and control negatively impact a child's psyche, but I am glad that you can't understand, if that makes sense. I don't think I will ever heal, I can't ever forget, I still have nightmares 50+ years later... there is so much to my story that people would most likely think it a work of fiction, but every bit of it is true. My truth. Forever.
I don't know if I am lucky or not... I struggle every day to lose the negative thoughts, the desire to cut myself or pick my skin raw, the painful memories that are always just below the surface. I do suffer from a diagnosed emotional illness, it's a sticky balance to stave off the omnipresent depression, and the last few months have been some of the most painful times I have known since I was a child.
I was prostrate for 2 days when Akin made his speech. I missed an entire week of work, and I need to work. Akin, Murdoch, Ryan, and their ilk have brought memories to the surface that I have struggled to bury, feelings I've spent years trying to work through, and the end result for me, most lately, especially now, has been struggle.
Struggle not to self harm. Struggle not to hold myself tightly and rock for hours. Howling at the top of my voice that I am a lousy piece of shit.
I know this must appear insane, but I am not insane. I am struggling with the sum total of my experiences at the hands of hateful, domineering, and violently controlling men. Men who didn't give a shit about the child they took so much joy in harming; men like Akin, Murdoch, Ryan, Gingrich, and Romney. The GOP of men.
Okay, /rant. Thank you for the opportunity allowing me to share, and to continue to try and heal, even though I don't think I ever will. I appreciate your kindness, bluesbassman. 
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