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In reply to the discussion: I wish women in the U.S. automatically kept their last names when they marry [View all]Sarah Ibarruri
(21,043 posts)112. Even there! I lived in Spain for many years (my grandparents are full-blooded Spaniards) and
all women use their mother's and father's surnames. Same in Italy, France, and many other countries. No changing. When I was in Spain, I used my mother's and father's names, both. It was quite a change from when I was married and even my (only) surname, as used in this country - my dad's - disappeared. I was sooo happy using my mom and dad's names. Every document was in my mom and dad's names.
I was considering changing my surname (which once again my dad's) to my mom's surname, hyphen, then my dad's name. That's how my name was in Spanish, sans the hyphen.
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I wish women in the U.S. automatically kept their last names when they marry [View all]
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
OP
More than three decades ago, there was a trend of women either keeping their original
no_hypocrisy
Jan 2012
#2
It's insane. I think it's the American romanticizing of the dissolution of the woman's name. nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#9
I had my own name for years then I added the hypen. I still get looks and grief about that!
Peregrine Took
Jan 2012
#60
Well, there's no doubt that right wing fake feminists brought us back to the Father Knows Best era
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#103
Yeah, Michelle Obama (nee Robinson) is such a disappointment, stuck in the 1950s (nt)
Nye Bevan
Jan 2012
#124
Me neither. I think in the U.S., women doing away with their name is romanticized. nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#11
Kudos to you for not letting your awful young life embitter you to loving someone!
CaliforniaPeggy
Jan 2012
#171
It would definitely help with genealogy. Women are often lost forever because of the identity
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#34
Not at all. My mom sometimes (almost never) might add my father's name as follows:
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#96
Your mum, even if she is French, does not show that "*everyone* keeps their last name"
muriel_volestrangler
Jan 2012
#116
I know; she highlighted some of it, and seems to have ignored the rest
muriel_volestrangler
Jan 2012
#205
It's a, "Why are we romanticizing women destroying their names" post. :) nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#14
"Destroying" is a loaded, hyperbolic, emotional and foolish way of saying "choosing to change".
Donald Ian Rankin
Jan 2012
#128
I'm sure we can find exceptions somewhere. They are exceptions, tho. ;-) nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#253
Rugby is a wild, rough game! I first watched it in Spain. Was amazed! nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#267
Yes? Brides are out there asking the groom to take the bride's mother's surname? :) nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#252
some do keep it, some just add the husband's name to theirs so you can check middle
JI7
Jan 2012
#10
I was given two middle names at birth, with one of them being my mother's maiden name.
Withywindle
Jan 2012
#159
That's another issue I hadn't thought of before I posted my difficulty in locating friends - that
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#100
They did the name change at their marriage, so yes, it was before. n/t
CaliforniaPeggy
Jan 2012
#102
They may be divorced now...I haven't kept up with their hijinks... n/t
CaliforniaPeggy
Jan 2012
#162
When I got married, my name was changed. I thought it was so ROMANTIC for me to lose my identity
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#19
Betcha there would be a whole big to-do if women required men to change their name and identity
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#23
In Spain 2 names are used: the mother's and the father's. For example...
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#26
You'd be his sister! And the implications of that... would be interesting. :) nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#51
You kept your name 30 years ago? That's unusual and GREAT! I agree. Particularly now with women
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#53
Me too! I think it's particularly crazy when things are addressed as, "Mrs. John Smith" - then
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#78
It is an indication of subservience and ownership. No doubt about that. The romanticizing of it
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#50
If that's what it is, how incredibly sad that such a thing become one's primary goal in life. :( nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#105
depends on age.. younger women (<35) tend to be keeping their maiden name or hyphenating..
ddeclue
Jan 2012
#47
I have found there are women I was friends with whom no one I know can locate due to the ID
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#48
I see. Ok. It's funny but most people don't even know some married women's real names - only
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#76
Great!! I don't understand the point of it, unless the woman feels subservient. Very odd. nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#66
The notion that others may prefer things other than what you do NEVER occurred, did it?
joeglow3
Jan 2012
#72
In Spain, that's the only way it is. I lived there for many years. Not one of my female
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#68
I don't think there's an individual pressure to do so, nope. I think it's a societal "pressure" and
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#74
That would be a name change. I once encountered a surname, Penix, which definitely should have
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#99
See response #22. I think that pretty much explains the European fashion for children's surnames -
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#98
Spain is in Europe but is not all of Europe. Most other countries in Europe go with family name, typ
uppityperson
Jan 2012
#194
Most countries don't expect women to take the last name of the groom's father.
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#230
They do in France. If you read the whole wiki bit you quoted, you would see that.
uppityperson
Jan 2012
#244
In Italy the wife keeps her family name and the children take the name of the father
Veruca Salt
Jan 2012
#291
It IS wonderful. The younger generation will change the old, useless tradition. nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#97
YEAH Michelle Obama (nee Robinson) is such a fuddy-duddy old traditionalist (nt)
Nye Bevan
Jan 2012
#122
Here's an interesting wiki article related to name changes after marriage worldwide
etherealtruth
Jan 2012
#106
Yes, it's a good article. We were using that to discuss French women using their own name
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#107
Even there! I lived in Spain for many years (my grandparents are full-blooded Spaniards) and
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#112
It seems to me that a lotof women are using their original last name as a middle when married.
aikoaiko
Jan 2012
#109
I don't see it too much. I live in Florida, so it might be very old-fashioned and conservative here
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#113
It's a personal choice, and should be. And what petty little reasons for wanting women to do what
apocalypsehow
Jan 2012
#121
I wish people would focus on running their own lives, instead of other peoples'.
Warren DeMontague
Jan 2012
#126
That's not true. The origin of women losing their names started in Europe & many women give it up.
vaberella
Jan 2012
#129
It does vary. You're right, no one is forced at gunpoint to do anything
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#149
I don't think going to oe common name for a couple is a bad thing nessesarily
Guy Montag
Jan 2012
#136
I guess one can have a tattoo refreshed? I've never known someone to do it
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#243
Oh. A tattoo fading is a good metaphor for the ending of a relationship
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#248
Exactly. Unless they petition a court, their legal name remains the same. Like in France per
uppityperson
Jan 2012
#197
I read what you wrote - and I pointed out that changing your name is NOT automatic
karynnj
Jan 2012
#165
I never said in my post that it was legally required. I did say that women were doing it
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#166
When Jane Roe marries John Doe, she becomes Mrs. John Doe, not Mrs. Jane Doe
FarCenter
Jan 2012
#172
Maybe as far as Emily Post is concerned, but that has nothing to do with what your name is
karynnj
Jan 2012
#179
My daughter never changed her name for legal and professional purposes, but also uses her husband's
FarCenter
Jan 2012
#187
Ew! Well, Repukes are into that. :) They love female subservience a lot!
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#167
I never likedk that custom either. Think about it, your last name is your father's, most likely.
raccoon
Jan 2012
#168
That'd be fine. I think either both parents' surnames, and keep that forever like men do
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#169
Thanks, Sarah. It's always the same handful that come out anti when I post a pro-woman post. :)
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#233
I'm thinking of hyphenating too - using my mom and dad's surnames with a hyphen.
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#234
Agreed...I've always said I'd pretty much insist my future wife keep her family name
Blue_Tires
Jan 2012
#184
Well, it's a way of doing it without receiving criticism for keeping one's name?
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#236
"Easier in Europe, where everyone keeps their last name when they get married". WRONG
uppityperson
Jan 2012
#198
He sure did say that, didn't he? Or so we're told. I'm reading a book that
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#238
Don't go giving me any ideas! I might act on them! lol I had some fantastic, kick-ass grandmas nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#270
Seriously. I don't know why this isn't understood. IF you want to start using another name, you can
uppityperson
Jan 2012
#218
Funny how "we've always done it" and/or societal expectations get taken as how we must
uppityperson
Jan 2012
#224
They do. The woman has to change it, otherwise her name stays the same.
TheManInTheMac
Jan 2012
#214
Name changes consist of filling out a form at the courthouse. I did it. nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#231
Exactly. It really isn't a complication for people to keep their last name. In fact, it's
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#242
Yep, I remember when I got married and became Mrs. (Put last name of my husband's father), I then
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#258
I did a name change in court. One doesn't really need an atty. It's easy as filling out a form. nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#257
:) Yes, freaking the family out would not do at all. I try not to do too much of that to mine.
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#256
Before I gave up on trying to stay pregnant for 9 months, we agreed that a boy
eridani
Jan 2012
#288
I wondered this: how do gay folks deal with names and marriage in general? Anybody?
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#261
to be clear, are you advocating to remove the rights of women who wish to change their names?
maggiesfarmer
Jan 2012
#268
Re-read my original post, and then re-read what I just responded to you. nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#274
Return to my original post. Obviously, you are fishing for something that's not there
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#281
That goes without saying, since females are the ones encouraged to take the groom's father's surname
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#275
I do wonder if men were "encouraged" to take the name of the bride's father, what they would do. nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#277
I'm sure. And perhaps it should be encouraged of men (to take the bride's father's surname). nt
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#289
I have no problems with a woman keeping their last names but if they do/did would it only annihitate
Synicus Maximus
Jan 2012
#283
Here's a really good explanation of names in the country of my 4 grandparents:
Sarah Ibarruri
Jan 2012
#292