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[noamnety]

301. Two suggestions.

First, I would edit your title to "Was I a Rapist - Trigger Warning."

It's considered common courtesy to do that, so that people who know they might relive something if they read your post are making a more conscious decision to deal, or not deal with it.

The second suggestion is to do what you can to help with education about men's attitudes. I'm assuming this grew out of the post of the feminist holding the sign about education on her campus. Some people here have pointed to statistics saying that many most men in college say "I would never rape" but when the question is phrased differently, to a situation like you describe, a significant percentage say "yeah, I might do that." It suggests that they in fact - as you are pointing out - don't consider that rape, or haven't internalized it as rape.

So although you are getting hammered here for stating what you did, I think it's important for people to realize this is someone confirming exactly what many of us have been claiming - that it's not uncommon to see rape redefined as "taking advantage of" or some other euphemism that distinguishes "date" rape from "forcible" rape, in a way that allows men to think of themselves as not rapists, because they didn't have to hold a woman down while she fought back. We've been seeing one republican after another try to redefine rape in ways that categorize it as "legitimate rape" or not.

And I have had conversations with male friends who did not get it, so I know that not every guy - even today - gets it.

So, back to the suggestion - contact a women's center on a campus in your area and ask if they have a program where men talk to new students at orientation about this. Volunteer to be a speaker.