I'm struggling.

[samnsara]

90. I am so so sorry all this is coming down on you right now...esp all your losses..

... Christmas at my house isnt as much sad as it is just plain difficult this year.

My 3 yr old Golden Retriever just had a 4K surgery on her torn ACL so she and I are tethered at the waist by her leash...for the next 8 weeks I have to sleep on the sofa and cant venture into warmer cozier parts of the house because its up stairs and stairs are a no no. Shes not even to be on slick surfaces..ha! Its a skating rink in my yard where I have to potty her..sometimes at 3 am. I already fell on my butt in the dark. My neighbors have been treated to more than one 'Christmas Story style-Ralphies Dad swearing loudly at the furnace' event. Good thing we are in the woods and they arent too close.

I did put up my tree..a very nice balsam fir flocked fake i bought last year.. and my masks are decorating it. Where I need to sleep with the dog is in the same room so the festive evening flash flash flash has to be turned off. No lights at night The big screen and sound system are also up stairs so no Xmas Eve Polar Express.

So I plan plan on keeping my tree and the outside lights up until I feel Ive had a chance to do Christmas right or at least get my fill of it. We are a very secular family but still there are things about the season i love..like Christmas Music. I love the classic Xmas movies but havent even watched them yet. Without the family gathering, the traditional Christmas Eve dine out to enjoy the season with the community, theres no need for Xmas at our house.

But still, its a beautiful, nice and deserved diversion that we are getting cheated out of.