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CommonHumanity

(364 posts)

106. Hate to give advice but.....

Reply to Oak2004 (Original post)

Sat Jan 9, 2021, 09:56 PM

Jan 2021

I am sure you've had more than enough advice, but I feel compelled to share my thoughts:

Don't turn him in. Do an intervention. Maybe tell him you love him and want him to live and heal, but if he doesn't change course you might turn him in. OK, maybe don't threaten him-I'm kind of brainstorming/throwing out ideas I as write, but my main point is this:

Your brother is messed up and doing messed up things because he is in pain. Yes, tough love has its place, but so does compassion. Prison would only add to his pain and perhaps destroy him. There has to be another way to help him rehabilitate and heal. Prison is inhuman. I can barely imagine anyone doing anything bad enough to deserve being in the USA prison system. Add to that the fact that there are many who have power, prestige, money, connections, and have avoided prison after doing worse things than your brother.

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This is becoming one of the hardest things I have ever done [View all] Oak2004 Jan 2021 OP

Tough call, I wonder if this goes further if his "friends" from the bar have him do worse? dem4decades Jan 2021 #1

Oh man, that is brutal intrepidity Jan 2021 #2

IMO, you are probably saving your brother's life. blm Jan 2021 #3

Exactly. Mr.Bill Jan 2021 #7

Not only that, but you just might be supplying the dose of reality which he needs groundloop Jan 2021 #13

Yes. 1st law of physics stollen Jan 2021 #85

+ agree. had same experience with a brother of mine wrt drug addiction. nt iluvtennis Jan 2021 #101

Agreed. Tough to do, but in the long run it needs to happen. (nt) Paladin Jan 2021 #35

To his "friends" he is cannon fodder. A bullet-stopper to be put in the front line. HubertHeaver Jan 2021 #71

Agreed johnnyplankton Jan 2021 #75

+1 Lokee11 Jan 2021 #79

Agreed. It is better that he be arrested now than shot next time. TomSlick Jan 2021 #109

I have done that. But for a lower level crime. SharonAnn Jan 2021 #117

Agree. volstork Jan 2021 #118

+1000s DinahMoeHum Jan 2021 #132

Sending you 💖💖💕💕 MLAA Jan 2021 #4

I cannot imagine how painful this is for you leftieNanner Jan 2021 #5

As hard as it is-- it's the best thing to do all around. johnp3907 Jan 2021 #6

Alcoholics Anonymous refers to it as "hitting bottom." LastLiberal in PalmSprings Jan 2021 #41

Not MY brother. johnp3907 Jan 2021 #65

You have my sympathy. LastLiberal in PalmSprings Jan 2021 #86

This message was self-deleted by its author Chin music Jan 2021 #8

good comment. Agree. Lost my brother to Fox years ago, but this is another level. Terrorism. nt Evolve Dammit Jan 2021 #60

IMO Fox is complicit. JudyM Jan 2021 #103

Fox is not just complicit, it's causative. BComplex Jan 2021 #136

Also, evangelical ministers and churches as well. KPN Jan 2021 #152

Horrible. JudyM Jan 2021 #157

In my prayers. I admire your courage RealityCheque Jan 2021 #9

Sadly DownriverDem Jan 2021 #10

That is some tough love right there soothsayer Jan 2021 #11

That is not tough love. I have a brother who served time...and prisons or horrible places. Demsrule86 Jan 2021 #24

Well it's tough... and it's love soothsayer Jan 2021 #28

I don't think destroying any chance of a decent life your brother has is love of any sort. It would Demsrule86 Jan 2021 #53

agreed. People harden in prison, and experience horrors there. Grasswire2 Jan 2021 #128

Wouldn't it depend on what his participation was? wnylib Jan 2021 #129

So you would sell all of us down the river soldierant Jan 2021 #131

I don't know the situation, and I would suspect that you don't either. If the posters brother's IsItJustMe Jan 2021 #134

My niece was even denied medical care because she did not have the money to pay for it This was for Oppaloopa Jan 2021 #148

Maybe he will kill or get killed in the next rally?!? LakeArenal Jan 2021 #54

I have a brother who went to prison...it is more likely, he dies in prison. My brother was in Demsrule86 Jan 2021 #58

As someone who has read 13,000 letters from prisoners to me... Grasswire2 Jan 2021 #125

he probably would not get prison time Oak2004 Jan 2021 #139

I know what its like to have someone you love marlakay Jan 2021 #144

If that is true True Blue American Jan 2021 #146

This answers your question. You just have to be strong. Turning him in is the right thing to do. GoneOffShore Jan 2021 #150

I agree, I would give him the choice of rehab or prison. Oppaloopa Jan 2021 #147

You should do it, and make sure that you mention... Buckeye_Democrat Jan 2021 #12

Damn, my heart hurts, hang in there n/t hibbing Jan 2021 #14

I'm so sorry. I have a brother like that. I scanned the pictures expecting to see his face. SunSeeker Jan 2021 #15

Me too, all of this stopwastingmymoney Jan 2021 #137

I would never turn in my brother. I wouldn't do it. Demsrule86 Jan 2021 #16

My parents arrived at the police station and... Buckeye_Democrat Jan 2021 #66

I wouldn't do it. He's not really a violent anarchist. Tell him what you know. Get a solemn vow that Karadeniz Jan 2021 #70

Was he actually involved with breaking into the Capital? GulfCoast66 Jan 2021 #17

You're doing him a massive favor. meadowlander Jan 2021 #18

I'm sorry, that is a tough position to be in... Try to remember that there is very likely to be a RockRaven Jan 2021 #19

I'm sorry you have to go through this but his actions have put you into this position. nt chowder66 Jan 2021 #20

That sucks man. denbot Jan 2021 #21

Wow! Jay25 Jan 2021 #22

Is it possible he won't know the tip came from you? You need to do the right thing. sinkingfeeling Jan 2021 #23

Could you warn him not to go or would that put you/fam in danger? OhNo-Really Jan 2021 #25

I doubt you are the only one in this spot birdographer Jan 2021 #26

I have no idea what I would do... Mazeltov Cocktail Jan 2021 #27

feel the same sympathy for the next group of people they decide to hurt TomDaisy Jan 2021 #29

Understand you. Perhaps someone else might recognize him too and send a tip if you ask Bernardo de La Paz Jan 2021 #30

Yes, terribly painful lillypaddle Jan 2021 #31

hard place and a rock stillcool Jan 2021 #32

You never did tell us... AmyStrange Jan 2021 #33

I'm so sorry that had to happen. ananda Jan 2021 #34

you are doing the right thing. overleft Jan 2021 #36

I'm sorry BainsBane Jan 2021 #37

Consult your soul cp Jan 2021 #38

Be strong. Do it. If you don't and he goes to some further terrorist event, PatrickforO Jan 2021 #39

I agree Traildogbob Jan 2021 #57

What you are doing is AN ACT OF LOVE. You may save his life Maru Kitteh Jan 2021 #40

By posting here, the decision has already been made in my opinion. Lakerstan Jan 2021 #42

Better some tough love from you now then years of regret Tommymac Jan 2021 #43

Strength. barbtries Jan 2021 #44

I'm sad that these terrorists have put their families in this position Cozmo Jan 2021 #45

What a terrible dilemma! BobTheSubgenius Jan 2021 #46

I know you're making a difficult decision. I've been in your shoes. littlemissmartypants Jan 2021 #47

Wow, that is a tough situation for you. If he is planning to be involved with more Marie Marie Jan 2021 #48

I would turn in anyone who turned against this country. Dem2theMax Jan 2021 #49

Remember David Kaczynski obamanut2012 Jan 2021 #50

Turning him in tiredtoo Jan 2021 #51

It's hard, but... Happy Hoosier Jan 2021 #52

All I can do send vibes for the best possible outcome for all concerned. Cannot imagine what niyad Jan 2021 #55

You're doing the right thing. Flaleftist Jan 2021 #56

I had to turn a family member in once gypsy11 Jan 2021 #59

I am so sorry. You could be saving multiple lives though, including his. nolabear Jan 2021 #61

I honestly don't know what I'd do mountain grammy Jan 2021 #62

You may be saving his life Wicked Blue Jan 2021 #63

Even Ted Kaczynski's brother suffered through this decision. Delmette2.0 Jan 2021 #64

That's got to be tough Catherine Vincent Jan 2021 #67

think of it as tough love..he may be killed next time. samnsara Jan 2021 #68

Hard, yes , correct moral choice? Yes sanatanadharma Jan 2021 #69

You might well be saving his life The Mouth Jan 2021 #72

This one hits close to home Jarqui Jan 2021 #73

If your brother has a substance abuse problem blueinredohio Jan 2021 #74

Hearts heal, guilt of not turning him in would stay w you forever. NoMoreRepugs Jan 2021 #76

You're doing the right thing... bluecollar2 Jan 2021 #77

Doing the right thing is the hardest thing to do sometimes TexasBushwhacker Jan 2021 #78

I'm sorry. I will keep strengthening thoughts for you and your bro. onecaliberal Jan 2021 #80

Ask yourself a simple question speaknow Jan 2021 #81

What you are doing is called "tough love". pazzyanne Jan 2021 #82

A relative of mine was at the rally Wednesday. They plastered pictures of their accommodations on shrike3 Jan 2021 #83

You have no choice. roamer65 Jan 2021 #84

Maybe he can work as their infiltrator and let Ilsa Jan 2021 #87

You don't have to Hav Jan 2021 #88

If he's in jail, he won't get injured or killed in an insurrection. vlyons Jan 2021 #89

Did you see him in the building? Renew Deal Jan 2021 #90

My heart goes out to you Frances Jan 2021 #91

I do not envy you kpete Jan 2021 #92

I have literally driven someone to the police gldstwmn Jan 2021 #93

Dear Oak2004, we are very sorry, and elleng Jan 2021 #94

You're doing the right thing. Your brother is an extremely dangerous person who... Lucky Luciano Jan 2021 #95

Talk to him about turning himself in before someone else EnterwebsJohn Jan 2021 #96

I am sorry rustysgurl Jan 2021 #97

This has to stop. It can stop now; it can stop later with more tragic consequences. It's up to you. NBachers Jan 2021 #98

I turned in... 2naSalit Jan 2021 #99

❤️✿❧🌿❧✿❤️ Lucinda Jan 2021 #100

It's such a personal choice. I don't know what I would do if faced with Politicub Jan 2021 #102

There are no good choices here SpankMe Jan 2021 #104

Not easy, but send it. Old Crow Jan 2021 #105

Hate to give advice but..... CommonHumanity Jan 2021 #106

I concur with this plan. First try a family intervention and get appalachiablue Jan 2021 #116

I agree with this NJCher Jan 2021 #149

Oak2004.... Upthevibe Jan 2021 #107

Omgosh. My heart breaks for you. I read an article about white supremacist groups Vivienne235729 Jan 2021 #108

They got their civil war. I'm sorry your brother was their cannon fodder. plimsoll Jan 2021 #110

The Gift of Desperation magicksmom Jan 2021 #111

Welcome to DU wryter2000 Jan 2021 #166

I am so sorry. BadgerMom Jan 2021 #112

Hugs, man. Tom Yossarian Joad Jan 2021 #113

I hope the feds round your brother up early and prevent him from doing it FakeNoose Jan 2021 #114

I wouldn't do it. JohnnyRingo Jan 2021 #115

disagree with "you'll never be sorry if you don't." that is not a "for certain" orleans Jan 2021 #135

Turning him in offers no promise of reform. JohnnyRingo Jan 2021 #140

I am nobody you know but all I can suggest is tough love you are doing this hard thing to not only PA_jen Jan 2021 #119

I have a grandson with a drug habit. appleannie1 Jan 2021 #120

Sometimes a person has to hit bottom to find the way up. TigressDem Jan 2021 #121

Are you sure he is guilty of a crime? lostnfound Jan 2021 #122

Yes--just being present at the scene wasn't a crime. BusyBeingBest Jan 2021 #127

merely being on the capitol grounds is indeed a crime Oak2004 Jan 2021 #143

I am so sorry ... UpInArms Jan 2021 #123

I'm sorry Oak2004 MustLoveBeagles Jan 2021 #124

Do this now, before his friends convince him to do something terrible - where there is no recovery. Dan Jan 2021 #126

There were thousands there. Turbineguy Jan 2021 #130

his involvement was minimal but he is planning to do more Oak2004 Jan 2021 #141

Jail/prison is one thing. If he plans to revisit D.C. on 1/20, the danger is physical harm. 3Hotdogs Jan 2021 #151

My brother got involved with some guys who were gun humping nuts. 58Sunliner Jan 2021 #133

I think you are doing the right thing captain queeg Jan 2021 #138

Sorry that your brother has put you in this position. nt Progressive Jones Jan 2021 #142

How deeply painful this is Oak2004. I read all... electric_blue68 Jan 2021 #145

If you don't turn him in you are aiding and abetting Generic Brad Jan 2021 #153

If you can get someone else to do, please do. mercuryblues Jan 2021 #154

Oh I feel your pain coeur_de_lion Jan 2021 #155

Like every other intervention, it's an act of love The Blue Flower Jan 2021 #156

I'm sorry, but how else to protect him? Attitudes shift Hortensis Jan 2021 #158

You can report him anonamously. CousinIT Jan 2021 #159

My heart goes out to you. sellitman Jan 2021 #160

I'm very sorry mzmolly Jan 2021 #161

Man! llashram Jan 2021 #162

I'm so very sorry you've had this gut-wrench decision to make. citizen blues Jan 2021 #163

You are trying to save his life Fresh_Start Jan 2021 #164

You're doing the right thing wryter2000 Jan 2021 #165

You are doing the right thing. Thank you! StarryNite Jan 2021 #167

Very tough situation .... jb5150 Jan 2021 #168

Oh, MAN... calimary Jan 2021 #169

NYT reaching out EzraMarcus Jan 2021 #170

This message was self-deleted by its author nam78_two Jan 2021 #172

This message was self-deleted by its author nam78_two Jan 2021 #171