Is it appropriate to make your grown children fend for themselves during the holidays?

[Lisa D]

9. Our children are grown

They are in their 20s and not married. Here are some of the things we've done for holidays:

1. We're hosting the holiday and will prepare the main dish. Everyone else is assigned a dish (or two) to bring, along with their preferred beverage. Guests welcome if you bring enough food so we don't run out

2. We sent out an email saying that we'd like someone else to host the holiday this year and will be glad to contribute some of the food and beverages.

3. We let the kids know that we're going on a vacation this holiday and look forward to spending it with them next year

I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed. I don't think you need to host brunch tomorrow on top of a Sunday holiday dinner. If you want to see them on Thanksgiving, just buy some donuts, make some hot chocolate, and enjoy each other's company.

Have you told you feel this way? Have you asked for help in the past or ideas to make the holidays enjoyable instead of stressful for you?

Create the holiday you want to have--and make it happen. The kids are adults and they can choose to participate or not. I've learned from experience that sometimes I need to change the family habits that I've helped create