General Discussion

KitSileya

(4,035 posts)

47. Thank you.

Sat Jan 5, 2013, 01:04 PM

Jan 2013

I don't talk about it much, and I had a break-down about it when I was in my early twenties, but I am doing alright. It has most certainly had an effect on my life - and if it hadn't happened, there's a good chance I would have tried to find someone to marry and have kids with, but it did happen, and so I've made the best out of the life I got.

It just makes me infuriatingly, incandescently angry when the onus of protecting themselves falls only on women. My colleagues think I am horrible square that I won't drink more than half a class of wine if we're at a party, but I cannot get myself to drink more because I am afraid of losing situational awareness. That boys can drink themselves dead drunk without this fear is so unfair! It is so unfair that women are the ones who are made to feel that they cannot go to a bar alone, or travel alone, or walk home from work after dark. All statistics show that men make up at least 90%, if not more, of all rapists. Why are not men collectively restrained in the daily lives? Why don't they have the curfew, the ban on partying, the restrictions? Arrggghh!

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This message was self-deleted by its author [View all] Nye Bevan Jan 2013 OP

Blaming the victim. Classy. Tempest Jan 2013 #1

I believe it's a rebuttal to this thread: PeaceNikki Jan 2013 #3

No, that's a great thread. Nothing there to "rebut". (nt) Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #5

You'll have to explain the connection Tempest Jan 2013 #9

The OP posted a very sarcastic reply in there and I even used the term 'vicitm blame' in reply to it PeaceNikki Jan 2013 #51

I'm male. My dad taught ME to stay out of risky situations, and to intervene when I saw... slackmaster Jan 2013 #4

You don't agree with me? Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #6

Apparently some people think that teaching girls to take care of themselves is "blaming the victim" slackmaster Jan 2013 #8

Once again, that's not what she posted. Tempest Jan 2013 #11

This message was self-deleted by its author slackmaster Jan 2013 #33

do you GET what you are saying. be afraid girls... all the time. be paranoid girls, all the time. seabeyond Jan 2013 #41

Yeah, just watch the MRA guys go batshit insane whenever we bring up Schr�dinger's rapist. KitSileya Jan 2013 #69

dont have bruises and broken bones? not raped. consent. really. nt seabeyond Jan 2013 #73

You have to be afraid unless you have some man there to take you everywhere duffyduff Jan 2013 #95

as a gay man I have to say dsc Jan 2013 #97

Wary of people they know? Tempest Jan 2013 #58

What the blue fuck does the NRA have to do with taking reasonable precautions with everyone? slackmaster Jan 2013 #60

The NRA: Be afraid of everyone. Get a gun to protect yourself. n/t Tempest Jan 2013 #81

THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU POSTED Tempest Jan 2013 #10

Are you suggesting that women should not bother practicing situational awareness? slackmaster Jan 2013 #15

a woman was at a concert. a man walked up behind her and stuck hand up her skirt. courts blamed her seabeyond Jan 2013 #21

False equivalence. A bad court decision isn't a true measure of who is at fault. slackmaster Jan 2013 #24

no. it is not false. but does not meet YOUR argument. cause you are wrong. it perfectly seabeyond Jan 2013 #38

The judge is a fucking idiot slackmaster Jan 2013 #42

it is not the POINT, about the judge being an idiot. it is the same thing you men are seabeyond Jan 2013 #45

Uh-oh, now I am a member of the infamous hated group called "you men" slackmaster Jan 2013 #48

geeezus, just stop. you are wrong. you refuse to listen to women. now you do the BS man hater seabeyond Jan 2013 #57

This thread is about rape PREVENTION slackmaster Jan 2013 #63

No, it's risk reduction. Not prevention. PeaceNikki Jan 2013 #68

yes. i really resented the hell out of prevention, but obviously this poster refuses to listen and seabeyond Jan 2013 #74

The poster fails to see the difference and that we are sick to DEATH of the 'confusion' PeaceNikki Jan 2013 #84

that judge was a woman TorchTheWitch Jan 2013 #70

That court was wrong and stupid (nt) Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #40

but that is the problem with shifting blame. you feel the girl should have been aware, seabeyond Jan 2013 #43

A bar is not usually a risky situation, but it can be. Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #18

how about a company christmas party? the girl really should have known with all her co workers seabeyond Jan 2013 #23

Depends on the coworkers. Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #44

you would be wrong. this girl should have been aware. she was raped. nation wide company. seabeyond Jan 2013 #46

A woman who is alone for any reason is in a "risky situation" and therefore duffyduff Jan 2013 #96

You should teach them to fill their own drinks abelenkpe Jan 2013 #12

As a father of daughters, that stuff scares the hell out of me. Thanks for sharing. Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #22

Don't worry it's society we need to change abelenkpe Jan 2013 #34

Why is learning to be wary the same as blaming the victim? rainin Jan 2013 #13

Christ, I can't believe I have to explain this again Tempest Jan 2013 #30

Maybe you are finding yourself trying to explain yourself again because you are wrong slackmaster Jan 2013 #39

That's is nothing more than a variation of what the NRA says Tempest Jan 2013 #49

You're just wrong about my attitude and about the OP slackmaster Jan 2013 #50

And yet on more than one post here you mimick the NRA's meme. Tempest Jan 2013 #64

That's beyond ridiculous slackmaster Jan 2013 #67

it is the comment that a victim should not put herself in a risky position. a bar, concert, trusted seabeyond Jan 2013 #32

THANK YOU! Tempest Jan 2013 #53

YES! My dad taught me exactly that when I was 16. slackmaster Jan 2013 #2

No absolutely means no. But the issue I can't easily figure out pnwmom Jan 2013 #7

They are both stupid. n/t rainin Jan 2013 #14

My favorite definition of abuse focusses on whether there's an imbalance of power. snot Jan 2013 #28

university in our area does something interesting. the upper classes go to the parties, stay sober seabeyond Jan 2013 #16

I LOVE that idea (nt) Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #26

yes. it is easy enough to implement. and is effective. it is a village mentality. and good for seabeyond Jan 2013 #54

What constitutes a 'risky situation?' n/t leftstreet Jan 2013 #17

Good question abelenkpe Jan 2013 #25

Yes, here in Norway, KitSileya Jan 2013 #66

That's messed up abelenkpe Jan 2013 #82

Probably ought to teach them it's not ok to drug someone abelenkpe Jan 2013 #19

Risky situations? KitSileya Jan 2013 #20

I'm very sorry for what happened to you. yardwork Jan 2013 #29

Thank you. KitSileya Jan 2013 #47

+1 leftstreet Jan 2013 #31

Would you agree that women should be taught to be wary of men they don't know? yardwork Jan 2013 #27

I think anyone should be wary of anyone they don't know, Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #36

The reason I ask is that that question caused a flamewar on DU some months ago. yardwork Jan 2013 #62

I am very, very aware of the fear that women live with. Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #71

Thanks. I hope that you will remember it and be supportive the next time this comes up on DU. yardwork Jan 2013 #80

we are responsible for not being raped being paranoid/afraid of ALL men and we are not allowed to be seabeyond Jan 2013 #72

You know it, seabeyond. And those of us who point it out are called all kinds of names on DU. yardwork Jan 2013 #78

They have more to fear from men they know. Tempest Jan 2013 #56

See my post #62. There's been some inconsistency on this on DU. yardwork Jan 2013 #76

Agree, they and younger people also need to be taught about the danger HereSince1628 Jan 2013 #35

More than 70% of rapes are by someone the victim knows Tempest Jan 2013 #37

Never watch and let someone do what I did one time. brewens Jan 2013 #52

Something very similar happened to me just before Christmas slackmaster Jan 2013 #55

What the hell is a risky situation? etherealtruth Jan 2013 #59

Apparently for some a risky situation is any where a male is in the vicinity. n/t Tempest Jan 2013 #61

It sure sounds that way n/t etherealtruth Jan 2013 #65

It could also mean a guy taking home a girl that is really drunk. The odds may be brewens Jan 2013 #75

It depends. Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #77

My job requires me (very often) to be in vacant and abandoned buildings and properties etherealtruth Jan 2013 #85

Only you can answer those questions. Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #87

And, to clarify, you're encouraging risk reduction, not suggesting it would be her fault PeaceNikki Jan 2013 #88

YES. It is NEVER the victim's fault. NEVER. (nt) Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #90

OK, I think that is what all of the controversy is about. PeaceNikki Jan 2013 #91

And while you're teaching her to be fearful, make sure to let her know about PPD. Tempest Jan 2013 #79

Women and girls don't need to be reminded of the risks they face of sexual assault Recursion Jan 2013 #83

Is it OK with you if I warn my daughters about Rhohypnol? Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #99

Whoa... had to doublecheck to make sure I wasn't accidentally at Freeperville MotherPetrie Jan 2013 #86

Yep, "no means no" and warning my daughters about date-rape drugs is dangerously right-wing stuff. Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #89

How very disingenuous of you MotherPetrie Jan 2013 #92

I also have no idea what you're getting at. pnwmom Jan 2013 #94

Now it's your 'daughters' and 'date-rape drugs?' leftstreet Jan 2013 #98

May be off topic... Googling Rohypnol (flunitrazepam)... nenagh Jan 2013 #93

Apparently not mythology Jan 2013 #100

I think this discussion has run its course so I am closing it. Nye Bevan Jan 2013 #101

I am not offended by this, at all. It's realistic. Quantess Jan 2013 #102