That is how f**ked up this entire thing is. They have gotten my application for supplementary income wrong for fourth time. They have put that we own the home. We don't. this is going to make the people assessing my request to believe that we own this place. They are going to tell me to f**k off for the second time in ten years because they cannot keep their information straight from one person to the next.
And people wonder why I am such a cynic...
That is how f**ked up this entire thing is. They have gotten my application for supplementary income wrong for fourth time. They have put that we own the home. We don't. This is going to make the people assessing my request to believe that we own this place. They are going to tell me to f**k off for the second time in ten years. It is as if they are trying to make sure I cannot get any help from the federal government at all.
And people wonder why I am such a cynic...
(Yes, I am going to do it. Appealing to the same government that is denying me aid is an interesting proposition, but I guess I have no choice.)
Why should anyone exist in a life that has no joy?
Someone once suggested that when one has no joy, one should just wait around until it shows up, if it ever does.
Someone also once suggested that maybe it is because one has joy but refuses to see it because one is more comfortable being sad or angry all the time.
In my opinion, the first one shows a very high level of naivete. Life is not a Disney film regardless of what one wants it to be.
The second one is valid, but when one is screaming about finding some joy in life, I have to say that this does not apply.
So, why bother if your life has no joy and will never have any joy again, either due to outside influence... or one's own?
Well, I am done with this shit, how about the rest of you? I guess I don't qualify for any aid from the government since I am not greedy enough to have been what most consider a 'proper American' when I was younger. (Never had a credit card, never got a loan, never bought a car or anything on credit... ergo, I must be evil or something.) I guess it is time to die slowly since I am too much of a coward to end it quickly. My body is in bad enough shape... I can just start eating junk and not stop... that should do the trick.
The Pride event was great! I feel like it was much bigger this year. Lots more to see and do. It was a fun day and I am hoping that it will carry on over to the next year!
There is nothing more to say.
Their lives are rooted there. I am in a very wonderful relationship with a man that I met 24 years ago and married 19 years ago. I am from a very small town in North Carolina. As a gay male, it was far from easy growing up there. But, I 'escaped' I suppose. Now, I will be going back to my favorite part of North Carolina (The Outer Banks) and I have invited my brother and his family to visit us there. I was thinking about this earlier today. This may be the last time I ever see my nephew or his parents in person. The state they live in has become literally too dangerous for myself and my husband to set foot in. My brother and his family cannot move and I suspect that his wife would not want to. (It is proximity to her family that is the reason. She does not want to get too far away I guess.) I think it finally hit me earlier today that if they do come, it may well be that I won't see my nephew again except for images and short videos. He is three. It is possible that he may never know me except for the same things mentioned before. But the fact that I, as an American citizen, have to stay out of other parts of this same country because I might be injured or killed, is beyond insane to me. But, my husband and I agree that it is dangerous to go to Florida. So, unless they come up to N.C. for our visit, I won't see him again because of a psycho fascist who thinks he is the next savior.
How fucked up is that?
Bear in mind a few things. This is not finished as a CD in the sense that I aim to add some stuff between the tracks. Right now, there is just a spacer with some noise between each one. Also, the images were taken from the internet and I do not own any of them, nor am I trying to make anything from them. I just needed images and GIFs that said what I needed for the tunes. I hope you like this. It is very eclectic and has many different genres on it.
(It seems that the display on other channels is engaged. I have changed it and I may have to post it again. However, you can click on it to watch it on YouTube. Sorry for the mess. Darn Interwebs.)
This is my last CD of material as I just cannot do it anymore. However, I wanted to ask: Is this the place to post it, or would it be in Music Appreciation? So far, I have noticed that there seems to be mostly established artists in the MA group, which is why I am asking.
I have been acting, playing and singing on stage since I was ten years old. It is what I wanted to do in life. I failed. So, now that I am a shell, I just wanted to share this last CD in the hopes that it will speak to at least one person. I doubt this will happen, since my entire career failed to inspire anyone. I guess one has to understand that sometimes, one is just destined to be a failure in life and should just stop trying. A life lesson that took me 59 years to learn.
Some days are meh. Some days are just bad. Then, there are some days when you just cannot comprehend why you are forced to draw another breath. Especially on days that serve as reminders of my advancing disintegration.
Profile InformationName: Dalton Ivey
Hometown: The Outer Banks
Home country: USA
Current location: Minneapolis, MN
Member since: Wed Mar 6, 2019, 01:24 PM
Number of posts: 4,474
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