I don't really know how to articulate this post... [View all]

[YoungDemCA]

...but I'll try my best. This has been weighing heavily on my heart for a long time, figure I might as well share now.

I had a psychological "breakdown" of sorts about five years ago, in the form of what then became a prolonged depression. I was mad at the world, but most of all-I was mad at myself. I felt like a failure, that my life was horrible, and that things would never get better. And worse, I had "secondary" emotions of guilt and shame about my depression-feeling about feeling bad, in essence.

Part of it, I think, came from my social anxiety-which, in turn, stemmed from a lack of confidence in myself as a person of value. I also felt resentment towards family members, friends, and other people who seemed to have an "easier" life in that regard, who didn't worry so much, who didn't feel like they were not really worth loving. That resentment, that feeling of injustice and unfairness,has really hurt my self-esteem even more. And so the cycle continued to devolve...

That being said, I do have hope. I am seeing a therapist who has really been helpful, in the sense that she's helped me understand where my negative thoughts and emotions are coming from and suggested some concrete, actionable steps for me to take (some of which I have taken). And I have definitely seen an improvement with my mood and my feelings toward myself. Additionally, I have a large and growing support system of friends and family who have all helped me through this, and for that, I am incredibly thankful.

For those of you who have ever felt lost, felt unloved, felt worthless, felt insignificant-know this. You are worthy of love, worthy of being valued, and you can take comfort in the fact that things do get better, if you open yourself to that possibility. Every day that I wake up is a great day, a day worth living. No, life isn't easy, by any means. It can be extraordinary difficult. But it's worth living, and it's never too late to change your life-if you really want to.