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Showing Original Post only (View all)I'm struggling. [View all]
Today is Christmas Eve. Most years, I would have played my entire library of Christmas music at least 3 times by now. I haven't listened to a single song. Not one. And, whether you're religious or not, I think classical Christmas music is some of the most beautiful music ever written. Still, I don't feel like playing it. And in a few days, I will be sad that I let myself miss it.
I've temporarily(?) lost one of my best friends. Her mother died of Covid over a month ago and she is too depressed to even want to talk to anyone. It's a horrible situation. Her mother lived in another country and her siblings live in yet another one. She hasn't seen them all year. The death of a parent is bad enough. Under the circumstances, I'm not sure I'd want to talk to anyone. Still, I miss her terribly.
We found out yesterday that a long-time family friend of my husband's died of Covid. His wife is sick with it.
Meanwhile, I worry incessantly about my own family. Our 40-something daughter is convinced that she can't get it. The good news, though, is that she's equally convinced that she could give it to me. So she at least takes precautions. I worry every time my husband goes out for groceries, even though he wears a mask and gloves.
Our criminal president keeps setting more fires to the country every day, almost every hour. The last round of pardons has me so disgusted that I don't even know where to put all those feelings.
Christmas? OMG, who the fuck cares? Yes, I put up a tree and some decorations. We bought gifts online. We cooked. We even had a wine Advent calendar that was truly the best ever ... not because the wine was anything special, but just because the whole idea of a new tasing every day was pretty cool. Still, it didn't put me in the mood. And today is Christmas Eve.
When I'm not on the verge of tears, I'm in a rage inside or just numb. I thought I'd feel different when Joe Biden got elected. But all the bullshit that has been happening since is so demoralizing. I'm afraid the criminals will still find a way to pull out a coup.
Last week I found out that one of my other good friends believes that the election was stolen. I told her it wasn't and I haven't heard from her since. We didn't have a long conversation about it. We usually don't discuss politics. Still, I don't know if we can be friends if, after everything that has happened, she believes even a little of what that monster says. She wears a "Jesus" hat, but I'm learning that such a hat might as well say "MAGA" these days. I'm depressed about what has happened to all the things I grew up believing in.
Sorry to be such a downer. This is what this year has done to me. I still exercise and do Yoga and stick with a routine, because I would be even worse off without all that. I do a little on my hobbies every day. I have good sleep habits and I eat healthy. In other words, I'm doing what I can to maintain my mental and physical health. I'm just so tired and discouraged.