The root of all problems with guns

[freshwest]

17. Okay, you just added another dimension here. Step-father.

This often does not go well, at least not with boys in my experience, which I admit is limited. And you weren't with him in those very important first few years, so the connection isn't as strong. Is grandmother still involved or do other people in the family discuss the issues of violence with him?

Fortunately guns are not involved even though some may want to think that's the issue. His level of violence, having been brought up with women, and I'm hoping that there was no violence in growing up before you got on the scene and into this family, is a puzzle.

If he is the only one acting out, it seems like he would benefit from a strong dose of attention from you. Middle children can have issues about attention. The older and younger kids sometimes get more attention due to parents learning and just practical matters. The middle just has to shift between siblings.

I'm wondering if you are able to devote a lot of time to this child, soon to be a man, and get him to realize that he doesn't need to control his girlfriend ((although I'm old fashioned and don't think he's old enough if he's having troubles already)) or defend himself from this 'respect' issue with other kids.

I think sometimes when a kid does that, it's not about feeling he's right, it's wanting to prove something. People that are truly confident don't feel the need to prove anything or demand respect from their adolescent friends. That's the wrong focus at that age.

Maybe a lot more attention from you, so much so that he doesn't have time for this girlfriend or these fights, if you have the time, would help as a diversion?

Because any kid beating on people is going to get in trouble. If not other people in the community, from the law. And if he and this girlfriend are this involved, is pregnancy on the horizon? What do her parents think about this, what do the school counselors know?

This could blow up and ruin his life as well as hers, if it's as bad as you think. The fights with other kids, this is serious stuff. Most school districts do not allow it, they have zero tolerance and no matter how smart he is at school, he will have consequences.

You're in a very bad place if it's as bad as you say it is, because the world is not going to put up with him much longer. Fifteen is fast to becoming an adult in the eyes of the community and the law. Now it may be less severe than I'm imagining, but something is wrong. Do you have money to get him counseling, something really good? I know some people don't and some communities don't offer help. What do the other family members say?

Anyway, good luck, I'm not a pro, just a faceless person on the internet, do what you can to prevent the boy from going down the wrong path. It's got to be very disturbing to know one's child is causing problems. We're anonymous here, but somewhere in real life this is not, and there are serious consequences coming.