General Discussion

GobBluth

(109 posts)

40. How does that work when your kids get married and have kids?

Mon Mar 4, 2013, 12:09 PM

Mar 2013

Just wondering. I'm doing my amateur genealogy right now, and this thread is freaking me out. lol. I actually have a great great grandmother, born 1850, who went by her "maiden" name, even after she married. Made it easy to pick her out on censuses, but search engines hate it. I know people shouldn't keep or take names based on genealogical research, lol, but damn if I am feeling a little bad for the generations to come who get into it. It's hard enough trying to research women, but if you can get that awesome marriage/death cert that has their parents listed, you've hit gold.

I do wonder how many awesome news articles I am missing out on with my female ancestors. Papers would always call them Mrs. Fred Smith, and again, search engines seem to hate it.

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

137 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

One phrase that always sticks in my craw: referring to a married woman's former name as "Maiden" [View all] pink-o Mar 2013 OP

Eh JustAnotherGen Mar 2013 #1

Doesn't bother me mimi85 Mar 2013 #125

Refer people to your freonoma. Robb Mar 2013 #2

Sounds like a form of air conditioning cancer. Comrade Grumpy Mar 2013 #49

That made me laugh. CrispyQ Mar 2013 #62

It is an anachronism, for sure. geek tragedy Mar 2013 #3

I know a guy that never got over his wife not taking his name. If you knew what it was you brewens Mar 2013 #44

If the guy never got over his wife not taking his name, probably geek tragedy Mar 2013 #45

Women keeping their birth name is cool with me... Bay Boy Mar 2013 #85

good post. thank you. you are right. words matter. nt seabeyond Mar 2013 #4

How do you feel about 'spinster'? Gidney N Cloyd Mar 2013 #5

Bring "spinster" back Helen Reddy Mar 2013 #8

as long as we are talking mary daly's definition: niyad Mar 2013 #10

Right on! n/t Helen Reddy Mar 2013 #14

I loved reading that! CrispyQ Mar 2013 #65

Mad props to Mary Daly. Luminous Animal Mar 2013 #137

Well considering I don't own a spinning wheel and get my yarn at Beverly's like everyone else... pink-o Mar 2013 #11

Worse than the word "maiden", I hate "matron". TwilightGardener Mar 2013 #6

Ever hear the term "confirmed bachelor"? (nt) Nye Bevan Mar 2013 #9

I don't think that gets used very much, does it? It also doesn't imply something TwilightGardener Mar 2013 #27

Confirmed bachelor was code alcibiades_mystery Mar 2013 #35

don't forget Lindsey Graham SoCalDem Mar 2013 #103

I've heard some men called Old Farts, does that count? Frustratedlady Mar 2013 #15

No, there should be an equivalent "polite" word like matron, or matronly-- TwilightGardener Mar 2013 #22

Coot or Curmudgeon? uppityperson Mar 2013 #26

No...unless wedding parties have a "Coot of Honor", or "Best Coot", it's not TwilightGardener Mar 2013 #29

Silver fox? (nt) Nye Bevan Mar 2013 #30

Ha! What man wouldn't want to be called a silver fox? TwilightGardener Mar 2013 #36

Saffire, the Uppity Blues Women, has a great song for older women - Silver Beaver Hestia Mar 2013 #53

Hmm...matron was a female head nurse,wasn't it? onpatrol98 Mar 2013 #105

Actually, the men are called 'matrons' too muriel_volestrangler Mar 2013 #120

I just want to know how old I have to be for the title "dirty old man" Major Nikon Mar 2013 #64

crone here, and damned proud of it niyad Mar 2013 #23

LOL, that's another one. TwilightGardener Mar 2013 #25

Geezer is usually applied only to men. I'd rather be a matron than a geezer. nt valerief Mar 2013 #80

Because it started when Women were seen as Property of Men JI7 Mar 2013 #129

semantics ARE part of the issue, not a distraction. words matter, the power of naming matters, niyad Mar 2013 #7

You're right about our birth names being patriarchal... pink-o Mar 2013 #20

I always think that it's a good sign to see rants like this in DU. Nye Bevan Mar 2013 #12

Definitely a 1st World Problem. FSogol Mar 2013 #18

a typical dismissal of the importance of the power of naming, but, alas, completely unsurprising. niyad Mar 2013 #19

Easy to dismiss Helen Reddy Mar 2013 #37

exactly niyad Mar 2013 #38

What about the women pipi_k Mar 2013 #94

Hoping your mom recovers fully! n/t Helen Reddy Mar 2013 #95

Who is foaming at the mouth? OP said she doesn't like it. That's not foaming at the mouth. Squinch Mar 2013 #132

I always think it's funny to see concerns derided out of an inability to multitask. eom uppityperson Mar 2013 #28

Not derided. Encouraged. It's always interesting to see what people are most concerned about (nt) Nye Bevan Mar 2013 #32

and you have dismissed those concerns as being insignificant and not serious. but, as I said, niyad Mar 2013 #39

When did I say I was MOST concerned about this, Sir? pink-o Mar 2013 #93

LOL! Squinch Mar 2013 #128

What specifically leads you to believe that concern with one issue denies the existence... LanternWaste Mar 2013 #102

Women have no name Helen Reddy Mar 2013 #13

that is what I did niyad Mar 2013 #21

I knew I loved ya! Helen Reddy Mar 2013 #24

right back at you!!! niyad Mar 2013 #34

So did I, back when I was 15 or so REP Mar 2013 #83

How cool! Helen Reddy Mar 2013 #98

No, I didn't emancipate REP Mar 2013 #106

Thank you. Helen Reddy Mar 2013 #107

you are right d_r Mar 2013 #16

My spouse kept her name and our kids Warren Stupidity Mar 2013 #17

How does that work when your kids get married and have kids? GobBluth Mar 2013 #40

It's up to my children. Warren Stupidity Mar 2013 #43

I prefer birth name. MineralMan Mar 2013 #31

My daughter kept her birth name...I was very happy...husband was reluctantly OK with that. Auntie Bush Mar 2013 #48

I agree on the Miss/Ms/Mrs thing, too. MineralMan Mar 2013 #50

Same here Auntie Bush Mar 2013 #67

Along this line of thought... Bay Boy Mar 2013 #88

"husband and wife are one under the law--and that one is the husband"--blackwell niyad Mar 2013 #114

Oh yeah totally agree! pink-o Mar 2013 #89

I refer to it as my surname. And I kept mine when I got married. CrispyQ Mar 2013 #70

Yes, that happens to me a lot. MineralMan Mar 2013 #74

I changed my last name... a la izquierda Mar 2013 #131

For that matter, how about brides wearing white for virginity, throwing rice at a couple who's raccoon Mar 2013 #33

A true First World problem slackmaster Mar 2013 #41

Like Social Security. LanternWaste Mar 2013 #108

Your birth name may not be the same as your maiden name. dkf Mar 2013 #42

Wrong. If you aren't adopted, it's accurate. Cleita Mar 2013 #54

So if you change your name at age 30 that becomes your birth name? Really? dkf Mar 2013 #59

How did you change it? Cleita Mar 2013 #60

No that was your former legal name. dkf Mar 2013 #136

Yeah... 99Forever Mar 2013 #46

I usually call it her "real name" KamaAina Mar 2013 #47

Inaccurate. If the cops ask you what your "real name" is, Nye Bevan Mar 2013 #57

Okay. Fair enough. Now what? Comrade Grumpy Mar 2013 #51

I just object to the word maiden as if my sex life is any one's business. Cleita Mar 2013 #52

I don't really think that the term "maiden name" has sexual connotations. Nye Bevan Mar 2013 #55

The word maiden has sexual connotations. It means you are an unmarried virgin. Cleita Mar 2013 #56

How about a white wedding dress? Does that connote virginity? (nt) Nye Bevan Mar 2013 #58

Nice straw man. Cleita Mar 2013 #61

Actually, they are. See post #33. Nye Bevan Mar 2013 #72

Well, then, by all means you should wear one. And those who don't see the point Squinch Mar 2013 #133

I think that needs to be pipi_k Mar 2013 #66

Wrong. Cleita Mar 2013 #71

OK, so now pipi_k Mar 2013 #87

Fantasy novels like all fiction and non-fiction alike have to be grammatically correct Cleita Mar 2013 #92

What does that have to do pipi_k Mar 2013 #97

If you want to make up definitions for words, go ahead. Cleita Mar 2013 #100

It's not the definition pipi_k Mar 2013 #104

The meaning of the word has drifted over the centuries. Here's a contemporary dictionary entry: Comrade Grumpy Mar 2013 #109

I don't see the meaning has changed at all. Cleita Mar 2013 #111

Not my definitions, and you claimed maiden meant "virgin." Comrade Grumpy Mar 2013 #115

Whatever. Cleita Mar 2013 #117

You're just one letter off: Maiden mean[t] virgin. It doesn't anymore. Comrade Grumpy Mar 2013 #118

I think I'm right and you think you are right so let's end it. n/t Cleita Mar 2013 #121

It's earliest recorded use in English is as a translation of 'puella' muriel_volestrangler Mar 2013 #119

Excuse me but since I had to study both Latin and German in school, by Cleita Mar 2013 #122

Take it up with Ælfric muriel_volestrangler Mar 2013 #127

As the quote goes... pipi_k Mar 2013 #63

So is this OP what people are talking about when they say that others are telling them Squinch Mar 2013 #134

Wait..."Miss" is offensive, too? Tree-Hugger Mar 2013 #68

Some women are offended by it Major Nikon Mar 2013 #69

in the old south CountAllVotes Mar 2013 #81

Me neither pipi_k Mar 2013 #84

I took back my maiden name after I divorced - lynne Mar 2013 #73

I got into it with a DMV employee over a similar issue once. wildeyed Mar 2013 #75

Kept my "maiden" name CountAllVotes Mar 2013 #76

My daughter hyphenates her birth and married names HockeyMom Mar 2013 #82

As a genealogist, I especially love this! CountAllVotes Mar 2013 #99

Well its just semantics Drale Mar 2013 #77

I don't like the term either. Never have. MadrasT Mar 2013 #78

Let's do away with maidenhead, too. It's got nothing to do with the head. nt valerief Mar 2013 #79

It doesn't bother me a bit LibertyLover Mar 2013 #86

I don't get whey Miss or Maiden bothers anyone. bamacrat Mar 2013 #90

So you don't think Maiden conjures up images pink-o Mar 2013 #96

No, I never gave much thought to the word.. bamacrat Mar 2013 #112

Maiden pink-o, it's just a word. Don't get worked up over it. Gormy Cuss Mar 2013 #91

I use my birth surname and often tell people Cairycat Mar 2013 #101

Just one more thing pipi_k Mar 2013 #110

112 comments on this linguistic bs while congress institutes austerity = what's wrong with the HiPointDem Mar 2013 #113

I suspect that most people don't even know what "Maiden" means. N/T GreenStormCloud Mar 2013 #116

Except in the context of "iron" (nt) Nye Bevan Mar 2013 #126

if i need to refer to it at all, i use "birth name" Scout Mar 2013 #123

Get a bigger craw, then... TroglodyteScholar Mar 2013 #124

i especially don't like it as a man who changed his name upon marriage. unblock Mar 2013 #130

What sticks in my craw is those Leslie Valley Mar 2013 #135