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meadowlander

(5,137 posts)

52. Having to lie about your identity can trigger suicidal depression. That's a health concern.

Tue Oct 25, 2022, 06:18 PM

Oct 2022

It's a terrible idea to somehow make the daughter's expression of her sexual orientation tied to grandpa's health. How is she supposed to feel if he does (coincidentally) have a decline or dies after she breaks the news?

The one thing has nothing to do with the other. Her job is to be the person that she is. Grandpa's job is to deal because at the end of the day it doesn't really have anything to do with him and he needs to recognize that.

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Need advice on daughter coming out to grandparents [View all] underpants Oct 2022 OP

Without knowing the grandparents it's hard to say. meadowlander Oct 2022 #1

Thanks. underpants Oct 2022 #12

When my great-nephew came out several years ago, his conservative grandfathers surprised us. greatauntoftriplets Oct 2022 #2

Anecdotally I know a lot of people whose grandparents were more accepting of them than their parents meadowlander Oct 2022 #6

That's very true. greatauntoftriplets Oct 2022 #14

What outcome do you want? WhiskeyGrinder Oct 2022 #3

I want her to be happy and grandpa to be healthy underpants Oct 2022 #4

What happens if you only get half of that? WhiskeyGrinder Oct 2022 #18

Then I would not consider that as a good underpants Oct 2022 #21

Is there ever a "good time" to come out? Deuxcents Oct 2022 #5

With all due respect, you and your wife do not have a dilemma Effete Snob Oct 2022 #7

I used those words for brevity I guess underpants Oct 2022 #13

I get it Effete Snob Oct 2022 #15

How is your daughter's judgement? Is she able to "read a room"? Is she subtle etc? LeftInTX Oct 2022 #8

How much under 18? gratuitous Oct 2022 #9

17 underpants Oct 2022 #16

I was going to ask how old she is. Scottie Mom Oct 2022 #32

Hmm....I'd tell your daughter what you told us, MineralMan Oct 2022 #10

Thanks. underpants Oct 2022 #17

Got it. It's a delicate sort of thing. MineralMan Oct 2022 #19

I can offer no insights except Elessar Zappa Oct 2022 #11

Yeah. underpants Oct 2022 #20

Went through the exact same thing a couple years ago sarisataka Oct 2022 #22

Thanks. underpants Oct 2022 #25

Always hard..... here's our advice to our daughter.... Happy Hoosier Oct 2022 #23

What little I know on the subject wryter2000 Oct 2022 #24

She plans on telling them on Christmas? Naw. Your daughter should realize boston bean Oct 2022 #26

This is an opportunity to grow for everyone...based on honesty, truth, reality, and love. It will wiggs Oct 2022 #27

You could tell your daughter what you've told us. pnwmom Oct 2022 #28

I'm not clear: Does your wife think this would give her dad a heart attack? WhiskeyGrinder Oct 2022 #29

Yes it could underpants Oct 2022 #36

It's her choice and her truth to tell. Solly Mack Oct 2022 #30

This is exactly right. meadowlander Oct 2022 #34

No problem Solly. Never. underpants Oct 2022 #37

... Solly Mack Oct 2022 #40

This is a fantastic answer. WhiskeyGrinder Oct 2022 #39

It might surprise you but the grandparents might already know. Emile Oct 2022 #31

Is your child ready for a very negative reaction from them? Do you think that's likely? lindysalsagal Oct 2022 #33

If I were her, ForgedCrank Oct 2022 #35

My husband and I are generally the ones who tell the grandmas and grandpas Wingus Dingus Oct 2022 #38

How about a soft reveal mercuryblues Oct 2022 #41

Support your daughter with handing this the way she Dorian Gray Oct 2022 #42

My daughter come out around the time she was 18 years old. Niagara Oct 2022 #43

Thank you. underpants Oct 2022 #44

If they are in their 80's, they have been around a LONG time. A HERETIC I AM Oct 2022 #45

your daughter should know that health concerns come first Skittles Oct 2022 #46

Thanks. underpants Oct 2022 #49

Having to lie about your identity can trigger suicidal depression. That's a health concern. meadowlander Oct 2022 #52

no one says she has to lie Skittles Oct 2022 #53

Not when she's being asked to hide or suppress a fundamental aspect of who she is. meadowlander Oct 2022 #54

how about we let underpants do what he thinks is right Skittles Oct 2022 #55

Because it's not his identity? meadowlander Oct 2022 #56

Are her grandparents really concerned about her sexuality? Ilsa Oct 2022 #47

The thing is, they probably know already. It's just a question of ecstatic Oct 2022 #48

soft approach and just mention she's exploring her identity in that area? Amishman Oct 2022 #50

I'm hearing my grandma's voice in my head... hunter Oct 2022 #51