General Discussion

erpowers

(9,438 posts)

38. Yes

Wed Nov 27, 2013, 02:56 PM

Nov 2013

I think it is very appropriate for you to tell your grown children to fend for themselves during the holidays. Also, I think you should ask your older children to take up the tradition. If they say no, tell them you are unable to continue the event.

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Is it appropriate to make your grown children fend for themselves during the holidays? [View all] cynatnite Nov 2013 OP

Why don't you tell them to bring a dish? tammywammy Nov 2013 #1

It sure would be nice if they would think to ask if they could bring something... cynatnite Nov 2013 #3

I understand what you're saying. tammywammy Nov 2013 #12

You should communicate this to them Lisa D Nov 2013 #14

+1000 GreenPartyVoter Nov 2013 #26

I understand where you're coming from wanting them to know without having to be told. antigone382 Nov 2013 #20

You have just joined the I raised entitled children club elehhhhna Nov 2013 #23

They are used to you doing it all. roody Nov 2013 #45

If she is giving gifts to her in-laws and not you.... cbdo2007 Nov 2013 #55

You're expecting them to read your mind Lydia Leftcoast Nov 2013 #73

Seriously just tell kids what you want Generic Other Nov 2013 #85

Family buffet jberryhill Nov 2013 #2

The time has definitely come for your kids (the eldest usually, I don't know why but that's what monmouth3 Nov 2013 #4

"Appropriate"? I'm of the "Do what you want!" ilk. Drink that wine! WinkyDink Nov 2013 #5

I'm with you. llmart Nov 2013 #84

Say something to them. Wait Wut Nov 2013 #6

Well, enlightenment Nov 2013 #7

I second the motion -- go on the road with your hubby and have a great holiday! LuckyLib Nov 2013 #59

Talk to them. Explain how you feel. renie408 Nov 2013 #8

Our children are grown Lisa D Nov 2013 #9

I've always enjoyed doing this until this year... cynatnite Nov 2013 #16

I understand. Lisa D Nov 2013 #24

Sometimes kids feel they *have* to do something (like give gifts) tblue37 Nov 2013 #63

How did you miss teaching them basic manners? IdaBriggs Nov 2013 #10

This is why I think we've done too much and now we're seeing the results of it. n/t cynatnite Nov 2013 #17

I suspect that she didn't miss teaching them basic mannners. They are still in a child-parent mode FSogol Nov 2013 #29

My kids are six and excited about "helping out". IdaBriggs Nov 2013 #86

Gotta start assigning something for everyone to bring. FSogol Nov 2013 #11

That's what I would do. Lugnut Nov 2013 #19

After the meal ask specific individuals to help clear the table, wash and dry the dishes. bettyellen Nov 2013 #42

If you do this, though, please don't just ask the women Arugula Latte Nov 2013 #66

Oh no. Lugnut Nov 2013 #69

My mom could have made this post. But I would say... ecstatic Nov 2013 #13

At your brunch, suggest that your children take turns hosting Thanksgiving in the future 1monster Nov 2013 #15

when you give, you cannot expect recompense or reward FatBuddy Nov 2013 #18

show them this post warrior1 Nov 2013 #21

i took over cooking for my mom a few years ago. they still pay for the groceries La Lioness Priyanka Nov 2013 #22

The books and movies of this scenario are a plenty…You have two choices..you already know this.. Tikki Nov 2013 #25

Before dinner you should drink a bottle of wine XemaSab Nov 2013 #27

LOL, that sounds like a fun dinner! n/t Blaukraut Nov 2013 #50

That is awesome! ellie Nov 2013 #54

Our grown up kids have liked creating their own "family traditions" SoCalDem Nov 2013 #28

This times 1000! PassingFair Nov 2013 #65

Kids yeoman6987 Nov 2013 #30

"Stop the pity party?" Wow, nasty much? MADem Nov 2013 #39

Right. Just buck up and be the good Control-Z Nov 2013 #41

Harsh! missingthebigdog Nov 2013 #46

maybe they are only coming over to TAKE TAKE TAKE , would they come over if they JI7 Nov 2013 #74

These are things to say TO your children. Lex Nov 2013 #31

A bottle? Buy a box! Quantess Nov 2013 #32

People are sometimes cluesless, but they can learn A Little Weird Nov 2013 #33

We would love to have our children home for the holidays liberal N proud Nov 2013 #34

Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your head. Tierra_y_Libertad Nov 2013 #35

Tell them you have no desire to keep up the tradition and that they upaloopa Nov 2013 #36

Here is what you tell them. In an EMAIL..... MADem Nov 2013 #37

Yes erpowers Nov 2013 #38

I think you should have a bad headache tomorrow and let them fend for themselves. nt valerief Nov 2013 #40

Sounds like you've enabled yourself into not being a parent. Rex Nov 2013 #43

I'm shocked they've never bought you christmas or birthday gifts.... cbdo2007 Nov 2013 #44

I buy my mom birthday presents, send her flowers and cards for Valentine's Day... peace13 Nov 2013 #48

and in this case she is giving gifts to the in laws but not her own parents JI7 Nov 2013 #75

Even when my stepfather had Alzheimer's, even when my mother was 89 and feeble Lydia Leftcoast Nov 2013 #77

I suggest keeping the plans for the brunch and.. peace13 Nov 2013 #47

Mama if I were you I'd head to Starbucks TBF Nov 2013 #49

Donate the food to a pantry and tell the kids 'Sorry, mom's diner is closed this year' Blaukraut Nov 2013 #51

I don't have children but I will tell you what my mom did ellie Nov 2013 #52

^^^ This^^^ I'm the daughter who took over the holidays from my mom riderinthestorm Nov 2013 #68

Get through this year with smiles and wine elfin Nov 2013 #53

Tell them, but non-confrontationally mainer Nov 2013 #56

Be open and honest. laundry_queen Nov 2013 #57

Change the word mercuryblues Nov 2013 #58

My childhood holidays were often times of family warfare. hunter Nov 2013 #60

I live in a whole different world. LWolf Nov 2013 #61

Some people just don't do clues, and distance exacerbates that. eridani Nov 2013 #62

Okay... Chan790 Nov 2013 #64

I can understand a teenager wanting to play video games, WorseBeforeBetter Nov 2013 #67

You tell them you're not cooking this year. notadmblnd Nov 2013 #70

My grown children are in other states Blue_In_AK Nov 2013 #71

you have done more than enough and they are taking advantage of it JI7 Nov 2013 #72

I tell my kids, "I love you. Come home." Agnosticsherbet Nov 2013 #76

Under the circumstances, I'd tell them to stay home. Warpy Nov 2013 #78

Message auto-removed Name removed Nov 2013 #79

Tell them it is their turn. MicaelS Nov 2013 #80

tell them how you feel fizzgig Nov 2013 #81

My kids are pipi_k Nov 2013 #82

If YOU don't want to do it, don't. If you need gratitude to make it worthwhile, don't do it. ehrnst Nov 2013 #83