Everyone on DU is expert at something.

[NJCher]

31. kinda' like Patsy Ramsey sounding like a

"small foreign faction."



Since you can't read the text because it's too small, here's a readable version. I have highlighted a few of the more hilarious areas where Patsy Ramsey tries to sound like a "small foreign faction," the kidnappers:

“Listen carefully! We are a group of individuals that represent a small foreign faction. We do respect your bussiness [sic] but not the country that it serves. At this time we have your daughter in our posession [sic]. She is safe and unharmed and if you want her to see 1997, you must follow our instructions to the letter.

Note: Isn't it just too funny that the kidnappers would respect her husband's business but not the USA! 'Cuz they are a "small foreign faction." Sure you are.

Also note the deliberate mispellings.

You will withdraw $118,000.00 from your account. $100,000 will be in $100 bills and the remaining $18,000 in $20 bills. Make sure that you bring an adequate size attache to the bank. When you get home you will put the money in a brown paper bag. I will call you between 8 and 10 am tomorrow to instruct you on delivery. The delivery will be exhausting so I advise you to be rested. If we monitor you getting the money early, we might call you early to arrange an earlier delivery of the money and hence a [sic] earlier delivery pick-up of your daughter.

Note: Criminals probably don't know what an "attache" is. And furthermore, they don't advise their victims to be rested.

Any deviation of my instructions will result in the immediate execution of your daughter. You will also be denied her remains for proper burial. The two gentlemen watching over your daughter do not particularly like you so I advise you not to provoke them. Speaking to anyone about your situation, such as Police, F.B.I., etc., will result in your daughter being beheaded. If we catch you talking to a stray dog, she dies. If you alert bank authorities, she dies. If the money is in any way marked or tampered with, she dies. You will be scanned for electronic devices and if any are found, she dies. You can try to deceive us but be warned that we are familiar with law enforcement countermeasures and tactics. You stand a 99% chance of killing your daughter if you try to out smart [sic] us. Follow our instructions and you stand a 100% chance of getting her back.

You and your family are under constant scrutiny as well as the authorities. Don't try to grow a brain John. You are not the only fat cat around so don't think that killing will be difficult. Don't underestimate us John. Use that good southern common sense of yours. It is up to you now John!

Note: the part about growing a brain was a line in a movie which coincidentally was on videotape on the Ramseys' bed stand.

Victory!

S.B.T.C.”