Woman forces stepdaughter to wear dowdy thrift store clothes as punishment for bullying

[Tien1985]

165. Wrong lesson.

I think sometimes adults dig too deep into a child's problems. This isn't about money or the lack of. Mom got funny clothes from Goodwill because she didn't want to spend an arm and leg making the kid look a fool--plus it's a lot easier to get clothes that look like they belong on a fundie compound there.

The bully was picking on the other girl because "she looked like a slob" or "sleaze". Some adults immediately seem to hinge that on the price tag of the clothing. To disprove that, look at hipsters and one of the prevailing fashions in the last decade. Shopping at Goodwill is "cool" provided you wear stuff that looks "good" (IE looks like what everyone else is wearing).

These kids, both the bully and the victim, are roughly 10 years old. Being made to wear a dress that looks like it came off a doll is not going to teach the bully that clothes don't matter. In fact, the message is EXACTLY the opposite. The mom said she was specifically looking for clothes that would make the girl embarrassed. Message: "Bad clothes=embarrassment" Lesson: Don't wear embarrassing clothing, don't do anything that Mom will make me wear these clothes over (or, do get caught)

Better message: Not everyone has to share your sense of style and picking on people because they don't is shallow, mean behavior.

There is NOT a quick and easy punishment for this--if talking to her only showed that she didn't care how much she hurt the other kid, there is a bigger problem going on. Yes, there needs to be a punishment, and if it results in embarrassment, oh well. I'm not saying a kid should never be shamed for acting cruel. In fact, what they should be trying to get at is that her behavior WAS humiliating. She was being cruel and shallow, and the entire internet is now aware of it. Mind you--it re-victimizes the girl who was bullied to begin with. Her story and pain is all over the internet for the world to see. Even if we don't know her name, everyone in her school does and they are not going to let her forget.

The girl who was bullying needs some severe curtailing of privileges that LAST and a lot of serious conversations with Mom and Dad. She needs to write and SAY an apology to the girl she harassed. It would be wonderful for them to spend some time together, but that may not be possible if she has hurt the other girl to the point that her bridges are burned. And most importantly, they need to take a look at the friend group she was hanging out with and cull the herd. The kids she is hanging around sound like obnoxious little brats, and she is falling right in line with them.