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Scrivener7

(59,069 posts)

70. I once got a hide for saying, "That's nice, dear."

Wed Jun 12, 2024, 02:07 PM

Jun 2024

But that was during the time I was being dragged regularly for saying the DOJ wouldn't try the vile thing before the election.

I'm not dragged for that much anymore.

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Think. Again.

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When a complete stranger calls you "Dear" in a political discussion, how do you take that? [View all] LakeArenal Jun 2024 OP

As condescension and a portent of mansplaining to come. Ocelot II Jun 2024 #1

Yes, a verbal of a pat on the head of a 'crazy' but done by all sexes imo Model35mech Jun 2024 #46

Personally, it might be an age thing..but I take it as a term of endearment.. Peacetrain Jun 2024 #2

I'm a 75 year old woman and often call friends and strangers "hun." kimimer Jun 2024 #65

I'm 76 years young and I'm of the same mind as you, MarineCombatEngineer Jun 2024 #67

I think it might be apples and oranges here MarineC Peacetrain Jun 2024 #75

I think you're right, MarineCombatEngineer Jun 2024 #77

I'm a little older also.. and it is usually the young nurses at my Dr.s office Peacetrain Jun 2024 #71

Yes, and we must cut them some slack Attilatheblond Jun 2024 #80

I feel the same way. Depends on the context and tone. I dont mind, particulary when they dont know your name. Srkdqltr Jun 2024 #82

I don't take in any way, MarineCombatEngineer Jun 2024 #3

Condescending and exist obamanut2012 Jun 2024 #4

I find it minimizing as well. LakeArenal Jun 2024 #5

Oh I'm glad it's not just me. They haven't gendered me yet, but Croney Jun 2024 #18

Yup, the poster has been misgendering me for years obamanut2012 Jun 2024 #20

Dear is gender neutral as far as I know. But totally get why Dear is offensive. emulatorloo Jun 2024 #48

Oh, that's very icky. orange jar Jun 2024 #93

I have that blowhard on ignore. demmiblue Jun 2024 #113

It's a sign of disrespect and condecension Blue_Adept Jun 2024 #6

While many may always take it that way Attilatheblond Jun 2024 #81

Which is why it's best to err on the side of caution and not use it Blue_Adept Jun 2024 #89

I have been called worse sarisataka Jun 2024 #7

Because we know the person is a male obamanut2012 Jun 2024 #22

I wasn't referring to any DU poster sarisataka Jun 2024 #23

Post removed Post removed Jun 2024 #35

You are trying to bait (by calling them 'cowardly') the poster you replied to into breaking TOS. Not a good look. Celerity Jun 2024 #74

I have been in meetings obamanut2012 Jun 2024 #111

yw obamanut Celerity Jun 2024 #112

I've known many women who used the term "dear" PatSeg Jun 2024 #25

Context is everything sarisataka Jun 2024 #31

Same here PatSeg Jun 2024 #37

Is this about a du discussion? BootinUp Jun 2024 #8

Looks to me like a thinly veiled attack on The Magistrate for opposing terrorism Fozzledick Jun 2024 #15

Interesting. My immediate response was it was condescending, until your comment. Biophilic Jun 2024 #19

It still comes across as condescending PatSeg Jun 2024 #34

Have never seen the use of Dear from that poster happybird Jun 2024 #43

Maybe s/he has adopted it as a gender neutral option... consider_this Jun 2024 #45

That was my thought NT AZSkiffyGeek Jun 2024 #55

That poster, iirc, was gone for quite awhile and then returned Rob H. Jun 2024 #66

I think its the same poster GusBob Jun 2024 #72

You are exactly right. Patton French Jun 2024 #50

Oh I don't think its thinly veiled, its pretty much transparent. MarineCombatEngineer Jun 2024 #58

Oh, I thought this was about our dear CaliforniaPeggy JoseBalow Jun 2024 #100

Lol. Sky Jewels Jun 2024 #104

It definitely appears that way. Patton French Jun 2024 #57

Doesn't bother me Mossfern Jun 2024 #9

Depends on who it is and why FreeState Jun 2024 #10

Depends on the context. But if I'm in a political discussion with someone, they're not a stranger. WhiskeyGrinder Jun 2024 #11

I would think they were a sexist asshole. Oneironaut Jun 2024 #12

It's incredibly infantalizing Blue_Adept Jun 2024 #13

Ugh. I absolutely hate this at work too. Oneironaut Jun 2024 #17

Dear, Bro, Dude, Pal, Bud, Buddy, Man, Friend, Brother etc. emulatorloo Jun 2024 #49

Difference is none of these are infantilizing. Oneironaut Jun 2024 #108

"You mad, bro?" is a phrase that seeks to belittle. emulatorloo Jun 2024 #115

Unless you're a Big Strong Man With Tears In Your Eyes and say "sir" . . . hatrack Jun 2024 #84

❣️ LakeArenal Jun 2024 #94

Depends on who the person is Bettie Jun 2024 #14

Not well. But no one has said that to me in a very long time. If they know me, they wouldn't dare... CTyankee Jun 2024 #16

Makes me laugh, quite literally ismnotwasm Jun 2024 #21

Umm..... It's definitely a Southern thing Bayard Jun 2024 #27

Oh for sure ismnotwasm Jun 2024 #42

Absolutely in the South. I grew up in Texas, so My experience too. emulatorloo Jun 2024 #52

Agreed. Nt BootinUp Jun 2024 #97

It PO's me and that person is trying to placate me. republianmushroom Jun 2024 #24

As an invitation to call them "Honey" cyclonefence Jun 2024 #26

Depends on the context. It can be condescending Joinfortmill Jun 2024 #28

Ted Williams called me dear once. rsdsharp Jun 2024 #29

It depends on the way it was intended. Irish_Dem Jun 2024 #30

It is very condescending. Dave Bowman Jun 2024 #32

I guess it depends on which side of the debate I'm on. AnrothElf Jun 2024 #33

That does appear to be the real issue here. Fozzledick Jun 2024 #39

Isn't that precious, bless their heart. ananda Jun 2024 #36

I guess it depends. Elessar Zappa Jun 2024 #38

I never know if someone loves me or hates me until they kiss me or stab me with a knife. hunter Jun 2024 #40

See the 2022 movie Vengeance...In Texas Bless your heart means Go F yourself. PeaceWave Jun 2024 #41

I probably wouldn't even notice. It certainly would not cause concern or offense. Midnight Writer Jun 2024 #44

It depends on how it is said, not necessarily what is said. keithbvadu2 Jun 2024 #47

I say "well darling ....." Raven123 Jun 2024 #51

It's a lovely day (here). Turn off your computer. Go outside for a walk. There are bigger things to worry about. NT mahatmakanejeeves Jun 2024 #53

I'm being dismissed and that I'm being mansplained nt WhiteTara Jun 2024 #54

Something meta to cry foul about when a weak argument goes poorly? TheKentuckian Jun 2024 #56

OP is passive aggressive Ponietz Jun 2024 #68

As a challenge to destroy them Maeve Jun 2024 #59

Right back atcha, honey bun. SarahD Jun 2024 #60

You are a deer. Arne Jun 2024 #61

This message was self-deleted by its author malaise Jun 2024 #62

I correct them malaise Jun 2024 #63

Sis, was he drinking a bottle of Front End Lifter when he called you baby doll? Celerity Jun 2024 #87

Bwaaaaaaah malaise Jun 2024 #88

Tear Drawers, Brek Down Bed, Tan Pon it Long, such cray names for Irish moss drinks, lolol Celerity Jun 2024 #90

Yellow Man was a riot malaise Jun 2024 #91

I haven't read this entire thread... LuckyCharms Jun 2024 #64

Does it count if you're writing them a letter? JoseBalow Jun 2024 #105

I tell them I'm not their bloody spouse or relative NanaCat Jun 2024 #69

I once got a hide for saying, "That's nice, dear." Scrivener7 Jun 2024 #70

Depends how and why it was said. Fla Dem Jun 2024 #73

CONDESCENDING. n/t CousinIT Jun 2024 #76

If they have a hunting rifle perhaps they meant "deer" GreenWave Jun 2024 #78

You give them the bill, of course. jaxexpat Jun 2024 #79

Oh, dear... Mike Nelson Jun 2024 #83

When Mr Lake says "Yes, dear", it's not a term of endearment. LakeArenal Jun 2024 #95

Just don't call me Shirley... ultralite001 Jun 2024 #85

I generally take it as patronizing. n/t. whathehell Jun 2024 #86

Context is everything DiverDave Jun 2024 #92

I'm going to start using it regularly now BannonsLiver Jun 2024 #96

Not surprising at all. Have your fun. LakeArenal Jun 2024 #99

It's a way to put you "in your place." Sky Jewels Jun 2024 #98

I agree. Like "little woman". LakeArenal Jun 2024 #101

on edit: nevermind Sky Jewels Jun 2024 #102

It depends on who says it and how wryter2000 Jun 2024 #103

Ignore, elleng Jun 2024 #106

Tone of voice is more important. Also, doesn't mansplaining imply it's being done by a man? Akakoji Jun 2024 #107

What if it is a man, one who doesn't actually know you? obamanut2012 Jun 2024 #110

I think, "I'm not your spouse." eShirl Jun 2024 #109

It's condescending. People who do this should stop! Emile Jun 2024 #114

Twist his goolies canetoad Jun 2024 #116

When someone gets snarky like that TlalocW Jun 2024 #117

Since it turns out that this OP is not an "innocent" question EarlG Jun 2024 #118