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seabeyond

(110,159 posts)

129. i have taught my sons the rules. i also explained benevolent sexism and the issue with it

Mon Mar 18, 2013, 12:43 AM

Mar 2013

we had a good conversation exploring all kinds of thought. but then, we have those conversations so often with so many social issues. they are all pretty easy for us.

they recognize how it helps to create sexism. they recognize hwo it can actually do harm, stopping a woman from promotions or equal pay. they get that.

they also recognize there are societal conditions. and some of the girls are gonna have this expectation because they were taught also. and my boys are really really gonna want to impress these girls.

but, when they are impressing the girls, they will understand why they are doing it, what the end product is of this behavior and the harm it can do, so they will not be a part of that in unaware. but be equipped with knowledge.

knowledge is a wonderful thing in our house. we do not reject, run away or hide from it. we embrace it.

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As a long time benevolent sexist [View all] Bennyboy Mar 2013 OP

OH FFS. JTFrog Mar 2013 #1

Yep. But we saw this one coming a mile away, didn't we? Squinch Mar 2013 #23

not really, he was on a hayabusa snooper2 Mar 2013 #79

I know a LOT of women Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #2

are you suggesting the women on du came up with the theory of benevolent sexism and has seabeyond Mar 2013 #3

I am suggesting no such thing. Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #5

i am glad to hear you are not giving ownership of benevolent sexism to the women of du and recognize seabeyond Mar 2013 #8

It is just that Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #14

Post removed Post removed Mar 2013 #58

No they don't MattBaggins Mar 2013 #60

^^^ This! RetroLounge Mar 2013 #212

Who knew your tendrils of feminine persuasion Helen Reddy Mar 2013 #184

amusing, huh... lol. nt seabeyond Mar 2013 #192

I don't. I find it to be insulting. MadrasT Mar 2013 #4

If you choose to go through life Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #10

I imagine the corollary is also true... LanternWaste Mar 2013 #185

I find pulling out chairs to be annoying. redqueen Mar 2013 #25

ugh, I hate the chair thing. noamnety Mar 2013 #29

It's always made me feel awkward too. boston bean Mar 2013 #34

Right? It's so weird. redqueen Mar 2013 #39

I think you're probably right about the origins of this gesture Mister Ed Mar 2013 #90

the last sentence sigmasix Mar 2013 #167

Here's that awkward hovering thing LOL marions ghost Mar 2013 #50

If anyone was racing to pull out my chair, or running to the other side of the car boston bean Mar 2013 #62

Not the men I know... marions ghost Mar 2013 #76

Maybe Glamrock Mar 2013 #122

i have taught my sons the rules. i also explained benevolent sexism and the issue with it seabeyond Mar 2013 #129

No doubt... Glamrock Mar 2013 #140

i do not know where the dumbass is coming from, but no.... i am not saying your loved ones are seabeyond Mar 2013 #144

Just checking Glamrock Mar 2013 #146

whatever. there is nothing in my post to even kinda suggest that or snark. seabeyond Mar 2013 #148

Apparently, I interpreted your words incorrectly. Glamrock Mar 2013 #154

No, it doesn't promote sexism. But I'm glad you said that because there has been sabrina 1 Mar 2013 #198

Yes I'm sure marions ghost Mar 2013 #180

many women give flowers to guys these days also JI7 Mar 2013 #137

It sure seems very retro now marions ghost Mar 2013 #179

You know whats AsahinaKimi Mar 2013 #187

you made me want to bow at my keyboard, trigger kicked. seabeyond Mar 2013 #191

ok, but the worse, is a hand on the small of the back to be guided. as if i could not find my way. seabeyond Mar 2013 #80

And that certain contingent ... 99Forever Mar 2013 #6

+100 n/t zappaman Mar 2013 #7

I've been a very proud member Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #12

Me too! zappaman Mar 2013 #13

You too, what enemy list are you on. Have you seen such a list? nt boston bean Mar 2013 #16

Oh, puleeze ... Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #20

Puleeze point me to this enemies list you are on? boston bean Mar 2013 #21

I've already explained this to you. Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #53

Sometimes the fault lies with the explainer. boston bean Mar 2013 #64

Okay, I'll give this one more try ... Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #68

So, it's an invisible list you've made up out of whole cloth. boston bean Mar 2013 #71

Me, the victim? Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #87

Will you be holding my chair out for me? Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #18

No zappaman Mar 2013 #32

i'm working on it datasuspect Mar 2013 #59

What enemy list? Can you point me to it? boston bean Mar 2013 #15

I've pretty happily been on it forever. nt. polly7 Mar 2013 #19

Congratulations! Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #22

Thanks! I'm glad to be in yours. polly7 Mar 2013 #27

+100 n/t zappaman Mar 2013 #28

Thanks, zappaman:) polly7 Mar 2013 #36

Excellent post! sabrina 1 Mar 2013 #205

So you admit to trolling just to provoke fights with them? MattBaggins Mar 2013 #66

Bingo. n/t MoclipsHumptulips Mar 2013 #196

I admit to engaging in discussion, Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #229

Is DU for building bonds with fellow democrats MattBaggins Mar 2013 #230

Who's laughing at fellow Democrats? Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #231

Enemy list? Please show it to me. boston bean Mar 2013 #17

Legend has it, it is circulated by PM Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #33

Well, if there is one, I wouldn't know. Therefore I ask those boston bean Mar 2013 #37

Hmmm... 99Forever Mar 2013 #52

Here's part of it. name not needed Mar 2013 #69

I didn't know that much ugliness could fit on a single page. Bonobo Mar 2013 #153

Amazing, ain't it? zappaman Mar 2013 #159

Yup... I have this theory of the "loop" Bonobo Mar 2013 #160

As far a theories go, that one ain't half bad. zappaman Mar 2013 #161

Wow, that's a nasty page full of stank. RetroLounge Mar 2013 #214

Looks to be mostly the product of one person's unhealthy obsessions. nomorenomore08 Mar 2013 #219

So because they're (supposedly) being assholes then other people will be assholes in response? nomorenomore08 Mar 2013 #168

Assholes? 99Forever Mar 2013 #171

How could calling anybody a (hypothetical) jerk be considered "hate speech?" nomorenomore08 Mar 2013 #193

Hypothetical? 99Forever Mar 2013 #197

I meant an actual person hypothetically *being* a jerk. nomorenomore08 Mar 2013 #199

Now I'm really confused. 99Forever Mar 2013 #201

Sorry, I'll try. You initially said that certain posters were "hurting their cause" by being nomorenomore08 Mar 2013 #203

There's no "supposedly" to it. 99Forever Mar 2013 #213

So what were you trying to say? I'm honestly curious. nomorenomore08 Mar 2013 #217

It's quite simple. 99Forever Mar 2013 #223

Okay, don't know if I agree but I certainly understand (in the sense of "comprehend.") nomorenomore08 Mar 2013 #224

i don't care for some stranger to compliment me on my looks JI7 Mar 2013 #26

Well, have a nice life Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #51

when their "compliments and common courtesy" makes me uncomfortable JI7 Mar 2013 #55

You shouldn't. Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #61

act of kindness ? how are those things acts of kindness ? JI7 Mar 2013 #63

There is no point in trying to explain Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #84

thinking that every man is out to insult you, belittle you, demean you seabeyond Mar 2013 #86

And "waiting for a man to do it" Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #91

you said it, woman. i copied and pasted. really, more scorn, please. nt seabeyond Mar 2013 #93

Please feel free to 'copy and paste' whatever you wish. Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #121

justifications, validations, excuses. meh.... nt seabeyond Mar 2013 #123

In other words Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #131

no. justification, validations and excuses. i say the same to the boys when the try to excuse seabeyond Mar 2013 #136

I will certainly carry on with the scorn Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #141

And there it is--the "you hate men" smear---a sure sign an anti-feminist has lost an argument. nt geek tragedy Mar 2013 #142

If the shoe fits ... Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #147

who are you to "identify" another woman as a man hater. you are funny. but, alas.... seabeyond Mar 2013 #150

It is when you lie about her being a man-hater. geek tragedy Mar 2013 #151

I've read many, many of her posts Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #155

It really is his specialty... opiate69 Mar 2013 #156

Thanks! Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #166

Yes, she complains too much about sexism, ergo she hates men. geek tragedy Mar 2013 #158

i have seen your happy little ass in a lot of these threads complaining about sexism, you man hater, seabeyond Mar 2013 #162

can we talk about smoking duck instead? snooper2 Mar 2013 #238

Her complaining about sexism isn't the issue Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #163

It was never entertaining when Rush Limbaugh was able for find people claiming to be sabrina 1 Mar 2013 #200

Do you think the general idea that men should treat women different geek tragedy Mar 2013 #204

Your question makes no sense to me, so let me ask you, are you sabrina 1 Mar 2013 #220

To put it a third way, is there any reason to extend different levels of courtesy to women geek tragedy Mar 2013 #222

Well, you avoided the question. And who said that different levels of courtesy should be extended to sabrina 1 Mar 2013 #225

No. What is meant by benevolent sexism is not simple courtesy. geek tragedy Mar 2013 #226

Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem and Simone De Beauvoir need schoolin' from you that THEY are the seabeyond Mar 2013 #216

Couldn't agree more. Soundman Mar 2013 #211

Dead on. This poster is always speaking in absolutes. NCTraveler Mar 2013 #221

WTF? She doesn't hate men. I'm a man and she and I get along famously. Evoman Mar 2013 #227

trout fishing, steak eating? good to see you toss out stupid stereotypes for both sexes at least. bettyellen Mar 2013 #208

Are you suggesting that Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #228

from your post it seems you think they are somehow emblematic of the male experience, LOL. bettyellen Mar 2013 #232

The fact that you equate fishing and steaks Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #233

um, you did that, and i pointed it out to you how ridiculous it is. bettyellen Mar 2013 #234

I chose two random topics Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #235

I equated your mindset with the 1950's... because you chose to portray men with old fashioned bettyellen Mar 2013 #236

I'll try this once more ... Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #237

"Hey you're a sexist for talking about sexism"= a bag of horseshit bettyellen Mar 2013 #239

Lost the last argument Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #241

Wish I could rec this post. RiffRandell Mar 2013 #169

Not everyone holds the outdated view that women should be grateful for geek tragedy Mar 2013 #72

No one has said anything here Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #83

You're lecturing the feminists here because they don't accept the Ozzie and Harriet geek tragedy Mar 2013 #89

Exactly where Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #127

Check out the condescension you handed out here: geek tragedy Mar 2013 #135

Yet again Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #145

Did it ever occur to you that making a compliment on a stranger's physical appearance geek tragedy Mar 2013 #149

Yeah Summer Hathaway Mar 2013 #165

it is very poor manners to comment on a strangers appearance. I thought most people knew that? bettyellen Mar 2013 #206

Nope, it's good manners if a nice guy/gentleman does it. nt geek tragedy Mar 2013 #209

Where do you get off lecturing a woman on what she should be offended at? Bonobo Mar 2013 #240

I don't believe in treating women different--if they are geek tragedy Mar 2013 #242

Ironically, I agree. nt Bonobo Mar 2013 #244

This feminist mostly agrees with her. Seems to me, and for the record she and I sabrina 1 Mar 2013 #202

Because she by fiat declared her particular norms MattBaggins Mar 2013 #67

Post removed Post removed Mar 2013 #92

wtf are you talking about ? sometimes you don't realize things are uncomfortable until JI7 Mar 2013 #97

Yeah right! left on green only Mar 2013 #103

so you think women who might want to dress nice or a certain way are looking for JI7 Mar 2013 #106

yes. this is what too many men think. we have had a thread on it. a woman dresses nice, it is FOR seabeyond Mar 2013 #110

that post certainly revealed a lot JI7 Mar 2013 #116

What does you control your appearance for sibelian Mar 2013 #157

i'm talking about comments from strangers, if one dresses up nice for a friend's birthday party JI7 Mar 2013 #164

So the only reasons a woman would be wearing uncomfortable shoes ever is that she's geek tragedy Mar 2013 #108

I agree treestar Mar 2013 #195

You can't think of one woman who doesn't love strange men commenting on their geek tragedy Mar 2013 #57

Yeah, but a lot of men have jumped on the bandwagon too. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #173

No levity allowed. If you're laughing, you're not learning. polly7 Mar 2013 #181

I've heard that. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #183

'I thought that women enjoyed it as well, when men did that." zappaman Mar 2013 #9

You probably aren't doing anything wrong. So therefore, this OP seems unnecessary. nomorenomore08 Mar 2013 #11

I don't think a vocal minority on DU is representative of women as a whole. LittleBlue Mar 2013 #24

do you do it for men ? JI7 Mar 2013 #31

No LittleBlue Mar 2013 #44

why wait to do it for a woman unless she is close behind also ? why make her rush ? JI7 Mar 2013 #45

Because I receive positive reactions LittleBlue Mar 2013 #46

maybe because nobody ever did it for the men before JI7 Mar 2013 #47

I think it's just an excuse to interact with the opposite sex LittleBlue Mar 2013 #48

i agree JI7 Mar 2013 #49

Face palm MattBaggins Mar 2013 #70

That's your right LittleBlue Mar 2013 #74

I hold the door and offer to help everyone because it is the right thing to do. MattBaggins Mar 2013 #75

Who said anything about getting laid? LittleBlue Mar 2013 #77

So your not one of these 20 something morons MattBaggins Mar 2013 #81

I don't use a fragrance other than deodorant LittleBlue Mar 2013 #82

No, now a vocal group of men BainsBane Mar 2013 #35

Not only men BB Helen Reddy Mar 2013 #186

yes, as always BainsBane Mar 2013 #188

To be clear, Helen Reddy Mar 2013 #189

No worries BainsBane Mar 2013 #190

Holy fuck, Benny. Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #30

Poor Benny he's been attacked by feminists on DU. boston bean Mar 2013 #38

This message was self-deleted by its author Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #40

"it's not an outrage on the level of a picture from 1937..." zappaman Mar 2013 #41

I have no idea what you are talking about. boston bean Mar 2013 #42

You got it. Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #43

I hate pork rinds! Vinnie From Indy Mar 2013 #54

I know, I mean what woman doesn't like to be told she has a great ass, right? geek tragedy Mar 2013 #56

really? backwoodsbob Mar 2013 #78

Ask any woman who's gone jogging in NYC. geek tragedy Mar 2013 #99

a favorite. but then, i am sure this cartoonist is a part of our small evil group, seabeyond Mar 2013 #100

A favorite of mine--Maggie Estep geek tragedy Mar 2013 #102

yo yo yo .... hey, if only she would change her "tone" i bet more men would listen to her. seabeyond Mar 2013 #104

"What you got a problem with men?" nt geek tragedy Mar 2013 #105

no. just stupid men. lol lol. yo yo yo ..... nt seabeyond Mar 2013 #107

LOL Matariki Mar 2013 #118

i had never heard it or the singer. but, was cute. nt seabeyond Mar 2013 #120

Oh, the whole album is awesome and funny. Matariki Mar 2013 #125

no more mr nice girl. i love. thanks seabeyond Mar 2013 #133

I remember that video being on Beavis and Butthead about 20 years ago. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #174

Do you honestly know one person that cartoon has happened to? NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #175

yes. i would be one. many many other would be another. yes, i get men do not have any comprehension seabeyond Mar 2013 #176

I think it happens to all women gollygee Mar 2013 #177

Hollered at? Undoubtedly. NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #182

Or, any woman who has taken her donkey to market. Warren DeMontague Mar 2013 #128

or bicycling. Ask women what gets yelled at them if they are eating ice cream or a hot dog... bettyellen Mar 2013 #210

a lot of guys do that, even crap like nice tits and other shit JI7 Mar 2013 #101

I'd be careful about the compliments on their looks. Other than that, keep on. n/t Ian David Mar 2013 #65

I like eating dill pickle chips with sour cream. Apophis Mar 2013 #73

I hope you're encouraging the ladies to smile - Morning Dew Mar 2013 #85

lol lol. ya. that one too. focused on whatever and some stranger tells me to smile.... seabeyond Mar 2013 #88

i know, right? It's not enough to be seen as a "decoration" - Morning Dew Mar 2013 #94

well, that is our reason for being. we do have that obligation to make sure we are inviting.... seabeyond Mar 2013 #95

Oh puke. I like the fact that women tend to prefer jerks like me to chivalrous, nice guys. Evoman Mar 2013 #96

Hard to believe marions ghost Mar 2013 #98

Don't let a small group of online extremists spoil life for you. MrSlayer Mar 2013 #109

What's "classy" about approaching a strange woman and commenting about her geek tragedy Mar 2013 #112

Most people like compliments. MrSlayer Mar 2013 #124

Oy. Do you fellas realize that pick-up lines and geek tragedy Mar 2013 #139

ok. i ran to a door today. the poor man got stuck. held for a couple women. seabeyond Mar 2013 #113

I don't care at all. MrSlayer Mar 2013 #126

meh... if all these many many many threads of men saying exactly the same thing seabeyond Mar 2013 #138

He doesn't feel guilty--he's throwing himself a pity party. nt geek tragedy Mar 2013 #143

Yup, yup.. "Social Justice Warriors".. right here in our cozy corner of the `net. opiate69 Mar 2013 #114

Riiiight. MrSlayer Mar 2013 #130

Whodathunk it was prevalent outside of DU? opiate69 Mar 2013 #134

+1 sweetNsassy Mar 2013 #215

Doors and chairs, yes. Compliments on looks are dangerous territory. Common Sense Party Mar 2013 #111

No! Stop with the chair thing! noamnety Mar 2013 #170

Really? LOL. Well I guess it's just masturbation for you then Matariki Mar 2013 #115

BTW - it's TWO THOUSAND FUCKING THIRTEEN Matariki Mar 2013 #117

Right? redqueen Mar 2013 #119

Cannot believe this fucking thread is at 130... Ridiculous... nomorenomore08 Mar 2013 #132

I think both sides are reading things into the other that aren't there. nomorenomore08 Mar 2013 #152

I still haven't found anyone on DU who knows better than my mother... NaturalHigh Mar 2013 #172

I can't believe these threads are still HappyMe Mar 2013 #178

I would quit the looks compliments treestar Mar 2013 #194

oh for fuck's sake Scout Mar 2013 #207

There is nothing wrong with being a gentleman. goodthanksandyou Mar 2013 #218

My mom does, LWolf Mar 2013 #243