General Discussion

defacto7

(14,162 posts)

123. Because she would or should be embarrased?

Wed May 22, 2013, 01:47 AM

May 2013

Maybe the problem is that it shouldn't be embarrassing... but is. There's a big difference. She shouldn't be embarrassed, but unfortunately she would be. Learning to see others as you see yourself is a good thing.

If the parent chose clothes specifically because she wanted to hurt her child, that is not a good attitude. But if the parent chose clothes that teach her child the value of a person vs. the covering and it is explained that way, it's a great way to learn to grow up.

There is still no reason for the child to be embarrassed unless the child has an attitude of superiority. If the child has a superior attitude, it also may be the parents fault to begin with for being too indulgent, but we can't know that. It may be just a sign of the times and needs to be worked on.

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Woman forces stepdaughter to wear dowdy thrift store clothes as punishment for bullying [View all] Liberal_in_LA May 2013 OP

I like this lesson; she won't forget it. nt babylonsister May 2013 #1

Message auto-removed Name removed May 2013 #85

Welcome to DU and please dump the caps lock as it is yelling and not good manners. Thanks uppityperson May 2013 #90

CAPS LOCK MEANS IT'S IMPORTANT rugger1869 May 2013 #141

What? TYPE LOUDER, PLEASE! ChairmanAgnostic May 2013 #205

What...forget how shallow she is? burnodo May 2013 #176

What do I think? NYC_SKP May 2013 #2

So... what would you do, then? dogknob May 2013 #7

One thing would be to share factual stories about victims of bullying. NYC_SKP May 2013 #8

walking in other people's shoes is not a bad thing! I suppor the Mother. robinlynne May 2013 #27

Me, too customerserviceguy May 2013 #77

I would call this education. Marr May 2013 #70

She did educate the girl... Pelican May 2013 #105

And we know that because....???? NYC_SKP May 2013 #106

Well, if you are just going to state that things in the article are lies... Pelican May 2013 #108

I guess I suffer from being a member of the professional educational community. NYC_SKP May 2013 #111

So... Mr. X May 2013 #126

Wow... Pelican May 2013 #128

you speak for the entire "professional" educational community? snooper2 May 2013 #184

So go find someone else in the community who thinks differently. NYC_SKP May 2013 #193

Well you just put the invite out on the World Wide Web snooper2 May 2013 #197

Meantime, please read replies #150 and #165... NYC_SKP May 2013 #198

So you don't think it's a good lesson for people to walk in another persons shoes snooper2 May 2013 #199

Hence, we must place the same amount of skepticism on the crux of the story itself... LanternWaste May 2013 #177

That might not work jmowreader May 2013 #156

Who cares about the victims of bullies? JustABozoOnThisBus May 2013 #166

And here's another one I love to death.... NYC_SKP May 2013 #13

That was not horrible, but also not good. Buzz Clik May 2013 #18

But it was definitely funny. cui bono May 2013 #49

That it was. And the poor girl had to live with those pics for a week. Buzz Clik May 2013 #57

Yeah. I'm undecided about the whole thing but I definitely think putting this out to the media cui bono May 2013 #63

ROFL malaise May 2013 #56

Don't they look like Joan Cusack and Kevin James? NYC_SKP May 2013 #62

Yep - the daughter must have loved that malaise May 2013 #71

Love it, sometimes you have to think out of the box to get a teen's attention. dem in texas May 2013 #59

Message auto-removed Name removed May 2013 #100

Welcome to DU, Jimmiesue and dem in texas! calimary May 2013 #130

Damn, that was funny customerserviceguy May 2013 #80

OMG!! That's freakin' hilarious!!! Little bit of genius, too, I think! calimary May 2013 #129

Let the father or the girl's mother handle it. pnwmom May 2013 #88

I'd say that depends on the circumstances. MoonchildCA May 2013 #119

Welcome to DU, MoonchildCA! calimary May 2013 #134

In a case like this, my step-daughter's mother would have encouraged the bullying - haele May 2013 #230

It's a little power-trip. A little feels good, more feels better, and if no one stops it... Hekate May 2013 #10

+1000!! FirstLight May 2013 #30

I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter BrotherIvan May 2013 #181

I agree VA_Jill May 2013 #237

From some of the other fourth grade children, perhaps. Mariana May 2013 #12

Doesn't it reinforce the idea loyalsister May 2013 #14

Yes, it does. And that clothes are so important. NYC_SKP May 2013 #15

My question was not a contesting one; I actually wanted to know what you would do. dogknob May 2013 #28

Add to it that when Bullies get burned and they know who got them burned... Lady Freedom Returns May 2013 #31

Exactly! The punishment is apt to make the bullied girl even more a target. Luminous Animal May 2013 #131

Of course she is. And she will feel entirely justified vanlassie May 2013 #135

I think we can look at it in another way. it reinforces the idea to be grateful for what you robinlynne May 2013 #89

"it reinforces the idea to be grateful for what you have" loyalsister May 2013 #218

understood. But we were dealing with a bully. Walk a mile in my shoes actually works. robinlynne May 2013 #222

Working within the disability community loyalsister May 2013 #224

Nope... defacto7 May 2013 #116

That may be what it says to you loyalsister May 2013 #157

You could be right... defacto7 May 2013 #212

Sometimes kids just do dumb stuff and Ed Suspicious May 2013 #53

sounds like the mother bullied her step-daughter into embaressing herself. leftyohiolib May 2013 #61

Quite appropriate. silverweb May 2013 #3

Good job, mom! LeftofObama May 2013 #4

i think a lot of these punishments and how effective they are depend on the person JI7 May 2013 #5

When I was a kid, I stole some quarters from my Dad. he held a "trial" in the back yard. All the robinlynne May 2013 #92

I like it. She made her step-daughter walk in the other girl's shoes, Ilsa May 2013 #6

I hope she learned that clothes don't make the person loyalsister May 2013 #16

She tried talking. I wonder if she could have tried something else before msanthrope May 2013 #9

Punishment fits the crime? I suppose. Telling the story to the TV machine? Not so much. n/t lumberjack_jeff May 2013 #11

+1 n/t pnwmom May 2013 #87

Agree. Bragging about to the press is where it becomes a problem for me. n/t Dawgs May 2013 #204

Seriously. I want to wear your grandma's hand-me-downs. Buzz Clik May 2013 #17

This is fucking awesome! nt Lisa0825 May 2013 #66

+1 Buzz Clik May 2013 #69

LOL!!! calimary May 2013 #139

You'd look incredible! lunasun May 2013 #82

LOL! reformist2 May 2013 #91

I don't care for it Skittles May 2013 #19

Looks like you and i are in the minority, here. NYC_SKP May 2013 #22

my parents grew up poor Skittles May 2013 #23

Humiliation? Xithras May 2013 #26

you are completely missing the point Skittles May 2013 #32

No, I'm really not. Xithras May 2013 #46

Well said, and very clearly and nicely explained. Moonwalk May 2013 #99

If there is nothing humiliating about it, then why use the clothes as a punishment? Luminous Animal May 2013 #136

Perhaps the clothes were a reward Lurker Deluxe May 2013 #187

You said you were straight laced? Sounds more like... Bay Boy May 2013 #221

With our kids, it was: "if you act like a jerk, you're gonna get treated like a jerk." calimary May 2013 #142

What does that mean? You acted like a jerk back to them? (Honest, I am confused.) Luminous Animal May 2013 #145

Great answer. woo me with science May 2013 #34

Yup. NYC_SKP May 2013 #40

because they like what they perceive to be "quick, easy fixes" Skittles May 2013 #96

ineffective? LiberalLovinLug May 2013 #214

Depending on age, requiring work could create Ilsa May 2013 #76

in your own words > making you work with the poor as a volunteer against your will is "bullying". KittyWampus May 2013 #120

There is a difference Ms. Toad May 2013 #137

if a kid is a bully, why would volunteering make poor people any more 'real' to them than the HiPointDem May 2013 #159

Negligent Mother Magazine, sponsored by Sparties, The All Day Diaper .... Scuba May 2013 #35

National Lampoon. NYC_SKP May 2013 #38

Yeah, that's what I remembered, too! customerserviceguy May 2013 #83

I got your cover of the magazine and the Sparta ad rightch here: NYC_SKP May 2013 #104

In what way is it bullying? Xithras May 2013 #24

there are BETTER WAYS to teach such lessons Skittles May 2013 #25

The OP asked for alternate solutions. nt tsuki May 2013 #39

I cant think of a better way. robinlynne May 2013 #93

Walking a mile in someone else's shoes shawn703 May 2013 #170

I think that Niceguy1 May 2013 #232

The mom said that she picked out the clothes specifically to embarrass the girl. An adult Luminous Animal May 2013 #147

Not bullying. sibelian May 2013 #158

A parent making a kid feeling bad about doing something wrong, in order to teach a life lesson. Heywood J May 2013 #190

Most punishment involves embarrassment lbrtbell May 2013 #225

It's not the same thing Major Nikon May 2013 #227

I guess parents should never take their whistler162 May 2013 #235

I agree with you and thank you for speaking out. I am very much against bullying, but, as you rhett o rick May 2013 #37

It doesn't. n/t MerryBlooms May 2013 #48

I do not understand how you see that trying to teach a child empathy pennylane100 May 2013 #79

+1000 nt abelenkpe May 2013 #101

As someone at the link points out, the girl learned sympathy for the bullied girl Gormy Cuss May 2013 #103

Message auto-removed Name removed May 2013 #107

I don't have a problem with the punishment at all. lumberjack_jeff May 2013 #118

Agree 100% (nt) Sissyk May 2013 #185

Funny, back in 1954, I was a 4th grade girl and was pushed by bullies (girls) enough May 2013 #20

how are most forms of punishment = to bullying? HiPointDem May 2013 #160

I have to say I find the equivalance baffling. sibelian May 2013 #213

Hello sebilan. A bit late to respond to your post here, but I do want to say enough May 2013 #239

Hi HiPoint Dem. I have to say that remembering back to when I was a parent of enough May 2013 #238

I think she's a better mother than most "real" mothers Yo_Mama May 2013 #21

that's the way i picture everyone dressing in Utah Enrique May 2013 #29

Good Guess!! moonbeam23 May 2013 #54

I'm not comfortable with this. Public humiliation of people is just not a a good way to go cali May 2013 #33

Several people have said this, but none have offered what these better ways are. nt Demo_Chris May 2013 #42

The hell we haven't. (nt) NYC_SKP May 2013 #173

So far YOU have offered the following suggestions: Demo_Chris May 2013 #208

I see you accept the shallow premise of appearance. True for our culture, which is doomed. NYC_SKP May 2013 #229

I accept reality as it is. Demo_Chris May 2013 #231

Why are used clothes humiliating? Isn't that the point? robinlynne May 2013 #94

Just another reason why schools should have uniforms SoCalDem May 2013 #36

Son had uniforms, and believe me, there was not that much difference between tsuki May 2013 #41

and since kids love to gripe about them,. it creates a common "thread" SoCalDem May 2013 #44

Our elementery and middle schools have uniforms. hunter May 2013 #50

And no one feels any stigma when exchanges pop up for out-grown uniforms SoCalDem May 2013 #51

Seems like an exceptional solution to me. nt Demo_Chris May 2013 #43

Which is another reason why kids should wear uniforms. Cleita May 2013 #45

Both my kids were in uniforms. SUPERB idea. A great equalizer. calimary May 2013 #144

Mom is not trying to HURT her daughter... perdita9 May 2013 #47

Maybe, but I think she could have just talked to her daughter about SoCalDem May 2013 #52

Did you read the article? joeglow3 May 2013 #67

Are there people who don't believe that kids should have no punishment at all? Yavin4 May 2013 #55

Apparently, making the kid wear clothes she doesn't like Mariana May 2013 #95

Maybe the daughter should have had to give up her favorite clothes to the victim. n/t eggplant May 2013 #58

Or invite the family over for dinner Puzzledtraveller May 2013 #189

There's a thought. Yes. vanlassie May 2013 #192

I don't know. HappyMe May 2013 #195

Nothing wrong with the Thrift Store. alphafemale May 2013 #60

It's good the parent cares enough to try *something.* DirkGently May 2013 #64

I can't lie TxDemChem May 2013 #65

Good for the mother. Apophis May 2013 #68

She looks like she's one of santorum's kids... Cronus Protagonist May 2013 #72

I think it was the perfect thing to do A Little Weird May 2013 #73

She purchased clothes she "knew Ally would be vanlassie May 2013 #74

Idiot stepmother. Bullies have self-esteem issues. Way to make it worse. Gravitycollapse May 2013 #75

no, they don't necessarily have self-esteem issues. HiPointDem May 2013 #161

I agree with stepmother for three reasons: kiva May 2013 #78

That works for me. I think stepmom did all right. Nay May 2013 #81

I'd go one step further customerserviceguy May 2013 #84

Message auto-removed Name removed May 2013 #110

speaking of right and wrong choices... Kali May 2013 #113

Why is the stepmother handling this instead of the girl's father or mother? pnwmom May 2013 #86

Sometimes stepparents raise their stepchildren Mariana May 2013 #97

This fact that this stepparent decided to make a public spectacle pnwmom May 2013 #109

This is a fourth grader. She's a little girl. vanlassie May 2013 #98

not always, sometimes it takes something bad happening to someone JI7 May 2013 #115

Shes ten years old. You are comparing her to an adult. vanlassie May 2013 #121

that's why something like this might be more effective than some argument JI7 May 2013 #148

Yes. A 10 year old girl deserves to be humiliated on a grand scale to "teach her a lesson". Luminous Animal May 2013 #149

well i see it as opposite, i don't think they are that embarrassing JI7 May 2013 #154

The mom stated that she forced the girl to wear clothes that would embarrass her. Luminous Animal May 2013 #155

according to the kid, she learned a lesson. HiPointDem May 2013 #162

I think the school has a problem, too NewJeffCT May 2013 #217

Funny thing is, almost everybody who gets out of jail or prison says that Downtown Hound May 2013 #234

How many times is she going to force her to wear frumpy clothes?! Quantess May 2013 #102

You go Mom! dlwickham May 2013 #112

2nd dress would be cute if you remove the puffy sleeves JI7 May 2013 #114

It's not only good... defacto7 May 2013 #117

She specifically said she chose clothes that would embarrass the daughter. vanlassie May 2013 #122

Because she would or should be embarrased? defacto7 May 2013 #123

She shouldn't be embarrassed? vanlassie May 2013 #125

No, she shouldn't be embarrassed. defacto7 May 2013 #138

There's a lotta "shoulds" in there! But we are talking about vanlassie May 2013 #143

No pontification here that I know of. defacto7 May 2013 #210

Embarrassment often instills humility against our own will. LanternWaste May 2013 #178

+1 Shrek May 2013 #180

Not a bad course of action, I suppose. AverageJoe90 May 2013 #124

I think the punishment fits the crime. Jasana May 2013 #127

I think the punishment is, more likely than not, going to make the bullied girl even more Luminous Animal May 2013 #133

It's possible Luminous Animal... Jasana May 2013 #140

the kid says otherwise, though. HiPointDem May 2013 #163

I don't know about the kids you know Tien1985 May 2013 #172

Humiliation will scar for life The Second Stone May 2013 #132

Agreed. Except we don't teach empathy. We create it with our treatment of our children vanlassie May 2013 #146

Humiliation is a poor teaching tool The Second Stone May 2013 #201

Kid mocks unfashionable clothes. Mom forces kid to wear unfashionable clothes so people can mock her Luminous Animal May 2013 #150

+1 Tien1985 May 2013 #171

The problem that I have with this punishment... LeftishBrit May 2013 #151

I do have to ask where is the concern for the bullied girl? BrotherIvan May 2013 #152

+1. it's funny, they're all concerned that the bully may be traumatized by experiencing what HiPointDem May 2013 #164

Yeah, I thought that was pretty funny, too. nt Nay May 2013 #240

I grew up wearing dowdy thrift store clothes because we were dirt poor Recursion May 2013 #153

Wrong lesson. Tien1985 May 2013 #165

yours is the only reasonable counter-argument so far. HiPointDem May 2013 #174

I think the biggest objection is that this ended up on the internet BrotherIvan May 2013 #183

Parents of bullies don't get this type of scrutiny when they do nothing. n/t rucky May 2013 #167

These parents Tien1985 May 2013 #168

that is a VERY good point renate May 2013 #236

Personally Dorian Gray May 2013 #169

And when this exercise in "empathy" is finished loyalsister May 2013 #175

I am amused by the number of people here who are so concerned about poor little Kaylee. Sheldon Cooper May 2013 #179

I agree. HappyMe May 2013 #191

I don't know the stepmother or the child, so I can't really comment MineralMan May 2013 #182

I think I see a mother who cares and is trying. NCTraveler May 2013 #186

This will only reinforce the prejudice the child already has Puzzledtraveller May 2013 #188

Or maybe not -- if her parents ask her questions like: "Are you a totally different person Nay May 2013 #241

Laptop dad, too red-haired girl, thift-shop bully siligut May 2013 #194

I can't see how publicly humiliating a kid is beneficial... cynatnite May 2013 #196

Well, it's not, of course. NYC_SKP May 2013 #200

Thanks. n/t cynatnite May 2013 #202

Watched the video. Think more than ever that the stepmom represents the worst of our culture. NYC_SKP May 2013 #203

The child lacks empathy. This may be one way to instill some in her. n/t Triana May 2013 #206

I may be old fashioned but gopiscrap May 2013 #207

Awesome job, Mom! dbackjon May 2013 #209

Excellent parenting LittleBlue May 2013 #211

Very cool vintage clothes, where can I get the red jumpsuit? firehorse May 2013 #215

It's brilliant. The kid won't forget this lesson, that's for sure. Arkana May 2013 #216

I'm always uncomfortable about a strategy that involves embarrassing a child. Chemisse May 2013 #219

I'm not into kid shaming. n/t Gore1FL May 2013 #220

good lesson - I hope she was teased....this one hits close to home.... CarrieLynne May 2013 #223

Shame based punishments are ineffective Major Nikon May 2013 #226

The punishment was appropriate but the step mother should not have administered it Hamlette May 2013 #228

Offhand, I'd say this wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't national news Downtown Hound May 2013 #233