General Discussion

Warpy

(114,616 posts)

105. You aren't doing anything wrong

Sat Mar 16, 2013, 08:48 PM

Mar 2013

and help is often appreciated. A polite "no" is all it takes when such help is unnecessary.

However, offers of help should be verbal, even when the person you're willing to help seems to be struggling. Some folks really do want to do it on their own.

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Wow, this whole debate of sexism topics, like door holding, makes me wonder if I was raised wrong... [View all] Logical Mar 2013 OP

you aren't doing anything wrong quinnox Mar 2013 #1

Based on what I have read here on DU, Vinnie From Indy Mar 2013 #2

I'm beginning to think jehop61 Mar 2013 #3

Definitely phony marions ghost Mar 2013 #22

This message was self-deleted by its author marions ghost Mar 2013 #35

Being polite and helpful to others--regardless of gender or age--is something we should all strive hlthe2b Mar 2013 #4

Yes, yes and yes, it's called being kind to one another. WHEN CRABS ROAR Mar 2013 #70

Amen.. I help whomever needs help SoCalDem Mar 2013 #78

Should women be given especially courteous treatment by men? LittleBlue Mar 2013 #5

The door bit is a red herring. I open as many doors for men as men open for me... It's 1monster Mar 2013 #57

I was well brought up same as you. dipsydoodle Mar 2013 #6

I'm with quinnox on that one Trajan Mar 2013 #7

" hypervigilance " says it all olddots Mar 2013 #20

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Being polite is okay. dballance Mar 2013 #8

That's the way my parents raised me too. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #9

It hurts my heart to read this. abbeyco Mar 2013 #10

Apparently, the squeemish are incapable of saying "No, thanks" to someone performing a courtesy. Tierra_y_Libertad Mar 2013 #11

I think it's more of an academic issue than a real one. MineralMan Mar 2013 #12

Bingo! daleanime Mar 2013 #33

THIS! nt ben_thayer Mar 2013 #53

Benevolent sexism is often about power Pmc1962 Mar 2013 #56

For the bazzillionth time. It is not about common courtesy, it is about this: Luminous Animal Mar 2013 #13

I think you literally have posted that a bazillion times. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #24

You know, for someone who calls themselves "logical" Quantess Mar 2013 #14

This is an overblown stupid issue... NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #16

Institutionalized racism MattBaggins Mar 2013 #27

I don't know, Matt. Are you right? NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #29

Not true! Are you also a passive-aggressive DUer? Quantess Mar 2013 #43

Okay.... sibelian Mar 2013 #110

My parents are assholes... ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #15

Are you "clutching your pearls"? Quantess Mar 2013 #17

What does "clutching your pearls" mean? Seriously. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #19

It's a reference to wealthy, prissy (maybe old?) ladies in old films / any films Quantess Mar 2013 #23

Got it. Thanks. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #30

Like so dipsydoodle Mar 2013 #31

That's great! NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #32

I wish I had a fainting couch! Quantess Mar 2013 #34

I got that from else where here when I googled for an image dipsydoodle Mar 2013 #37

I wasn't "clutching at my pearls", my comment is far from a good example of the definition. eom ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #75

Huh? NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #76

Not serious at all. Sorry it wasn't obvious. eom ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #73

I knew you weren't. Quantess Mar 2013 #106

I thought that a lot when I was a teenager... NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #18

Did your parents teach you to hold the door for other people or just women? MattBaggins Mar 2013 #28

Wasn't just my parents teaching that courtesy. Was every adult I ever came across. ChisolmTrailDem Mar 2013 #74

This entire subject centers around growth; change in societal mores and values... Melinda Mar 2013 #21

I made a similar comment in a similar thread justiceischeap Mar 2013 #119

Keep being polite. MyshkinCommaPrince Mar 2013 #25

and i know plenty of men who have never changed a tire fizzgig Mar 2013 #26

Men, here's the answer: marions ghost Mar 2013 #36

Men - except for me. Please ignore her when it comes to me. IdaBriggs Mar 2013 #112

Yes we all like help when it's appropriate marions ghost Mar 2013 #117

Just the latest outrage from the usual suspects RetroLounge Mar 2013 #38

For once I agree with you, grumpy cat! (no text) Quantess Mar 2013 #50

Yep. That would be all the DUers who started the stupid door opening OPs. Luminous Animal Mar 2013 #59

Actually, if you really look carefully, you might notice that there is no "latest" Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #63

Oh, shit... I laughed kdmorris Mar 2013 #101

Don't give it another thought, you're doing the right thing tularetom Mar 2013 #39

We were ALL raised wrong. When people talk about "harmful social norms", that's the point. lumberjack_jeff Mar 2013 #40

The problem is this; people assume they can read your mind and divine your motivations riqster Mar 2013 #41

As a woman, I will say that I don't mind any of these things kdmorris Mar 2013 #42

Tough for a man to know what to do, isn't it? You are a good man, Logical. Honeycombe8 Mar 2013 #44

Nicely stated (nt) The Straight Story Mar 2013 #45

Well put. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #47

A vignette chockablock with unexamined attitudes. lumberjack_jeff Mar 2013 #55

I didn't make the rules. I just reported a fact. Honeycombe8 Mar 2013 #61

"No woman I know does any of these things." lumberjack_jeff Mar 2013 #83

Wow. There sure is a lot of outrage around here that not every woman wants to have doors opened Squinch Mar 2013 #46

they are all 'clucking' their pearls. Whisp Mar 2013 #72

You mean "clutching" their pearls? NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #87

I feel bad for them. They seem upset. Squinch Mar 2013 #99

Real chivalry marions ghost Mar 2013 #80

That is simply redecorating the pedestal. lumberjack_jeff Mar 2013 #84

Huh? marions ghost Mar 2013 #89

There are differing opinions among women here. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #88

I expect so too marions ghost Mar 2013 #94

You're right. And yet, that doesn't seem to be happening. The poor things are beside themselves. Squinch Mar 2013 #100

I keep wondering why marions ghost Mar 2013 #109

It seems like a giant pout. I think there is a very wide swath of middle ground on both sides: Squinch Mar 2013 #114

Maybe we should give 'em some chivalry mugs and t-shirts? marions ghost Mar 2013 #116

How do we get jobs working at the urban dictionary? Wouldn't that be great? Squinch Mar 2013 #120

I'd love the job marions ghost Mar 2013 #122

How do you communicate to the would-be door opener that you don't want the door opened? Owl Mar 2013 #125

I don't. I open doors for men and for women. Men and women Squinch Mar 2013 #126

You're doing it right, as long as you don't think that's all you need to to treat women right. we can do it Mar 2013 #48

it's just the outrage trolls datasuspect Mar 2013 #49

I know! All these folks who are so outraged that some women don't want to have doors held for Squinch Mar 2013 #102

it must be exhausting sigmasix Mar 2013 #51

The feminists at DU aren't the ones creating manufactured outrage here gollygee Mar 2013 #58

a man asked for a definition of benevolent sexism. i gave a definition. and you interpret that as seabeyond Mar 2013 #81

As a woman, I'd like to say thank you.... madmom Mar 2013 #52

Hear. Hear. n/t littlemissmartypants Mar 2013 #68

works two ways homegirl Mar 2013 #54

"Good manners are the best status symbol." NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #71

You were raised sexist, but most of us were. ZombieHorde Mar 2013 #60

"I know many women have never changed a tire". Nye Bevan Mar 2013 #62

I know many haven't too. But I also know that many HAVE. So what? Why the outrage? Multiple Squinch Mar 2013 #104

I love being treated by having a "Gentleman" hold open a door or lend his hand when getting out of a Milliesmom Mar 2013 #64

Thank you for this. I hope most women feel like you do. That is the intent! n-t Logical Mar 2013 #77

Maybe the problem is... marions ghost Mar 2013 #79

I appreciate chivalry ecstatic Mar 2013 #65

Being respectful and caring is never wrong! proReality Mar 2013 #66

Are you married? Do you have a brother? I rec. you clone yourself ASAP! eom littlemissmartypants Mar 2013 #67

I would always offer to carry a heavy object for someone (man or woman) who would have a harder time dorkulon Mar 2013 #69

I always make sure to slam the door in their face... Ron Obvious Mar 2013 #82

Careful... NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #85

I feared as much... Ron Obvious Mar 2013 #86

When I was of dating age, I found the subject of car doors a little confusing aint_no_life_nowhere Mar 2013 #90

Opening the driver's side door for you from the inside was a very good sign (nt) Nye Bevan Mar 2013 #91

Don't you think that behavior kind of bizarre? marions ghost Mar 2013 #92

Well, it was some time ago, as I'm now 63 and I guess wasn't an old custom at the time aint_no_life_nowhere Mar 2013 #93

I understand that you might want to kowtow marions ghost Mar 2013 #96

I haven't dated in years and years, since my late 20s aint_no_life_nowhere Mar 2013 #97

You sound like you'd make a good diplomat marions ghost Mar 2013 #98

And you sound like someone whose bark is occasionally worse than her/his bite aint_no_life_nowhere Mar 2013 #103

Thanks & I'm sure marions ghost Mar 2013 #107

I see nothing sexist about any of what you stated malaise Mar 2013 #95

You aren't doing anything wrong Warpy Mar 2013 #105

No women here has made an issue about doors. BainsBane Mar 2013 #108

Actually, I think it was a woman who originally brought up the doors subject. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #129

She gave it as an example BainsBane Mar 2013 #131

"Benevolent sexism would be holding the door open..." NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #132

Then discuss it theoretically BainsBane Mar 2013 #133

The whole "doors" concept was so ridiculous... NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #134

When no one objects to something BainsBane Mar 2013 #135

If that person considers it "benevolent sexism"... NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #136

Party in the Lounge marions ghost Mar 2013 #111

Reminds me of another example Lordquinton Mar 2013 #113

as a woman lost-in-nj Mar 2013 #115

You are doing nothing wrong. Just ignore the extremists in our society, they sabrina 1 Mar 2013 #118

except NO ONE here is offended. but, that really cannot be a part of your or the others story. seabeyond Mar 2013 #121

So I'm 'dishonest' because I express my opinion that women in general are sabrina 1 Mar 2013 #123

the dishonesty comes in stating women on du are outraged. i stated that clearly. no twisting and seabeyond Mar 2013 #124

Where did sabrina mention outrage? polly7 Mar 2013 #128

Not one feminist here has told anyone that they need to be offended about anyone Luminous Animal Mar 2013 #130

Your momma raised you right. If you did any of those things for me I would be greatful and I southernyankeebelle Mar 2013 #127

This manufactured outrage is ridiculous WhollyHeretic Mar 2013 #137

Post removed Post removed May 2013 #138