General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: Lots of blame for the Mother. Apparently Dad's off the hook , though, [View all]mn9driver
(4,423 posts)My wife ambushed me with divorce papers after 28 years of marriage. The first I knew she was considering one was when the process server put the papers in my hand. I tried for reconciliation and she would have none of it. She and her lawyer got me thrown out of my house, forced me to take out a huge loan to pay the insane legal bills they ran up, and she gets 2/3 of my income for the indefinite future. It cost well over six figures in legal bills much of which I (not her) still owe to BOTH lawyers and the ONLY thing I contested was how much time I had with my children.
Because she never worked during the marriage, I am legally obligated to pay her full support for the rest of her life. She is 50. She is obviously mentally/emotionally unstable and there is NOTHING I can do about it. The court awarded me a few days per month with my children after a very expensive fight and she tells them constantly what a bad person I am, how her life is so hard, and that I don't love them because I won't pay for their future college or expensive summer camps. She doesn't mention that I can't do that because my retirement is gone and I can barely pay my monthly bills. Her constant messaging is having the desired effect: They are often wary and emotionally distant when they come over.
She is a very sick and angry person who sounds a great deal like Mrs. Lanza; minus the guns, thank god---with a lawyer who is happy to be her "protector". She has hundreds of thousands of dollars at her disposal. I have $363.46 in my savings account. I found a wonderful divorced woman in my church choir, we fell in love and are now very happily married with her two young daughters and we live a small, happy life in a small house. When I have my kids (and the rest of the time, too), we do everything we can to model what a happy and healthy family is, but make no mistake: their mother has a huge influence on them and it is NOT good.
So, until you know a little more about Mr. Lanza than you do, I suggest you keep what you think he "must" be like to yourself.