NEED HELP & ADVICE...PLEASE!

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58. I promise, you'll know

I (as a fellow caregiver) fully understand your shock, fear and grief. I won't offer a lot due to the fact that every day will be different for both of you; the only guarantee is that every aspect of your life will change and you'll know what to do or you'll figure out really quick and then you'll do what needs to be done. The following are a few items (no specific order) you may want to consider:

Talk to your employer now and negotiate schedules to get as much time with you wife as possible; I focused a lot on being available during doctor visits (speaker phone is an option if needed), being available during treatment and post treatment.

Plan on doing absolutely everything around the house; let her do what she feels like doing, which will not be a lot.

Talk to family and set limits. Discuss this with your wife so she knows what is being discussed and she won't feel that people are talking about her without her knowledge. Ask for help if needed.

Know that her immune system will be greatly compromised.

Be prepared for blunt conversations with the doctors; this will be difficult at first, but I personally wouldn't have it any other way. You will likely have a lead oncologist who will manage your care and know that they are the go-to source for information because every case is different.

Life expectancy is based on industry standards; we (my wife) are continuing to prove those estimates wrong. Advancements in treatments is increasing by the day; what was a death sentence 5-years ago is not necessarily the case today. Although, be prepared to hear the term incurable.

Yes, based on the type of treatment, she will loose her hair. Help her pick out wigs and hats; we had fun with this.

This will not be easy, but you must take care of yourself; know that you can't take care of your wife if you don't take care of youself too. I was told this and didn't initially heed this warning and paid a certain price for it. Have someone you can talk to and absolutely seek therapy if needed, I did.

And for the biggest piece of advice...shower her with love!

P.S. I promise, you'll know what to do.

Best wishes.

TFRD