I just learned that my father died in March of 2018.

[trc]

26. My older brother died several years ago and I could not have cared less.

He was a cruel piece of shit and I bear the physical scars to prove it. That said, when I talked to my sister and mom about his death I had the same response you did...kinda of. For me it was not "what might have been" it was "it did not need to be this way." My brother did not need to be the awful person he was, but that was his choice. The last time I saw him was in 1976 when he told me about a girl he had turned on to drugs and in the same breath mentioned how she had recently died of an overdose. He told me that as we were driving past the house she grew up in. There was no remorse, no guilt, nothing, just an asshole talking shit. So, again, he did not have to be that person, but he made choices...and so did I. You don't have to love someone just because you are related. They have to earn that love, if in no other way than just not being horrible people.