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(10,624 posts)
10. Depends on who it is and why
Wed Jun 12, 2024, 12:29 PM
Jun 12

If the stranger is part of my community (LGBTQAI+) and they aren’t hitting on me or being condescending it does not bother me at all.

As condescension and a portent of mansplaining to come. Ocelot II Jun 12 #1
Yes, a verbal of a pat on the head of a 'crazy' but done by all sexes imo Model35mech Jun 12 #46
Personally, it might be an age thing..but I take it as a term of endearment.. Peacetrain Jun 12 #2
I'm a 75 year old woman and often call friends and strangers "hun." kimimer Jun 12 #65
I'm 76 years young and I'm of the same mind as you, MarineCombatEngineer Jun 12 #67
I think it might be apples and oranges here MarineC Peacetrain Jun 12 #75
I think you're right, MarineCombatEngineer Jun 12 #77
I'm a little older also.. and it is usually the young nurses at my Dr.s office Peacetrain Jun 12 #71
Yes, and we must cut them some slack Attilatheblond Jun 12 #80
I feel the same way. Depends on the context and tone. I dont mind, particulary when they dont know your name. Srkdqltr Jun 12 #82
I don't take in any way, MarineCombatEngineer Jun 12 #3
Condescending and exist obamanut2012 Jun 12 #4
I find it minimizing as well. LakeArenal Jun 12 #5
Oh I'm glad it's not just me. They haven't gendered me yet, but Croney Jun 12 #18
Yup, the poster has been misgendering me for years obamanut2012 Jun 12 #20
Dear is gender neutral as far as I know. But totally get why Dear is offensive. emulatorloo Jun 12 #48
Oh, that's very icky. orange jar Jun 12 #93
I have that blowhard on ignore. demmiblue Jun 12 #113
It's a sign of disrespect and condecension Blue_Adept Jun 12 #6
While many may always take it that way Attilatheblond Jun 12 #81
Which is why it's best to err on the side of caution and not use it Blue_Adept Jun 12 #89
I have been called worse sarisataka Jun 12 #7
Because we know the person is a male obamanut2012 Jun 12 #22
I wasn't referring to any DU poster sarisataka Jun 12 #23
Post removed Post removed Jun 12 #35
You are trying to bait (by calling them 'cowardly') the poster you replied to into breaking TOS. Not a good look. Celerity Jun 12 #74
I have been in meetings obamanut2012 Jun 12 #111
yw obamanut Celerity Jun 12 #112
I've known many women who used the term "dear" PatSeg Jun 12 #25
Context is everything sarisataka Jun 12 #31
Same here PatSeg Jun 12 #37
Is this about a du discussion? BootinUp Jun 12 #8
Looks to me like a thinly veiled attack on The Magistrate for opposing terrorism Fozzledick Jun 12 #15
Interesting. My immediate response was it was condescending, until your comment. Biophilic Jun 12 #19
It still comes across as condescending PatSeg Jun 12 #34
Have never seen the use of Dear from that poster happybird Jun 12 #43
Maybe s/he has adopted it as a gender neutral option... consider_this Jun 12 #45
That was my thought NT AZSkiffyGeek Jun 12 #55
That poster, iirc, was gone for quite awhile and then returned Rob H. Jun 12 #66
I think its the same poster GusBob Jun 12 #72
You are exactly right. Patton French Jun 12 #50
Oh I don't think its thinly veiled, its pretty much transparent. MarineCombatEngineer Jun 12 #58
Oh, I thought this was about our dear CaliforniaPeggy JoseBalow Jun 12 #100
Lol. Sky Jewels Jun 12 #104
It definitely appears that way. Patton French Jun 12 #57
Doesn't bother me Mossfern Jun 12 #9
Depends on who it is and why FreeState Jun 12 #10
Depends on the context. But if I'm in a political discussion with someone, they're not a stranger. WhiskeyGrinder Jun 12 #11
I would think they were a sexist asshole. Oneironaut Jun 12 #12
It's incredibly infantalizing Blue_Adept Jun 12 #13
Ugh. I absolutely hate this at work too. Oneironaut Jun 12 #17
Dear, Bro, Dude, Pal, Bud, Buddy, Man, Friend, Brother etc. emulatorloo Jun 12 #49
Difference is none of these are infantilizing. Oneironaut Jun 12 #108
"You mad, bro?" is a phrase that seeks to belittle. emulatorloo Jun 12 #115
Unless you're a Big Strong Man With Tears In Your Eyes and say "sir" . . . hatrack Jun 12 #84
❣️ LakeArenal Jun 12 #94
Depends on who the person is Bettie Jun 12 #14
Not well. But no one has said that to me in a very long time. If they know me, they wouldn't dare... CTyankee Jun 12 #16
Makes me laugh, quite literally ismnotwasm Jun 12 #21
Umm..... It's definitely a Southern thing Bayard Jun 12 #27
Oh for sure ismnotwasm Jun 12 #42
Absolutely in the South. I grew up in Texas, so My experience too. emulatorloo Jun 12 #52
Agreed. Nt BootinUp Jun 12 #97
It PO's me and that person is trying to placate me. republianmushroom Jun 12 #24
As an invitation to call them "Honey" cyclonefence Jun 12 #26
Depends on the context. It can be condescending Joinfortmill Jun 12 #28
Ted Williams called me dear once. rsdsharp Jun 12 #29
It depends on the way it was intended. Irish_Dem Jun 12 #30
It is very condescending. Dave Bowman Jun 12 #32
I guess it depends on which side of the debate I'm on. AnrothElf Jun 12 #33
That does appear to be the real issue here. Fozzledick Jun 12 #39
Isn't that precious, bless their heart. ananda Jun 12 #36
I guess it depends. Elessar Zappa Jun 12 #38
I never know if someone loves me or hates me until they kiss me or stab me with a knife. hunter Jun 12 #40
See the 2022 movie Vengeance...In Texas Bless your heart means Go F yourself. PeaceWave Jun 12 #41
I probably wouldn't even notice. It certainly would not cause concern or offense. Midnight Writer Jun 12 #44
It depends on how it is said, not necessarily what is said. keithbvadu2 Jun 12 #47
I say "well darling ....." Raven123 Jun 12 #51
It's a lovely day (here). Turn off your computer. Go outside for a walk. There are bigger things to worry about. NT mahatmakanejeeves Jun 12 #53
I'm being dismissed and that I'm being mansplained nt WhiteTara Jun 12 #54
Something meta to cry foul about when a weak argument goes poorly? TheKentuckian Jun 12 #56
OP is passive aggressive Ponietz Jun 12 #68
As a challenge to destroy them Maeve Jun 12 #59
Right back atcha, honey bun. SarahD Jun 12 #60
You are a deer. Arne Jun 12 #61
This message was self-deleted by its author malaise Jun 12 #62
I correct them malaise Jun 12 #63
Sis, was he drinking a bottle of Front End Lifter when he called you baby doll? Celerity Jun 12 #87
Bwaaaaaaah malaise Jun 12 #88
Tear Drawers, Brek Down Bed, Tan Pon it Long, such cray names for Irish moss drinks, lolol Celerity Jun 12 #90
Yellow Man was a riot malaise Jun 12 #91
I haven't read this entire thread... LuckyCharms Jun 12 #64
Does it count if you're writing them a letter? JoseBalow Jun 12 #105
I tell them I'm not their bloody spouse or relative NanaCat Jun 12 #69
I once got a hide for saying, "That's nice, dear." Scrivener7 Jun 12 #70
Depends how and why it was said. Fla Dem Jun 12 #73
CONDESCENDING. n/t CousinIT Jun 12 #76
If they have a hunting rifle perhaps they meant "deer" GreenWave Jun 12 #78
You give them the bill, of course. jaxexpat Jun 12 #79
Oh, dear... Mike Nelson Jun 12 #83
When Mr Lake says "Yes, dear", it's not a term of endearment. LakeArenal Jun 12 #95
Just don't call me Shirley... ultralite001 Jun 12 #85
I generally take it as patronizing. n/t. whathehell Jun 12 #86
Context is everything DiverDave Jun 12 #92
I'm going to start using it regularly now BannonsLiver Jun 12 #96
Not surprising at all. Have your fun. LakeArenal Jun 12 #99
It's a way to put you "in your place." Sky Jewels Jun 12 #98
I agree. Like "little woman". LakeArenal Jun 12 #101
on edit: nevermind Sky Jewels Jun 12 #102
It depends on who says it and how wryter2000 Jun 12 #103
Ignore, elleng Jun 12 #106
Tone of voice is more important. Also, doesn't mansplaining imply it's being done by a man? Akakoji Jun 12 #107
What if it is a man, one who doesn't actually know you? obamanut2012 Jun 12 #110
I think, "I'm not your spouse." eShirl Jun 12 #109
It's condescending. People who do this should stop! Emile Jun 12 #114
Twist his goolies canetoad Jun 12 #116
When someone gets snarky like that TlalocW Jun 12 #117
Since it turns out that this OP is not an "innocent" question EarlG Jun 12 #118
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