General Discussion

GulfCoast66

(11,949 posts)

144. As a married man I can believe this with no problems.

Wed Apr 29, 2020, 11:12 PM

Apr 2020

My wife and I are childless due to nature, not our desires. But that’s been 20 years ago and it never really bothered us too bad.

My wife is pushing 60. Looks and acts like she is 40. She chalks it up mainly to genetics but never fails to mentions that kids just age women. We are active and share the same outdoor hobbies, gardening and fishing. She doesn’t care to hunt with me and that is fine.

Here’s the kicker. When I met her she had no desire to get married. Ever. But after 5 years of dating she changed her mind because she met a man who did not expect her to take care of him and do all the chores. Wanted no part of being a mother to a husband. And with me she is not. I do all the cooking, mopping and, well, you get the idea. There is no women’s work in our house.

I can safely say had she not met a man who would pull his share of the weight she would have never married.

And have no doubt that if I stopped, it would be the door for me! She’s a strong, beautiful woman.

33 years and going strong.

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Unmarried Women with No Kids Are the 'Healthiest and Happiest, says expert [View all] CousinIT Apr 2020 OP

But those women get old so there's that. I am getting on in years and regret my mucifer Apr 2020 #1

True. But being miserable for 50 years to not be alone for 20? CousinIT Apr 2020 #2

"Miserable for 50 years" Loki Liesmith Apr 2020 #5

Being that it's the woman/wife who does most of the domestic work & child-rearing CousinIT Apr 2020 #16

Link? HarlanPepper Apr 2020 #27

History. Present. CousinIT Apr 2020 #40

Yeah, that's what I thought. HarlanPepper Apr 2020 #44

Women do more of the household chores Phoenix61 Apr 2020 #56

Boom. cwydro Apr 2020 #119

Thank you. It's common knowledge. Wasn't about to be forced to 'prove' it. CousinIT Apr 2020 #126

You said it's not the norm for men to do housework of ANY KIND which is nonsense HarlanPepper Apr 2020 #177

Even with me as an at-home mom Bettie Apr 2020 #52

Exactly my experience..Married to high school sweetheart for 28 years helpisontheway Apr 2020 #83

That's how we are Bettie Apr 2020 #84

Yea I know there are these exceptions. CousinIT Apr 2020 #128

I also have been happily married for years and have wonderful kids...can't imagine why one would Demsrule86 Apr 2020 #138

I find that I take as much or more responsibility and put in as much or more time and energy coti Apr 2020 #125

to be an old lady with no children gets rough I see the difference as a nurse in what I witness mucifer Apr 2020 #7

Not every "old lady" regrets not having children whathehell Apr 2020 #12

That's the case w/ the ladies I know. CousinIT Apr 2020 #18

Many may also have partners, or are currently dating. n/t. whathehell Apr 2020 #25

Since single women were "allowed" to have sexual relationships without marriage AND maddiemom Apr 2020 #60

I worked in an ad agency around that time Mossfern Apr 2020 #113

Interesting to know! maddiemom Apr 2020 #127

I worked in the advertising dept. and was one of the cutters and pasters. kskiska Apr 2020 #172

"old lady"? Demovictory9 Apr 2020 #37

lol wtaf obamanut2012 Apr 2020 #88

I am happily married and have four wonderful kids...and knowing single women who never had kids... Demsrule86 Apr 2020 #31

Age discrimination is an "issue" whether you're married or not whathehell Apr 2020 #38

I actually worked for most of my life...off work now as I was taking care of my sis in law before Demsrule86 Apr 2020 #140

Then I guess whathehell Apr 2020 #152

lolz wtf are these replies like this? obamanut2012 Apr 2020 #89

The resistance to the idea that single child-free women are, on the whole, really, really happy Squinch Apr 2020 #107

Yup. cwydro Apr 2020 #120

I chose to not have kids I_UndergroundPanther Apr 2020 #133

I think people should do what makes them happy. Not all women or men for that matter are single by Demsrule86 Apr 2020 #143

Plenty of women find happiness the other way as well meadowlander Apr 2020 #147

I wasn't assuming they were lonely. They said so. Well enjoy. I would find your life very Demsrule86 Apr 2020 #150

How very rude and condescending of you. meadowlander Apr 2020 #151

Why do you need to denigrate the life someone else has chosen Squinch Apr 2020 #161

!!! Arazi Apr 2020 #153

And yet this data shows that, on the whole, they are happier than Squinch Apr 2020 #160

Data says different. Data says that, on the whole, they are happier than the rest of the Squinch Apr 2020 #106

This message was self-deleted by its author Skittles Apr 2020 #141

I wish I'd thought of that before getting married. lagomorph777 Apr 2020 #39

Be careful what you wish for! Butterflylady Apr 2020 #49

I was careful about that for a long time. lagomorph777 Apr 2020 #51

I got married at 27.... SergeStorms Apr 2020 #66

Your life is mine in a parallel universe. lagomorph777 Apr 2020 #71

You are as rare as a black swan, if you paid for your daughter's education. Good for you. nt raccoon Apr 2020 #79

Another black swan here, then DFW Apr 2020 #114

oh yes Skittles Apr 2020 #142

Being married and having children doesn't guarantee a woman won't be alone in old age. sarge43 Apr 2020 #47

Especially if she is psychologically abusive and highly unstable misanthrope Apr 2020 #130

..Or especially if he is "psychologically abusive and highly unstable" whathehell Apr 2020 #154

I thought we were talking about a matriarch in solitude misanthrope Apr 2020 #157

What applies to a matriarch can as easily apply to a patriarch. whathehell Apr 2020 #158

FYI - second-guessing and regrets of any type come with the territory of getting older. If you had Kashkakat v.2.0 Apr 2020 #171

I always knew this. Squinch Apr 2020 #3

Lol! Lucky you! KPN Apr 2020 #58

No regrets till they hit 45, find themselves all alone and that money isn't everything to life? Baclava Apr 2020 #4

Hmm...I know women well beyond that age who are unmarried, no kids and... CousinIT Apr 2020 #10

Not having a husband doesn't make you "all alone" JenniferJuniper Apr 2020 #13

Personally, I would rather die then end up in an assisted living facility or nursing home. Demsrule86 Apr 2020 #32

Have you been to an assisted living facility lately? JenniferJuniper Apr 2020 #33

Those nice assisted living places with apartments and such are very expensive, at least here Marrah_Goodman Apr 2020 #73

They are super expensive, JenniferJuniper Apr 2020 #85

Do you mind if I ask which one? Marrah_Goodman Apr 2020 #102

Sure JenniferJuniper Apr 2020 #108

Boston is very expressive, period. whathehell Apr 2020 #155

Yes, I know Marrah_Goodman Apr 2020 #166

I like the city, but whathehell Apr 2020 #176

Yes my sis in law is in one...it is fine I guess, but not for me. Demsrule86 Apr 2020 #134

Lots of married and widowed ladies in those places. Squinch Apr 2020 #109

And? I do not wish to be taken care of. My sis in law is in one and honestly, they give me the Demsrule86 Apr 2020 #135

No one wants to be "taken care of" JenniferJuniper Apr 2020 #145

What a blind response. Jirel Apr 2020 #14

True. CousinIT Apr 2020 #21

This guy is just pimping his books, junk science at that, and "I've never read a novel in my life" Baclava Apr 2020 #23

Some people with kids like to project I've noticed. HarlanPepper Apr 2020 #30

Thank YOU! smirkymonkey Apr 2020 #42

Another offensive statement toward the child-free: "I feel sorry for you." misanthrope Apr 2020 #131

Or they are fighting hard against the sadness that comes from Squinch Apr 2020 #164

I'm 50 gypsy11 Apr 2020 #22

There are always exceptions, but this guy's books are full of fake "facts", his data's debunked Baclava Apr 2020 #26

Lol! You really don't like the idea of happy childless older women, do you? Squinch Apr 2020 #72

I am objecting to a behavorial scientist spouting data claims that are false just to sell his books Baclava Apr 2020 #86

He must be awful to be quoting this data, which is nothing new and has been found Squinch Apr 2020 #90

This board needed spicing up, too much doom n gloom, I am happy to oblige, lol Baclava Apr 2020 #97

I'm kind of getting that impression. smirkymonkey Apr 2020 #115

I'm female, in my 60s never married, no kids jmbar2 Apr 2020 #59

Heck, yeah. Jirel Apr 2020 #76

I thought the same misanthrope Apr 2020 #132

So as a man, you assume 45 is a woman's 'cut off' age? whathehell Apr 2020 #29

Exactly! pazzyanne Apr 2020 #41

I just picked a number, lol. I knew the backlash would be coming, this guy is targeting book buyers Baclava Apr 2020 #43

Lol..So you "knew the backlash would be coming"? whathehell Apr 2020 #46

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful Baclava Apr 2020 #48

You're adorable.. whathehell Apr 2020 #53

I AM! and Malaise loves me too. I think DU should have a dating forum, I could totally mod there Baclava Apr 2020 #87

Or... he is looking at correct data. Squinch Apr 2020 #70

Also as a man, he is presented with data showing that women Squinch Apr 2020 #69

Thank you from a 64 yr old single woman. Boomerproud Apr 2020 #57

Yeah, no. But I can see why this data is disturbing to some. Squinch Apr 2020 #67

+1 obamanut2012 Apr 2020 #92

wtaf obamanut2012 Apr 2020 #91

There is a difference between being alone, and being lonely. niyad Apr 2020 #112

"They". I didn't have a desire to marry or have kids and I'm happy alone or in the company of others chowder66 Apr 2020 #118

All alone treestar Apr 2020 #139

i believe this 100%! samnsara Apr 2020 #6

THis is the function of emotional labor KitSileya Apr 2020 #8

+1 n/t CousinIT Apr 2020 #11

Yeah, no points for guess my marital status KitSileya Apr 2020 #20

Who is proclaiming the unmarried and childless as "privileged"? whathehell Apr 2020 #24

I was clearly talking about men being the privileged group, KitSileya Apr 2020 #94

Sorry for the.misumderstanding. n/t whathehell Apr 2020 #117

You Got that One Right! McKim Apr 2020 #63

+1 obamanut2012 Apr 2020 #93

To put that shorter, I love men, but they are a total pain in the ass to live with. Squinch Apr 2020 #96

Yes. It is very clear that our cultures raise boys to expect women to do the emotional labor KitSileya Apr 2020 #104

Exactly. And after a while of subtly demanding this, a certain amount of respect Squinch Apr 2020 #105

It's funny how Japanese women just quietly stopped getting married and having children betsuni Apr 2020 #123

Does this equate to "happier"? hughee99 Apr 2020 #9

Some might argue they are closely linked JenniferJuniper Apr 2020 #15

That's probably true, but if one thinks back to some of their happiest moments hughee99 Apr 2020 #17

And yet here is data that shows your observations are wrong. Squinch Apr 2020 #165

I see it differently FakeNoose Apr 2020 #19

Or maybe child free single older women are just happier than you! Squinch Apr 2020 #75

The single women I know between 40 and 60 certainly don't seem so. hughee99 Apr 2020 #136

Yet here is data that shows that, on the whole, they are. Squinch Apr 2020 #159

What data? This story didn't have any data, the guardian story hughee99 Apr 2020 #173

I live alone. No kids. leftyladyfrommo Apr 2020 #28

Same here. GoCubsGo Apr 2020 #35

My experience is that women zentrum Apr 2020 #34

I think people often glamorize having children, too. nt leftyladyfrommo Apr 2020 #50

I greatly believe that too. CousinIT Apr 2020 #129

Lol. Did you notice that this was data about the fact that they are happier Squinch Apr 2020 #81

Women who have never married still grow up in a family. meadowlander Apr 2020 #149

Yes! betsuni Apr 2020 #167

Those are my favorite people IronLionZion Apr 2020 #36

My mom lived to be 96, ebullient, 13 children StClone Apr 2020 #45

Yes. Your mother's happiness MUST mean that the definition Squinch Apr 2020 #82

I dunno ismnotwasm Apr 2020 #54

That expert never met my daughters DFW Apr 2020 #55

That's a "But not every man..." response. Jirel Apr 2020 #78

And? obamanut2012 Apr 2020 #95

His daughters are happy. And they're married. So it CAN'T be true that Squinch Apr 2020 #116

Never married, turned down several proposals, and thus avoided the divorces more than highplainsdem Apr 2020 #61

Data on the contrasted life spans Collimator Apr 2020 #62

I've come across studies like this in some happiness quotient and longevity articles. ancianita Apr 2020 #64

I know a lot of married women. Most are absolutely miserable. liberalmuse Apr 2020 #65

I know plenty of happy, healthy women who have children and happy, healthy ones who don't Marrah_Goodman Apr 2020 #68

I am pretty sure there are happy and unhappy people, as well as those Tanuki Apr 2020 #74

Yes, I can see why some would have a hard time with the notion that child-free, single women Squinch Apr 2020 #101

I can't imagine my life without my husband and sons..nt helpisontheway Apr 2020 #77

Articles like this almost always leave out/minimize the factor of companionship. keithbvadu2 Apr 2020 #80

Companionship doesn't equate to spouse/romantic partner/etc. obamanut2012 Apr 2020 #98

This thread is hilarious!!! The knee-jerk need (I am guessing entirely by men) to Squinch Apr 2020 #100

LOL!!!!! Because unmarried child free women cannot POSSIBLY have companions!!! Squinch Apr 2020 #99

Good job! You prove my point very well. keithbvadu2 Apr 2020 #110

Sure I did! You MUST be right about this! Squinch Apr 2020 #111

Which is why nuns live the longest KitSileya Apr 2020 #103

this has been known since I drmeow Apr 2020 #121

But look at the resistance from so many in this thread to believing it could possibly be true! Squinch Apr 2020 #122

I have found that scientific literacy drmeow Apr 2020 #124

Why they continue to do it is the mystery.. whathehell Apr 2020 #156

that doesn't work drmeow Apr 2020 #174

..Which is why I said "especially with housework" whathehell Apr 2020 #175

I have been happily married for years and have four children. They are great kids. The women I Demsrule86 Apr 2020 #137

lolololololol obamanut2012 Apr 2020 #162

... betsuni Apr 2020 #163

As a married man I can believe this with no problems. GulfCoast66 Apr 2020 #144

What a lovely post obamanut2012 Apr 2020 #168

Hmmm, doesn't sound like those women married adults uponit7771 Apr 2020 #146

Except they did obamanut2012 Apr 2020 #169

No one is going to be happy 20 years from now. roamer65 Apr 2020 #148

I'm much happier having my husband and sons around. They are my only company in this quarantine. Zing Zing Zingbah Apr 2020 #170