Is it appropriate to make your grown children fend for themselves during the holidays?

[antigone382]

20. I understand where you're coming from wanting them to know without having to be told.

And there are many reasons why they should. It is natural to want the people that you love, and who doubtlessly love you, to understand when you are tired, stressed, overworked, etc., especially when it is connected to things that you are doing for them. But at the end of the day, for whatever reason, people often do NOT realize tolls on their loved ones, just as now it appears they don't realize the strain that holidays place on you. So I would say that it is your job as a part of your self care to communicate that to them, constructively and non-judgmentally. Let them know that you enjoy spending holidays with them and the experience of a shared meal or other event, but that it also presents a lot of challenge and stress. Ask them to help you come up with a better arrangement where you don't feel so burdened by pulling together holiday gatherings.

Know this also: you can't necessarily control their response, nor does that response have any bearing on your value as a human being. If they do not make the changes that you need them to make in order to make the holidays less of an ordeal, don't view it as a statement on your worth; you are not in any way responsible for the choices that other people make. Just make the changes that you need to make for your own well-being.