What age did you tell your kids there was no Santi Claus?

[Bucky]

91. Not feeling the holiday spirit?

"Sucks to be you" is about the least Christmas like sentiment I can imagine. But you're technically right that we can bring our children up without metaphors, without believing in magic, without engaging the joy that matches the necessary reality of what child developmental psychologists call "magical thinking." Kids before these young ages (the conversation is talking about 5-8 year olds) are often equally convinced Mickey Mouse and Buzz Lightyear and the "Goodnight Moon" Bunny Nanny are equally real to Gandolf, Santa, Oscar the Grouch, and Jesus.

It's just as much lying to a kid to tell them I'll always keep you safe. You just can't know that. You tell a kid that anyway so they can grow up knowing what safety means. We read them Goodnight Moon so they know what peaceful rest means (it also promotes grasping higher order object permanence. Kids start to reconcile the myths we tell them with their physical reality at the ages 5-8. Giving them normal (and socially reinforced) myths they can work out on their own aids in that developmental stage. In the same way we tell them "Grandma will always be there for you" and yet they come to understand grandparents die.

I had a young college professor who had a similar puritanical streak to him. Before his kids were born, he talked about how he'd tell his kids there was a saint from Turkey who promoted generosity and compassion and we make him the symbol of the season. Seemed like a clever compromise right? The problem is, that too is only closer to the consensus reality, but not really a non-lie.

Or maybe it's just a charming story, subject to historical manipulations and the personal needs of each parent to adapt as they see fit for their kids, that helps children understand the values that build strong families and ethical, character-driven lives. Perhaps a purely logical, Vulcan like child could grasp these things without the normal human mechanism for understanding principles through metaphor. But normal developmental patterns for most kids testify to the utility of telling fairy tales. It's just how people are.