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keithbvadu2

(40,915 posts)

47. It depends on how it is said, not necessarily what is said.

Wed Jun 12, 2024, 01:07 PM

Jun 2024

You can praise your worst enemy with flowery terms and dripping sarcasm.

You can cuss out your best friend in words and he knows the true context is just the opposite.

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When a complete stranger calls you "Dear" in a political discussion, how do you take that? [View all] LakeArenal Jun 2024 OP

As condescension and a portent of mansplaining to come. Ocelot II Jun 2024 #1

Yes, a verbal of a pat on the head of a 'crazy' but done by all sexes imo Model35mech Jun 2024 #46

Personally, it might be an age thing..but I take it as a term of endearment.. Peacetrain Jun 2024 #2

I'm a 75 year old woman and often call friends and strangers "hun." kimimer Jun 2024 #65

I'm 76 years young and I'm of the same mind as you, MarineCombatEngineer Jun 2024 #67

I think it might be apples and oranges here MarineC Peacetrain Jun 2024 #75

I think you're right, MarineCombatEngineer Jun 2024 #77

I'm a little older also.. and it is usually the young nurses at my Dr.s office Peacetrain Jun 2024 #71

Yes, and we must cut them some slack Attilatheblond Jun 2024 #80

I feel the same way. Depends on the context and tone. I dont mind, particulary when they dont know your name. Srkdqltr Jun 2024 #82

I don't take in any way, MarineCombatEngineer Jun 2024 #3

Condescending and exist obamanut2012 Jun 2024 #4

I find it minimizing as well. LakeArenal Jun 2024 #5

Oh I'm glad it's not just me. They haven't gendered me yet, but Croney Jun 2024 #18

Yup, the poster has been misgendering me for years obamanut2012 Jun 2024 #20

Dear is gender neutral as far as I know. But totally get why Dear is offensive. emulatorloo Jun 2024 #48

Oh, that's very icky. orange jar Jun 2024 #93

I have that blowhard on ignore. demmiblue Jun 2024 #113

It's a sign of disrespect and condecension Blue_Adept Jun 2024 #6

While many may always take it that way Attilatheblond Jun 2024 #81

Which is why it's best to err on the side of caution and not use it Blue_Adept Jun 2024 #89

I have been called worse sarisataka Jun 2024 #7

Because we know the person is a male obamanut2012 Jun 2024 #22

I wasn't referring to any DU poster sarisataka Jun 2024 #23

Post removed Post removed Jun 2024 #35

You are trying to bait (by calling them 'cowardly') the poster you replied to into breaking TOS. Not a good look. Celerity Jun 2024 #74

I have been in meetings obamanut2012 Jun 2024 #111

yw obamanut Celerity Jun 2024 #112

I've known many women who used the term "dear" PatSeg Jun 2024 #25

Context is everything sarisataka Jun 2024 #31

Same here PatSeg Jun 2024 #37

Is this about a du discussion? BootinUp Jun 2024 #8

Looks to me like a thinly veiled attack on The Magistrate for opposing terrorism Fozzledick Jun 2024 #15

Interesting. My immediate response was it was condescending, until your comment. Biophilic Jun 2024 #19

It still comes across as condescending PatSeg Jun 2024 #34

Have never seen the use of Dear from that poster happybird Jun 2024 #43

Maybe s/he has adopted it as a gender neutral option... consider_this Jun 2024 #45

That was my thought NT AZSkiffyGeek Jun 2024 #55

That poster, iirc, was gone for quite awhile and then returned Rob H. Jun 2024 #66

I think its the same poster GusBob Jun 2024 #72

You are exactly right. Patton French Jun 2024 #50

Oh I don't think its thinly veiled, its pretty much transparent. MarineCombatEngineer Jun 2024 #58

Oh, I thought this was about our dear CaliforniaPeggy JoseBalow Jun 2024 #100

Lol. Sky Jewels Jun 2024 #104

It definitely appears that way. Patton French Jun 2024 #57

Doesn't bother me Mossfern Jun 2024 #9

Depends on who it is and why FreeState Jun 2024 #10

Depends on the context. But if I'm in a political discussion with someone, they're not a stranger. WhiskeyGrinder Jun 2024 #11

I would think they were a sexist asshole. Oneironaut Jun 2024 #12

It's incredibly infantalizing Blue_Adept Jun 2024 #13

Ugh. I absolutely hate this at work too. Oneironaut Jun 2024 #17

Dear, Bro, Dude, Pal, Bud, Buddy, Man, Friend, Brother etc. emulatorloo Jun 2024 #49

Difference is none of these are infantilizing. Oneironaut Jun 2024 #108

"You mad, bro?" is a phrase that seeks to belittle. emulatorloo Jun 2024 #115

Unless you're a Big Strong Man With Tears In Your Eyes and say "sir" . . . hatrack Jun 2024 #84

❣️ LakeArenal Jun 2024 #94

Depends on who the person is Bettie Jun 2024 #14

Not well. But no one has said that to me in a very long time. If they know me, they wouldn't dare... CTyankee Jun 2024 #16

Makes me laugh, quite literally ismnotwasm Jun 2024 #21

Umm..... It's definitely a Southern thing Bayard Jun 2024 #27

Oh for sure ismnotwasm Jun 2024 #42

Absolutely in the South. I grew up in Texas, so My experience too. emulatorloo Jun 2024 #52

Agreed. Nt BootinUp Jun 2024 #97

It PO's me and that person is trying to placate me. republianmushroom Jun 2024 #24

As an invitation to call them "Honey" cyclonefence Jun 2024 #26

Depends on the context. It can be condescending Joinfortmill Jun 2024 #28

Ted Williams called me dear once. rsdsharp Jun 2024 #29

It depends on the way it was intended. Irish_Dem Jun 2024 #30

It is very condescending. Dave Bowman Jun 2024 #32

I guess it depends on which side of the debate I'm on. AnrothElf Jun 2024 #33

That does appear to be the real issue here. Fozzledick Jun 2024 #39

Isn't that precious, bless their heart. ananda Jun 2024 #36

I guess it depends. Elessar Zappa Jun 2024 #38

I never know if someone loves me or hates me until they kiss me or stab me with a knife. hunter Jun 2024 #40

See the 2022 movie Vengeance...In Texas Bless your heart means Go F yourself. PeaceWave Jun 2024 #41

I probably wouldn't even notice. It certainly would not cause concern or offense. Midnight Writer Jun 2024 #44

It depends on how it is said, not necessarily what is said. keithbvadu2 Jun 2024 #47

I say "well darling ....." Raven123 Jun 2024 #51

It's a lovely day (here). Turn off your computer. Go outside for a walk. There are bigger things to worry about. NT mahatmakanejeeves Jun 2024 #53

I'm being dismissed and that I'm being mansplained nt WhiteTara Jun 2024 #54

Something meta to cry foul about when a weak argument goes poorly? TheKentuckian Jun 2024 #56

OP is passive aggressive Ponietz Jun 2024 #68

As a challenge to destroy them Maeve Jun 2024 #59

Right back atcha, honey bun. SarahD Jun 2024 #60

You are a deer. Arne Jun 2024 #61

This message was self-deleted by its author malaise Jun 2024 #62

I correct them malaise Jun 2024 #63

Sis, was he drinking a bottle of Front End Lifter when he called you baby doll? Celerity Jun 2024 #87

Bwaaaaaaah malaise Jun 2024 #88

Tear Drawers, Brek Down Bed, Tan Pon it Long, such cray names for Irish moss drinks, lolol Celerity Jun 2024 #90

Yellow Man was a riot malaise Jun 2024 #91

I haven't read this entire thread... LuckyCharms Jun 2024 #64

Does it count if you're writing them a letter? JoseBalow Jun 2024 #105

I tell them I'm not their bloody spouse or relative NanaCat Jun 2024 #69

I once got a hide for saying, "That's nice, dear." Scrivener7 Jun 2024 #70

Depends how and why it was said. Fla Dem Jun 2024 #73

CONDESCENDING. n/t CousinIT Jun 2024 #76

If they have a hunting rifle perhaps they meant "deer" GreenWave Jun 2024 #78

You give them the bill, of course. jaxexpat Jun 2024 #79

Oh, dear... Mike Nelson Jun 2024 #83

When Mr Lake says "Yes, dear", it's not a term of endearment. LakeArenal Jun 2024 #95

Just don't call me Shirley... ultralite001 Jun 2024 #85

I generally take it as patronizing. n/t. whathehell Jun 2024 #86

Context is everything DiverDave Jun 2024 #92

I'm going to start using it regularly now BannonsLiver Jun 2024 #96

Not surprising at all. Have your fun. LakeArenal Jun 2024 #99

It's a way to put you "in your place." Sky Jewels Jun 2024 #98

I agree. Like "little woman". LakeArenal Jun 2024 #101

on edit: nevermind Sky Jewels Jun 2024 #102

It depends on who says it and how wryter2000 Jun 2024 #103

Ignore, elleng Jun 2024 #106

Tone of voice is more important. Also, doesn't mansplaining imply it's being done by a man? Akakoji Jun 2024 #107

What if it is a man, one who doesn't actually know you? obamanut2012 Jun 2024 #110

I think, "I'm not your spouse." eShirl Jun 2024 #109

It's condescending. People who do this should stop! Emile Jun 2024 #114

Twist his goolies canetoad Jun 2024 #116

When someone gets snarky like that TlalocW Jun 2024 #117

Since it turns out that this OP is not an "innocent" question EarlG Jun 2024 #118