DeSantis Locks Down Florida After Spread Of Covid Vaccination Gets Out Of Hand [View all]

[Zorro]

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Urging residents to stay in their homes and away from medical facilities, Governor Ron DeSantis locked down Florida Friday after the spread of Covid vaccinations got out of hand.

“With inoculation numbers skyrocketing across the Sunshine State, I have been forced the take the extreme measure of locking Florida down to combat the vaccine spread,” said DeSantis, explaining that until CDC data shows a sustained drop in the vaccination rate, all pharmacies and clinics would be mandated to close.

“I cannot stress enough the importance of wearing bicep coverings to protect yourself from Covid vaccines. Because if gone unchecked, the Moderna and Pfizer vaccine variants could end up saving the lives of thousands of Floridians. So, please be on your guard.”

At press time, DeSantis was encouraged by new evidence confirming that Florida’s life expectancy was steadily dropping.

https://www.theonion.com/desantis-locks-down-florida-after-spread-of-covid-vacci-1847572019

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