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[bunnies]

34. Ive lived on the street.

I was 19 years old. In a strange state, with no friends, no car and no money. A series of bad decisions & things beyond my control got me there. And it was something I will never, ever forget. I slept on the roof of a strip mall... if you could call it sleep. And snuck into hotel pool areas to shower. I was in constant fear of everything and had no idea how to get myself out of the hole I'd ended up in. At the same time free of lifes cumbersome 'obligations' and trapped by fear of the unknown & uncontrollable. When you are on the street, you are at the mercy of everything & everybody. The weather, strangers, authority figures. Nobody wants you around. And when my bag, a trashbag, with everything I owned was stolen from its hiding spot in the woods, I literally felt like I wanted to die. I was ultimately arrested for "stealing" food from a dumpster behind a steak & ale restaurant in the strip mall. I subsequently spent six months in jail for being a "flight risk" aka having no address. I was actually charged with, get this, defrauding an inkeeper. Seems the manager considered my dumpster dive as stealing a meal.

But you know where else I could have been when I was 19? MIT. My stepfather was a chemist there and got me an 'in'. And that's just one of my 100 & 1 opportunities squandered. You are not alone in that regard, my friend.

I understand that your experience on the street would be different than mine. But the feeling of constant exposure isn't something I would wish on anyone. Especially someone with social anxiety. You do NOT deserve to be out there twisting in the wind. Open and vulnerable, at the mercy of the world, You do NOT deserve it. Whatever mistakes you've made, however many regrets you have, regardless of how down you feel you need to be on yourself. You are not a burden to those who love you.