The Ones We Sent Away: I thought my mother was an only child. I was wrong.

[shrike3]

15. I wonder how the author's mother would have felt had her disabled sister been kept at home.

I know families who've done this, taken care of highly disabled children, and while it can be very good, but it can also be very bad. It can be a terrible strain on the marriage, depending on the people involved. Some, certainly not all, siblings may resent the disabled one for spending so much time in the family spotlight. They may resent resources and attention going to the disabled child instead of themselves. It can get dicey when mom and dad get old, and someone else must take over the disabled child's care.

What struck me was the tremendous effort and hard work put in by the caregivers: heroic, really. We spent all that money on institutions. We can certainly spend money on help, support and respite for families/caregivers who give the gift of a good life to people who weren't born like the rest of us.