We Used to Say That It Didn't Matter [View all]

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I was listening to Joe Sudbay and Noah Michelson on the way home from work and it stirred me:

I've been around DU a long time and don't post a lot. But, one of my very early posts was to ask for advice for how to support our then middle-school aged son after he'd left a browser window open that showed he was at least questioning his orientation.

Ultimately, we decided to just maintain an open environment. To show support for the LGBTQ community. To say that "it didn't matter" who people love or how they identify. That everyone should be loved and respected for who they are.

He's in his early twenties now and is living openly as a gay man. We never had a formal conversation where he came out. At some point he mentioned someone he was interested in, looked at me and his mother, and said "I never made a big deal about it, because I knew it didn't matter to you." I'll never fully understand what his journey from questioning to openness was like, but I at least felt like we must have given him a safe space to make it.

But again, there was that phrase - "it didn't matter."

Today, as I listened to Sudbay and Michelson talk about this administration, their terrible and hateful policies, and their lasting impact on the judiciary, I realized it does matter.

It matters like hell.

My son is gay. Your brother or sister may be transgender. Maybe your neighbors are a same-sex couple. Or your best friend bisexual. Really, it doesn't matter. Except it does.

It matters that there are people who believe my son, and all members of the LGBTQ community, are "intrinsically disordered."

It matters that they would deny them care and services.

It matters that they would deny them housing.

It matters that they would deny them service to their country.

It matters that they would deny them employment and the dignity of work.

It matters that they would deny them the safety and security of marriage.

It matters that they would deny them the fulfillment of having a family.

It matters that they would beat, maim, and even kill them.

I wish I had some great rallying cry or call to action to end this post. But all I have is to keep loving, fighting as hard as I can, and to vote.

As allies it may not matter to us who our LGBTQ brothers and sisters love. But, it sure as hell matters that we love them.