celebrating on the court and that’s the end of this tournament!

[font size="4"]The Trophy Presentation [/font]





[font size="4"]The Champagne Celebration [/font]



[font size="4"]Statement From The Commissioner [/font]

Wow, that was a tournament for the ages! Florida has emerged as the 2023 Stupidest State grand champions! Under Ron DeSantis, they have proven to be a shining example of conservative idiocy and a preview of the brand of fascism that you can expect if they retake the White House next year and we all hope that they won’t. But Florida, I am proud to present you with the DeLay Trophy. You guys were the number one team during the regular season and now you have absolutely dominated the playoffs. And I want to thank all of the teams that participated in this year’s tournament. I want to thank our staff, the crew, and most importantly the fans, because without you guys, we wouldn’t be doing this thing! We’ll be back next year, but for now lets’ get out of here and sing that song that we all know and love!

[font size="2"]One Shining Moment [/font]





[font size="4"]And Now This: [/font]
[font size="4"]Metallica[/font]



Folks, let’s get this post season party started! my next guest is one of the legendary “Big 4” heavy metal groups. You can see them on their “No Repeat Weekend” tour August 25th and 27th at SoFi Stadium, and also stops in Phoenix, New York, and other places around the US. Playing their song Lux AEterna, give it up for the one, the only Metallica!



Well, folks, this is the end of our season! I want to thank my staff, my crew, all of our host venues, and all of the great bands we’ve featured this season. We are out of here for the summer! Our 15th season starts July 20th! But don’t worry, we’ll bring you plenty of content in the meantime! See you then!

Credits

Host: Initech
Metallica Appears Courtesy Of: BMG Rights Management
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of A Live Audience At: Constellation Room At Observatory OC, Santa Ana, CA
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
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Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo