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Response to sinkingfeeling (Original post)

Wed Apr 3, 2019, 08:20 PM

22. It's not that simple.

When your boss or a powerful man with influence over your career or your recommendations or your inclusions in meetings --starts breathing on you and squeezing you and kissing your hair---you are confused.

Is he coming onto you? Is this an invitation to an affair?

Of course--you can say "no" and you certainly aren't going to have an affair---but you have to remain silent and just manage him.

As a young woman I remember years of avoiding getting into the elevator with my boss. Being happy and smiling and just managing him so that I would not create a passive-aggressive work environment for myself. Power differentials usually work in only one direction.

You can only say a direct "no" if you have nothing to lose. Nothing at stake.

It shouldn't be on the woman to have to defend her person space anyway. To say it's on her is sort of like asking a true rape victim, why was she out so late or why was she dressed like that. As if the problem is on her to solve.

Women don't do this to men unless they are coming on to them. I shouldn't have to say "no" if the man didn't see it as his unspoken privilege to enter my space like that.

This is about privilege, not sexual harrasment. It shouldn't be tolerated.

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