General Discussion

orwell

(8,003 posts)

14. So here's how this goes down for these dumbfucks...

Wed Jul 14, 2021, 02:48 PM

Jul 2021

...if nobody dies Jebus saved 'em.

...if somebody dies it was "God's Will" which is inscrutable. HE "has a plan", and it cannot be fathomed unless you are "one of the chosen."

...if everyone dies Jebus has "delivered them" in the rapture.

The bottom line... Jebus is always right. Only the pastor has a pipeline to Jebus. Keep the collection plate filled so that the pastor can spread more of "the word."

And if he needs a private jet to do it...well that's just Jebus' prosperity gospel being realized with "the chosen."

Rinse and repeat in the great Church of Dumbfuckistan!

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Pastor asks Jesus for help after ignoring Covid precautions at church camp. [View all] yellowcanine Jul 2021 OP

Jesus' reply: "I sent you several safe and effective vaccines, you fuckbrain! Get with the program!" Aristus Jul 2021 #1

Ah, you beat me to it. nt Ilsa Jul 2021 #11

... lame54 Jul 2021 #24

Just give me a sign... Caliman73 Jul 2021 #41

My favorite line: "Now hop up and down on one foot, juggle these oranges louis-t Jul 2021 #47

+1000 h2ebits Jul 2021 #49

Jesus already loaded up the vaccines and drove out of town, Rev. Dumbfuck hatrack Jul 2021 #2

Pastor: When we die we sit by right side of Jesus! Jesus: Come join me now. Pastor: Whaaaah! 😭 TheBlackAdder Jul 2021 #72

generosity? He must be really generous. Where can I give money? underpants Jul 2021 #3

Maybe he should just pray not to be so stupid in future. Thomas Hurt Jul 2021 #4

He's praying to grift money for more Brooks Brothers shirts. TheBlackAdder Jul 2021 #73

THIS: elleng Jul 2021 #5

One of the best scenes in television history. Aristus Jul 2021 #12

And one of Karl Malden's last performances KS Toronado Jul 2021 #37

What a wonderful performance it was... Aristus Jul 2021 #38

One of several - from one of, if not THE best show in television history. 11 Bravo Jul 2021 #53

I was just thinking of that scene too! Exactly! mrsadm Jul 2021 #52

These people really are temporary311 Jul 2021 #6

If Jesus did come down and knock on doors, they wouldn't answer. Arkansas Granny Jul 2021 #19

The Nazarene... Whatthe_Firetruck Jul 2021 #51

Yep. Arkansas Granny Jul 2021 #59

No vaccine above the door, now a visit from the Covid Angel. n/t MarcA Jul 2021 #28

That's the first thing I thought of, too Klondike Kat Jul 2021 #36

If god is truly omnipotent..... SergeStorms Jul 2021 #58

It was super nice of the sky daddy Ligyron Jul 2021 #69

Quit believing the shit on Facebook and take the damn vaccine! Initech Jul 2021 #7

I think your Jesus has sent you a message, Pastor Asshole. lagomorph777 Jul 2021 #8

THIS!! A HERETIC I AM Jul 2021 #9

Do they ever think... Tree-Hugger Jul 2021 #10

THIS Dreampuff Jul 2021 #27

All Pox Both Great and Small Grokenstein Jul 2021 #33

Do they ever think... sanatanadharma Jul 2021 #13

Bingo! Duppers Jul 2021 #31

So here's how this goes down for these dumbfucks... orwell Jul 2021 #14

Let's see what Christ had to say about that ... marble falls Jul 2021 #15

This message was self-deleted by its author Chin music Jul 2021 #65

Hey bubba! marble falls Jul 2021 #66

This message was self-deleted by its author Chin music Jul 2021 #70

Have you heard the modern parable about...a jeep, a boat and helicopter or the one RestoreAmerica2020 Jul 2021 #16

Not a believer, but if I was... I would remind the pastor that, in his tradition, Politicub Jul 2021 #17

Same here. Grew up evangelical. Now a freethinker. GulfCoast66 Jul 2021 #21

Pastor Bruce, here is a helpful Chinese proverb for you: NCjack Jul 2021 #18

I guess he hasn't figured out- LisaL Jul 2021 #20

Thoughts and prayers. nt. Mariana Jul 2021 #22

Is it only me that sees this as a prayer he's not held personally liable? Hugin Jul 2021 #23

Jesus will not help those who will not help themselves. Bird Lady Jul 2021 #25

SMH GoodRaisin Jul 2021 #26

Is there a lighting rod on multigraincracker Jul 2021 #29

God Helps Those Who Help Themselves, my mother used to tell us. So, pastor, lead your flock... Hekate Jul 2021 #30

Pence try'd that stuff & don't think it worked ! republican population control ! (alleged) monkeyman1 Jul 2021 #32

UGH ShazzieB Jul 2021 #34

There is only one thing this pastor should be praying for: colorado_ufo Jul 2021 #35

and jaysus says "FOAD, sucker" NewHendoLib Jul 2021 #39

Please Jesus, send my help from this flood, I'm stranded on my roof ... aggiesal Jul 2021 #40

He sent the brilliant people who made a vaccine you fucking moron. onecaliberal Jul 2021 #42

It's "His" virus. Why aren't they thankful they got it? Grins Jul 2021 #43

There seems to be a pandemic of Christians who don't know their scripture. mn9driver Jul 2021 #44

Dear Pastor ad121rome Jul 2021 #45

Your ending statement was a perfect assessment BigmanPigman Jul 2021 #46

Sorry- I can't believe in any god who would to this to his own people. lindysalsagal Jul 2021 #48

God already sent help. You and your followers refused it. Crunchy Frog Jul 2021 #50

Pastor W must not believe in the power of God... keithbvadu2 Jul 2021 #54

This message was self-deleted by its author ExTex Jul 2021 #55

So said the Texas preacher just before flying way in his private jet to the Bahamas..... KY_EnviroGuy Jul 2021 #56

Think about this, pastor NQAS Jul 2021 #57

reminds me of this story or a varation of it whistler162 Jul 2021 #60

There is a balm in Gilead struggle4progress Jul 2021 #61

Jesus H. Crisis Blue Owl Jul 2021 #62

🦠 roamer65 Jul 2021 #63

It's plain to see Retired Engineer Bob Jul 2021 #64

Well, it's a herd Sympthsical Jul 2021 #67

"We pray for your healing, Jesus! Send us a cure, maybe a virus expert of some sort..." Bucky Jul 2021 #68

I wonder how many people this traitor has called a "baby killer"? traitorsgalore Jul 2021 #71

Jesus already helped him but he ignored him. GoCubsGo Jul 2021 #74

Lord, why hast thou forsaken us and... Buckeye_Democrat Jul 2021 #75