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In reply to the discussion: Adoption harms women. [View all]

Blue_In_AK

(46,436 posts)
124. I was 19 and pregnant in 1966.
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 01:34 AM
Nov 2013

I spent three months at the Methodist Home for unwed mothers in San Antonio (the cover story being that I was spending the summer with my grandparents in Florida). My parents were supportive. I was not in any way in love with the father and marriage was out of the question for me. I gave the baby up for adoption because I felt then, and still do, that it was best for all concerned. Abortions were illegal then and not something that I particularly wanted to go through having sat with a friend who went through a rather gruesome experience aborting twins. I have had no regrets about my decision and consider that I'm very well adjusted, not wracked with guilt or any other psychological issues. I do wonder sometimes how he's doing, but I am not sorry I did what I did.

Had abortions been safe and legal then, I might have considered it, but I can't be sure. Bottom line is it's a woman's choice, and no one should be made to feel guilty or "damaged" no matter what her decision.

Adoption harms women. [View all] REP Nov 2013 OP
i've been lucky and careful.... Scout Nov 2013 #1
I'm in mostly the same boat. wickerwoman Nov 2013 #20
Pre-birth matching is inherently coercive. It puts the prospective birth mother in a position of StevieM Nov 2013 #96
So..you would abort your child....no problem.. But adoption of that same child is not an option:? Beausoir Nov 2013 #128
It's a foetus. Her Body Her Choice. I assume you support Democratic Party platform. idwiyo Nov 2013 #143
reading comprehension honey--practice it Scout Nov 2013 #151
Judgmental much? n/t ohheckyeah Nov 2013 #158
i bet given the choice they would choose being adopted rather than being aborted leftyohiolib Nov 2013 #2
Who? REP Nov 2013 #4
They would never know the difference. roody Nov 2013 #5
By that logic it's a-ok to blast someone in a coma... Decaffeinated Nov 2013 #24
Seriously? Textbook anti-choicer. PeaceNikki Nov 2013 #48
Someone in a coma is a person. A fetus is not a person. Mariana Nov 2013 #114
Circular logic... Decaffeinated Nov 2013 #145
HA! the old Reagan "I've noticed that everybody that is for abortion has already been born" argument PeaceNikki Nov 2013 #17
Being adopted is complicated me b zola Nov 2013 #21
The adoptees I know are very, very pro-choice REP Nov 2013 #33
Wow. What a nonsensical comment HERVEPA Nov 2013 #28
And you probably don't even realize what an anti-choice talking point that is... nomorenomore08 Nov 2013 #34
Please explain further. Raine1967 Nov 2013 #66
Do you always eradicate the women from this? Warpy Nov 2013 #82
. PeaceNikki Nov 2013 #83
So perfectly stated. I want to save a copy of this post for future reference. nomorenomore08 Nov 2013 #86
"animated flowerpots"!!... SidDithers Nov 2013 #101
As usual, perfectly stated! Tumbulu Nov 2013 #106
+1 nt laundry_queen Nov 2013 #123
Comment straight out of forced-birthers manual. idwiyo Nov 2013 #144
Pinocchio can't be wrong! Major Nikon Nov 2013 #162
I was told that by a social worker who had a counseling practice and saw women who had CTyankee Nov 2013 #3
Many women and children were victims of Georgia Tann and her ilk REP Nov 2013 #6
geez, what a monster! CTyankee Nov 2013 #7
Yet she was lauded by Eleanor Roosevelt, Pearl Buck and others REP Nov 2013 #8
Human trafficking is loathsome but it is inevitable when sanctions against abortion are in place. CTyankee Nov 2013 #9
Unfortunately, it's still happening REP Nov 2013 #12
Georgia Tann is largely responsible for the framework of modern adoptions me b zola Nov 2013 #23
And wasn't it Joan crawford who abused her child so horribly Auntie Bush Nov 2013 #36
Georgia Tann sold Joan Crawford three children REP Nov 2013 #47
That's so Republican! Walk away Nov 2013 #69
Been there, done that. Blue_In_AK Nov 2013 #111
I've been told by people that had practice with adoption Beausoir Nov 2013 #121
was wondering where you were my sister... you can always be depended on to provide boston bean Nov 2013 #10
Glad to help! REP Nov 2013 #11
Thank you. This cannot be said often enough me b zola Nov 2013 #25
I have three cousins (siblings) and two friends (also siblings) who were adopted as infants. Jenoch Nov 2013 #13
I'm sure they are. I hope their mothers relinquished of their own free will. REP Nov 2013 #14
I have no idea of the circumstances of their adoptions. Jenoch Nov 2013 #16
Read the article and see about extreme REP Nov 2013 #18
I read the first page. Jenoch Nov 2013 #22
Yes. REP Nov 2013 #31
I read the entire article and you are mistaken. Jenoch Nov 2013 #41
how is a Genealogical society not objective? Raine1967 Nov 2013 #72
You're going on a 100 year old case study? B2G Nov 2013 #74
It actually hasn't. Raine1967 Nov 2013 #80
Using the word "most" seems accurate to me StevieM Nov 2013 #97
I prefer facts to 'seems accurate'. Jenoch Nov 2013 #120
The fact is that birth mothers never forget their children, and in many cases grieve for them StevieM Nov 2013 #122
I do not dispute that, and never have. Jenoch Nov 2013 #126
About ten years ago I worked with a young woman who opted to have her baby and did not CTyankee Nov 2013 #15
Outlaw adoption. rug Nov 2013 #19
You forgot the sarcasm thingy B2G Nov 2013 #26
Outlaw coercive "crisis pregnancy centers" REP Nov 2013 #29
It's a choice. All choices have risks and benefits. rug Nov 2013 #32
Adoption is an alternative to parenting, not pregnancy. REP Nov 2013 #35
You're repeating yourself. So will I. rug Nov 2013 #40
I think women think about these things before the pregnancy even occurs REP Nov 2013 #42
It is an option. One they elected not to take. That's choice. rug Nov 2013 #44
Your argument makes little sense. Adoption is a choice AFTER the pregnancy is over. REP Nov 2013 #49
It makes emininent sense. I'll break it down for you. rug Nov 2013 #57
Okay. REP Nov 2013 #85
Choice. rug Nov 2013 #93
A pregnant woman IS NOT a birth mother. She is an expectant mother. StevieM Nov 2013 #98
What do you think the expectant mother is expecting? rug Nov 2013 #117
The thing is gollygee Nov 2013 #56
That is a good distinction. rug Nov 2013 #67
But if there's no more pregnancy, then there's nothing else to consider REP Nov 2013 #68
The fact that adoption exists can affect that decision. rug Nov 2013 #70
That's pretty weak sauce, dude. REP Nov 2013 #71
That's pretty lame rebuttal, bub. rug Nov 2013 #73
I think many churches have a negative reaction to NOT giving up your baby for adoption StevieM Nov 2013 #99
What churches claim they believe gollygee Nov 2013 #147
AMEN!!! Pregnancy resource centers prey on the vulnerable. Women often go to them for help, StevieM Nov 2013 #116
It really did a number on my mother me b zola Nov 2013 #27
My mother-in-law was forcefully relinquished at 6 months of age REP Nov 2013 #30
Adoption IS an option B2G Nov 2013 #37
Adoption is an option to parenting, not pregnancy REP Nov 2013 #39
Well thanks for stating the obvious nt B2G Nov 2013 #45
Sadly, it doesn't seem so obvious to some. REP Nov 2013 #50
What exactly are you trying to accomplidh here? B2G Nov 2013 #52
What makes you think that? REP Nov 2013 #53
Don't be fucking coy B2G Nov 2013 #54
I cited scientific studies that found that adoption harms women REP Nov 2013 #64
The pain and suffering of birth parents offends me (eom) StevieM Nov 2013 #104
When soldiers talk about the ill effects of war (PTSD), are they demonizing military service? me b zola Nov 2013 #84
What personal experience do you have? B2G Nov 2013 #89
In 1963 my mother was forced to relinquish me me b zola Nov 2013 #95
You brought tears to my eyes with this story. And another issue to address--sealed birth records. StevieM Nov 2013 #102
Most modern adoptions are open, or some variation on open. kwassa Nov 2013 #108
First of all, many women who were forced to relinquish before open adoptions StevieM Nov 2013 #110
See the link I gave to the article in The Nation in this thread about that REP Nov 2013 #115
Yep, it does. And the media rarely acknowledges it. Somehow it has escaped the coverage during StevieM Nov 2013 #119
If you believe that, then you should meet the modern women of relinquishment that I speak to online me b zola Nov 2013 #153
and just where do you get your information? kwassa Nov 2013 #154
There are NO legal protections for a women who relinquishes her child to "open" adoption me b zola Nov 2013 #155
It would be better for you to provide some links rather than some absurd assertions. kwassa Nov 2013 #156
Yeah, okay. I got your number now me b zola Nov 2013 #157
And their children were often told lies about their mothers REP Nov 2013 #113
Thank you for sharing your story. PeaceNikki Nov 2013 #43
Your mother, and other first mothers, have a special place in my heart. StevieM Nov 2013 #100
I am an adoptee who has found her birth mother Marrah_G Nov 2013 #38
Ditto! B2G Nov 2013 #46
Some of the posts in the abortion threads and in this thread really bother me Marrah_G Nov 2013 #51
I agree with you. newcriminal Nov 2013 #55
Agreed. Union Scribe Nov 2013 #58
I'm right there with you and I'm backing out B2G Nov 2013 #59
Oh you needn't worry about being banned. Sheldon Cooper Nov 2013 #105
Adoption is a parenting choice, and it should be made freely REP Nov 2013 #60
Too late to save your shitty thread now. B2G Nov 2013 #61
From you? I agree. REP Nov 2013 #65
I don't understand why you are attacking this thread topic and the poster me b zola Nov 2013 #90
And it shouldn't have negative social consequences gollygee Nov 2013 #63
I think it is far more common for a woman to be raked over the coals for NOT choosing adoption, StevieM Nov 2013 #94
That's not what I've seen gollygee Nov 2013 #148
unbelievable newcriminal Nov 2013 #75
I am familiar with at least one agency that works with these mothers pnwmom Nov 2013 #127
Abortion has been found to not have a negative emotional sequelae REP Nov 2013 #140
True, in emotionally stable women, and with the exceptions noted. pnwmom Nov 2013 #141
There are over 4000 christian pregnancy crisis centers in the US. boston bean Nov 2013 #146
It all depends on whether the particular center is open about what it does. pnwmom Nov 2013 #152
None of those links work. ohheckyeah Nov 2013 #160
One option=no choice (eom) StevieM Nov 2013 #92
That is how it's coming across to me, too, and it's weird. pnwmom Nov 2013 #125
Don't listen to those who are trying to score nasty political points. Beausoir Nov 2013 #131
Wow - ohheckyeah Nov 2013 #159
Get the smelling salts.... Beausoir Nov 2013 #163
I am sure your adoptive parents are great, but you could also have had a good life with StevieM Nov 2013 #103
Adoption CAN harm women or can liberate women. It all depends on the situation and how uppityperson Nov 2013 #62
And the exact same thing can be said about abortion. B2G Nov 2013 #76
Indeed. Anyone who says "always" or "all" or somehow implies that each and every woman feels uppityperson Nov 2013 #77
No shit, Sherlock, it's not like giving a PUPPY away Warpy Nov 2013 #78
Antiabortion women. REP Nov 2013 #79
touche PeaceNikki Nov 2013 #81
Making adoption mandatory - as it essentially was at one time - sure as hell harms women. nomorenomore08 Nov 2013 #87
There are some on the right who think poor people don't deserve to keep their children REP Nov 2013 #88
So many terrible parents with plenty of money, so many great parents with little to none. nomorenomore08 Nov 2013 #91
I had a friend in college who got pregnant arely staircase Nov 2013 #107
Your studies are ancient, and mostly Australian. kwassa Nov 2013 #109
Levels of Openess REP Nov 2013 #112
It's like DU is stuck back in the 1980's. The inmates are in charge of the asylum. Beausoir Nov 2013 #130
Really? Even the women who were adopted out of starvation, abuse and cruelty? Beausoir Nov 2013 #118
There is higher incidents of some debilitating illnesses & cancers among 911 first responders... me b zola Nov 2013 #133
"you should update your facts so they are not 30 years old and from Australia" Kurska Nov 2013 #135
1999 and Arizona is the first one ... so, no. REP Nov 2013 #136
I'm really curious about something. Of all the things in the word to attack, adoption? Kurska Nov 2013 #138
I suspect it was a comeback to the 'abortion harms women' line... Violet_Crumble Nov 2013 #139
I was 19 and pregnant in 1966. Blue_In_AK Nov 2013 #124
I am glad that you are OK with everything. StevieM Nov 2013 #129
Keeping a baby at that point in my life Blue_In_AK Nov 2013 #132
I am glad that you were treated well. Many of those homes were quite different and the women StevieM Nov 2013 #137
No, I haven't. Blue_In_AK Nov 2013 #142
Welp, that settles it. Ban adoption. Kurska Nov 2013 #134
DU rec...nt SidDithers Nov 2013 #149
Adoption is a legitimate choice and it is really nobody's business whether a woman chooses it. Nye Bevan Nov 2013 #150
Yuck, I see this turd floated back up. Union Scribe Nov 2013 #161
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